It was the day after Arthur's funeral that they finally got to talk.
There was no body, of course. Merlin had left it on Avalon to await reincarnation. He considered staying there, until starvation or thirst killed him, but ever-loving Freya stopped him. "You cannot kill yourself to be with him, my love. Surely you know by now that you cannot die, not until your destiny is complete."
"My destiny never will be complete!" Whether the boy's eyes were red with tears or fury, it was hard to know, and really didn't matter. "My destiny was to protect Arthur! I failed!"
In a land as magical as Avalon, Freya managed the strength to form a body with which she could sit beside Merlin. "Your destiny was to return magic to Albion, and soon enough you will have. Only if you return to Camelot though. If you do not, Arthur's death will have been in vain, as was his life. Return to Camelot, set things right, or else there will not be a world left for Arthur to return to. You know this, my love, I know you do."
She was right, of course; Merlin did know this. He also knew that he had friends who had survived, and needed him right now. The idea of leaving Arthur here though was too much for Merlin to bear. "He just can't be dead."
"But he is, and now you must face that truth to overcome it. Return to Camelot." Her final words faded with her body, reminding Merlin just how many people he'd lost beyond Arthur.
And, when he finally returned to Camelot, Merlin learned of one more which almost sent him away again. Gwaine had been Merlin's best friend, aside from Arthur, and now they were both gone. Merlin had even missed Gwaine's funeral, and he wished he'd missed Arthur's as well.
"I didn't even know you owned anything black," Gwen admitted moving to stand beside the young warlock. "But I have come to understand there was a lot we all didn't know about you."
Merlin pondered that though, knowing exactly what she meant, but not ready to address it. "I've lost enough friends over the years… After Lancelot I made it knowing it would come to good use."
He was referring the clothes that, according to tradition, only the widow should still be wearing. No one was going to call Merlin out on it though, for he was just as much, if not more, changed by Arthur's death than the Queen.
"I wish I'd married him instead," Gwen whispered leaning her head on Merlin's shoulder. The man was shocked by her words, but only moved to make her more comfortable. "Back when he saved us, the second time we met him I mean. He backed off when he saw how Arthur felt about me, but at the time there really wasn't much there. I could have married Lancelot, and still ended up living here, in Camelot, as a noble lady… I think Lancelot would never have died if that was the case."
Merlin wasn't going to lie to her; not after he had been for a decade. "You're right. Lancelot only gave himself up because he promised you that he would protect Arthur."
The Queen's face said she'd known this for a long time, but was glad finally to have it confirmed. "But then Arthur would have died…or you more likely. I can't imagine you would have let Arthur sacrifice himself when it could be you." She was right, but it didn't change the fact that Arthur was now dead while Merlin kept on living. "Everything would have been different if I'd married Lancelot because I would have loved Arthur, but like a brother. I would have mourned him like I mourned Elyan, but I wouldn't feel as I do now. As you would have felt no matter what." Merlin had never seen Gwen so distraught, yet she held herself together so well, he began to feel like maybe it was a compliment when Arthur used to call him 'a girl.'
"I think you would have been very happy with Lancelot," Merlin finally admitted looking down at the courtyard where candles flickered in their relentless vigil. "But I do not think Arthur would have been very happy without you."
Guinevere finally began to cry, and bit her lip to try to keep from collapsing completely. Sensing her pain, Merlin pulled her in for a tight hug, as the only two people on the planet who really understood what it was like to live in a world without Arthur, shared their pain. "We were the ones he loved the most you know," Gwen blubbered. "It never bothered me how much he cared about you, because I knew it long before I married him. You were more important to him than I ever was."
Merlin shook his head, "No. No. You were his wife. You were the love of his life he couldn't live without you."
"But he will," Gwen whispered, looking into Merlin's ageless eyes for the first time. "He will, won't he? Gaius told me about the prophecies, Merlin. He told me Arthur would come back someday, and that you would be the only one left waiting for him. Destiny knows Arthur can live without me, but not without you."
Merlin had never thought about just how long it would take Arthur to reincarnate, because he still felt himself hoping it would be tomorrow. "It won't be the same."
"I know," the Queen sniffled rubbing her eyes. "I'm not mad, I'd never be mad at you Merlin, I just felt you should know. I've always known it, and so did Arthur."
"We were the ones he loved most," Merlin repeated stressing the first word for the girl to hear. "Don't ever forget how much he loved you Guinevere. Promise me that."
She laughed blubbing in her tears. "You never call me Guinevere. No one but Arthur has in years."
"I'm sorry," Merlin apologized, but she shook her head smiling.
"No, no, I think it's okay. Merlin, don't leave me. I need you to stay here and help me rule Camelot. Arthur couldn't have done it without you, never mind me."
Merlin hadn't planned on staying much past him saying his goodbyes, but he realized he couldn't possibly not. Gwen was his friend before Arthur, and he would still be her friend now that the King was gone. "Of course. Of course I'll help you."
"You'll be my official Court Sorcerer," she decided, trying to cheer herself up more than anything. "Gaius said that used to be a thing, and it shall be again. Arthur trusted his kingdom to me and I shall do right by it. Magic will be legal, and you will help me." Merlin couldn't believe her words, but nodded dumbly. Never could he imagine exactly what the prophecies meant. Freya was right. Merlin's destiny didn't end with Arthur's death; it only just began. "And Merlin."
"Yes?"
The Queen was fiddling with the ring Arthur had left her, the one that made her Queen in her own right. "When we're all gone, promise me you'll tell our tale. Tell it over and over again, in a million different ways for each generation. And when you do, I don't want to be called Gwen, only Guinevere. It's Arthur's tale, his legend, the world should know me as he did."
And someday, they would.
I hope you liked this! I'm crying, so maybe you are too. Let me know what you think. I've wanted to write this forever, and am glad I finally did.