Three full days passed, and Sharon didn't see Brenda at all. Three full days, and she'd almost convinced herself that she'd overblown her feelings. Three full days, and she'd only thought of Brenda a few times…every hour. Though she knew it was for the best, she couldn't help feeling disappointed that the ornery woman hadn't spent more effort pushing to find out what had happened. Sharon didn't relish the idea of the conversation, but it still stung to know that the Chief had made that one cursory effort in the kitchen, and then gone back to business as usual. Sharon scoffed at herself, and turned back to the file she was reviewing, crossing her legs, her Prada pump dangling from the end of her slender foot.
Brenda sat in her office, peering into her candy stash. She'd pushed Gabriel into stopping at the good store, the one that was out of the way, but that carried Ding Dongs and Suzie Qs and all manner of sinful treats. But for three days, she hadn't been able to eat any of it. She pulled a Kit Kat out, and held it forlornly between two fingers, before tossing it back in the drawer. That woman had ruined chocolate. And it was probably going to end up getting Brenda fired. She'd been irritable, but when she'd pulled the first Ding Dong out of the drawer, and bit into it, she realized that what she was actually craving was that woman's kiss. She'd thrown the Ding Dong away, and then demanded that her team stay overtime to solve a case, without asking for permission. The second day, she'd tried a Reese's cup, and it too fell short, causing her to lash out at Pope and insult his recent weight gain. Today was the third day of her no-contact rule, and the beginning of her third day with no candy. She was rightfully nervous that it might end up being her last day on the job, if something didn't give. She was just about to slam the candy drawer shut, when she noticed the corner of a manila folder peeking out from beneath a Snickers bar. She tugged it loose from the candy prison, and opened it on her desk. Sharon's fluid handwriting filled the page. The application for Chief. Brenda stood up so fast, her chair shot back, slamming into the credenza behind her. She stalked out of the office, and headed to personnel. Handing in the application, she felt a perverse sense of satisfaction that the last vestiges of her fling with Sharon were out of her office. Maybe now candy could taste good again.
Sharon stood in the elevator, glaring at the number panel. The doors slid open, three floors away from her destination, and there stood Brenda. The women blinked at each other, and then Brenda spun on her heel, ready to take the stairs. Sharon reached out, letting her fingertips settle just above Brenda's elbow.
"I think we can share the lift, don't you?" She repeated her words from weeks before, hoping to break the ice.
"Are you trying to be funny, or do you enjoy rubbing salt in the wound, Sharon? I don't know how I'm supposed to react." Brenda stepped on to the elevator, deciding that at the very least, they ought to hash things out, so at least they could return to the professional animosity they'd engaged in before Brenda had lost her mind.
"I'm sorry." Sharon spoke quietly, hoping that those words would cover the myriad of things she had to apologize for.
"It's fine, Cap'n. Water under the bridge and all that. I just dropped off my application for Chief. Where are you headed?" Brenda stared ahead, hoping that her voice would remain steady, and not betray the tightness in her throat.
"Vice. They've got an OIS, and I have to interview the partner. Listen, Brenda, I just wanted to say that—"
"Don't. I really, really don't think I can listen to what you have to say about anything other than work things. Give me that, at least?" Brenda's voice cracked just a bit on her last words, and she squeezed her eyes closed, willing the tears to stay unshed.
"Oh god." Sharon stared at the rigid profile Brenda presented, and wanted to wrap the woman into a tight embrace, letting the apologies spill forth without any regard to the consequences of falling for your superior officer. She wanted to smooth that blonde hair back, and press kisses to her forehead, soothing away the worry lines with her lips.
Instead, she punched the button for the next floor, and when the doors opened, she fled, leaving Brenda standing in the elevator with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her eyes still closed.
Brenda heard the elevator doors open and close. She noted that the sting of oranges was no longer oppressively strong. She opened one eye, and verified that she was alone in the elevator. And then she let out one angry sob, as her throat constricted around the lump that had been lurking for the last three days, her tenuous hold on her emotions finally breaking. Damn her! It wasn't even the sex, although Brenda knew she'd barely tapped the surface in that regard. But she also knew that she'd barely tapped the surface of finding out who Sharon was as a woman, instead of as an officer. And the indications thus far, had been a woman that Brenda very easily found herself falling for. She'd thought Sharon felt the same. That night, after the standoff with the INS agent, she'd seen something in Sharon's eyes, in that unguarded moment before they'd kissed. That was what had given her the courage to continue on, and now, as it turned out, she'd been wrong. Brenda wasn't comfortable not knowing the answers to questions before she asked them, and this right here? This feeling of being out of control, and at the mercy of another person's whim? This was why. Angrily, she shoved her fists into her eyes, wiping the tears away, and cleared her throat, squaring her shoulders. That would be the last tear she shed for Sharon Raydor, and that was that. And then maybe when she was Chief, she'd ponder the usefulness of FID. Of course it was an essential department. But it might be fun, just to make her sweat a little bit. Brenda let a small smile ghost across her lips at the thought, and by the time the elevator opened onto Major Crimes, she'd fully regained her composure. And she had a mean craving for a Ding Dong.
AN: so, okay, you had to know the angst wasn't going to resolve in a chapter, right? but they'll get it together. you just have to stick it out, kay? also, reviews make the angst go away faster. lulz.