Sharon woke to the alarm. Peering blearily out of one eye, she smacked the snooze button, and sighed into the pillow, settling in for 20 more minutes. Seconds later, both of her eyes flew open. Gently, she rolled over, to see Brenda curled up, the covers twisted at her ribs. Sharon took some deep breaths. Generally, she didn't stay the night. She wasn't so rude as to kick a guest out, if she took them back to her place, but she never slept at anyone else's house. This made twice, and, she looked around, this was NOT the guest room. She frowned at the mattress. This better not be his side, she thought crossly. Brenda stirred, rolling partly onto her back, her arm flopping down onto the comforter. She mumbled a bit, then sighed, and whispered 'Sharon'. Sharon looked down at her, expecting to see her coming into wakefulness, but instead, Brenda's mouth hung open, and a small snore escaped. She's dreaming about me. Okay. That's good, right? She said she's all in. So this won't end like the last time. Pull it together, Raydor. She moved closer to Brenda, snugging the covers back up to the younger woman's shoulders, before settling in, wrapping an arm around Brenda's waist, shaping her body to conform to the curve of Brenda's back.
When the alarm blared for the second time, Sharon sat up, and turned it off. She ran her fingers through her hair, feeling the tangles at the back. She groaned, knowing her detangling conditioner was back at her place. That meant at least 15 minutes of combing, which meant that her shoulder would ache for the rest of the day. Glancing over at Brenda, she reached out, trailing a finger along the curve of her hip.
"Brenda. I'm pretty sure you have to be awake to go make me breakfast in bed." Sharon teased, gently shaking her.
"Told you to sleep in the kitchen for that. Hit the snooze button and come here." Brenda mumbled into her pillow.
"I hit it once already. And then I cuddled you, because you were freezing. Now," she said, yanking the covers down, "it's time for you to get up. We have to decide who gets the shower first."
"If you hit the snooze button, we can have 15 more minutes. We'll still be on time, I promise."
"How are you doing the math? Or do you take super-speedy showers, and forego hair-drying in favor of sleeping longer?" Sharon quipped.
Brenda propped herself up on one elbow, her hair falling forward over her shoulders, and glared sleepily at Sharon.
"I have a plan. The coffee maker makes coffee. It'll be ready in about 30 minutes. So if you hit the snooze button, we can snooze for another 15, shower together, and be downstairs for a hot cuppa in plenty of time to make it to the station. Even with the way you drive." Brenda retorted, pushing Sharon towards the alarm.
Sharon let loose a volley of giggles. Brenda scowled. Her plan was sound, but it was all predicated on Sharon hitting the damned snooze button. But then Sharon looked at her, a smile still quirking her mouth.
"Showering together saves time?" She asked, wiping her eyes.
"And the planet. Now hit the snooze button. We're down to 12 minutes."
"Mmm. There's no breakfast in bed in that plan." Sharon pointed out.
"I didn't think the wicked witch ate breakfast. Or at least, nothing that us mortals have in the fridge. Maybe, in addition to depriving damsels of their sleep, you also eat BABIES FOR BREAKFAST." Brenda grumped.
"You really aren't a morning person, are you?" Sharon chuckled again, flicking the alarm, then, leaned back and gathered Brenda into her arms.
"No. Now hush." Brenda settled her head on Sharon's shoulder, and closed her eyes.
Sharon absently ran a finger through Brenda's tousled curls, and tried to relax into the moment. She could feel the soft puff of Brenda's breath across her breast, the pleasant weight of her leg thrown carelessly across her thighs. She remembered lazing in bed, but it seemed a luxury from a lifetime ago, before she'd gotten her heart broken. Closing her eyes, she thought back to the last time she'd felt so safe, and shuddered as she remembered how wrong she'd been.
Sharon joined the military right out of high school, to help pay for college. In her basic training camp, she met a nice young man named Sebastian, and they'd gotten along well. They shared an interest in politics, and public safety, and he was pleasantly easy to talk to. His eyes were so blue, and even with the close military cut, his hair was thick, and the color of warm sand. When he invited her out to dinner, she couldn't think of a reason to say no. That seemed to set the tone for the rest of their relationship. He asked her to go steady. To marry him. To have his children. Through it all, she couldn't come up with a compelling reason to decline. And then they were stationed in New Mexico, and Sharon's service was finally up. She interviewed with the police department there, hoping for a spot on the Homicide team. Sitting across from the Chief, she watched as his meaty lips moved the unlit cigar to the other side of his mouth.
"Only thing we got with any room for upward movement is Internal Affairs. Nobody wants that department. All wanna be rockstars on Homicide, or Vice. Take it or leave it." He rasped, his voice like rocks in a quarry.
Sharon took the position, and met the Captain in charge of I.A. Her name was Mechelle, and she was at least 10 years older than Sharon. Her skin was the color of warm caramel; her eyes were wide and brown. She kept her hair cut short, close to her head. "Natural", she'd called it. Sharon had wondered what qualified as 'unnatural', and was treated to a 20 minute discourse on hair politics, and race privilege. She'd been both chastened, and exhilarated. Mechelle was smart, not just in a street smart cop sort of way, but about many things. There was so much Sharon could learn, and she applied herself eagerly to the task. A year became 2, then 3, then 5, and Sharon made the rank of Lieutenant. She'd been so excited. She'd called Sebastian with the news, and he gave her perfunctory congratulations, before returning to a round of golf. Sharon had forgiven his lack of enthusiasm when she'd made the ranks of Corporal, and even Sargent, because the Department had told her that her Military training would fast track her. But she'd made Lieutenant in 5 years. His indifference was starting to grate.
The Captain called her into the office that afternoon. She'd pinned the gold bar to Sharon's uniform, and given her a firm handshake.
"Lieutenant Raydor, I am proud to serve with you." She'd said, her voice professional, and distant. Then, she'd dropped the handshake, and thrown her arms around Sharon, lifting her up and spinning her.
"5 years! Fastest promotion to Lieutenant in the history of our department!" She put Sharon back on her feet, but Sharon was dizzy from the circles, and from the feeling of being pressed against all those soft curves. She'd stumbled a bit, and Mechelle reached out, catching her by the arm.
Sharon looked up, and her emotions must have been written all over her face, because the Captain immediately schooled her features into the professional mask, and walked back around to sit at her desk.
"We'll be expecting great things from you, Lieutenant. Don't disappoint me." She'd said, before turning back to her paperwork.
But everything was different after that. Sharon excelled as Lieutenant, of course. The squad respected her. But she couldn't get the memory of being in Mechelle's arms out of her head. It had all felt so right. So perfect. So everything she never felt with Sebastian. Though lately, she had to admit she wasn't feeling much of anything with Sebastian. Still, she'd married him, after all, and she was not a quitter. The eve of her 29th birthday, during their 9th year of marriage, when her children were 5 and 3, things hit critical mass.
"What do you mean, you won't make it to dinner? The kids baked you a cake!" Sebastian growled into the phone.
"I wish I could be there. I would rather not work on the last birthday of my 20's. But we've got a multiple OIS, and the Captain needs all hands on deck. It's my job, Bastian. I don't climb all over your ass when you're training recruits, and staying at Basic for days at a time, give me the same courtesy." She retorted sharply.
"I'm home for every holiday. Every birthday." His voice had gone cold.
"I'm sorry, Bastian. I'll try to be there before they're in bed. I lov—" But the dial tone let her know that her platitudes would go unanswered. Slowly, she replaced the receiver, blinking back the tears. She was thankful that the Department was small enough for the Lieutenant in I.A. to warrant a broom-closet sized office. She pressed her hands to her temples, regaining her composure bit by bit. A knock at her office door brought her back to the present.
"Lieutenant, I need four of the Form 798—what's wrong?" The Captain stepped in, closing the door behind her.
"Nothing, I'm fine. Do you need 798-1 or 798-A?" Sharon pushed her chair back from her desk, swiveling to reach the filing cabinet off to the side.
"A. Are you crying? Were you crying?" Mechelle moved to stand next to Sharon's chair, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"No. I'm fine, as I said. Thank you. Here are four Form 798-A's, Captain. Did you need anything else?" Sharon replied, standing up.
"You know if you need anything, Lieutenant, I'm here. I need your head in the game when we go out there, and sometimes talking it out helps." Mechelle pressed.
"Fine. It's my birthday. And I'm at work. And my husband is mad at me for disappointing our children again. But the worst part," Sharon sniffled, dabbing at her eyes, careful not to smudge her mascara, "The worst part, is that I'd rather be here, than at home with my family."
The Captain pulled Sharon into a gentle embrace, shushing her.
"It's okay to love your job. And I understand why you do. You're exceptionally talented. Don't ever feel badly for excelling. But, Sharon, it's your birthday. I can let you get home for dinner. We're a good team, thanks in no small part to the organizational procedures you've implemented over the last few years. We can manage until tomorrow. Go home. Be with your husband. And, happy birthday." Mechelle patted her shoulder, stepping back.
"I can't." Sharon whispered.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't go home, and pretend that I love the meatloaf I know he's made. He makes it every year on my birthday, because it's all he knows how to cook from scratch. It's awful. It tastes like paprika'd cardboard. I can't go home and pretend that it doesn't hurt that he'll have gotten me yet another home appliance. Just once, I'd like a nice necklace, or expensive pair of shoes. I'm practical, but I'm still a woman!" Sharon burst out.
Mechelle took her hand, rubbing her thumb across Sharon's knuckles.
"I can't." Sharon repeated.
"Is there more?" The Captain turned a concerned eye to Sharon, meeting her gaze.
"I can't understand…" Sharon trailed off, looking down at the floor.
"Understand what…why…" Sharon stammered, not knowing how to finish.
A slender hand lifted Sharon's chin, forcing eye contact.
"Understand what, Lieutenant. What is it that you aren't telling me?" She demanded, her brow furrowed with worry.
"I don't understand THIS!" Sharon cried, stepping forward and pressing her lips to the Captain's. At first, they were frozen, neither woman moving, but then Sharon put one hand on the Captain's hip, and Mechelle began to move her lips over Sharon's. It was brief, but electric, and when they broke apart, both women were slightly dazed.
Mechelle broke the silence first.
"I suppose that would be confusing." She said, smiling an odd smile.
"I just…for the last 8 months, I have been so AWARE of you. Your body, your smile, your laugh. I've always been intrigued by your intelligence, and I love to talk with you more than almost anyone I know. But the day that you hugged me—I felt a sea change that day, and I don't know how to get back to familiar shores." She shrugged, leaning against her desk. "I know that nothing can happen. It would end your career, to be with a subordinate officer, and especially a female one, and I've worked too hard to get to where I am to give it up when I'm not even sure that you like women."
"I do." Mechelle interjected.
"That's good. At least I have that…oh, I just heard a comedienne say it the other day…that Gaydar. It might save me some eventual heart ache." She sniffled, and laughed.
"Did you know that I've been offered a position in Santa Fe?" Mechelle asked quietly.
"No. I..oh god, you must think I'm an idiot." Sharon blushed.
"Quite the opposite. I think you're exactly the sign I was looking for." She smiled.
"I don't think I follow."
"When I got the offer, it was just a few days ago. And at first, I was overjoyed. It's a promotion, I'd be moving into a Commander position. But I was going to say no, because," she brushed her thumb over Sharon's cheek, "because I couldn't stand the thought of not having a reason to see you, even if it was just for work. And then I thought, maybe if I took it, I could tell you how I felt. I was pretty sure you felt it too. I wondered if, if I took the position, would you give us a chance? I didn't know what the right move would be, so I prayed for a sign," she laughed, continuing, "and here it is, I'd say. Clear as day." Mechelle leaned her shoulder against Sharon's.
"So, we could…try?" Sharon asked, wanting to be sure she followed.
"Yes. But I won't cheat. So you need to tell your husband. If you're serious. You have to be serious. This can't be an experiment. I'm past all that. I'm looking for a woman who knows what she wants." Mechelle cautioned.
"I am. I do. I will." Sharon stuttered, staring at the Captain's lips. "But, can I just make sure?" She asked, leaning forward, and initiating another kiss.
And so it went. Sebastian asked her to stay, to try and work things out, but for the first time in 9 years, she had a compelling reason to say no. Her kids already knew Mechelle, so her eventual appearance at some dinners, and playground dates wasn't especially traumatic. After a year, they exchanged keys, and sometimes, on weekends when Sebastian had the kids, Mechelle would come over, and they would spend almost the entire 48 hours in bed. After 2 years, Sharon asked her to move in. And for another 3 years, it was bliss. Sharon felt complete. Her family felt complete. She got promoted to the rank of Captain.
And one night, she got off of work earlier than expected. Sebastian had the kids, and she knew Mechelle was at home. So she drove home, not noticing the strange car parked down the block. And she quietly opened the front door, pulling her heels off as she stepped in. She laid her knee length black trench coat on the entry table, and pulled off her linen pants, and blouse. She belted the trench coat over her panties, and crept up the steps, planning to ambush Mechelle in her home office. But the room was empty, when she pushed the door open. So she turned, and stepped into her bedroom, her hand gripping the belt of the coat, ready to pull it off with a flourish. Instead, it fell limply to her side, as she watched the love of her life moaning under another woman's touch.
Sharon handled it with her trademark calm, splitting the property they'd accumulated over the last few years. She offered occasional visitation with the kids. She never once asked why.
The alarm buzzed her out of her reverie. As she reached over to smack it, she felt Brenda shifting in her arms, and then the warmth of a mouth around her nipple.
"What happened to showering?" She asked, smiling weakly.
"I'm motivating you to join me." Brenda answered, flipping the sheets off of her, and standing up.
"You have a tattoo!" Sharon exclaimed, watching the blonde woman walk towards the en suite.
"And you don't. But you do have 2 scars on your upper left arm. One looks like a small pox vaccine scar, and the other one looks like it has a story behind it. Come tell me in the shower. I want to hear all of your stories." Brenda flipped on the light in the bath, then turned back to Sharon with a grin. "Even the ones that don't have happy endings."
for those of you playing along at home: sharon got married shortly after high school. she's older than brenda, we know that. brenda was 40 in season 1, so she's ostensibly 47 now. i'm assuming sharon is 50. so, 21 years ago, she left her husband for another woman. her kids, at that time, were 5 and 3, making them 26 and 24, respectively. /math is hard, barbie!