Gone
Song: The Lonely by Christina Perri
(A/N: I know, I know.)
Max
The memories haunted me. They crept into me and wouldn't let me again, jarring me into the horrible reality that he was...gone.
Not with me anymore.
Not dead; absent. He chose to leave. I don't know why, or when, or what I did to make him break my heart. I caused this. I didn't know how. Maybe it was me loving him. Maybe he never really loved me. Perhaps I was horrible, and awful for leaving the Flock when I was no longer the leader. I want to be strong, to be controlling, but it's not in me anymore. Everytime I try to pull myself out of this torture, I'm shell-shocked and sunk in the lack of him. Of him here, conforting me and holding me. He was the rock I stood on: now I was just sinking slowly in the quicksand. The faint voices of my Flock barely reached me. They were just whispers in the frayed edge of what was left. Shattered pieces of what I used to be. Fang, the only everything I ever knew. Fourteen years of living, all snatched away by one decision, one night in which he stole into. Forgettably, I'm all alone now. Weak and exposed. I don't recall living, breathing, thriving. Inhaling takes all my will, and pain shoots through my body again. This wasn't supposed to happen. We were supposed to be together.
Every day, every word, every kiss under the pale, silvery moonlight...
whisked away by the lack of my soul. Would I become a monster, someone that time forgot and never returned to? One of the listless hearts that none can heal, that only make you cry when you see the torn flesh and severed memories?
Memories. The word was a spell, an enchantment that lulled me to sleep.
To sleep...forever. To forget the light I used to know, to let the dark soothe me. Maybe they would be glad.
Maybe he would love me when I was gone.
The feverish madness prickles my brain, and another wave of hopeless dreaming plagues me. The dreams are vivid, and horrible. I can't feel anymore.
I'm numb, gone, a fragment of the person I was only hours ago.
Or was it a year ago? Two weeks?
Not twenty years yet. Another breath, I tell myself.
I allow myself to revel in the happiness that I despise now. Don't fall in love with him, Maya. No one deserves this cruel fate but me. I'm despicable, worthless. He's so perfect...so perfect. But why did he leave?
Transparent, smoky tears slips down my cheek. I can feel their cold path down my face. They aren't enough. Blood mixed with love couldn't even cure me. I tried. I tried to kill this life.
He is gone.