*Daryl*

The sound of the match striking against the matchbox cut through the silence of the night, as the flickering flame pressed against the end of my cigarette set the room aglow with a dull orange light. I sat on the narrow window ledge of the tiny apartment looking out onto the street below, the buildings masked in darkness giving way only to the lingering shadows of the occasional slow moving walker, as they shuffled along aimlessly.

Pulling on the cigarette hanging loosely from my lips, I inhaled a deep nicotine filled breath, the sensation of the smoke filling my lungs and nostrils allowing the tension of the last few hours to finally slip away. It had been a 'gone to shit' kinda day, that had topped off my "piece of shit' kinda week, and given the fact we were still trapped and blocked in on all sides by a bunch of filthy, disease bearing, motherless walkers, I had a sneaky suspicion my outlook weren't about to improve any time soon.

Leaning out of the open window I looked up into the night sky, guessing it was probably just past midnight. Knowing the time by the position of the moon was something I had learned in my years out huntin as a kid with my ol'man, and then later sitting on the porch of some run down shack getting lit with Merle. Night after night we would do the same thing, drinkin and talkin bout nothing in particular, actin like the world owed us a whole heap, when really we cared for nothin' and gave a damn about no one. Our lives pretty much lived with no real purpose at all.

I focused on the stars, seeing one flicker brighter than all the rest, and as I inhaled another smoke filled breath I gave a silent nod to the skies, for it was times like this, when I knew the odds were stacked against me, that I missed my brother and our simple life the most.

Taking the last drag of my smoke, I flicked the butt out of the window and turned to look over at Carol, her slow labored breathing told me she was still out for the count, exhausted by the days events and the tears she had cried until she had finally drifted off to sleep. I had waited until I had felt her body go limp next to mine before I had slid my arms from around her and moved as quietly as I could off the sleeper couch.

Truth was, I had never stayed a full night in a bed with a girl before. Don't get me wrong, it weren't that I hadn't ever had the opportunity, cus I had. But on the few occasions I had found myself in such a position, there had never been anything there to make me wanna stay. So as the years had passed I had somehow fallen into the habit of always leaving before the sun had had a chance to rise, and the girl had awoken to find herself in an empty bed. I just always found it easier that way; there weren't no questions, no awkward silences, no expectations and most importantly, none of that stuff that meant me stayin in one place and playin house for too long.

It was never anything to do with the girl; they always seemed nice enough. Often they were the younger sister or cousin of someone me or Merle knew, just one of a string of girls from round our way. They'd always be clinging to the hope that some half decent man would come and sweep them off their feet. But the sad reality was, they would just get passed around until someone in the group decided to make them their ol' lady, or worse still got her knocked up.

Merle and me though, we bummed around so much we were never in one spot long enough to make nothing like that count. Merle had promised a few, but it was never just one girl at a time, that was Merle for ya. And as soon as they would cotton on to the fact that they were not his 'one and only' and instead was just another scratch to his ever present itch, that would be a sign for us to head on out again. That was how it always played out, me following Merle and Merle leavin behind a trail of destruction.

I weren't complainin' though, after all it suited me just fine, weren't nothing out there catchin my attention anyways. Unlike my brother, I knew better than to think that Missy the barmaid or Darline the waitress from the local grill would amount to much beyond one night. Besides I had been around my ol' man and old lady long enough to know that what started out as a good idea always ended up in yellin', fightin', and night spent on the couch if you were lucky. Nah I weren't in no rush to get into that and had nothing and no one changed my mind.

That was of course until last night. Going into Beth's room and kissing her had been a matter of instinct. Carrying her to her bed and lying down next to her had been a matter of want. Pulling her body against mine, and feeling her tremble under my touch had been about pure need. But wanting to spend the night in Beth's bed, wanting to wake up next to her, that had felt like destiny.

I hadn't stopped to question it at the time, there weren't no reason to, for somewhere inside of me I seemed to know that I was meant to be there, be with her. Even after everything that had happened between us, lying next to her, holding her in my arms felt like it was the right thing to do.

As I had lay in the darkness I had contemplated what it would be like to fall asleep with her each and every night, to wake up next to her and that smile of hers be the first thing that I saw each morning. Beth had made me question my own resolve, had made me doubt everything I thought I knew, and for a moment she had allowed me to believe that I could be the man she needed, the man she deserved.

Something that had never been more than fleeting thought before, had suddenly started lingering in my mind, and for the first time in my life it didn't scare me none to think about it.

As I had lay there listening to her breathing slow down to nothing more than a whisper, telling me that she had finally fallen to sleep, I could feel myself slowly letting go of all the thoughts and memories that had made me doubt that I could be with this girl. The possibility of us being together slowly sinking into my bones, taking its place somewhere inside of me, setting down its foundations and taking root. My body had started to relax, my own tiredness beginning to take over, until I heard a sound that brought me crashing back to reality. It was the sound of 'lil asskicker' crying and the anxious tones of Rick, as he tried to soothe her and keep the volume of her cries down. Tried relentlessly to hush the sobs of his distressed child so as not to attract the attention any nearby walkers.

I had looked down at Beth to make sure the cries hadn't disturbed her and had seen that she was still sleeping soundly. All the signs of distress and despair that had been etched on her face for the last few days seemed to have disappeared for the first time since she had returned from Grady. She had looked as though she was at peace, finally free from the upset or thoughts that had seemed to drown her in sadness. I'd stared closely at her face and saw how young and innocent she had looked and suddenly my thoughts that had momentarily been filled with hope, slowly become much darker, as reality, mixed with the sounds of Judith's cries had filled my head with doubt once more.

I'd started to think about what a future with Beth would be like now that the world had gone to shit. I mean what was there really? Nothin' but a life of uncertainty, with her wonderin if I would make it back from a run each day, not wantin me to go hunt because of the dangers out there and me not wantin to let her out of my sight cus of what might happen to her, afraid I might lose her all over again. Chances were we'd end up just like Rick and Lori had, resenting each other and hating one another when the responsibility of lookin after a family became to much in this world.

In the back of my mind I already knew Beth would want a family, maybe not now but somewhere down the line she would. I had seen the way she was with Judith, truth be told she had damn near raised that baby back in the prison. That was just the kind of girl she was, family was important to her and her hopeful naïve way wouldn't let her see the dangers, and nothing good could ever come of that, the still panicked voice coming from Ricks room reassured me of that fact.

I had tried to move one of the curls of hair that had fallen on her face, my rough fingertips making it almost impossible not to disturb her, my head at war as my thoughts battled between what was right and what I wanted. The selfish part of me wanting to stay right by her side and be damned with the consequences; be damned with the pain and loathin that would inevitably ensue when reality took its place back in our lives. But as always when I looked at Beth the part of me that wanted to do right by her won out. I knew that the right thing for me to do would be to walk away now, get out before I couldn't, before it was to late and there was no goin back for either of us.

Leaning down I had gently kissed her forehead, desperate to scorch the memory of the moment into my mind, so I could always remember how it felt to hold her in my arms, to know that for a solitary moment in my life I had experienced peace, experienced what it was like to want to be with someone.

The tightness in my chest had returned the moment I had unraveled my body from hers, and I had immediately missed the warmth of her breath on my neck and the heat of her body pressed up against mine. For a split second, panic had risen inside me and made me think that there was no way I could do it, no way I could leave her, abandon her like she said I would do, but I knew it was what I needed to do, not for me, but for her, I had to do this for Beth.

Of course I knew she would be hurt at first, knew that when she woke up alone that she wouldn't understand. For Beth would believe that things could be different for us, that was just part of her beauty, she saw only ever saw hope, where I just saw brutal reality.

It had taken every ounce of strength left in my body to do it, but just as I had done so many times before, I had left a girl sleeping in her bed while I silently walked away. Only this time it had been different, this time I hadn't want to leave, I had wanted to stay. For the first time in my life I couldn't look back, because I knew if I did I would never be able to leave her, would never be able to do the right thing by her. And as I had closed her door behind me I had preyed that one day she would know that I did this thing not because I didn't care about her, but because I cared too much.

A cool breeze suddenly whipped through the window of the tiny apartment rattling the blinds above my head and snapping me back to reality. I shook my head trying to remove the memories of the early hours of this morning from out of my mind, trying to ignore the sharp pain in my chest, the one that made me catch my breath each and every time I had thought about Beth.

I stuffed my hand back into my inside pocket, reaching for another cigarette and found the box empty, my frustration leading me to crushing the packet in my hands before tossing it out of the window. Suddenly something caught my eye, it was in the distance but it was coming closer. I tried to focus, my eyes slowly adjusting to the bright lights piercing through the darkness. It took a few seconds to realise what I was seeing, realise what was about to happen, but when I did, I stood up with a jolt, the words rushing from my mouth.

"Carol, wake up there are people are coming."

One call of her name and she was awake and up on her feet, her eyes wide with shock as she ran to my side. Her expression suddenly mirrored mine as she spotted in the distance the same thing I had, three people on motorbikes heading our way.

"This aint good, we gotta get outta here."

Without hesitation I swung myself over the window ledge hearing Carols voice behind me, still raw from her sleep and entwined with panic at being woken up so abruptly.

"But the ladder is caught."

I was already outside of the window and standing precariously on the tiny verandah that was beginning to splinter and crack under my weight.

"I know but we gotta go."

I used one arm to secure me to the window ledge, the brittle wood cutting into my under arm as I began kick and stamp the ladder free from where it was caught up on the signage. The noise of my boot thumping against the plastic echoed through the night and below I could already see the gathering momentum of walkers who were slowly being drawn to the din.

"Motherfucker!"

My anger and frustration merged into one, as I continued to stamp against the twisted metal and wires suspended twenty feet above the ground. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Carol gathering up our belongings the last of which was my crossbow. Suddenly the noise of the motorbikes drifted towards us on the chill of night air, letting us know they were moving ever closer and that we were running out of time.

It took two more kicks before I finally heard a large bang, followed by the crash of the signage hitting the ground. The ladder now released from its temporary tethers unfurling with a rusty clatter. My eyes instantly flicked up to the distance and saw the bikes still heading in our direction, although we would not be in their plain sight just yet, it wouldn't be long until we were spotted and who knew what fate would await us then.

Carol was already poised on the weakening verandah as she handed me my crossbow, watching with trepidation as I struggled to hold it against my body and grab onto the steel framework leading down to the ground. I signaled to Carol for her to wait as I tried desperately to steady my feet on the rusty rungs of the ladder, now straining against it's own hinges. But there had been no time, for a split second later I had grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her onto the rusted steps, my arms straining as I watched the heavy rotten verandah fall from beneath her feet, plummeting to the ground and splattering the rotten corpses of the unsuspecting walkers below, across the concrete in a haze of slick blood and entrails.

I looked now to see that the bikes had gone out of our eyesight, their approach to the corner shielding them from our view momentarily.

Finally we reached the ground, the distance to the van was short and the run was swift, hindered by both the darkness and the gathering walkers. One of which saw one of my bolts placed firmly in its skull and two other who met their end by means of Carols hunting knife. But it had all been in vain, as the first bike rider had spotted us and the chase had now begun.

No words are exchanged, Carol and I silently trying to communicate between us whether to run or stay and fight. But as the second and third rider rounded the corner, their semi automatics raised and pointed in our direction, the decision was made. We were outnumbered and outgunned, to stay and fight would be suicide. The only chance we would have, the only way we would get out of this alive, would be to run.

The bikes were gaining speed and distance as I threw the keys for van to Carol. I scrambled into the back slamming the doors shut and smashing out the rear window with the butt of the M16 rifle. Carol jumped into the driver seat, the engine roaring to life soon after, as the first gunshots were heard ringing through the air.

Smoke rose from the tyres as they gained their traction against the asphalt, blurring my vision as the smell burned my nose and the smog filled my lungs. Finally the van lurched forward and began to gather speed, the engine of the 'Dodge Ram' screaming as Carol maneuvered through the debris strewn across the road.

I pushed the rifle out through the rear window estimating I only had ten rounds left, knowing that I had to make each of them count. The accelerator of the van was being pushed to its limit, each bump in the road battering the old suspension, making a decent 'on target' aim almost impossible. Still, the first rider saw a bullet pierce his helmet and went down instantly, his bike sliding across the road directly into the path of the second rider, causing him to momentarily lose his balance, making him an easy target to pick off. I took him down with two straight bullets, one to his leg and a second to his bikes gas tank.

The third rider, who remained undeterred by the explosion and flames behind him, was still gaining on us, and fast. The bullets from the rider's automatic were rapid, an errant cartridge shattering the remaining rear window, ricocheting through the cabin and embedding itself into the dashboard inches away from Carol's arm.

Time was running out for me to take down this final biker, and with the farmhouse now only minutes away, there was now an added danger of alerting the rider to everyone's location. We needed cover and we needed it fast.

I shouted to Carol for her to take us off road and hit the woods. It was a risk I knew that, but it was the only option left if we wanted to draw attention away from the house. The van was plummeting forward under its own momentum, I felt the wheels swing onto the muddy ground of the forest, churning up the unforgiving terrain as the mud made the van impossible for Carol to control.

It was a split second, a shift of my eye to the rifle sight and a release of the trigger when I saw the bullet hit the tyre of the last bike rider, his body flying through the air, followed quickly by his bike, now heading at speed towards to the back of our van.

I looked behind me shouting at Carol to prepare for the impact of the bike when I saw a fallen tree in our path. I saw it clearly, but I knew instantly that by the time it would reach Carol's view through the mud splattered windscreen it would be to late, to late for her to hit the brake and to late to avoid what was now inevitable.

Carol's 'terror filled' scream, echoed around the vehicle, drowned out by the sound of metal crushing and glass shattering all around me. I felt my body suddenly lifted from floor of the van as I tried to prepare myself for the impact, praying in muttered whispers that our bodies would withstand the force of the collision, that we would make it out of this alive. The pain I felt rip through me was sudden, it was all consuming and then it instant it was gone, momentarily numbed, as I was suddenly plunged into darkness.

It could have been seconds, it could have been minutes I had no idea at all. The only thing I was sure of when I awoke, was the van with its now burst radiator was hissing and spitting loudly into the night. I attempted to move and felt every bone and muscle in body scream out in pain. I called Carols name and heard nothing in response. Uncurling myself from the boxes we had stacked in the back of the van, I called her name again and once more I was met with nothing but absolute silence.

Slowly crawling on to my knees to the rear of the van I climbed out, shards of glass littering my palms as I clutched my chest and stumbled to the driver's door. Throwing it open I saw Carol slumped over the steering wheel, a large cut on her head was bleeding out, but as I undid her seatbelt I could see she was still breathing.

Checking her pulse I felt it thrumming beneath the rough skin of my fingertips, it was weak and I knew she was barely clinging on to her life. Through the trees I could just about make out the house and knew I could make it, had to make it. There was no other choice, there was no way I was going to lose her, not now and not like this. Twisting her crumpled body out of her seat I lifted her out of the van, placing her over my shoulder and grabbing her pistol off the dashboard. Slowly I began to stumble towards the dim shadow of the farmhouse, walked as best I could, the muscles throughout my body ripping apart with each step I took.

I begged for her to stay with me, pleaded in breathless whispers for her to hold on and not let go and asked her over and over to wait just a little longer and not give up. My words to Carol were strong but my resolve was weak, as my footfall became heavier and my stride ever more labored. I walked the final steps to the fences that surrounded the farmhouse when suddenly a flashlight from the porch shone directly into my eyes, and as a desperate angry cry ripped from my chest, I dropped to my knees, my body finally broken as I lowered Carol to the ground and begged her not to leave me now.

Glenn and Rick helped lift me from where I sat crumpled in the mud and carried me as I tried to walk back to the house. Abraham carried Carol. Even as he strode up ahead of me I could see her body was still limp in his arms, the blood from her temple having matted into her hair and stained the top of her ear.

As soon as Abraham lay Carol down on her bed, Maggie was at her side. Listening for the tempo of her heartbeat, checking her pulse and applying gauzes to her wounds, trying desperately to locate any bleeding and stem it. The seconds ticked by, the minutes soon becoming hours as the moon finally began to fade against the backdrop of a new day. I paced back and forth, paced like a wild animal trapped in a cage baying for its freedom. I couldn't stop, wouldn't stop and wouldn't leave her side until I knew she would pull through.

I felt people come and go, heard voices, hushed words wrapped in concern and worry, but they were no more than background noise, silenced only when I saw Maggie turn to me and speak the words that felt as though they were saving me from drowning. The words Carol was going to be ok.

My voice was raw and splintered as I felt the adrenaline begin to ebb away from my body.

"You come and get me if anything changes."

Maggie's nodded, her eyes suddenly fixed on mine as she spoke.

"I think I should take a look at.."

I didn't let her finish her sentence as I turned to walk from the room.

"I'm fine. Just look after her."

Rick's hand was suddenly placed on my chest blocking me from the doorway; his head tilted so as to look at me, there was no challenge in his voice just a calm concern as always.

"I really think you should let Maggie give you a once over, you looked in a bad way out there. Best to be safe than sorry."

Trying to keep my tone steady I pushed his hand away from me, biting back a hiss as I felt my muscles begin to burn, the dwindling adrenaline making way for my injuries to now take their hold.

"I said I am fine."

Rick held his hands up in surrender but kept his eyes trained on mine, letting me know that the conversation was far from over.

The others were now stood in the corridor awaiting news of Carol's condition but my eyes were only drawn to one person, Beth. She stood behind the others, her face etched with worry, the softer, peaceful contours I had seen this morning now erased. I noticed she was still in her sleep clothes the same ones I had found her in last night, and realized that much like the others she had probably been awoken from her sleep hours ago by the chaos of my return with Carol.

I walked towards her and saw that her eyes held within them a question, but I couldn't speak, unable to find my voice or any words to convey everything or anything I was feeling. Instead I offered her a nod and watched as she dropped her eyes to the ground. I wanted to go to her, wanted to hold her and tell her that I had never wanted to leave her, but instead I quietly walked past her, into my room and closed the door behind me.

Pulling my shirt off my shoulders I threw it on the floor of the bathroom, the mirror holding the reflection of my chest already bruised and blackened, was now cut and bloodied by the vans impact. I tried to stretch and immediately felt a sharp pain burst through my upper body, making bright lights appear at the back of my eyes as I grabbed onto the washbasin to keep me from toppling over. There was no doubt about it, my ribs were broken although how many of them, I wasn't sure. Slowly I stumbled to the cabinet breathing as heavily as I could to alleviate some of the pain. Reaching for the First Aid kit I took out the bandage and slowly and methodically began wrapping it around my torso, biting down on my lip as I increased the tension, only stopping when I could taste blood where my teeth had executed their damage.

Stepping back into my room it felt different somehow. There was warmth where the usual dampness lingered, and a scent that I soon realised knew all to well. It was Beth, she had been in here while I had been away. The smell of her soap entangled with her shampoo had surrounded me as I had held her last night and now it was all around me in my room.

Suddenly my door slid open and she was there, tentatively stepping into the room, her eyes scanning over the bandages that were now wrapped tightly around me, her voice soft and laced with worry.

"I just need to know that you are ok Daryl, that is all."

I quickly grabbed at the shirt in my hand and tried my best to pull it around me.

"Yeah I'll be fine, just a cracked rib I reckon."

I tried to breathe through the pain as I stumbled to the bed and sat down, trying to adjust my posture as the pain in my chest made it more and more uncomfortable to move.

"Is there anything I can get you, is there anything you need?"

I shook my head as I tried to avoid meeting her stare, still, I could feel the nervousness rolling off her in waves as she shifted from one foot to the other.

"Nah, I'm alright"

From the corner of my vision I saw her give a slight nod and turn as if to leave the room, her hand hovering over the door handle as I spoke.

"What were you doin in my room today, what were exactly were you lookin for?"

She hesistated before she turned around to face me again, her eyes trained on the floor, her sock covered toes kicking at some imaginary dirt on the carpet. Despite the dusky light that was now filtering into the room and casting shadows, I could still see clearly a blush of pink start to cover her cheeks.

There was a moment of silence, as though she was considering her words wisely before she spoke.

"Yeah, I um.." There was another pause before she looked up and changed her stance. It had almost been one of defiance, and if I hadn't of seen that she was wringing her hands together like a nervous child I would almost have been fooled.

"Yeah I um … slept in your bed."

Looking back at the bed I suddenly realized for the first time that the sheets and blankets had been pulled right back, a sign that someone had left their place of rest in a hurry. Although I never fixed my bed or straightened the sheets out so it weren't like it would have been that noticeable, even to my trained eye.

Confused by her confession I turned back to her.

"Why?"

I tilted my head and forced her eyes to meet mine for the first time since our conversation had begun.

"Cus I wanted to be here."

It made no sense and I shook my head and raised my eyebrow to indicate that I didn't understand, only to hear her take a deep breath before she spoke.

"Because I wanted to feel like I was near you somehow."

She lowered her eyes once more as I saw the pink tinge of her cheeks spread down to her neck, her embarrassment clear for me to see as her voice was just above a whisper.

"Because I missed you."

Guilt raced through me as took in the sight of this beautiful girl in front of me. I didn't deserve her kindness or her generosity I knew that, knew that the compassion she was showing me hid the hurt she would have felt at waking up in an empty bed, and the thought of that ripped through my chest harder than any physical pain I was feeling in that moment.

I looked down at my boots, afraid that if I continued to look at her, that she would see through my façade, that my eyes would reveal the truth and that my words wouldn't be able to hold the conviction I so desperately needed them to.

"Beth you can't, we just cant, do you understand."

There was silence, broken only by the gentle sound of her footsteps as she walked and stood in front of me. I flinched as I felt her fingertips gently brush over the top of my head like a whisper, weaving softly into my hair and trailing down towards my neck. The gentleness of her touch soothing away the aches that thrummed through me.

"It's to late Daryl, I can't stop what I feel."

She paused for a moment before she spoke, words that made my world suddenly spin on its axis.

"I can't stop Daryl, because I already love you."

I should have pushed her away. I should have sent her away. I should have done what any good man would have done and set her free, free from the destruction I would eventually wreak in her life. But I couldn't, I was weak, and I was selfish. So I did what any selfish 'good for nothing' man would do, I put myself before her and instead of pushing her away; I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her to me. I held her tight, held her while I rested my forehead on her stomach, taking from her all the kindness and goodness she was willing to give.

The words "You can't." stuck in my throat, they were ready to fly forth like a free bird, but they never found their wings, they never left my lips. They remained silent, buried under the perfect combination of my own self-loathing and the soft touches of Beth as she gently ran her fingers through my hair, soothing away my pains with ease.

She hummed quietly as the heat and light of a new day crept through the boards that covered the windows. It wasn't a song; it sounded more like lullaby maybe, like one of them my mom had hummed to me when I was a boy. And as I felt the melody float around in my head I let the darkness wrap itself around me and slowly take me away to a place where life was simple once more, where Beth loved me and I could love her back.

*A 'Beth' chapter is coming up next*

I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of you for your patience with this story. I know some of you are really keen for Beth and Daryl to get together, but much like Norman Reedus has said in his interviews when talking about Daryl and his relationships, sometimes the build up and awkward moments can be the best parts.

Also thank you so much for those of you who have so kindly taken the time to read and review, your feedback and encouraging words are truly appreciated xx