Tyler. The memories we shared. The memories that will forever haunt me. The memories that keep me from sleeping. It's all his fault. Everything that happened between us, but at the same time nothing happened between us. Friends. All we will ever will be. Nothing can change that. It's always about you.
His name is all i hear. It's all i ever see when I go out. His name is something I will never forget. The name haunts my dreams, it haunts my breathing. Tyler.
The amount of heartbreak he has caused me, the stress and sleepless nights. But I still love him. I love everything about him. I love his hair and how it's always perfect no matter how it's styled. I love his eyes, especially when they are looking into mine. I love his body, and how it speaks for him. I love his voice, when he says my name, I can't breathe. I love his clothes and how they just scream Tyler. I love how he is just so proud he is of being him. But my favorite part is that he is never scared to say what he's thinking. Everything about him is just so perfect, yet I will never be good enough for him. Everyone loves Tyler, not everyone loves me. I'm like that piece of cereal that gets stuck to the box, and people are too lazy to get out. Tyler is like that first bite of a taco that everyone moans over.
I remember the day we met, we were in school, math class. We had every class together, except one. But in math our teacher had told us to pair up, obviously I chose my best friend, he seat was next to his and I sat in his seat. When it was time to leave, I said "Sorry, Tyler." He needed to get his stuff and I was in his way. He nodded. Every since then we became friends, but it wasn't until later that I stared liking him, and then later until I became in love with him. The truth is, right now I don't know what we are. I guess we're friends, but I want more than that. I want to look at him and think "damn, that's my boyfriend, and i wouldn't change that for anything." But I look at him and I think "Wow. What we could have been, but never was." But, I still remember everything that he said to me. I remember everything I said to him. Every time our hands touched. It seemed amazing at the time. It still seems amazing.
He never asked me for my number, or made any effort. That is what bugs the shit out of me. Even though it's nothing now. There's still time. I still believe this can work. Maybe it's because I'm not good enough, and that what I'm changing. I'm going to be good enough. I'm changing to be his perfect guy. I will be perfect.