LLL- 2nd Chappie. Only one person reviewed a question but it's a good one.
Hidan: Yeah! What? You guys don't like us or something? It's because you need to convert to Jashinism. Then you motherfuckers will have better taste.
Kakuzu: I really don't think that's the issue.
Hidan: That's exactly what a nonbeliever would say!
Tobi: Uhm... Kaku-chan, Hi-chan has that strange look in his eyes again.
Kakuzu: *sigh* You want a cookie?
Hidan and Tobi: You bet!
Pein: Where the hell did you get cookies?!
Kakuzu: I bought them. It's the only thing other then sacrifices that makes Hidan shut the fuck up.
LLL: Do you guys mind if I get on with the fic...
Kakuzu:
Pein:
Hidan:
Tobi:
Itachi: She doesn't own Naruto in any way, shape, or form.
The next morning, the air is cool and damp. Everyone is awake except for Deidara. Pein walks to the entrance of the cave and looks into the sky with Konan at his side.
"When do you want to go after the 3 tails Jinchuuriki?" she asks.
"I will send Hidan and Kakuzu on the job tomorrow but for now I need Zetsu to finish scoping out the..."
"GET THE HELL UP!" Sasori's voice echo's through the cave. Everyone's eyes are drawn to him as Deidara is kicked 3 feet into the air.
He lands on cave floor with a grunt. "What is wrong with you!"
"What's wrong with me!? THIS is what's wrong!" Sasori holds up a puppet he's been working on. It's covered in Deidara's exploding clay. There is white sticky clay in every crevice.
"Whoa." Deidara smiles knowingly. "So you've finally realized what true art is. Hm!"
The puppet master's face is as red as his hair. "I'm goING TO KILL YOU!"
Deidara sees the death in Sasori's eyes and gets up to run for it. "What the hell! I didn't even do anything!"
"You screwed up my shit you pyroidiot!"
"I know it's shit but..."
"AHHH!" Sasori yells off his anger and connects his chakra string to Deidara, causing the blonde to lose control of his body.
Deidara screams in terror. "AHHH! Pein! Get him!"
"All Mighty Push!" Pein's jutsu sends both Deidara and Sasori spiraling into the wall. "Sasori, what is you reasoning for attempting to kill Deidara."
"He...put... his stupid clay all over my puppet and ruined my latest project." Sasori explains, prying himself out of the rock.
"I didn't do shit. I wouldn't dare touch that shit you call art."
"Sasori, do you have proof?"
"Well... I... didn't exactly see him, but who else would it be."
"I will not tolerate you trying to kill people on a hunch. You make your puppets all the time. Just make another one. Besides, you stay up at night, wouldn't you have seen it?"
"I don't stay in here!"
Pein face palms. "Did anyone see what happened to Sasori's puppet?"
Tobi: *raises hand* OH OH! I did! Deidara put clay all over it.
Sasori: *growls*
Deidara: *cowers*
Tobi: Because Deidara sleep walks!
Deidara: I what!
Kisame: Oh yeah. And he talks. Like, has full conversations with himself."
Deidara: How.. how long have I been doing that!?
Kisame: Only a few nights actually
Hidan: HAHA! Remember that one night he was all, 'Not the clay. Anything but the clay!'
Kakuzu: What about that other time when he was singing...
Hidan: Oh yeah!
Kakuzu and Hidan: Explosions. You are my baby. My one and only baby. I will take you all night and..."
Deidara: WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP! And why the hell didn't anyone TELL ME?!
Kisame: Forgot
Hidan: It was hilarious
Kakuzu: Didn't give a fuck
Sasori growls, grabs his puppet, and chucks it an impressive distance out of the cave.
Deidara makes the seal of confrontation with his hands and smiles. "KATSU. HM!" In the distance is a large explosion, the shock blowing a breeze into the cave.
Tobi stares at the flames in amazement.
Tobi: Ooooo
Sasori: *sigh*
Pein: Deidara you idiot! Do you want us to switch hideouts again. This is a HIDEOUT. Where we HIDE-OUT. But we can't do that if we are found because you're blowing up our surroundings... again.
Deidara: Sorry. I just couldn't resist finally turning Sasori's shit into true art. Because ART IS AN EXP...
Sasori: I'm going out before I kill him. Let's go Hidan.
Hidan: Just a second. I'm almost done with the morning sacrifice.
Sasori:
Sasori:
Kakuzu: Haha, have fun with him.
Sasori: *looks back at Deidara*
Deidara: ..aybe one day he will understand. That there is nothing more..."
Sasori: I'll take it. How long will this take, Hidan?
Hidan: 10 more minutes
Deidara: ..he end. But I will be more careful.
Sasori: Why is he still a member?
Deidara: You know you love me
Sasori: Actually, I think you annoy everyone...
Tobi: I like Dei-chan! But he's a scary partner.
Itachi: I like him too
Deidara: I DON'T NEED ADMIRATION FROM THE LIKES OF YOU! *storms out of cave*
Itachi:
Kisame:
Itachi: Was it something I said?
Kisame: Yes.
Itachi:
Hidan: Ok. I'm ready!
Sasori: That wasn't ten minutes.
Kakuzu: Hidan can't tell time.
Hidan: Can too!
Kakuzu: How many seconds are in a minute?"
Hidan: FUCK YOU! Lets go.
Hidan storms out of the cave, dragging Sasori by the arm.
"Stupid Kakuzu. Always talkin shit like he knows everything. He's nothin but a non-believing money-loving fucktard."
"That asshole Deidara, always piping off about his stupid explosions. He doesn't know art. True art is the beauty of not being held back by age or exhaustion."
The two walk a good ways into the forest after venting their feelings. Hidan stops in his tracks. "Uhm... Sasori? Where the hell are we."
"Well let me see." Sasori scans the parameter. "Trees. Trees. More trees. Oh a rock! Trees. I don't know." He turns around. "We've been walking straight the entire time right? We can just head back to the hideout and ask Pein where we..."
"NO! We can't do that. Then Kakuzu is going to bask in my uselessness without him. We can find the market on our own."
"If you insist but it's most likely that way." Sasori points to the left.
"No buddy, I'm sure it's that way." Hidan points to the right.
They glare at one another. "We came from the right when we got here last night and passed nothing so it's got to be to the left."
"No! We came from the left!"
Hidan crosses his arms. "There's only one way to settle this."
"Right."
Both hold out their hands. "Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot."
Sasori raises an eyebrow. "What the hell is that?"
"Jashinism symbol. Nothing beats Jashinism."
"Whatever."
The two begin running Hidan's direction in silence. They stay alert for any enemies of other villages and the sun beams down on their heads. Sasori stops in anger. "We've been running for an hour!"
"We've been running for 10 minutes."
"You really can't tell time."
"You can't see the path of Jashin."
Sasori sighs and face palms. "Maybe I just hate people in general"
"Sasori! Hidan! What are you two doing out here?"
They look up at a tree and see Zetsu hanging down.
Hidan: We're shopping
Zetsu:
Sasori: *sigh* Zetsu, where is the nearest market?
Zetsu: About 30 miles in the opposite direction.
Sasori: *glares*
Hidan: *smiles*
Sasori: Well great. Now we need to run back.
Zetsu: If you guys need help, I can get you there.
Sasori: That'd be nice
Zetsu: OK, wait here for a second. *sinks into tree*
Hidan: 1...2...3...4...
Sasori: What the hell are you doing?"
Hidan: Counting to 1 second.
Sasori: For the love of Jashin
Hidan: That's the spirit!
Tobi: Hey you guys!
Both: AHHH!
They turn around in shock to see the orange masked guy.
Zetsu appears in the ground in front of them and Sasori glares at him. "What is going?"
"Tobi can get you there quickly."
"I'd rather walk!"
"You're welcome." Zetsu sinks back into the dirt.
Tobi puts his hands in the air. "Let's go pals!" In that instant, Hidan and Sasori feel their bodies warping. Their limps feel as if they're spaghetti and their stomachs twist. By the time they blink their eyes they are on the ground again.
Hidan is bent over in sickness. "Tobi," he chokes, trying not to throw up. "I told you to warn me before you do that!"
"I can make you a puppet if you'd like." Sasori offers. "We do not get sick."
"Proper sacrifices cannot be made without the perfect body."
"Which is why I'm offering you the perfect body."
"YOU MUST..."
"Hey you guys look!" Tobi runs off into the small town where the market it buzzing. The two follow behind him.
Hidan: He's not gonna leave is he?
Sasori: I don't think so
Tobi: Wow! This looks cool! What is it?
Vendor: It's a spear. Used by only the greatest worshipers.
Hidan: Worshipers of who!?
Sasori: Oh boy
Vendor: Hmm? Let me think... Now what was his name...
Hidan: LORD JASHIN?
Vendor: Yeah... yeah that was it. Jashin!
Hidan thinks back to Kakuzu's words. 'Don't spend it on shit.'
"I'll take it!"
Sasori grabs Hidan's arm and drags him away. "We're here to buy food. Not shit!"
Hidan pulls Sasori. "Where's Tobi?"
They look around frantically but see nothing.
"Where do you think he went?"
"I don't know! Where would you go if you were a Tobi?"
Their eyes scan the market.
"Hey! What are we looking for?" Tobi whispers. They turn around and see the spear in his hand that they were just looking at. "Here you go Hidan." Tobi smiles
Sasori raises an eyebrow. "How did you get that?"
"I bought it."
"Where did you get the money?"
"Off of a table in that building." Hesitantly, Sasori looks over at the building to see ninja thugs walking out angrily and spotting Tobi.
"We can take em!" Hidan smiles.
"Yes," Sasori grabs Hidan's robe. "But we are supposed to be laying low. Can you imagine what Pein will do to us if we blow our cover!"
"M...make Itachi punish us?"
At that thought, the 3 of them run for the hills. Hidan looks back when they are in the forest. "You think we lost them?"
Sasori catches sight of someone in front of them and stops. Hidan and Tobi do as well. 4 men are on tree branches. "Well would you look at this. We've got us some rogue ninjas who think it's ok to take others money."
"How much did he take?" Sasori says. "We can give it back."
"That's not the point pip squeak. No one tries to show us up without getting their asses handed to them."
"You talk big for a nonbeliever." Hidan charges forward but Sasori notice's something is wrong.
"Wait Hidan!" Sasori throws out his hand, sending chakra strings forward but is too late. Hidan is sliced straight through the middle of body, knees and neck, even two of Sasori's finger is chopped off. He falls to the ground in pieces and the thugs laugh.
"What the hell?!" Hidan yells. "What happened?"
"You're in bits and you still don't know? Chakra was lined in the air so thin that you couldn't see it and cut you up! Be more observant!"
"Quit complaining and put me back together!"
"I can't do that stupid!"
"UGH!"
The thugs are no longer smiling. "T-that guy isn't dead. He's talking."
The female gulps. "What the hell is he?"
Sasori places his hand on the ground and two puppets appear. He glances back down at Hidan. 'I'm going to have to carry that idiot back.' "You're going to wish you had not followed us."
He hears more people behind him and Tobi turns around. "Well hello!"
One of the knew Ninja's screams. "What are you guys doing? This is the Akatsuki! Haven't you been hearing the rumors. That rogue ninja group!"
The puppet master sighs. In one swift movement he removes his cloak. The thugs back away when 8 large knives dripping with violet poison spring from his back. "So much for not drawing attention to ourselves."
"They're not human." The female gasps.
Sasori glares at them. Just as he is about to strike a vicious wind blows down on them from above.
"YAY! Deidara's here to save us!"
"You just couldn't resist stripping could you?!"
Sasori looks up to see Deidara on one of his birds. Kakuzu drops to the ground. He is chopped by the chakra strings but easily puts himself back together. He gathers all of Hidan, sure not to leave pieces like last and jumps through the trees back up to the bird. Sasori takes the leap and is on the bird. They take flight.
"We could've taken them."
"I know, but we're supposed to be laying low." Deidara sighs.
"You're one to talk."
"But you're not me. You're smarter then me. You don't get in these situations. If you get in trouble Pein might put you against one of the tougher Jinchuurikis."
"I can take them all."
"That's not the point, hollowbrain,"Deidara snaps.
Sasori looks off into the distance. "How did you know to come?"
"It's been 3 hours. I knew something had to be wrong when it only takes 5 minutes to get to the market from where we are. It's not normal for a time freak like you to be late."
"And if nothing was wrong and I was just window shopping?"
"Then I would've haled ass back to the hideout,but I know shit is about to go down when you get naked." Deidara turns and grabs Sasori's damaged hand. He reaches in his cloak and then puts the fingers in the mouth on his right hand.
"Saso-chan! Look out! I think Deidara is trying to eat you!"
Diedara turns to him angrily. "SHUT UP TOBI!"
Although the two have done this many times Tobi has found a way to make it awkward. Sasori slides his hand out and the two fingers have been repaired.
"It'll take a while to dry you know. But it should hold well until you can recarve them."
"But Saso-chan," Tobi calls. "Aren't you afraid they will explode?"
"Tobi, I'm going to kick you off," Diedara threatens. "It's different clay. I wouldn't use exploding clay on him!"
Kakuzu is on the other side of the bird, repairing Hidan. The Jashinist looks anywhere but Kakuzu's eyes. The red eyed freak hasn't said anything yet and it's driving him nuts.
"If you're gonna mock me then do it already!"
"Shut the fuck up," Kakuzu grunts. "If you're not with me you need to be careful You can't just go around getting shredded."
"I understand why Deidara came, but why did you?"
"Same reason I guess. You can't tell time... or distance... so I had a feeling your dumbass had gotten lost and came along. It wasn't really a...aa...Are you crying!?"
"N-no... Injuustnmmnkknow..."
"Stop sniffling! I can't understand you..."
"This all happened because I'm off with my sacrifice today! PLEASE FORGIVE ME LORD JASHIN!"
"You're actually late on a sacrifice. I never thought I'd see the day."
"*sniff sniff* Ssut dup Kakusu!"
"Haha!"
Sasori and Deidara look over at Kakuzu. It's a rare occasion to see that monster smile. Does he look scary without the mask when he smiles?
"By the way, where is the money I gave you earlier? It doesn't look like anyone but Tobi bought something."
Hidan's face immediately straightens. "Uhm... in my robe?"
"You mean the robe ripped to shreds...?"
"...no..."
Kakuzu sews Hidan together more roughly now. "Deidara, this is our stop."
The blonde looks down, raising an eyebrow. "No it's not."
Hidan is now viciously trying to claw away. "No. no. No!" Kakuzui grabs him by his neck and jumps off of the bird. Everyone looks over the edge and watches them disappear into the trees.
Tobi scratches his head. "Should we be worried?"
Deidara waves it off. "Neh. He'll be fine."
They fly back to the hideout. When they enter the only person there is Kisame and Itachi. They are sitting on the ground eating ramen.
"Where did you guys get food!?" Sasori asks.
"Oh," Deidara says, "Itachi went after you guys were gone for an hour. He bought tons of stuff."
Sasori face palms. "Why didn't he just go to begin with and how are you eating ramen without hot water?"
"Fire style. Duh."
"That doesn't explain the water part."
"Kisame. Duh."
Deidara steps up. "Watch your tone! Always acting all high and mighty because of your stupid sharingan."
"Says the person who has a kekkei genkai."
"That's it Itachi. We're going to settle this once and for all! Hm!"
The Uchiha slurps the last of his bowl and stands. "Challenge Accepted."
Sasori steps in front of Deidara. "Don't pay him any mind. He just needs to take a breather."
"No I don't..."
"DEIDARA!"
The artist takes a step back, then storms out of the cave.
"I don't understand how you can tolerate him as a partner," Kisame grunts.
Sasori shrugs his shoulders and walks to the left of the cave. That's when he sees something strange. It's the puppet he had been working on. It's badly singed and damaged but there is a new, poorly carved arm.
"W-what is this?"
"Oh, that? Deidara went out to find it and has been working on that stupid thing for the past few hours."
Sasori bends to his knees and touches the arm. It really does suck. He then sees the two fingers that Deidara repaired. "He's not a bad partner."
"What was that...?"
"His head isn't on straight, but unlike me that idiot has a heart."
Itachi laughs. "And just like that the puppet turns into a soft teddy bear."
Sasori turns and stands, glaring. "You wanna repeat that?"
"Simply stating facts."
"State another fact like that and you'll die."
"Ooo," Kisame breaths, "Temper."
Nope. That did it. Sasori's temper has been off for the past 3 days and it's been waiting for that one thing to set him off. This might cause a small fight but it'll be worth it. He connects his chakra strings to the puppet and chucks it at Kisame. The blue man picks up his sword, ready to defend. That's when Sasori sees it. But its too late. There is a good amount of exploding clay on the back of the puppet. Obviously Deidara gave up on the carving at some point.
The second the sword connects with it, a huge explosion is sent through the cave. Dust and smoke billows into the air. Sasori has protected himself with Hiruko. He is curious of how Kisame and Itachi faired being that they were in the back. Sasori gets out of his cover and pushes rocks off of himself.
He looks at his surroundings as the dust clears. There is something glowing like red fire. After a while he realizes that it's Itachi's Susanoo shielding him and Kisame. This is the first time Sasori has ever seen it.
Tobi stands in the middle of rocks. "Pein is going to kill you."
Zetsu appears in the ground. "He's right you know."
"What's going on! I saw art! I thought..." Deidara sees the mess after running out of the trees. "What happened?"
"The puppet... You put exploding clay on the puppet," Sasori says.
"Yeah. I made it so that it only explodes if you attack...with...it. Oh no." Deidara looks at Itachi's susanoo, not even wanting to know what happened while he was gone. "I'll take the blame when Pein comes back."
"Don't. Had I not been so worked up, this wouldn't have happened."
"No," Kisame jumps in, "I shouldn't have provoked you."
"It was me," Itachi sighs. "I shouldn't have insulted your feelings about Deidara."
Deidara glares. "You did what?"
"What the hell?" Kakuzu's voice sounds behind Deidara as he walks out of the forest, dragging Hidan in pieces.
"What happened!?" Hidan yells, looking at the crumbs that the cage used to be.
"I'm not dying today..." Kakuzu sits cross-legged on the ground.
Sasori lays on the bed of rocks. "Well, thanks for trying to fix it."
Deidara runs over to Sasori, tripping over countless boulders and lands in Hiruko. "So you really liked it?"
"... the part that didn't destroy the hide out, yes."
"Good enough. It was made by these genius hands of course." Deidara holds up his hands and the mouths stick out their tongues.
That's when the bushes rustle and Pein walks up with Konan attached at the hip. His eyes are unreadable as he looks at the scene before him. Their hideout is in pebbles. Kakuzu is smiling. Itachi and Kisame are inside of Susanoo. Hidan is cut into fractions. Tobi is an idiot. Sasori is shirtless in a puppet and all of Deidara's tongues are sticking out.
He simply closes his eyes and sighs. "Lets go find another hideout."
LLL- I hope you all liked it. This took me longer to write then most fics normally do... Or that I intended this to take but I liked writing it it.
Tobi: Question time!
Itachi: Wait until she finishes.
Hidan: She's been talking long enough!
Kakuzu: You're just excited because the only question left was for you.
Hidan: Damn right I am! Annnnnnnnd the question is from Kagewalker, and it reads...
Itachi: If it's for you, shouldn't someone else read it?
Hidan: DON'T FUCKING INTERRUPT ME!
Itachi: *snatches question* It says, Hidan, why is...
Deidara: *snatches question* You don't own anything here! Hm! Ehem, why do you have white hair Hidan?
Hidan:
Hidan:
Hidan:
Kakuzu: This idiot can't even tell time and you ask him something like that?
Hidan: I can tell time Kakuzu! This is just a dumb question.
Tobi: *GASP* HI-CHAN RUDE!
Kisame: Don't blame your own stupidity on the question. At least you got one...
Itachi: It's OK Kisame. I'm sure you'll get one next time.
Sasori: *sigh* why the hell do I have to be here?
Tobi: NEXT QUESTION! What happened that night Itachi was waken up?
Hidan: Do we really need to answer this one?
LLL- YES!
Kisame: Ehem, it all started when Tobi had taken Hidan's cookies that Kakazu bought him. Itachi had already fallen asleep sense we had just gotten back from an assignment after a long day... and it was 2AM and normal people sleep at that time.
"Give them back or I'll kill you!"
"Just one Hi-chan. Pleeeaase!"
"No!" Hidan lunged for Tobi, but of course fell straight through him.
"Kaku-chan, Hidan won't share!"
"I don't care," Kakuzu mumbled.
Hey Tobi," Deidara yawns. "Pass em here, I'll make him change his mind."
Tobi listens and sends the cookies through the air. Hidan fell to his knees. "Noooo!" As soon as Deidara's hand made contact with the box of cookies, it burst into ashes.
"Hehe, problem solved. Hm."
"DEIDARA!"
Hidan started chasing Deidara around the cave.
"Cmon, Hidan. I know you can run faster then that."
"Get him Hidan!" Tobi cheered.
"That's it! No more cookies for anyone. Ever!" Pein yelled.
"Now you're tellin em," Sasori mumbled.
Suddenly no one could move or speak. Their bodies became hot and the atmosphere dark. Itachi stood up from his spot next to Kisame. "The fifth night. This is the fifth night I haven't been able to sleep. Not. Tonight."
Sasori: That damn Genjustu he put on us lasted all night...
Pein: It was terrible. I was so tired the next morning that I couldn't move... and I'm the leader.
Deidara: I couldn't believe a world like that would even happen in a Genjutsu.
Tobi: What did you see Dei-chan?
Deidara: I don't even want to talk about it, but just know this. I didn't have my Kekkei Genkai
Tobi: *GASP* You couldn't make art?
Deidara: Not a single explosion. What was yours Tobi
Tobi:
Deidara: ?
Tobi: I saw my old friends
Deidara: Old friends... I didn't know you had other friends. Was the Genjutsu bad.
Tobi: I relived it over... and over... and over
Sasori: Uhm... Tobi?
Tobi: Oh! Sorry ^_^ It was scary. Itachi you suck.
Kisame: Itachi... what's wrong?
Itachi: I don't remember doing that.
Everyone: WHAT!
Kisame: What do you mean you don't remember. It was a week ago.
Sasori: Are you telling us you were never even awake.
Itachi: I don't think so...
Hidan: Who the hell uses up that much chakra in their fucking sleep?!
Deidara: That's it. I quit. I'm moving out.
Pein: You're not going anywhere.
Sasori: LET HIM GO!
Tobi: HI-CHAN ARE THOSE COOKIES?
Hidan: Tobi... stay away from me *runs*
Tobi: *chases*
Kakuzu: So we're just going to ignore the fact that Itachi almost killed us in his sleep?
Pein: Shut the hell up at night and that won't be an issue.
Kakuzu: I don't even talk at night...
LLL- Well, glad I'm not member of The Akatsuki. Thank you Kagewalker for your questions. They enjoyed answering them and even learned something new. Review you guys and ask questions. Thanks for reading.