*Carol*

Daryl reminded me a lot of a pendulum, always swinging between just two extremes. It was either all consuming rage or overwhelming guilt. He barely ever had a moment's peace in his head where he was able to just stop and experience anything else in between. It's not that he's an angry or even a mean spirited man, I have known a few of them in my time and Daryl Dixon definitely didn't fit that mold. In fact, if you took the time to see past the brash exterior of his Redneck roots, what you would find is a very kind, good hearted, introspective soul, who has always tried his hardest to live by a decent moral code. However he was also a man who had been cursed by a life of neglect, brutality and the burden of constantly being put down by those around him. And as you would expect, years of that kind of turmoil had taken its toll. After all, live your life in the dark for long enough you soon forget what it's like to see the sun, and I understood that better than anyone.

For Daryl it had been his father, a drunkard who lived his life with little concern for his family and although I doubt he even knew it, Merle had played his part in that neglect too, seemed he was one apple that hadn't fallen far from the tree. For me though, it had been Ed, Sophia's father and the man I had been married to since I was a teenager. Ed over the years had slowly and painfully stripped away my self worth and taken away my belief that I deserved anything good in this world. So just like Daryl, I too had been condemned to a life of misery by the one that should have loved me the most. And I think the reason why he and I gravitated towards each other, was because we both wore the scars to prove it.

Despite our history though, we had fought back, sometimes together but mostly apart, taking on our demons in our own way. And in that, we managed to find some small comfort, and in each other we found a sense of hope. Hope that despite how broken we had once been by those around us, it wasn't entirely impossible to trust again.

I had seen moments of it at the prison, watched as Daryl had gone from being likened to a feral animal who functioned entirely on his own, to an integral part of a family with Rick, Hershel and Glenn by his side. He had seemed less burdened, ironic really because he had so much responsibility back then, looking out for all of us whilst Rick had dealt with his own grief. Yet Daryl without question had stepped up, become a leader and he had thrived on it. On the odd occasion I was lucky enough to see him smile, hear his gruff laughter or get a slight head nod, or even a wink of self-satisfaction when he saw everyone else around him safe and secure.

Those were my favourite moments because that was when his boyish charm shone through the rugged darkness of the man, and I relished it. I loved the fact he had refused to become the person he had seemed almost destined to be. He was no Merle and he was definitely no Ed. And for each day I was proud of him, I was also grateful for him.

A lot of people would probably say that for them the zombie apocalypse was the greatest loss of their lives, but for Daryl I believe it was actually the fall of the prison. For the first time in his life he'd had a family. Losing it all to 'The Governor' like that, had almost destroyed him and left him broken once again. I had felt it the moment he had clung to me like a lost little boy in the woods at Terminus and I had seen it in his eyes ever since, the darkness that lingered there, creeping in like the black clouds you see before a thunderstorm hits.

Following the events that had taken place at Terminus, there hadn't really been time to sit and take stock of what had happened to us after the prison. We had been pulled apart and plunged into such desperate situations that it seemed easier, less painful to try and just put the memories of that time behind us. I hadn't spoken about Lizzie and Mika, and Daryl hadn't really spoken about Beth. Between us we had just silently accepted that what had happened had changed us irrevocably, and that all we could do was look forward. Because dwelling on the past would just burn us to the ground. However, this morning as I had sat and watched Daryl chase after Beth, heard their raised voices echoing throughout the house and watched him head out into the woods alone. His crossbow slung across his back and anger in his gait, I knew the fire that haunted him had been reignited and the thunderstorm had finally arrived and was ready to wreak havoc.

I didn't follow him, I knew him well enough to know he needed time, time to brood, time to process whatever had been said and time to take out his frustration on whatever errant walker happened to stumble into his path. That was just his way, and I had learned to let him deal with his anger however he needed to, away from any judgement. I had thought about going to see Beth but had stopped myself when I heard her crying through her bedroom door and decided to fetch Maggie, knowing that her sister would be the only one able to comfort her. I instead kept myself busy preparing food and washing the laundry for everyone whilst I waited and hoped that wherever Daryl had gone to, it would be possible for me to bring him back.

Evening had fallen upon us quickly, and the night carried with it a bitterly cold chill that made me shiver as I stood out on the porch. My eyes frantically scanning the landscape to detect any movement, be it that of a walker or of Daryl, who I had no doubt would be exhausted by now.

At first it had taken my eyes a while to adjust, but then as the stars began to form in the clear skies of Georgia I saw him emerge from the thicket, crossbow over one shoulder and a sling of rabbits over the other. He was bloodied and looked battle worn but made no attempt to come to the house, and instead walked straight to one of the small workshops to the far side of the property. Even from a distance it was clear to see his shoulders were slumped and the fire that had coursed through his stride as he had left this morning, had finally burned away and now, there was just a man who had lost all fight. The pendulum had swung once more and now with nothing but his guilt to battle with, it was inevitable Daryl would try to withdraw, distance himself from everyone and take solace in his shame. I wouldn't allow it this time though, I wouldn't let him fight his battles alone like he had to when he was a little boy, so I plated up the bowl of soup, filled up a bucket of hot water and gathered up some clean rags and set off across the yard to the workshop.

He knew I was there, Daryl was so attuned to his environment and everything around him that there was no chance of me taking him off guard, even if I had wanted to. Yet still he kept his back to me and continued checking his bolts for any damage, not once looking in my direction or making the slightest effort to acknowledge me, as I passed by him and placed the items down on the bench next to him.

"I brought you some warm water for you to wash yourself down, and something for you to eat."

His eyes flicked to me, and I could see the temptation for him to verbally attack hover on his lips. The need inside him to say something that he knew would inevitably cut me so deeply that I would abandon him, warring with his good conscience.

I chose to stop him before he could do the damage he would eventually regret. "Don't Daryl." My voice was firm and contrite, and although I knew it would trigger his disdain, I was determined to stop this train before it derailed.

"Don't what." His tone was challenging and I could tell he wanted me to meet him head on, but I refused. Instead I turned around and went over to the small fire pit already dug out on the floor and placed some kindling on it, before pulling out a book of matches and lighting it.

"Don't say something that you think will send me away from you. Because I am not going to leave here and then you will feel bad and just end up apologising." I blew softly on the small flame watching as the bright red and orange sparks started to dance amongst the shredded wood, before turning to face him "It's not worth the pain to either of us."

His expression was cold and his gravelly tone was unusually bitter. "You don't know me, what are you even doing out here, are you not past this good Samaritan bullshit yet."

I stood up from the fire, choosing to ignore the harsh tenor in his voice.

"Maybe you are right Daryl, maybe I don't know you. But you do know me, and you know I am not going anywhere." I moved past him once again, this time taking the bowl of soup and placing it on the grate over the now burning fire, aware that his eyes had been fixed on me the whole time. "And what I do know Daryl, is that at times when I have decided to shut myself out from the group, it was you that came and brought me back. So I guess we are both a little guilty of that 'good Samaritan' bullshit." I looked over at him from where I was crouched down stirring his soup and let a small smirk play on my lips to let him know his brashness was wasted. "Now go wash up or this soup will be good for nothing."

Daryl was pensive, but out of the corner of my eye I saw him go over to the bucket of water, remove his jacket and vest and start to scrub over his hands, arms and face. Not that it made much of a difference to his appearance but he was able to wash away some of the day's burden at least.

Eventually he came over and sat down next to me in front of the fire, not a word being exchanged between us as I handed him his soup. He tucked into it like a man who hadn't eaten for days, which probably wasn't too far from the truth since he had skipped his breakfast in the kitchen this morning. I allowed him a few moments for his food to settle in his stomach and for his posture relax a little, as he eventually gave in to the warmth of the fire before I spoke.

"You know Daryl, you can't keep running, running from Beth, running from all of us. You are part of a family now, there are people here who care about you, so you don't get to just up and leave anymore."

His eyes never moved from the flames of the fire as he spoke. "I aint runnin from nothing." His words were low over the sound of the crackling wood as it spat blackened cinders onto the ground by our feet. "I just don't know what you people want from me."

"Well maybe we just want you not to be haunted by the things that you had no control over. I know you still feel bad about Sophia, and losing the prison, for Hershel and for Beth, but its not the burden for just one man." I picked up a stick and pushed at the dimly lit embers until small flames began to jump once more. "It's just how this world is now Daryl. Our only mistake so far has been our belief that we have any control over who gets to survive. We are going to lose people, people we love and if we get caught up in what we should have done when all the odds were stacked against us, what we really lose is precious time with those that are still here."

His voice was darker now and held within it a subtle bitterness as he spat his words out. "So what, we just meant to forget? You forget about Sophia?"

My head dropped at even the implication that my heart was not still broken over the loss of my only child. Yet still I didn't offer an answer and instead just allowed Daryl to continue.

"I'm just meant forget that it was me who drove a knife into my brother's head huh? Tell me Carol am I just meant to wipe from my memory the night Beth was taken and everything that happened to her while she was with those fuckin nut jobs out there? Is that what you people want?"

He flipped the now empty soup bowl towards the fire splashing the remnants of the food onto the floor, making me flinch away from him at his sudden movement. My response had been unintentional and just a pre existing habit from my life with Ed, and as soon as Daryl realised what he had done, his eyes spoke of his apology.

I waited for my heartbeat to calm before I spoke again "I don't think anyone wants you to forget Daryl."

I climbed to my knees and began to pick up the bowl when I felt his hand on my wrist and the soft lilt of his voice over my shoulder. "Don't." He took the bowl from my hands and wiped the food with the rag he still had from his wash earlier, leaving me to settle back down. When he joined me again, it was clear to see the tension had gone from his body.

"Daryl I don't think we ever forget, and no I won't ever forget Sophia, but that doesn't mean we can't move on. We have to just accept that fate is no longer in our hands and that the only thing we have left, is to just keep going. Adjust and live or stay trapped and die anyway."

He pulled his knees up to his chest and bowed his head, like a man defeated and right there in that moment I saw a lost boy who didn't know which way to turn to put things right anymore. "Beth wants me to move on, pretend like what happened never did, says what happened to her ain't as bad as the fact I ain't the same with her now."

I had anticipated that, the way he had stayed away from Beth's bedside once she had returned would have been a bitter pill for her to swallow, and although I understood the reasons why he had done it, I could also see why it would have hurt the young girls feelings so deeply.

"Daryl, I don't know what happened with you two after the prison, but what I do know is that young girl would have needed you, and I know that as strong as she thinks she may be now that she is home, doesn't change the fact that she needs you now too. It's your name that she calls out in the night, it was you she asked for when she finally came round and it was your body that she clung to when we left Grady. If you want to put this right, just be there for her. She has already lost enough don't you think? And if I am honest, I am not sure she would survive losing you again."

I reached over and gently rubbed his arm, feeling his cold flesh pebble slightly under my warm touch, before pulling my hand away again so as to not make him feel uncomfortable. His voice was softer now and unsure. "What if I don't know how?"

"Daryl, how will you ever know if you don't ever try? Maybe all you have to do is trust her and the rest will just fall into place."

"Didn't work to good for you and Ed or for my old man and my ol lady did it now, and let's face it we ain't exactly got the basis of a damn fairy tale right here."

He kicked his boot at the fire sending twigs and dust into the embers. The frustrated tone in his voice barely masking the self-doubt that was playing at the surface of his demeanor. Bringing up Ed was like a blow to the heart, but I knew Daryl, and where in the past he would have used words as a means of attack when he was backed into a corner, I knew this time it was something far deeper, a fear that he was somewhat destined to be like the men he had seen all around him.

"Daryl you are nothing like your father and you are nothing like Ed. People like that, they live in fear, fear of never being the men they should have been, fear of being alone, fear of being insignificant. So they abuse everyone around them, belittle and destroy those that love them so as to keep them scared, too scared to ever leave. It's the same as beating an animal and locking it in cage and convincing yourself that the animal chooses to stay. That is who these men are, that is what they do."

I looked to him now, needed him to see the honesty in my eyes as I spoke.

"But that isn't you, you became the man you were destined to be Daryl, don't you see that? Strong, brave, honest and loyal. That is the kind of man you are. And you don't have to break people to keep them by your side. Rick, Maggie, Glenn, Beth, and Michonne, they would follow you to the ends of the earth, because they know only the good in you."

He lifted his head turning to me, his expression held a hint of sadness but his eyes were questioning. "And you?"

I nodded as I looked away, feeling a heat rise in my cheeks under his gaze.

"Yes and me, I would follow you wherever you went, if that was what you wanted." I stared into the fire and watched as the flames flickered and danced around, my voice sincere as I spoke. "Each time we get pulled apart, at the prison when T-dog died, when you left with Merle, when Rick sent me away and even at Terminus, it seems that something always brings us back together." I let a smile trace along my lips as I nudged him playfully with my shoulder. "Seems like it's been written that you and I are in for the long haul Daryl Dixon."

I could see the tension release from his body and his shoulders slacken slightly, as he slowly stretched out his legs and rested back on his hands. A calm silence falling all around us until I heard his voice break through the bright orange glow of the firelight.

"Beth thinks there's something going on between us."

"Me and you." I asked unsure of the implication.

"Mmhhmm"

I sat up, suddenly realising that this had formed part of the conversation he and Beth had had earlier today. And whilst I tried to figure out why such a subject would have been raised in what had seemed to be a heated conversation, my memory tracked back to the events in the kitchen, suddenly seeing Daryl and I through Beth's eyes. My answer was simple. "Oh I see."

His eyes never strayed from the fire as he spoke, his tone giving nothing away. "Do you think everyone thinks that?"

Taken aback by his question, I thought carefully before I answered. "I think those within the group who really knew anything of Ed and Merle, would see that there is an understanding between us. I think Beth likes you, maybe a little more than you realise and that those feelings for you are making her see things that are not there. But I don't think you should be worried about anybody else thinking that."

I began to play with the loose thread on the hem of jacket acutely aware of the strange tightening in my stomach that had arisen from Daryl's question. The thought of him being embarrassed of me in some way made me think momentarily of the times Ed had berated me for not being as pretty or as beautiful as other wives, and in an instant it made all of my insecurities rise to the surface in a rush.

"I mean would it bother you if people thought that?" My voice was calm and I hoped he could not hear the wavering as my confidence slowly began to slip away.

He didn't hesitate in his answer and I was relieved. "Nah, ain't no ones business. Let'em think what they want. We ain't hurting nobody"

I let out the tiny gasp of air I had been holding, and smiled at him, grateful of the fact that I was not something that represented humiliation to him. Feeling a lot lighter, I let a teasing tone lace my words. "You ever think about it, about us?"

He was embarrassed now, my tone had hit the mark and his coyness almost made him seem boyish as he bowed his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"Mhmm I dunno."

I let out a little laugh, hoping to let him see that he didn't need to be embarrassed at all. "You don't know if you have thought about it?"

With his long hair still obscuring his face, he turned his head to me, and where there had been lightness to my tone there was no humour to be found in his "Have you? Thought about it?"

I nodded resolutely. "Once or twice. I mean if it's the end of the world and it comes down to us to continue our civilisation, put up against Eugene and that dreadful haircut he seems to love so much, you score pretty high."

I looked at him now and smiled and heard him scoff under his breath as his shoulders relaxed once more. "Yeah I guess competition ain't too stiff in a zombie apocalypse huh."

I felt the cold night air start to creep in through my jacket now and so stood up offering my hand out to Daryl to pull him up.

"Whatever competition there was Daryl Dixon, you would win hands down against any man in my book, and don't you forget it." I smiled at him as he took to his feet and I kicked dirt over the low embers of the fire indicating it was time to head back up to the house. Daryl blew out the lantern and grabbed his crossbow and sling of rabbits and we headed out of the workshop.

The bitter chill told us that any walkers in the vicinity would be slow moving and easy to spot, and as my teeth chattered slightly I linked my arm with his as we started to walk back to the house.

"You know Daryl, Beth would be a good person for you, you both would be good for each other I mean." I nudged him playfully as we walked so as to lighten the impact of my words and so not to embarrass him any further.

His voice was distant and distracted, and his eyes as always were scanning the landscape.

"What you playin Cupid now? Ain't quite the end of civilisation just yet, so no need to be pairing everyone off any time soon. Besides I ain't convinced Eugene has the strength required to keep you outta trouble."

I laughed quietly under my breath tucking in closer to his arm. "You might just be right there Pookie, but then maybe, just maybe he is like Samson and all of his strength is in that hair of his."

The gruff lilt of his laugh carried on the wind as we strode towards the house

"You think so huh, I wouldn't hold out too much hope there Delilah"

As we approached the porch we saw Michonne and Rick on guard, they were covering the night watch and were both wrapped up against the night chill that had now turned icy cold. Rick offered us a curt nod.

"You two good, Daryl you good?"

I gave him a smile to let him know that whatever concerns he had about Daryl today, they were no longer necessary, a fact that was reiterated when I felt Daryl offer a nod beside me. Daryl chose that moment to let his arm fall, releasing mine and instead opting to loosely entwine our fingers, giving my hand a small squeeze. His way of saying 'thank you' to me, for bringing him back to his family. The only family that had ever truly cared for him.

After hanging the rabbits in the makeshift cold store, we walked as we always did in companionable silence through the house, before wearily climbing the stairs to the first floor where the bedrooms were.

Reaching my room first I turned to him and gently cupped his face in my hand, looking deep into his eyes so that he would know each word I spoke was honest and true.

"Daryl Dixon you are a good man and that means whatever is wrong between you and Beth it can, and it will be alright. You just need to let the bad things go. Grady is over, Beth is here now and so are you. Please don't let what precious time you have be taken away by things you couldn't change."

I offered him a small smile as I let my hand fall and turned to go into my room, my heart sinking a little as I heard his footsteps leave my side. It was then I heard his voice, soft and a little above a whisper in the darkness of the hallway.

"I never answered you earlier, you know the question about whether I had ever thought about us?"

I turned back to him now, his steely blue eyes fixed on mine in the moonlight that crept in through the boarded windows, and I saw for the first time no embarrassment, no shyness there, just honesty, just a man who feared nothing but himself, as his low voice gave the answer I had never expected.

"The answer was yes."

And just like that silence fell between us once more, only the sound of his door could be heard as he stepped inside and closed it behind him.

*Authors Note*

A 'Daryl' chapter is coming up next.