Chapter 3: The Water Park
Lightning woke up to Hope shoving tickets into her nostils. "Ehr?" Lightning took out of her nose..."TICKETS TO EDEN WATER PARK!" Vanille started crumping and ran to the truck. Hope was right behind her. Snow was still a pile of shit so Lightning put the Snow Sludge in the passenger's seat with her shiny new nails. "Where..?" Lightning asked but was booted by Vanille. "YEEEEAAAHHHH!" Vanille shoved her dick in the stick shift and drove them to Eden Water Park. It was easy to get in because Hope had somehow stolen four fast passes to the Eden Water Park. "Yayyyy! I want to ride the most dangerous one first!" Vanille jiggled her tits and ran up to Life Alert, the fastest most dangerous water slide in the west. She was stopped by the employee. "Excuse me miss, I need to see your height first." The employee said. She stood up next to a chart and she was well above the limit. "Heheh yay!" Vanille skidded in line. Lightning was up next, and she was fine too. Then it was Hope's turn. "I'm sorry kid, but you're not tall enough." The employee said. Vanille made a scene. "HAHAHHA LOOK AT THE LITTLE BABY WHO WET HIS PANTS BECAUSE HE'S A VAGINA DIAPER!" Everyone laughed except the gang. Lightning unscrewed Snow's container and he melted into the ground. "Go take Hope to the kiddy pool or something." Lightning crossed her arms. Snow said nothing and gloobed away with Hope. "That Vanille is such a cunt." Hope barfled to himself. Snow had attached himself to Hope so he wouldn't have to walk. They made it to the kiddy pool. Hope angsted, taking off his clothes. "I'M NOT A VAGINA BABY I SHOULDN'T BE HERE..." Hope was eating his toes but then Snow suddenly popped back to life because. Hope looked at the other families having a good time. He saw Mumkhar and Mumkhar Jr. splashing and playing like father and son. Hope sighed. "I wish my family would do stuff like this, you know, if they weren't dead." He emoed. Snow saw Hope's sadness and put his hand on his head and buffled his hair. "Hehe, it can just be you and me!" Snow gayed. "Really... Than..." Hope was cut off by Snow drowning him face first in the pool. "GOT YOUR NOSE GOT YOUR NOSE!" Snow laughed as Hope gasped for air but could not. He passed out. Snow got bored and looked around and saw the lifeguard. "Could it be...?" Snow walked in the water and shouted at the top of his lungs. "HEEEEEEYYYYYY CCCLLLOOOUUUUDDDDDD!" Everyone in the kiddy pool could hear. Cloud the Lifeguard was wearing sunglasses looking all HD and cool stuff. He heard the voice of his nightmares and pretended like he didn't hear Snow. "C'mon Cloud! It's me! Your old college room mate!" Snow was waving his arms. Hope came back to life. "Snow, stop making a scene. People are starting to look at us..." Hope buffled. "Shut up diaper baby." He pounded Hope's head into the water. Snow then swam over to Cloud, who was still ignoring him. "Aw are you still mad at me? C'mon that was like three decades ago." Snow huffled. Cloud said nothing and "accidentally" threw his sword at Snow, cutting his beanie in half! Hope gasped. "I WILL NEVER FORGET." Cloud drew a swastika on Snow's head. "WE BOTH STARRED IN THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS CO-STARRING TIM MCGRAW, AND YOU FUCKING PEED ON MY DOG AT THE STEAKHOUSE. THAT WAS MY FAVORITE STEAKHOUSE AND NOW I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GO BAAAAACCCCKKK!" Cloud monologued. Snow was in shock and was drowning.
Snow had a heart attack and looked into Cloud's mind. It gave him a telepathil'cie communication temporarily that only lasted 5 seconds. "Cloud...I DID IT ON PURPOSE! THAT STEAK WAS TOO GOOD FOR YOU! You were becoming a..." Cloud interrupted him. "A what?!" Snow gulped (telepathicl'cieally of course), "a FLOUD!" Snow roared (telepathicl'cie). "A FAT LOUD CLOUD!" Snow howled paralyzing Cloud, and that was the end of that.
Blood filled the kiddy pool and screams could be heard. Soon the Sanctum police came to the scene. "ON THE FLOOR!" They roared and fired at the already paralyzed Cloud. The bullets KO'd him and he fell into the kiddy pool. "Ahh!" He splashed unconscious. The Sanctum guards examined the scene. One guard came up to Hope. "Heh." He huffed and kicked Hope in the back. "Oww! What the fuck!" Hope angsted. The officer took out a lolly pop and handed it to him. "A wittle vagina diaper like you should be wit your parents." Hope was about to show him he was not a baby when a different guard shouted. "OH MY NON-L'CIE! This man's head is cut in half and is the source of the blood!" All the guards scampered and scooped up Snow's remains. They left the unconscious drowning Cloud in the pool and sped away with Snow in an ambulance. "Heh. Im all alone... A big kid now!" Hope cheered. "Now where should I go..." Hope thought aloud, and some random parent answered him by DRAGGING HIS LOTTLE BABIE ASS TO THE ABORTION CENTER! "I'll abort you!" A slender looking figure in a trench coat picked out Hope instantly. "All right sir, sign the paperwork." The abortion lady stated. Hope watched in anticipation. "Wow! Im gonna get aborted!" All the kids around him were depressed. "I've been here for 7 months... No one wants to abort me.." Sally McSnot weedled before the other kids beat the l'ce out of her to prevent anyone from noticing her. Unfortunately, it seemed as though Hope's new adopter was a l'cietard because he was trying to sign the paper with his face! "Stupid mister, you use your hands!" Hope yelled at the aborter. The trenchcoat turned... And Hope saw he had been trying to sign not with his face, but with his beak! IT WAS AN OWL's FACE IN THE TRENCHCOAT! Hope shit his pants. "H.G. HEDGEWIG?" The bird screeeeeched a sound that made the dumb lady bleed her eyes out. "Thanks H.G. Hedgewig! We can always count on you to get us out of a pickle!" Hope smarlied, tossed the lolly at H.G. Hedghewig. Hope turned around. "Oh... One last thing H.G. Hedgewig... I'm curious- why don't you go by H.P. Hedgewig?" Hope asked the owl. H.G. Hedgewig responded by giving Hope a good dose of owl shit in the face. "Heh... Sorry. I know I mustn't misuse the power of the saint H.G. Hedgewig. I won't waste another moment of your time! So Hope left and headed back to the water park to find Lightning and Vanille.
While that whole Snow epidemic had gone on, Lightning and Vanille had finally made it to the near-end of the line. "Ass!" Vanille giggled staring at an XXL MEAT BOY. Lightning gawked at it, "ugh. Im not into that." Lightning turned around crossing her arms... But she turned right into Vanille's mouth and Vanille made out viciously with her. "MMMMMMM!" Lightning shrieked trying to break free, but Vanille turned on her vacuum that was in her mouth and sucked her to hold her within her grasp. "Hey... Ugh... One of you needs to go down the Lifealert now?" The life guard timidly asked. Vanille turned off her vacuum, and just when Lightning broke free to catch her breath, Vanille dove on and kicked off her to shoot down then slide. "Hehe. Cya doll!" Vanille giggled, skeeting away down the slide. Lightning was paler than usual because she was wearing GOTHL'CIEIC sun lotion but also because Vanille's vacuum had literally VACUUMED ALL THE AIR OUT OF LIGHTNING! Lightning weakly got up and was about to pursue that little bitch for installing Bing on her FantasyL'ciephone, and also for making out with her and shoving her down. But the man stopped her. "I'm sorry. But for safety reasons the Life alert only allows one rider at a time." Lightning moaned and waited... And waited... The man finally suggested something to her. "Hey. You know, while you are waiting I can give you a shake." The man offered. "Sure." Lightning smiled for once in her life. "Alright... Oh! Almost forgot! Would you like fries with tha-" an explosion interrupted the poor man, and by interrupted I mean decapitated him because the huge life alert logo sign broke off in the explosion and smashed off his pathetic little fries suggesting head. The explosion had originated from somewhere down at the Willey's Whirley Willy kids ride. Lightning sighed. "Must be that dumb baby." She shot down the slide to experience the Life Alert and to catch Vanille. Little did Lightning know, the explosion was not Shulk Jr.'s fault, but rather, it was the work of someone Lightning had not yet met. Mumkhar Jr... No just kidding he died when the police came and shot Cloud because they no like robos.
Lightning caught up to Vanille and slashed an 'X' in her back. Vanille squirmed and bled. "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET YOU LITTLE RAPIST." Lightning melted into the ground and scampered off to see who had been the cause of the Willey's Whirley Willy kids ride. "Blast it all." Lightning had gotten on the crime scene with Primarch Dysley! "Oh hello Lightning, I was just about to get a Rectal Experience from my favorite ride, the Willey's Whirley Willy kids ride, when suddenly there was an explosion!" While spilling his tune to Lightning, he had been scraping the remains of a bomb into his blood stained dress. "I know you did it Primarch!" Lightning roared. "Heheh, no you don't. In fact, I'd like to send you and all your little friends to a special place to forget about this whole incident... Think of it as a late 21st birthday bribery lynching!" Primarch Dysley turned into a Fal'cie in front of God and everyone and slashed Lightning unconscious. The police didn't even care as he transformed back into a human.