Author's note: Here come the storm. What is life without ups and downs?
ps; Thank you for your review, it's mean a lot to me.
Chapter 8; Volcano Eruption
I'm sitting at my office and in the middle of a brain storming on 'what present to buy for Yul Jin' because tomorrow is his second birthday. For his first birthday I bought him stuffed animals, all kind of animals you named it. This time I wanted to give him a memorable birthday present. My problem now is I don't know what to buy because I think I've already bought him all kind of toys that exist in this world. That's why I still stuck in deciding what to choose for his present although tomorrow is his birthday. Arghh it was just his second birthday, it will be harder for the third fourth and the next and next birthday. I should started restraining myself from buying him present everyday like I did now.
Suddenly I was interrupted by the rigging tone from my phone. I looked at the caller id and it was my family chauffer that called me.
"Yes Mr Kim, is there a problem?"
"Young master! Something happens to Ms Chu and young master So." He said it with stuttered voice and he sounded afraid. I felt all my blood was drained away as I also afraid of what had happen to them.
"What do you mean? I demand you to explain to me now!" I'm so worried that I can't control my voice and scream at that poor old man.
"They… they have been attacked."
"WHAT? By whom?"
"Ms Chu wanted to go shopping for young master So's birthday tomorrow and she called me to pick her up. When we reached the shopping mall, she asked me to wait at the parking lot. The next thing I know, she with young master in her arms came running back at the car. Young master was crying uncontrollably and Ms Chu appearance seems a little bit messy."
"Straight to the point Mr Kim."
"I tried to ask her what happen and she just said that they've been attacked but she doesn't want to elaborate more and wanted to go home. I've already send them and I just want you to know what had happen."
"Thank you Mr Kim, I appreciate that you inform me about it."
I immediately rushed back home. My hands were shaking while I manoeuvring the steering wheel. I never felt so afraid like this, I can't wait to know what actually happen to them. I wonder why I haven't received any called from Ga Eul yet.
When I reached home, I saw Jun Pyo's car already park at my yard. I became more afraid than I already am. This must be bad, if Jan Di came with Jun Pyo than something really really bad had happen because Jun Pyo won't easily interfered in my argument with Jan Di.
As I'm nearing the front door, I can hear Yul Jin's wailing so loud from inside the house. I immediately sprinted to the door and open it abruptly. There at my living room I saw Yul Jin clutching his arms tightly on Ga Eul's neck and his feet wrapped around Ga Eul's waist and he wailing as loud as he can. He laid his red face at Ga Eul's shoulder, his eyelids were swollen so bad that I could no longer see his bright eyes, and what hurt me the most was listening at his melancholic wail. His voice was almost gone, an evidence that he had been wailing for quit sometime.
Ga Eul walked back and forth and patted his back gently and tried so hard to soothe him with the help from Jan Di and Jun Pyo that trailing closer. Jun Pyo tried to make funny faces and Jan Di clapped her hands to cheer him but none of the actions successful.
"APPA APPA APPA!" He lifted his face and opened his arms widely at me as soon as he saw me. The three adults immediately followed the direction that Yul Jin pointed and landed their eyes on me. I walked briskly to them but Jun Pyo was also quick and stop me before I reached them. He holds my shoulder tightly and said;
"We need to talk."
"Not now." I shoved his hand roughly and continued to walk to Yul Jin. I can't bear anymore to see him like that and all I wanted to do was calming my own son.
"I want to tell you something." The stubborn Jun Pyo now grabbed my elbow and stopped me again. I was very furious at his action and pushed him hard that he stumbled backward and almost fell.
"I said NOT NOW!" What the heck is wrong with him, can't he saw that Yul Jin is crying for me, calling me over and over again?
I took Yul Jin from Ga Eul's arms and he immediately wrapped his body tightly around me. I managed to take a quick glance at Ga Eul and saw some tear stain on her cheeks. She was crying too but why? She averted her eyes from me and slowly walked to her room followed closer by Jan Di. Surprisingly Jan Di didn't say a word at me; no sarcasm, no critics, no screaming and shouting and no physical abuse. It was either she didn't mad or really really mad at me to the point that she totally ignored my existence.
"Shush Yul Jin-ah." I stroked his back gently. "Tell appa what happen sweetheart."
"Ah… Ahjumma hate me (wail). They hate me (wail). They were screaming at me (wail). They pushed omma (wail). Their face look so mad and I'm so scare appa" (a very long wail). It was hard to hear his words because he was crying while telling me but I manage to understand him.
"I'm sorry Jeong-ah, it happen at my shopping complex and my staff inform me about it." Jun Pyo interrupted us while caressing Yul Jin's head.
"Can you tell me the whole story?"
"I've seen the CCTV recording. At first only a few bi (I knew he wanted to say bitch but he realised Yul Jin was there too) women cornered at them but then suddenly the crowd get bigger and they started to push Ga Eul. My security guards managed to save them from the crowd and she ran away with Yul Jin. I called Jan Di to inform her about it and that's why we're here now."
"Why didn't you call me?" I asked Jun Pyo with a confuse tone.
"Err I can just think about Jan Di at that time." Yeah right, always Jan Di in his mind.
"Appa why they hate me? Am I a bad boy?" Yul Jin asked me while looking straight into my eyes.
"Of course not." Jun Pyo beat me to answer his question. "The problem is not on you because you are the sweetest little boy I ever met. It was their problem because they all dumb and crazy and I swear I will hunt each one of them down and make them regret that they were born in this world." He used harsh words to answer a two-year-old boy question and I glared at him to correct his words but he didn't understand.
"Really ahjusshi? I'm not bad?" Yul Jin now looking at Jun Pyo with a curious face.
"No, not at all! That's why I love you so much, omma and appa love you too, Woo Bin-ahjusshi, Ji Hoo-ahjusshi, Jan Di-ahjumma, haraboeji and halmoni all of us love you." He planted a kiss on Yul Jin's cheek while smiling gently at him. Jun Pyo was like a second father to Yul Jin. I knew he yearned to have his own child but Jan Di didn't want a child yet. So he poured his fatherhood loved on Yul Jin.
"Jun Pyo-ahjusshi is right sweetheart, no one in their right mind can hate the smart and sweet little boy like you. You've done nothing wrong." Yul Jin seemed to calm down after hearing our soothing words. A few moment later, he fall asleep at my shoulder, maybe too tired after crying for so long.
"Jeong-ah, you need to ask Ga Eul what really happen today. Jan Di had tried and she just kept quiet but Jan Di said it must be happen because of you."
"Jun Pyo!" I heard Jan Di called her husband. She still called him by name with no honorific title. "Let's go back home. Ga Eul was asleep already, she cried so much today and she fall asleep while crying."
Not once Jan Di's eyes fell on me today but she looks sad.
"Come to think of it, this is all my fault. I started all of this. I shouldn't go to Shinhwa at the first place. I shouldn't drag my best friend into my problem. I shouldn't get involved with the F4." Jan Di sadly complained her thought out while looking at her foot but her words were like bullets that fired through my heart.
Jun Pyo immediately went to her side and wiped away the tears that started to trickle on her cheeks. "Hey, does it mean you regret to be with me?"
"It makes me hate myself more, to be happy now while my best friend…. had to suffer because of me."
"Come on, let's just go home." Jun Pyo wrapped his arm around her shoulders and dragged her to my front door and before he went out he said; "Bye Jeong-ah, don't worry they won't escape from me. No one can mess up with my kid."
I carried the sleeping Yul Jin in my arms and slowly opened the door to Ga Eul's bedroom. She was still sobbing in her sleep, I can still see the tears that wet her eye lashes. I put Yul Jin beside her and took a long time just to stare at the two persons that I love the most, more than my own life. 'Pain' was understatement to describe my feelings now. Watching their sad face was like burning myself little by little that I wish I could rather killed myself on the spot than have to endure the torturous pain.
What really happen? I wanted to wake Ga Eul to ask about it but she looks so damn tired that I didn't have the heart to bother her deep slumber.
I went out from her room and sat at my quiet living room. I didn't know what to do so I just sat there for hours until it was dark outside. I felt like I wanted to drink but there was no liquor in my house because Ga Eul prevents any liquid that contain alcohol to be brought inside the house. It was already dark but I didn't bother to switch on the lights because the darkness seemed to calm me down, it hides me from the reality that I need to see through the lights.
Suddenly the lights were turned on and woke me from my pensive thought. I saw Ga Eul's shocking face when she realised that I was sitting there all alone in the dark until she turned on the lights. She already changed her cloths and maybe had taken a shower. She didn't say a word and just continued to walk to the kitchen. I quickly followed her steps and saw her drink the plain water from the fridge.
"Are you hungry? Do you want me to cook you something?" I genuinely worried about her because she looks so weak and pale. She was not answering my question and just shook her head.
"Are you sure? You haven't eaten at all. You need to eat something or you will get sick."
"I lost my appetite. I just want to sleep." She tried to walk away from me and wanted to go back to her bedroom but I was fast to grab her elbow and halted her steps.
"Hey, don't you want to talk about it." I asked her gently.
"No." She tried to avoid my question.
"You have to tell me what's going on, why are you and Yul Jin being attacked by those bitches? I need to know." I forced her further.
"You don't need to know. You can pretend that it never happens."
"I can't! Who do you think I am? Why it's hard for you to tell me?"
"You are right! Who are you? You are not my husband and you have no responsibilities on me. I don't need your sympathy!"
"Ga Eul-yang!" I was shocked by her accusation and unintentionally I rose up my voice.
"Don't you dare to raise your voice on me! Fine if you want to know what happen then fine I can tell you about it." She started to scream at me.
"Those women called me a whore, a bitch, the filthiest woman that happens to be the object for the Casanova to release his lust. They told me I'm a disgrace to my family and to all women in Korea. I can't even defend myself because what they've said is true!" She abruptly shoved away the tears that started to trickle on her cheeks using the back of her hand. She then continued;
"Almost every night I surrendered myself to you, lost in your warmth embrace and I disregard my honour to embrace you back. I don't know if I should feel happy or dirty every time you touch me. And in return you gave me a blank check." She chuckled a little while her tears never stop to fall. "You gave me a black card that has no limit at all that I could easily buy anything in this world. I felt like I'm the first class whore and the most expensive one."
"Ga Eul-yang." I called her gently but she never wanted to stop her outburst.
"I can take it, I can swallow all their critics on me, I can be patient because I love you so much. I had to sacrifice the job that I love the most because the unwed mother is the perfect bad examples for the kids not to follow. I thicken my face to follow you to any events and functions although I heard a lot of bad murmured about me and I have to endure the judging stared from them. But today they've gone over my limits. They called my baby, my poor innocent little baby who done nothing wrong; a son of a bitch and an illegitimate child. And the most painful fact is, I can't defend him too."
"What?" I was shocked and speechless by her outburst. She was sobbing uncontrollably by now. She kept all her frustration in her heart all this time and today she wanted to release all the pain that clog in her heart.
"Nobody wanted to be friend with him. Can't you see he has no friend at all? I tried to bring him to the park and at first the kids wanted to play with him but as soon as their parents realised who he was, they will take away their children like he was infected with some sort of dangerous disease. It pains me to see his sad face and every time he asked me why those parents didn't want their children to play with him, I didn't know what to answer and he didn't deserve to be treated like that!"
"Ga Eul-yang." I moved forward to her to calm her down, I wanted really badly to hold her in my embrace.
"Don't touch me!" She moved backward to keep our distance. "I … I don't think I can take it anymore."
"What do you mean?" I looked straight into her eyes. Her soaking eyes showed me that she felt defeated.
"I have to protect him, I can't be selfish. I have to take him away, I should never let him involved in our problems."
"Do you want to leave me with him? Do you want to separate me from my own son?" I clenched my hand so tight to suppress my anger. I can even feel my nails piercing my palm.
"I think this is the best solution."
"NO! Why you don't tell me this earlier? Why you make me feel like I'm a useless bastard that cannot protect my own family? Why you want to leave like everyone else?"
"I don't want to force you to marry me just because you wanted to protect us."
"I never felt like that! I… " I wanted to say I love her but I think if I said it now she won't believe me and maybe she thought I said it to soothe her. So the stupid me who should ease her pain did the contradiction. I grabbed her shoulders because I'm mad when I thought that she wanted to leave me. I can't lose her, not after I completely fall in love with her, not after I can't live without her, not after I got spoiled by her love, not after she became my air; the most essential component to keep me alive. "I won't let you leave me. I'll hunt you down if you dare to leave me. I'll make sure that you can't live without me." I whispered those threats to her ear.
"YI JEONG-SUNBAE!" She screamed her lungs out at me and tried to wriggle her body away from me.
"WHAT? YOU THINK I CAN'T DO THAT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHO I AM HUH?" I scream back at her. I tighten my hold on her shoulders and shake her body while screaming at her face.
Suddenly I heard a faint sniffing sound coming not far from us. We both simultaneously looked at the direction where the sound came from. A well-known small body was standing beside the kitchen cabinet, clutching tightly at his favourite teddy bear with tears welling up at his eyes and a few drops already escaped and wetted his chubby cheeks. He was gritting his teeth to conceal the crying sound. I was shocked to see him, I didn't know for how long he was standing there and witnessing our fight. He just stared at us with a scared looking face, it pained me to see him like that. It was like a déjà vu, why he must experiencing the same betrayal like I had during my childhood. I perfectly knew what it felt when the family that I thought was the happiest family in the world was just an act when the first time I saw my parent fights.
"Yu …Yul Jin-ah." I called his name softly and loosen my hold on Ga Eul's shoulder. I averted my gazed back to Ga Eul and she was shocked too. I wanted to go to him but Ga Eul pushed me away and carried him in her arms. She stroked his back to calm him.
He was hugging Ga Eul so tightly but his questioning eyes never leave me. I don't know how to answer his stare, should I faked a smile to soothe him?
"I'm sorry Yul Jin-ah." I heard Ga Eul whispered to his ear. "This is all omma's fault. Did you awake because of the noise baby? Let me put you back to your sleep again and guess what you can sleep with omma tonight."
He didn't say a word and just nodded his head. Ga Eul carried him to her room and I followed closer. She locked her door from inside before I managed to get in but I'm not surprised with her action. It felt so quiet so sudden. I move closer to her door and lean on that cold wood, hoping that I could feel the warmth that emitted behind that door.
I'm not ready to leave them yet so I just sat there with my back leaning against her bedroom door. The fight replaying in my mind. Ga Eul's angry face, then replaced by her sad face, after that Yul Jin's sadness and the betrayal that he felt, those faces attacked my mind vigorously that I didn't have a will to stop it. It was all my fault to put them into this misery. It was all my fault that they have to suffer like this. What have I done? What have I done? I pulled my knees up and wrapped my arms around it. I buried my face on my knees and started to sob uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry..." I cried and cried while saying those words. I kept crying pathetically in front of her bedroom door because I know I'm not the only one who cried that night, I made them cried too and I wanted to strangle myself because of it. I guess I'm a lot worse than my father. At least I'm happy for the first five years of my life but Yul Jin had to suffer when he was just two-year-old, and the worse was, it happens the day before his birthday. Is this the end already? Should I let them go? Am I capable to give up my heaven now?