Hello everyone! I am so so sorry this is so late, again! I have said it before and I'll say it again, I blame school! Got so much work at the minute, and I've only just found time to write. Thanks everyone for your continued support! Okay so im thinking I will probably end this story at 15 chapters so that's 4 chapters away, including this one. Anyyyway… here it is!

Xox

4 months later

Kensi paced up and down Nell's living room, going over and over her track marks she's made on the carpet. Deeks was staying at his friends house to go surfing, and was due to fly back in exactly 2 days. It was exactly 1 week till the wedding. 1 week till she said I do. And now, she was freaking out.

"Nell… I can't do this… I just can't…" Kensi breathed, as she stopped pacing to run her hands over her face and hair.

"Kensi… you were so sure about all of this… why the sudden cold feet?" She asked her scared friend.

"I… I… I don't know." Kensi sighed, finally sitting down on the couch, as Nell came up to sit next to her. She placed a reassuring hand on her knee, giving it a squeeze.

"I was so excited… then I just started to become scared of all of this… the permanency I guess." She whispered, leaning her head down.

"Kensi… why don't you ask Deeks to wait then? Take some time to get settled then you can start talking about getting married again." Nell advised her.

"No! No… He offered me all of that… he offered to wait till I was ready, but I was the one who wanted to go ahead and start planning it… I can't back out on him now, he'll hate me…" Kensi sighed, feeling stuck,

"He's Deeks, he'll love you no matter what, Kensi. You know that." Nell said, trying to convince her.

"I know he loves me, but… Why would he want a girl who calls everything off time and time again, when he can have any girl who will just straight into it with him?" Kensi sighed, willing the tears in her eyes to disappear.

"Kensi!" Nell scolded, "He wants you! He'll love you no matter what. You need to tell him what your feeling Kensi before it all blows up." Nell insisted.

"Nell… I can't. I don't want him to think I don't love him! I do! So much. I have to do this for him… All I have to do is put on a dress and say 'I do' that's it. For Deeks." Kensi decided.

"Kensi! You can't go through with this if you're unsure! Just wait, ok. Tell him how you're feeling now, seriously." Nell kept on insisting.

"Why though! If I can't do this one thing for him…" Kensi sighed.

"You know he loves you, married or not married. If you want to wait, he will be fine with it ok. Kensi, please." Nell pleaded with her stubborn friend.

"No… I need to do this, he'll hate me otherwise…" Kensi cried, wiping the tears off her face and storming out of the apartment. Nell rubbed her hand over her face. This isn't going to end well for Kensi or Deeks… she thought.

Xox

The morning of the wedding

Deeks fixed his black bow tie in the mirror. Today was the day. Callen walked up behind him, and clapped him on the shoulder.

"You nervous man?" He asked as Deeks turned around, to grin nervously at him.

"Lil bit. More worried bout Kens though. She's been acting off ever since I came home from the surfing trip…" He said, whilst vaguely staring out the window.

"You don't think she's got cold feet though do you?" Callen asked, growing more serious.

"I… I don't know. I just wish… I wish she would talk to me, you know. I'd rather she'd talk to me and tell me she doesn't wanna do it, than regret it later." Deeks sighed, fiddling with his bow tie.

"She won't. She loves you, and you love her, that's it ok. I'm sure everything will be fine" Callen tried to reassure him, Deeks nodded.

"Yeah I hope so…"

xox

Kensi wiped the last tear off her cheek. Nell had just been in to check if everything was all right, she was on edge, Kensi could tell. But she knew there was a reason she was on edge, and she was right. She signed her name at the bottom of the letter and folded it up. She stood up and took one last look in the mirror; at her beautiful satin white dress.

"I'm so sorry Marty…" She whispered.

Xox

Deeks sighed. He knew it. He knew something was off, yet he chose to ignore it. She was late, a whole 2 hours late. No one knew where she was, so he sent everyone home. He was currently sat on one of the front chairs on the beach they were going to get married on.

The sun was now setting, and he couldn't stop the bitter thoughts running into his head, about how perfect it would've been to have their first dance as the sun set. That wasn't going to happen now.

He heard light feet make their way down the aisle, Deeks quickly raised his head in hopes it was Kensi, but instead was met by an apologetically smiling Nell watching him. She took a seat next to him as she began to speak.

"I'm so sorry Deeks…" Nell whispered, staring at the golden sand.

"It's not your fault Nell." Deeks croaked back.

"No… you don't understand. A week ago she came to me, telling me she was scared and couldn't do it, I told her, I told her to tell you and you'd understand, but she refused. She said she had to do it for you, and how you wouldn't want her if she did tell you. I am so sorry Deeks I didn't think this would happen." Nell whispered, pleading with him.

Deeks took a sharp intake of breath at the revelation then he nodded slowly. "It's ok Nell. Why would she think I wouldn't want her? God, this is so messed up." He sighed, rubbing his forehead with his hand.

"She just said that she couldn't do it two times to you…" Nell whispered, handing him an envelope.

"She left this in her dressing room. It's addressed to you." Nell said, patting him on the shoulder. She got up and walked off down the beach to give Deeks some privacy.

He stared down at the envelope for a few minutes, till he gathered up the nerve to open it. The seal unfolded neatly, as he gently slid out the paper. Deeks unfolded it, and stared at her beautiful handwriting, as he began to read.

Dear Marty.

Where do I start? I am so incredibly sorry for what I did to you. Leaving you. As I write this I am already starting to regret my decision, but I couldn't do it. Please understand, I am just so scared of this entire thing, not you. Never you, I trust you with my entire heart. Honestly, I don't know why I'm like this. I want to blame Jack. I want to blame my dad. For both leaving me so suddenly, making me afraid that you will do the same.

But I know you won't I know that ok I do. I need some time, ok. I need to clear my head. I need you to understand this is NOT your fault. You're the one who offered me all that time, insisted we have that time, but I'm the one who rejected that, I'm the one that's ruined this.

I wish I could've done this differently, if at all. Leaving you there, that was the single hardest decision I have ever made. And I know it's wrong. You will probably hate me by know. Leaving you there, embarrassing you, I just don't know how to justify myself to you. I don't. I need some time. Time, that's what I could've had, but I ruined that. I realize you probably don't want to see me again, which is making my heart break; even know I'm the one that did this to us. Look, if you don't want to see me again, that's fine, it'll kill me but I totally understand. 07654737864. Call me in a week, please. If you don't I'll get the message, and I won't bother you again.

I love you so much, please understand.

Fern

X

Deeks took one last look at the letter, folded it up and put it in his pocket. He tried to understand why she'd done it. He knew she was scared but he thought he meant more to her than a poxy letter whilst he was left at the aisle. He sighed and wiped his eye quickly. Lets see how I feel in a week. He decided, but he had a strong feeling he wouldn't feel any different.

Xox

Okay thanks fro reading everyone! Please leave a review on your way out I really appreciate them and they help me write more, honest! I've got one last question for you all, to call or not to call? Leave your answers in the review and anything else you'd like to see, I'll take them all into account!:)

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