(A/N: You're probably wondering why I dropped off the fanfiction face of the earth. Well, first, my computer crashed, then I got a Kindle Fire - and I can't upload my chapters from there. So I wrote this, emailed it to myself, and am borrowing a computer from my friend. I'm working on a Max chapter with Angel. I just found the most perfect song!)
nudge
I swore until that moment that I wouldn't fall in love. His eyes studied me, their iridescent shine making me collapse inwardly. Hesitantly, I slipped in step with him.
"How can I get her to trust me when she'll always remember him?" Dylan inquires of me. The pit of my stomach plummets. Unhindered falling leads to the sickening slap when it hits rock bottom. I sigh. Aching silently, my heart wonders if he sees me for me- or just a mode to get to Max. I can't find the heart to answer him. I shove my hands deep into my pockets. I concentrate on the sound my shoes make when they crunch against the gravel. Spindly bushes line the unmarred hiking trail. My worn red hoodie- a gift from Max - guards my arms from the crisp bite of the wind sneaking through the multicolored leaves. Dylan continues, "What if she'll never love me? And what if my programming is irreversible?"
Lightly, I pull my hand from my pocket and allow it to skim Dylan's exposed forearm. My skin buzzes from the touch. It only makes things worse, springing to mind the other touches we'll probably never share.
"Look, Dylan, I don't know about Max or your programming or any of those other things. All I know is that you need to relax. Doesn't the forest calm you any?"
Dylan kicks a black, clay-encrusted lump of gravel into the brush. A brown sparrow darts out, flustered. It takes wing into the sky when it notices our presence. I laugh. Dylan turns to me. He looks tired, his skin gray below his eyes. He clearly hasn't gotten much sleep. I feel the need to extend my arm and kiss his lips, a soft peck. But something tugs me back gently. Maybe a regretful sadness, maybe envy. I am envious, envious that Max gets to be with him. Suddenly, I imagine being free of this curse. The curse of loving someone who will never love you in return. Every morning, my heart shatters. The pieces scatter across my chest. It leaves my ribs feeling as if the tiny splinters only ensure the future that I am committed to. Sadness. Hurt.
And as much as I want it to, it will never go away.