"Well I lie and I'm easy
All of the time but I'm never sure
Why I need you
Pleased to meet you!"
- Blur
A/N: Long chapter is long. Prepare for a (funny) slog through this behemoth of a chapter.
The author spun round in his chair, an evil grin ripped straight outta Code Geass plastered all over his face. You know what this means. (Hopefully.)
"Eva One-Half update? Like hell yissss."
ObeliskX cheered and munched on his popcorn, while a couple of the other fans rubbed their hands eagerly. (Or booed. It doesn't matter, since he can't hear the sound.)
"I've overcome my writer's block and risen above the challenges to bring you this latest slice of comedic genius! And it's not a section of Robin Williams' brain. Plus, all you romantics might actually get a little bit of satisfaction outta this one."
The author opened up his laptop, and spun it round. A giant projector screen dropped down behind him, to reveal...
===4.4.4===
Eva One-Half
===4.4.4===
"-A date."
"So? Ask to reschedule, then!" Misato said firmly, getting into the car. "You can't just shirk off your responsibilities as a pilot for your personal isues, Asuka."
"Um. Would that change if it involved another pilot?" Asuka asked, which narrowed the possible candidates down from about half of the entire population of Japan to two people.
"You're gay?" Misato replied, a frown on her face. He's dating Rei? The other possibility was of course a non-starter.
"What? Excuse me?!" Asuka spluttered. "Hentai! Where do you even get all of these ideas from?!"
"I hear she's like that at Nerv, too," Shinji mumbled.
"Hey, Maya, how was last night with Ritsuko?" Misato waggled her eyebrows suggestively at the poor bridge bunny. "I bet you rubbed her pussy, and I'm not talking about her cats!" she giggled.
"Why does everybody think I'm a lesbian?" Maya asked plaintively, pounding her fists on the desk.
"Ritsu?" Misato asked eagerly.
"Misato. Prepare to have a positron rifle shoved up your ass if you keep on asking me." Ritsuko's voice was terse.
"Kinky..." Misato whistled.
"ALL RIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH!"
"Well, there are only two real possibilities, y'know." Misato grinned. "You said you were dating a pilot, and I don't believe your hand is counted as a seperate pilot nor a date."
"Hey!" Asuka protested.
"So there were only two possibilities left. Rei, or Shinji."
"Of both those possibilities, why did you purposely choose the one that would embarrass me most?" Asuka groaned.
"You're saying you'd prefer to go out with Shinji, then?" Misato asked, a smug look on her face as she trapped Asuka in a conversational corner. "My, my, my, I was joking when I said I'd have to cordon off your bedrooms, but now I think I'll have to tell Ritsuko... Hm..."
"MISATO." Any flatter and Shinji's voice could've been mistaken for Leliel.
"Ah, c'mon Shin-chan, you're saying that you wouldn't do it with Asuka?" Misato giggled.
"Well, ye- I... hey!" Shinji blushed luminescent pink.
"As if I would ever touch hentai-Shinji here with anything less than a biohazard suit and a ten-foot pole!" Asuka roared.
Misato chuckled quietly. This was going to be a very eventful ride home.
Far above the Earth, there exists a room known only as The Angelic Waiting Room, and the Angels in the aforementioned Waiting Room felt pretty nervous after the decimation of the last few of their kin.
Leliel was watching a replay of Gaghiel's defeat. [Duuuude.]
Zeruel nodded its half-molten head. [Duuuuude. Did you see that backflip?]
Just then, Armisael burst into the room. [Guys! Guys! Guys! Something went horribly wrong!]
[What did you do now, Mimi?] Zeruel sighed. Armisael's exploits in the Waiting Room were infamous, including his attempt at seducing the famous Angelic dominatrix Shamshel. That did not go down well.
[Don't call me Mimi!] Armisael fumed. [Was anybody guarding the gateway to Earth, or were you all slacking off again?! I lost Tabris!]
Ireul gasped. [Little sis Kawo-chan! You're kidding me, right?] The rusty-haired - actually, just make that rusty - Angel was very fond of his little sister and would often play video games with her. Of course he always won, but that was beside the point.
Matarael click-clacked over to the room. [Guys, I'm so sorry!] she chittered. [She pushed in the Angelic Waiting Line, and... what was I supposed to do?!]
[YOU'RE MEANT TO KEEP HER WAITING UNTIL EPISODE 25, YOU IDIOT!] Zeruel bellowed, spraying bits of spit and A.T. Field everywhere.
The Katsuragi pseudo-family had arrived back at the apartment after a long and heated drive back home. Shinji had started cooking, while Asuka had decided to take a shower.
"Hey, Shin-chan. C'mere a few seconds," Misato called from the kitchen, taking another swig of her ever-present Yebisu. "Wanna talk about something."
"Hm?" Shinji asked, putting down the pan. "What is it now?" she asked, wary of Misato's instinct to automatically matchmake the two pilots irregardless of circumstance. It was a bit like poking a crocodile with a long pole. A very sappy, doe-eyed matchmaking crocodile, with a long pole of loneliness and isolation... Ahem. Mixed metaphors probably going too far.
"I'm no psych professor, but I can tell you're feeling nervous about your little date tomorrow with Asuka." Misato took another pull on her beer and declined to mention the fact that Ritsuko had kindly supplied her with all the psychological information she'd need, and something about hedgehogs. [1]
"And?" Shinji looked suspiciously at the Captain.
"In my magnanimous wisdom, I have decided to give you some of the advice I've collected over my almost three decades of life." Misato drained the beer can and chucked it lazily at the bin, where it bounced off the rim and clattered onto the tile.
"Seriously? You're twenty-nine?" Shinji asked. "No wonder you'd want to keep that confidential," she muttered.
"Hey, hey, hey, let's keep it civil," Misato replied, putting her hands up. "Anyway, about that advice. I know Asuka can be a little bit stand-offish..." [2]
Shinji snorted. "A little bit."
"Tell me about it," Misato sighed. "Now, anyway. How to handle someone like that." She took a brief pause to ask Shinji, "Pass me another can of Yebisu, please."
"This better be good advice," Shinji muttered, before tossing Misato the can of beer with aim honed through months of experience. "You were saying?" she prompted.
"Yeeeah, that's the stuff I'm talking about. Right. Advice. Well, Asuka's a stand-offish kind of guy, but I'm sure you know that already, right?" Misato grinned drunkenly for a few seconds. "So, the answer to your plight is obvious."
"I'm sure it isn't," Shinji replied primly.
"You gotta... hic!... fight back! Give him a taste of his own medicine!" Misato roared something that might've been a battle cry or a belch. "Jus'... not too much. That tends to scare people off. I saw what you did to that... Suz... Suzie kid..."
"Suzuhara," Shinji supplied. "Toji Suzuhara."
"Yeah! That asshat," Misato slurred. "He spent half his time in the Nerv infirmary next to his sister after you hit 'im..."
"C'mon, Shin-man, I hit you that one time, so now you get to punch me." Toji stood and drew himself up to his full height. "Come on. It's only fair."
Shinji looked confused that she was being offered a free hit, then rolled up her sleeves, drew back...
...and landed an almighty right hook onto Toji's jaw, decking him nearly instantly.
"I see bentos," Toji mumbled woozily as he struggled to stay conscious, before keeling over and collapsing onto the floor with a dull thud.
Kensuke quavered in fear after seeing that impressive display of power from his friend and now overlord Shinji Ikari.
"So, no harrassment then," he muttered under his breath as he rang for the ambulance.
"Don't punch Asuka, much as I'd like ya to," [3] Misato said, giggling. "Just, y'know. Put up a fight! Don' let him rough you around like that."
"Well, sure, I guess... thanks for the advice..." Shinji said quietly, before leaving for the kitchen. "Say, where's Pen-Pen?" she asked from the kitchen. [4]
A simultaneous "WAAAAARK!/WAAARGH!" from the bathroom soon answered that question. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST HOUSETRAIN YOUR STUPID BIRD?" Asuka screamed from the shower, drop-punting him out a conveniently placed window. "Seriously, Misato, you need that rabid thing on a leash! The pervert penguin keeps on spying on me while I'm in the shower!" he yelled, frantically trying to cover himself with a towel.
Misato gave a sidelong glance to Shinji, who was trying very hard not to look up lest she be verbally assaulted by Asuka again. "Hey, Shin-chan...~" she said sweetly, trying not to burst into giggles. "I'm sure you've seen him in that same position so many times before." [5]
"MISATO!" Shinji yelped from the cover of the kitchen counter. "Just go get him a towel or something!"
"I see you there, Third!" Asuka said, backing away to the safety of the shower. "Don't even think about ogling me, you hentai!"
Misato sipped at her beer again and quietly snickered under her breath. A brilliant idea had formed in her head, and it would require both teens asleep to pull it off...
The Next Day
Shinji rubbed her eyes blearily as the morning growth spurt of Tokyo-3 rumbled its way throughout the city.
She rummaged around in her cupboards for her school uniform and instead pulled out... a fresh pair of dark grey pants, a white shirt and a matching belt which she soon recognised as being...
Asuka's. Her eyes widened. He was the only one in the household with this uniform, and it even smelled like him... [6] ahem... If she was caught in this, Asuka would probably snap her neck and dispose of her in the Eva cages. She frantically searched her meager cupboard for her school uniform, only to find little more than a couple of lonely dust motes and a tape for her SDAT.
She wrestled with her dilemma before deciding to suck it up and just put the clothes on anyway. The shirt was too tight around that particular area, but apart from that it was fine.
As soon as Misato woke up and made her way to the kitchen, Shinji immediately demanded to know where her uniform was accompanied by some threats involving the use of a chainsaw and a high-caliber machine gun.
"I asked Makoto to do the laundry, so you wouldn't have to!" Misato exclaimed, even as the hand pinning her up against the wall threatened to cut off all her air supply.
"Wait, you mean the bridge tech?" Shinji asked, her eye beginning to twitch.
"All right," Makoto sighed. "I have no idea how I got roped into doing this, anyway... so let's see. Nerv jacket, Nerv jacket, Nerv jacket, Nerv jacket... high-school uniform?" The captain had some weird tastes in fashion, he thought to himself. [7]
"Yeah, that guy."
"Misato. I am going to murder you," Shinji growled under her breath, before Asuka entered the room.
Asuka snickered. "The kids at school call you boyish, I just didn't know you actually were a boy." [8]
"Hey, blame Misato," Shinji grumbled, ignoring the whimpering coming from the pinned-down Captain. "Instead of leaving my laundry with me, she decided to give it to some random bridge tech at Nerv!"
"Did Misato get drunk again?" Asuka asked, hiding a smile behind his hand. "How many cans this time?"
"I lost count after the fifth one," Shinji replied, earning her a "Hey!" from Misato.
"So then, after you were finished pleasuring yourself with my uniform, did you at least cook breakfast?" Asuka teased.
Shinji dropped Misato with a thud onto the floor, and fetched the plate of food from the kitchen (though not without some grumbling), before picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Ready to go yet, Asuka?"
"Mmf. Don't rush me." Scraping up the last of his bacon and eggs, he dropped the plate over the counter and ran out the door with his bag, before yelling a rushed "Bye Misato" and slamming the door behind him.
"...I need a drink," Misato mumbled.
"Good morning, Ms. Ikari," the teacher said from behind his thick glasses. "What happened to your uniform today?"
"Sensei, the last time an Angel attacked they both suffered severe burns and she can't wear her typical uniform," Hikari piped up. "She has a doctor's note with her, if you'd like to see."
Shinji fumbled around in her schoolbag, which served both as her storage space for her plugsuit and other Nerv things as well as her textbooks. "Um. These were the discharge forms from the hospital," she said awkwardly, handing her teacher the papers.
He inspected them for a few seconds, before handing them back to her. "Very well, then Ms. Ikari." He would have inquired further, had Shinji not shot him the Gendo look. She made her way to her seat, ignoring the odd hushed whisper or sidelong glance at her outfit, before flashing a thankful look at Hikari and sitting down next to Toji and Kensuke.
"So, what happened to your uniform today?" Toji asked, picking at his teeth.
Shinji sighed, and explained the whole incident with Misato.
"Wow. So the whole thing was just Misato playing a prank on you?" Kensuke asked in disbelief. "Man, I'll never understand that woman," he sighed.
"I don't think you'll ever understand women of any sort," Toji replied. "So, anyway, me and Kensuke were thinking if we could come round to your house."
"Sure," Shinji replied, head in her notebook. "How desperate is this emergency, anyway?"
Asuka and Hikari were carrying on a similar conversation. That is, similar as an Angel is similar to a human being.
"What do you even see in aggressive idiot anyway?" Asuka asked, in genuine disbelief. "You do realise they sell photos of other girls in the school, right?"
"That's just Kensuke. And Toji's strong, and nice..." Hikari sighed dreamily. "And he likes my cooking, too."
"So you basically like him because you're like him," Asuka concluded. "I saw you grab the Stooge by the ear once and lug him halfway across the school, I wouldn't become friends with you if you weren't nice and you probably like your own cooking. Hopefully, anyway."
"So? It helps if you're alike. Not too different, but, y'know, similar enough so that you don't clash too much, and different enough so that you don't get bored." Hikari made a pinching motion with thumb and finger and pretended to adjust an invisible valve. "And anyway, you probably have the same reasons for liking Shinji, too."
"Say what now?" Asuka said skeptically. "Look, we're only accepting this whole date thing to be polite, and because it's on Misato's tab."
Misato rummaged in her purse for money, only succeeding in finding a 100 yen coin and a piece of old chewing gum, before pulling out a note taped to the inside of the purse.
"Dear Misato," it read. "Since you're so enthusiastic about me and baka getting together, why don't you pay for it too? -Sincerely, the Second Child."
Misato's fist clenched, crumpling the note into a little paper ball. "Why you little sh-"
"What? I mean, I see the way you look at her," Hikari said. "Not to mention your sync training."
"That was for the battle!" both Asuka and Shinji said defensively, before Shinji blushed and turned back to her book.
"Besides, you two are a lot alike. For starters, you're both Eva pilots. Who else in the world, save for Ayanami, has the same distinction?" Hikari asked. "Not only that, but you sync up so well together!"
"Are you implying something, Hikari?" Asuka said accusingly.
"No, just... listen. You both even live together, and Shinji cooks you lunch. Why would anyone cook someone else lunch if they didn't care about them?" Hikari finished off her list of "Reasons Why You Two Should Screw" and drummed her fingers on the table. "So, then. Need more convincing?"
"I... I give in," Asuka said begrudgingly. "You are my friend after all, and I'm obliged to be nice to you." He would've ended the conversation right then and there had he not remembered something he'd been discussing with Misato the previous night. "Actually, I'm thinking we need to reschedule."
"Well, somebody needs to run away from his emotions," Hikari muttered. "Yes, to when?"
"We're moving the date to the next non-Angelic day. Got that?" Asuka asked. "We have a sync test on Saturday, so-
Beoooww.
The entire classroom's light's flickered before fading to pitch-black.
"Shit."
The three amigos were currently making their way to Nerv as fast as possible. They hadn't heard an Angel alarm but were instead heading there on general principles - something wrong happens, it's an Angel.
"What the hell's going on?" Shinji asked, staring at the buildings around them, all of which had gone completely dark. "You'd think if there was a blackout Ramiel had returned."
"I dunno," Asuka replied, trying to remember which way to head next. "I don't see an Angel anywhere, either. But it's not like Tokyo-3 to blackout, especially with all the backup generators."
"This is certainly an infrequent occurence," Rei concurred. "The probability of all backup generators failing at once is approximately..." He frowned for a second, before concluding, "Zero. I believe Nerv is this way," he stated, pointing his finger at a road that led to a familiar tunnel.
The JSSDF Generals were seated around the conference table.
"Say, it was a good thing we bought those spare generators from Germany," Colonel Ryoma piped up. "Our base now won't be taken out whenever Nerv does."
Colonel Reichu nodded her head imperiously. "With all the reports of sabotage going around, it was necessary to take these precautions. Not only that, but Nerv was placing a massive drain on our budget just for supplying electricity to our HQ."
"Thank goodness for Seele. Speaking of which, Angel attacks. Remind us again who was meant to be detecting and confirming, and all of that?" Ryoma asked.
"Hmm... Agent Codename Bochan-Bird?" Reichu asked. "What a silly name for an agent of the JSSDF..."
"Ah, Nerv, ma'am," Bochan reported.
The lights in the HQ suddenly flickered and sputtered, but remained on.
"That would be our backups going online," Reichu muttered. "We still have access to our ships and satellites, though, and that's where Nerv gets most of their information from. A blackout might be related to an Angel attack. Scan every surveillance feed we have."
"Yes, sir."
"Well, now we're at HQ, how do we get in?" Shinji asked, trying with no success to swipe her ID card. "The front gate's broken..."
"Does anyone have a rocket launcher?" Asuka wondered. "Fine, I guess I'll have to take point. Shinji, could you try the handle of that crank door?"
"Sure, why... noot?" Shinji wheezed, arms straining to lift the solid steel sheet of a door. "...Hnghghg...*wheeze*...hgnghgn! Finally!"
"Well, what are we waiting for?" Asuka asked. "Let's just get in there and head to the cages!"
"The fastest way to head to the cages would be on the other side of Nerv," Rei observed.
"You're kidding me," Shinji muttered.
"What's going on?" Shigeru asked, strumming his e-guitar furiously to no effect.
"Seriously?!" another bridge tech known only as Olga replied, cranking a hand-powered torch. "We're in a blackout, and all you can think about is your bass?"
"I like guitar," the miffed guitaku replied. "You know I'm all about that-"
"SHUT THE HELL UP, SHIGERU!" Olga screamed. "Now, if you would stop quoting pop music, could we get the aircon in here?"
"I can't access the mainframe," Shigeru replied, typing on the console. "It's... also out of power."
"Wait, if we're out of power, does that mean we won't be able to detect any Angels?" Maya piped up.
A collective silence fell over the room.
"Say, where's Makoto?" Shigeru asked.
"I really wish I hadn't taken that bet," Makoto mumbled, lugging a heavy bag filled with Misato (and Shinji's) clothing. "I don't know why Misato wears a school uniform, anyway," he muttered.
Matarael braced itself. It knew it was always really the weakest one among the Angels, but even so its mission was simple. Warp in and cause Third Impact... while also searching for Tabris along the way.
[You ready for this, big bro?] Bardiel asked, bubbling nervously. [I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to...]
[No, it's fine,] Matarael sighed. [This is the Episode when I get deployed, anyway. Tokyo-3 blacks out, etc. Isn't that right, Mr. Anno, sir?]
Hideaki Anno nodded his canonical head imperiously.
[So then, I guess here goes...] Matarael charged for the portal and went whoomf... before touching down in the Atami region. [I smell Lilith!] it roared. [And I'mma gonna getcha!]
"Sir, the Eighth angel has made landfall in the former Atami region!" one soldier reported.
"Alert Nerv immediately," Colonel Reichu ordered.
"We've already tried that," the soldier replied. "They're not responding to any of our messages."
"The blackout must have taken them out hard if they can't even activate the Angel alarm," Ryoma muttered. "Are there any other ways we could alert the populace of Tokyo-3?"
"Hmm... I have an idea." Reichu snapped her fingers. "Get me a plane, a pilot with a shouty voice and... a piece of paper," she ordered a nearby officer.
"Yes, sir?"
The piece of paper and pilot with a shouty voice made their way to the commanding officers while the plane just stood in the hangar.
Reichu scribbled some hasty kanji onto the paper, and handed it to the pilot with a shouty voice. "Read that out over the loudspeakers on that plane over in hangar 15-A, and make sure you fly over the majority of the city while you do so."
"YES, SIR!" the pilot roared.
Ryoma wiped some spit off of his face.
"Aherm. Hem. Hem. Hem. Aherrrm." The pilot cleared his throat. "Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3. Ahem. The Eighth Angel has made landfall. Repeat. The Eighth Angel has made landfall. We'd appreciate it if you head to the nearest Angel shelter so we don't have to clean up your dead body. Thank you. *squeek*"
"Oh, crap, an Angel attack?" Makoto bit his lip. "Well, I guess I gotta do what I gotta do..."
He carjacked a politician's campaign van, curbstomped the poor bugger and sped off, screaming "ANGEL ATTACK!" as loudly as he could through the speakers. If Nerv knew about this, the alarm should be going off... they're in massive danger now!
[Rek teh n00bs!] Ireul cheered, watching the battle - well, more like unopposed advance - unfold below them. Zeruel shot some celebratory beams out of his eyeballs and did the Mexican wave with his toilet-paper arms, while Leliel vomited up a giant sponge finger and tried his best to wave it about. Armisael wrote out "GO MATARAEL" in the Waiting Room with her weird body and Ireul made an LCD display with "ANGELS FTW" on it.
[You reckon they'll find Kawo-chan?] Arael asked concernedly.
[Guys, she's not here!] Matarael chittered nervously. [I... I searched everywhere, and can't detect her presence! She'd not even at Nerv!]
[You heartless bastards! Why would you kill such an innocent little girl?] Armisael wailed.
[She's... dead? Noooo!] Matarael sobbed, as he was standing over Nerv's access shaft. [Uwwaaaaaaaahhhh! Snf... you had so many Third Child hearts to destroy and yuri fans to please, Kawo-chan...] he sniffed. [So much potential... wasted! Uwaah...]
The three amigos were now wandering the corridors of Nerv, and were all hopelessly lost.
"Do you even know where we're going?" Shinji asked testily. "I'm sure we've been here before."
"Shut it, Third! I'm finding the shortcut!" Asuka declared. "Now, I'm sure it's got to be here somewhere..."
"Have you tried the vent?" Rei suggested helpfully. "I believe that would be the shortcut you are describing."
Asuka shot him an evil look before pulling open the vent and crawling into it.
"C'mon, what are you guys waiting for?" he asked, his voice ringing through the vent.
Shinji sneezed. "There's so much dust in here! And this is the ventilation system of Nerv..." she said in disbelief.
"I feel like a chimmney brush," Asuka agreed. "Or something similar. If I just open this hatch..." After a couple of seconds of fiddling with the latches, he pushed the hatch open... and came face-to-face with the Ninth Angel.
"HOLY SHIT!" Asuka clapped his hand over his mouth and slammed the hatch shut. It looked like it was crying into the shaft! "Right, now, which way this time, Wonderboy?" he asked, trying to cover the fact he was *this* close to wetting himself.
Rei struggled to stick his head above Asuka's while also trying not to put a dent in the vent by smashing his head into it. "I believe if we go backwards and then take a right, we will approach the Evangelion cages," he said calmly.
"Glad to know you're still the commander's bitch," Asuka muttered darkly.
"I am not a dog," Rei replied as they crawled through another vent. "Nor am I a female. Also, I do not enjoy being penetrated from the behind."
Shinji spat out an invisible drink.
All three Children gathered around the grating Rei had pointed out. "You sure that's the right one, Ayanami?" Shinji asked nervously. "I don't want to get stuck going around in circles again."
"Lemme just take a look through," Asuka said, putting his eye to the grate.
"Hey, what about me?" Shinji asked as well, joining Asuka in looking through the metal.
"I would appreciate it if you did not obstruct the-"
Crash!
"Gwaah!"
Asuka and Shinji landed in an awkward pile on the floor (which could be foreshadowing for a lemon) while Rei pulled off a perfect dismount in front of them. His crimson eyes gleamed a little bit, simultaneously performing an anime eye flash.
"Uff." Shinji dusted herself off from the grime her/Asuka's uniform had accumulated from the vents. "Guess you were right, Ayanami. These are the Eva cages," she said, scanning the area. "Hey, is that... the Commander?" she asked, squinting at the tall dark figure helping load the Entry Plugs into the Evangelions.
"Your identification appears to be correct," Rei observed.
"Right. Enough about the bastard, let's just get into the Evas and kill that thing!" Asuka pounded his fist into his palm.
Rei frowned a little bit at the use of adjective to describe the Commander, but agreed with the last part of Asuka's sentiment.
"This should be no sweat!" Asuka declared proudly. "The Core should be just right above the weird eye-thing on the body."
"Sweet." Shinji grabbed her pallet rifle and aimed up, ready to fire, before Matarael started crying lightning/acid. "Ah! That can't be good!"
"Move out!" Asuka shoved Shinji back into a different access shaft and took the acid bath. "Really should've bought an umbrella," he hissed through the pain of his shoulder being slowly melted. He flicked the last gobs of acid off his shoulder and ran for the access shaft. Rei soon followed behind him, having dropped his own pallet rifle too. "Do you have a plan, Pilot Sohryu?"
"Um. All right, here's the plan. I get on defense and block the acid with my A.T. Field while also weakening the Angel's own A.T. Field. Next, Wonderboy tosses a rifle to baka-Shinji, who takes it down. Got that?" Asuka asked. "No objections, good. Let's get killing! Here we go, A.T. Field to maximum!" he barked, running into the access shaft. The giant machine responded in kind as the orange octagons flared to life, fighting against those of the Angel. The acid was held at bay for the time being, but the Field was flickering.
Straight away, Rei threw a rifle at Shinji, who caught it and aimed precisely at the eye of the Angel, before squeezing the trigger gently.
The hail of bullets instantly tore through the Angel's Core, and its legs buckled for a few moments before giving out.
The Ninth Angel was dead.
Despite all Nerv's high-tech systems, personnel were forced to rely on torches and batteries, primitive things in comparison to the Evangelions. Needless to say, showers were awkward at best, and yaoi at worst.
"Right, now where's my locker?" Asuka muttered, feeling about in the darkness. "Hang on a second..." He fumbled around and felt something distinctly non-metallic, causing his eyes to widen.
"Pilot Sohryu, I would request-"
"BWAAAAAAAGGHH!"
Shinji heard the commotion coming from the guys' changing room and thanked whatever deities were out there for being the only girl out of all the pilots.
Misato and Shinji were sitting outside the locker rooms, twiddling their thumbs waiting for Asuka to return.
"So, I'm guessing dinner's off," Misato said.
Shinji nodded. "It's kinda unfortunate, isn't it, how an Angel always seems to attack us right when something significant's about to happen," she mused. "Like our date."
"They always have the best sense of timing," Misato sighed, a small smile on her face. "First, Sachiel attacks the same day you arrive in Tokyo-3. Next, you stop by the Angel shelter near your school when those two... Stooges, Asuka called them... are about to be squished by Shamshel. Then the JSSDF builds a positron rifle when Ramiel attacks - I think you get the idea."
"Maybe it's not the Angels that have good timing, it's me that has bad timing," Shinji wondered.
Asuka emerged from the changing rooms, looking visibly shaken. "I... next time this kinda thing happens, give me a torch before I go inside," he said, shuddering.
"Anyway, Misato, when am I going to get my uniform back?" Shinji asked, tugging at the shirt in a futile attempt to make it fit better.
Misato's eyes snapped open. "I never asked Makoto where he put our clothes!" she gasped in sudden realisation.
Far away on a now deserted street of Tokyo-3, a bag of outfits with Shinji's school uniform in it blew by as a loud scream echoed from the direction of Nerv HQ.
The 13th Angel had been preparing to make the trip to Earth for a little while, packing several suitcases filled with school uniforms and other required items such as Earthly money. Now that Armisael had gotten out of the way and allowed her to escape, she would finally be free to realise her own destiny instead of following Anno's stupid canon.
But until she could evolve into a big Angel like her brothers and sisters, Tabris decided she would settle down on Earth for a little while.
Rei Ayanami was unused to interruptions at this time of the day, especially after an Angel attack. Yet somebody had rung the bell, and was humming a happy tune he recognised as Bach's Air.
There are several options. It could be Dr. Akagi, yet she would not be humming a tune of any sort. It could be Pilot Ikari, yet she does not generally go outside after an Angel attack. I have found no matches, Rei thought.
The stranger was running through the hall and yelling something with some annoyance, judging by the sound coming from the corridor. Rei cautiously opened the door, and was tackled to the floor by a strange white-haired girl in a collision reminiscent of First Impact.
Rei rubbed his head in pain. He tried to blink away the spots in his vision, and slowly his vision began to clear to reveal what seemed to be his doppelganger, ruby-red eyes and all, save for her light gray hair. He also couldn't help but notice the stranger's legs spread out just enough to reveal-
"I apologise," Rei said almost bashfully. "That was inappropriate of me."
"No, it was my fault," the stranger replied. "I shouldn't have been running up and down like that looking for Neka," she mumbled, rearranging her skirt into something less revealing. "Do you need assistance?" the stranger asked, offering him her hand.
Rei accepted and was helped up by the mysterious girl. "I really am very sorry," Rei said, brushing a few bits of stray dirt from his hair. "I did not see anything improper." He was still getting used to the societal expectations of his fellow beings in terms of dress, but felt this was an appropriate comment.
The girl smiled back at him. "We're trying to out-accomodate each other," she mumbled absent-mindedly. "Anyway, my name's Kaworu Nagisa," Kaworu said happily. "And this is my cat, Nekaworu!" She pointed at a cat of similar appearance to herself, red eyes and all.
"Rei Ayanami," the boy in question replied. "It is good to meet you."
"I'd shake, but..." Kaworu trailed off as she noticed her hand was still intertwined with Rei's.
"Apologies," Rei stammered, withdrawing almost reluctantly. He was always clearly enunciated. Why did this strange impediment in his speech suddenly occur?
"I think you're just the person I was meant to meet," Kaworu said almost dreamily.
"Why would that be?" Rei asked, idly fixing a stray strand of hair.
"I'm moving in with you."
===END===
Author's Interview
Aiden: You're probably wondering why Kaworu arrived early. Well, aside from Armisael being too lazy to keep tabs on her, I read in EvaGeeks-
*ALL HAIL REICHU, AND YUI-SAMA* (bows)
Aiden: -that in the design proposal he was meant to attack much earlier and also had a pet cat, which is a bit ironic in Sadamoto's manga.
Kaworu: C'mon, it was dying! It's called euthanasia.
Aiden: Ahem, anyway, it also gives me space to set up a relationship between both Rei and Kaworu, while also of course using propinquity to help move the two closer together. Props to Donderkind for introducing me to this word. It just fits perfectly with both these pairings.
m!Rei: I am informed that Kaworu enjoys long, hot baths. (lecher(ei)slook)
Aiden: Prepare to take one with her, then. (rubs hands eagerly)
Obelisk: Is there a lemon scene?
Aiden: No.
Obelisk: Awww.
f!Kaworu: 0/_/0 Hey, now just cause I'm like Rei doesn't mean I have the same lack of social skills as him! (pouts)
Aiden: You're saying you wouldn't want to take one with him? You were more than happy to take one with Shinji...
f!Kaworu: Well, you know what, for fanservice and all that, why not? ^_^
Aiden: Excellent. I trust there will be no record of this, much like a bell which does not ring. *glasses flash* So anyway, seeya later, people! Up next - a slice of life in Tokyo-3! No Angels required! Sorry for the monster of a chapter.
Yui-sama: Glad to see you're stopping putting it off, my daughter's getting sexually frustrated.