*Daryl*

I couldn't breathe, I needed to breathe, I needed air.

I was gaspin' like a fish outta water, desperate for some oxygen to fill my lungs, but the tightness in my chest made it impossible and the pain that coursed through my body ripped a growl from my throat that filled the silence that hung around me.

Truth be told I ain't got no words to describe the agony I felt, I've been beat up plenty a times before, taken more hidins' than I care to remember, but this was different and even as fought to break through the smog that filled my head, I knew my body was tore up pretty bad.

The light slowly began to pierce through my eyelids as I struggled to gain focus, I was in my own room, but it was daylight now and I weren't alone. I could sense someone was with me, and even though everything was still hazy, I knew it was her. I could sense her. Without a spoken word, without a touch, I felt her presence, she was here, Beth Greene was right by my side.

Suddenly the sound of her voice broke through the silence, her light Southern accent barely disguising her panic as she called to me over and over again. I felt her cold fingertips touch my forehead; their coolness taking away some of the searing heat trapped beneath my skin as she pressed her palm there. The panic in her soft tone turned to desperation, making her voice crack as she begged me to respond to her, until finally my eyes burst open and I gasped what felt like my first ever breath.

She was the first thing I saw, and she was without a doubt the most perfect fuckin vision for a man who felt like his time had nearly been up. Her hair was a mess of curls and crazy wispy bits, and those blue eyes of hers didn't seem to shine like I knew they could, but it didn't take away the fact that Beth Greene looked heaven sent. And albeit I ain't never been a religious man, in that moment I gave a prayer to old JC and thanked him for bringing me back to this girl who looked nothing short of damn angel.

My eyes fixed on hers, taking everything in, taking all of her in. Grateful for the look of relief that slowly began to wash over her features and the slight curve of her lips that seemed to give way to a small smile when she realized I was starin straight back at her. Beth was leaning over me, her face just inches away from mine and as the realization of how close she was registered through her panic I saw a blush of pink cover her cheeks and lead a trail down along her neck disappearing into the collar of her shirt before she quickly pushed herself away and began chewing on the hem of her cardigan sleeve.

I fought to sit up, the crushing agony of my shattered ribs taking a hold and making me suck in a hiss between my teeth as I battled to keep the stream of cuss words from flying loose in response to the pain. I tried to speak but my throat was dry and gave no sound other than a broken cough that made me wince. Beth turned immediately and grabbed a glass of water from the nightstand and held it out to me, the worry lines having returned to her face as I reached out my shaking hand and took the glass from her, nodding my thanks before I took a sip. The lukewarm liquid caught in the back of my throat making me bark out another coughing fit, my pain tolerance now pushed its limit as my breath came out in short desperate gasps.

My mind scrambled to piece together how I had become so beaten up, my memory slotting the events into place like a jigsaw. First the convenience store, then 'the walkers', the bike riders, the crash and finally the crippling walk across the field with Carol in my arms, it all came flooding back in a rush as I finally managed to find my voice.

"Carol, where's Carol?"

There was a look of sadness that flashed across Beth's face, it was fleeting, gone in an instant, and if I wasn't such an observant 'son of a bitch' I may just have missed it, but even through my freshly adjusted sight I had caught it and it pricked at my insides making me uneasy. Beth quickly averted her eyes, making me think the worst when she refused to look at me, choosing instead to busy her hands on the nightstand by filling up another glass of water from the jug.

"Beth, where's Carol?"

My voice was fractured and the frustration was clear as I felt a sense of panic rise in my gut at the mere thought of Carol having taken a turn for the worst while I had slept. Beth seemed to compose herself as if readying to deliver bad news and as I saw her deliberately labour her breaths in order to calm herself down, I felt the anger already creeping through my veins. But the bad news never came, instead Beth turned and looked at me, her words calm and steady completely disguising her initial reaction.

"She is fine Daryl, she woke up a couple of hours ago. Rick and Maggie are both with her now. Maggie says she is doing well."

I watched carefully as she busied her hands, her voice was monotone and showed no emotion and even though she smiled I knew her well enough to know that it weren't by no means genuine. I tried to look into her eyes to gauge what she was hiding but she deliberately moved away so as to avoid my stare. Beth weren't no liar by nature, I knew that much for sure, so for her to hide some kinda truth from me set my nerves on edge and only gave rise to my already lingering frustration.

"I need to go see her make sure she is.."

The remainder of the sentence was lost in a hiss as the pain in my chest taking the air from my lungs once more as I tried to swing my legs to the side of the bed and stand up. Stars flashed in the back of my eyes and felt my guts suddenly begin to churn what little contents remained inside, making me stumble and reach for the wall in an attempt to stop me from hitting the ground.

Beth's hands immediately reached out, grabbing my elbow and arm in an attempt to steady me and move me back towards the bed, but I resisted, refusing to give into the pain. I felt a light sheen of sweat race to the surface of my skin in response to the pins and needles that pricked into each of my muscles as I tried to straighten myself out and put one foot in front of the other.

"Daryl you need to rest, you were out for a long time."

I looked around the room and tried to get my bearings, tried to work out the time of day by the light that was hammering through the wooden boards nailed haphazardly to the the window frames. Beth registered my confusion and kept her voice low as she said the words that made me rock back on my feet.

"Daryl you were out for a day and a half, you have been in and out of consciousness for 36 hours."

All of a sudden I took in the stale air of the room, the lingering smell of Antiseptic and noticed the crumpled towels and wet cloths thrown in a bowl by the bed. And for the first time I noticed the pallor of Beth's skin and deep dark circles under her deep blue eyes, the eyes that normally shone so bright, right now seemed dulled with worry. I hadn't just been asleep, I had been unconscious and Beth Greene had stayed by my side the whole time.

I could feel the heat slowly climbing through me, humiliation at my body being so weak and leaving me so vulnerable that I needed someone to tend to me. I aint never needed no one, aint never relied on no one and the very thought of being weak made my tone harden.

"Well that explains it then."

Her voice was unsure in response and I immediately felt guilty for taking my frustration out on the one person who was relentless in her effort to show me kindness. Who much like her father was always willing to sacrifice her own well being in order to help another.

"It explains what?"

I wobbled slightly, my head still fuzzy as I clutched the blanket still wrapped around my waist.

"Explains why I need a piss so bad."

I used my free hand to move along the wall, my movements were slow as I fought against the pain in my chest, my legs still weak from the ordeal the day before remained shaky, but I needed to get away, needed a minute just to get my head straight.

As I stared at myself in the mirror of the bathroom, my reflection told me everything I needed to know, the purple tinge to my skin was a display of the countless bruises that littered my torso, the paleness of my lips told me I was dehydrated and the trembling hand I used to splash water on my face let me know that any strength that had existed in my muscles was now totally depleted. I tried to bend and twist my upper body but the pain was such that I immediately felt the room begin to spin as I clung with whitened knuckles onto the sink in a desperate attempt to remain upright. I needed to eat, needed to get some energy and strength back in my battered bones and then I needed to get out, get some air in my lungs and most importantly I need to track down the rest of those fuckers who had chased us down. I was already on the back foot having been knocked out for 36 hours, that would have given the rest of that gang time to track down their men and scout further afield, 36 hours in which they could have gotten closer to us. I stared at myself in the mirror, knowing that the pain I felt was temporary, it would fade. I could push through it, but what I couldn't do was let us lose another place of safety, let this family be torn apart and separated and let Beth be taken away from me again. It would be cold day in hell before I would let that happen.

I tried to take a deep breath focusing my mind away from the pain that seared through my chest as I grabbed my pants and pushed through the agony to put them on.

Beth was still there when I stepped outside, her steps unsure as she came towards me holding up a shirt, helping me as I tried to raise my arms and twist my body into the cold cotton that stuck to my still damp skin. I felt the trembling of her fingers and the slight labour of her breath, the exhaustion clear in the soft sigh she let escape her pale lips as she stepped back from me, allowing me to do my shirt buttons up. From the corner of my eye I took in the sight of her, knowing full well that the sudden pain in my chest was in part down to my smashed up ribs but also a result of the sheer guilt I felt at seeing her look so tired. There was no denying she was still weak from Grady, but there was something new, it was clear she plagued with worry, and it had taken the life out of her eyes and it stabbed at my conscience knowing that I was the reason.

"You planning on nurse maidin me all day."

Her voice held a slight tremor to it, relaying a nervousness I was not used to seeing in this girl leaving me unsettled, as I noticed once again that she was avoiding any eye contact.

"Um no, I just thought I would wait and see if you needed anything from downstairs, maybe some food as its been so long since you ate Daryl and you need to eat if you want to recover."

I eventually gave up fumbling with the last button on the shirt, the pain in my chest making it to uncomfortable to continue and so I just let it hang as I looked up at her. Immediately her eyes dropped to the ground and I felt the all to familiar feeling of guilt prick at my insides. Still there weren't no changing my mind, the girl looked dead on her feet and needed some damn rest herself, she looked so weak I doubted if she had eaten the whole time she been at my side, and although she weren't carrying no visible injuries there weren't no doubt that she weren't much stronger than me. Despite her pretending otherwise.

"My legs work just fine."

"I know that Daryl, but you should probably rest up for a couple of days, from what Rick said they found you in a pretty bad way."

She wore a small smile but there weren't no convincing me it was genuine, it was just her way of trying to placate me, I had seen her do it a thousand times before with Judith, with Hershal with damn near everyone she ever tried to please, but this time it weren't working. The girl needed rest and one way or another I was going to make sure that she got it and that she weren't wasting no more time worrying herself over me.

"Imma be fine."

I moved towards the door, my jaw tightening against the pain as I struggled to hide my grimace from Beth's probing stare.

"I gotta go sort out the van, its still out there and it's got our supplies in it and I need to track down the rest of the gang, find them before they find us."

Any lightness in her voice quickly disappeared now, and she was no longer trying to avoid my stare but instead looked me directly in the eye, her demeanor unwavering as she kept her tone firm.

"Daryl you can't go out there again, it's too dangerous."

She pointed directly at me, her words laced clearly with both her frustration and panic.

"Look at you, you are injured, you can barely stand for goodness sake, you need to stay here and rest, you need to stay safe. I can't allow you to go out there again, not after this."

The silence that fell between us was momentary, her words hanging in the air until they registered deep within me. Beth was scared, in fact she was beyond scared, the girl was terrified and it weren't because of no walker, weren't because of the things she had seen, it weren't even because of the shit that had gone down at Grady. She was scared cus she saw me as weak. She saw me as broken and unable to defend myself, defend her and most importantly defend our family. The fact that she felt I could not protect her, poked at a part of me that was still raw; raw because deep down I knew it was the truth. She was right, she had a right to be scared, I had failed her once before and she had paid the ultimate price and in her mind it was of course inevitable that I would let her down again and the stark reality of the situation made my anger crawl to the surface.

"What you my ol lady now huh?"

I stepped towards her, my pain easing behind the sudden rush of adrenaline and sense irritation creeping slowly through my bones. Undeterred by the flinch I saw as she took a step back from me, the realization of her own words flashing over her features

"No, No Not at all, its just.."

I continued to step towards her, my eyes fixed on hers as I refused to let her finish, refused to give time to the excuses she would of course grant me as a kindness.

"What you think cus we shared some stupid moment you get to tell me what I can and cant do."

There was a look in her eyes I had never seen before and it stopped me in my tracks, brought me to a sudden halt and back to my senses, as it was everything I had feared ever seeing in this girl's eyes. Like prey that had succumb to the hunters blade, my words had been fatal, had cut her and taken her down, only this wasn't a quick kill, it was ruthless, prolonged and brutal. And all I could do was watch as she stood before me ripped apart and wounded.

"Oh what moment are you talking about Daryl, the one where you kissed me and carried me to bed only to leave me to wake up alone. Or the one where I found out you left my bed without a word to go and be with Carol with no intention of returning for days. Or the moment where I told you I loved you and you chose to say nothing in return or have I missed any heartbreaking 'moments' from your recent list?

She wiped tears away roughly with the sleeve of her cardigan, her stance defeated as the anger and hurt crept into her voice.

"Oh no, silly me I almost forgot the most hurtful and humiliating one where I sat by you side for 36 hours wondering if you were ever going to wake up, praying that I get to see you, to hear your voice again, only for you to wake up and the first words you utter be Carols name. I guess that one will go down as one of my most 'stupid moments' in your book.

I felt myself recoil and what little air I had in my lungs rushed from my chest at hearing her words, words of truth that I could not deny even if I had wanted to. I had seen the look on her face as I had said Carols name, and where I had thought it was Carol who had been physically hurt, I had missed the most important detail of all, that it was in fact Beth who had been the one to suffer. It had never been my intention to hurt this girl, truth was she was one of the single most important things in my fucked up existence but that didn't help none, cus I had done the damage regardless and there weren't no undoin what I had done. I had hurt this beautiful girl, after all she had been through, after all she had lost and despite my want to save her I had done the opposite. I weren't no good at this and the hurt in her eyes told me exactly what I already knew, I was a good for nothing piece of shit.

"What did you expect from me girl huh? You think I was just gonna change, be like Zac or one of those church boys you probably dated. I aint like them."

My words were fast and cold and still tinged with the anger yet to burn away from my body that was wound tight beneath the pain.

I moved closer to her now and pointed at her, but she remained undeterred, her eyes still searching mine, as the flames of anger continued to burn deep in my gut.

"I aint never lied to you, aint never said I weren't a worthless piece of shit. But you wouldn't listen.

I swung my arm in her direction before I stepped back and looked her over, trying through the haze of my agitation to read her reaction, but she showed none and held her ground.

"You know you are some piece of work, just keepin on like I was some lost soul worth savin. Actin like there was some hidden good to be drawn out. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you princess, but there ain't. I aint like Rick some decent kinda family man, I aint like Glenn you aint never gonna see me rippin some ring off a walker and pretendin to be a husband type. And I aint about pretendin like were gonna have some kinda fairytale while the worlds gone to shit."

Still she didn't speak, she didn't have to. All hope was lost, I felt it and the look I saw in her eyes told me she felt it too. Hope was lost for both of us and I knew in that moment there was no turning back.

"Beth you wanna know why I left with Carol? You wanna know why I spend time with her. It's cus she ain't livin in no damn fantasy. She sees what goes on out there, she gets that in the end we all lose. We lose everything. Damn you gone lost your family and you still don't get it. You still wanna attach yourself to some weak ass redneck who can't even protect you. Today? Tomorrow? injury or not I'm eventually gonna be taken from you. I'm gonna be gone, just like Sophia, just like Hershal, like your old lady and just like my damn brother, don't you see that."

I heard her take a stuttered breath as she quickly wiped a stray tear from her cheek with the back of her cardigan. Shaking to clear away any emotion, I knew she had finally let go, because when she looked back at me all hint of hurt was removed and all that left was defiance. My heart was pounding against my chest so loud that it filled my ears, as the pain pushed through my tensed muscles slowly allowing the adrenaline to spill away, but still I held her stare.

"You know what Daryl you are right, not one of us is getting out of this living hell alive. Yes we have all lost, me probably more than most, but don't you dare try and make me feel bad because I made a choice not to give up, because I chose not to become what this world wants me to be, and because I choose not to live in fear of what this world can take from me. And don't you ever try and make me feel ashamed of the fact that I wanted to look beyond who you thought you were and wanted to believe that there was some part of you that could be loved."

She stopped to catch a breath, her eyes squinting as her voice, now laced with nothing but anger, caught in her throat as the words rushed to leave her chest through a broken sob.

"The fact I still see good in this world is a blessing not a curse, a legacy left to me by my father and all those people who got taken from me too soon. But I guess you wouldn't understand that, because you expect me to just sit around dwelling on how the world went to shit. Is that what you want? Would that make me better in your eyes? Would that make you think I am stronger?"

The fire was blazing in her eyes now and her words were determined and resolute.

"So go be with Carol, you keep on just fighting, fighting because you think you have too, fighting because its easier than feeling, or because its all you know. I mean lets face it's worked out so well for you so far. What with you having lost no one ever!"

Her breathes were getting faster as the hurt sharpened her words, the edge in her tone made to cut and cause damage, and that would have been the case for anyone else, but Beth could never maintain such cruelty, it was and had never been her nature and the fact I had dragged her to these depth was testament to the damage I had done. I wanted to stop her, halt her in tracks but the words needed to be said, she needed to rid herself of the pain I had put upon her and I owed it to her to let her.

"You say I don't get it, but that's where you are wrong, its you who doesn't get it. Look around you Daryl everyone sees that even in this world, …especially in this world you cant give up what is most important. Maggie and Glenn, Abraham and Rosita, even Rick and Michonne, they see exactly what I see and they are still here, still living and breathing. And they don't fight because they are scared of losing one another; they survive for each other"

Beth huffed out a small laugh as she shook her head, a sense of realization changing her expression from one of hurt to one of resignation.

"And then there is you and Carol, out there fighting for your lives, refusing to let anyone in, refusing to let anyone get close, and why? So you can both sleep alone each night? You both hunt and fight to fill your stomachs, but live with empty hearts just full of anger and rage"

I saw the anger slowly ebbing away from her body allowing something new to take hold, something worse and something far more painful.

"You know I never saw it before, but it seems so clear now"

Her lips turned up into a smile but the light in her eyes seemed forever faded, snuffed out in her surrender to the reality that stood before her, and just the sight of it made my heart clench inside my chest.

"You and Carol"

She looked towards the door indicating to the room where Carol still lay. Her voice lowered and her tone laced with sadness that I had not heard from her since the night we had sat on the porch of the 'Moonshiners cabin'.

"You two actually belong together."

There was no hiding the tears that were gathering in her eyes and the sight of her looking so defeated broke me in two. This weren't what I ever wanted for this girl. All I had ever wanted was to keep her safe, do the right thing, but in every attempt I had torn the girl down, to now where she stood in front of me, ruined, ruined cus of my actions.

I reached out my arm to pull her to me, to hold her and try to explain, but she pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself. The Beth who had always been so open, was closing down, locking me out and having reached her breaking point, was pushing me away. And although it was exactly what deserved, there was a part of me that couldn't bear to see it.

"Beth it aint like that, me and Carol aint what you think. Aint never been"

Her eyes met mine and for a moment I thought I saw a glimmer of hope, just something in her eyes that said I had gotten through, but as I saw a tear run down her face her words came out in a stuttered broken sentence.

"You know what the difference between us is, the thing that will always keep us apart and will always draw you and Carol together. Is that I wanted to fight for you because up until a moment ago, what we had seemed worthwhile. Where as you and Carol, you just fight because its what you know, its what you have always known. But that don't make you right and make me wrong. What it does is, it just makes us all losers in a place where we have already lost so much"

I stumbled forward, the pain in my chest at seeing this girl walk away from me warring with the anger I felt at not bein able to undo all that I had done, to tell her that it weren't never about me and Carol, it was always about me wanting to do right by her, but the words I needed wouldn't come to me. I weren't no good at this shit, I knew what I wanted to say but it made no sense, nothin made no sense no more. Nothing but the fact I didn't want to see her walk away. Didnt want to see her cry no more, but had no idea of how to fix it.

She turned as if to walk away, and I reached to grab her, the pain in my ribs stopping me mid way as I tried to call her name. She didn't stop until she reached the door.

"Beth"

I said her name and tried to look her in the eyes in hope that she would see what I didn't have the fuckin words to say, the 'sorry the I didn't mean it', the 'I never wanted to hurt you' and the 'please stay' but she wouldn't look at me and so my pleas remained silent, imprisoned in my chest behind shattered ribs.

Her back was to me now and I could feel her slippin away, could feel the loss start to prickle at my skin and trigger an anger that always seemed to bubble just beneath the surface.

"Beth!"

There was nothing, just a defening silence as she opened the door, refusing still to look back at me.

"I'll tell Rick you are up and moving, and Maggie I am sure will want to come and check you over and of course Carol will want to see you."

She looked back at me now, her bright blue eyes now somehow lifeless.

I said her name once more, an attempt to stop her from leaving, a plea to give me a minute, just to take a beat and let me try and put this shit right, even though I had no clue how, I just needed everything to slow down. I needed her to give me a chance, a chance to find the words that could put everything in some sort of order, or just get shit straight.

I was too late, her body language was shut down, she looked more broken and frail than I had ever seen her and it made me want to lash out, lash out in anger, lash out in pain? I had no clue. All I knew was when I heard the door click closed behind her I cleared the surface of the dresser of all its contents, the sound of glass hitting the ground splintering and shattering, drowning out the roar of anger that ripped from my throat.

The pain was overwhelming, although I aint even sure where it was comin from, it seemed to be everywhere running through every fibre in my body. I pushed the palms of my hands into my eye sockets trying to ease the pressure of the building inferno within my chest, the pain so brutal that I dropped to the bed.

I sat in silence, my elbows resting on my knees and my head dipped, still spinning from the mixture of adrenaline, pain and sheer frustration. My eyes scanned the door thinking about going after her but I weren't in no state, truth was I would have just about made it down the stairs at a push. She had of course been right about that in the beginning.

I wanted to tear the place to pieces, wanted to destroy everything I touched and bring forward the hell that consuming me. But truth was I had no strength, no matter how much I wanted it to be different, wanted it all to be different, for me and Beth to be different, the damage was done, and the most important thing to me, had already been torn down and destroyed by my own hands.

I bowed my head, the shame of my actions hitting me with force, the thoughts in my head scrambling as my eyes moved around me, looking for something to smash, break, throw, something else to destroy, when my hand reached out and found a book on the floor.

It was already battered, the leather on the outside patchy and worn and barely holding together pages bound loosely inside. I grabbed at it and went to throw it at the door in sheer temper when I saw something that caught my eye. There, without a trace of a doubt, on the page that fell open in my hands, emblazoned with ink and smudged with trails of her dried out tears were the words, 'My heart will forever belong to Daryl Dixon'

It was Beth's journal, I knew I shouldn't, I knew it a wrong, knew that the turning of the page would carry dire consequences for us both, but it didn't stop me. It didn't stay my hand, pause the frantic thrumming of blood through my veins or still my anger. And as my finger ran over the words scrawled across the pages, as I read the words spilled from the heart of Beth Greene I knew one thing. I needed to fight for this girl, I was ready to fight I had to fight as it was the only way I could survive.

*Author Note*

A Carol Chapter Coming Next

Thank you so much for your continued support, for your kind words and encouragement, it truly is appreciated x