Chapter 5: The Comic Con
Lightning woke up in a whole crowd full of people. She was really confused, where had Primarch Dysley sent her? They were all dressed up too. It must be one of Cocoon's Comic Cons! Lightning was scared because she knew the non-l'cies would amputate her any chance they'd get. She turned around walking slowly, but bumped into THE BIGGEST BIGOT RACIST L'CIE HATERS IN ALL WEST EGYPT: JIHL NABAAT AND YAANG ROSCH! except they were dressed up as mickey and money mouse..? "Oh my, Jihl, look! Someone has flawlessly captured the essence of that lesbian l'cie girl!" Rosch surveyed Lightning while circling her. "This costume is absolutely divine, darling! I bet it took you MONTHS to make it!" Jihl giggled jiggling her money makers. Lightning was too afraid to speak and started sweating water. Jihl wasted no time and collected the water into a bottle which Rosch drank out of. "She's even in character! Trembling at the sight of non-l'cie gods! Wow, you should definitely sign up for the cosplay contest! I'm sure you'd win!" Rosch warmly smiled. Lightning tried to smile but ended up making a really gay face and farted. "Well, we best be off. We don't want to miss the yiffing exhibition like last year!" Jihl grabbed Rosch's arm and they skipped away. Lightning sighed a sigh of relief and started running face first into Hope. "OW! Oh Lightning!" Hope readjusted Lightning's tits and resumed his dignity. "You wouldn't believe it! Vanille and I were warped here by the Primarch and I even went on this crazy adventure and saw H.G Hedg..." "Not now Hope we need to find everyone." Lightning cut Hope off who pouted. Lightning and Hope walked through all the crowd people until a man wouldn't let them pass. It was a representative from Club Fal'tendo who shoved a 3DS in Lightning's hands. "PLEASE PLEASE BUY THIS GAME PLEASE I DONT WANT MY FAMILY TO DIE." The man begged on his knees. Lightning rolled her eyes and gave the 3DS to Hope. "Huh?" Hope was confused and turned on the 3DS. It read "SUPER METROID 5 3DS: LABRADOR &SIMESE KITTEN EDITION." Hope threw up all over the screen. "NO NO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE TAKE THIS PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR WALLET THE COMMUNITY LOVES THIS GAME PLEASE." The Club Fal'tendo representative began shoving the 3DS down Hope's throat as more vomit came up. "Hope stop messing around." Lightning grabbed Hope's arm and dragged him with her. "NOOOOOO!" The representative pounded his fists on the ground "code red we have a Hambeast at 9'oclock" a Guardian Corp Officer mouthed into his walkie talkie. Repetitive gunshots could be heard. Then Lightning saw Snow in front of a bathroom. Lightning went up to him and punched him in the head. "WHY WEREN'T YOU TAKING CARE OF THE DIAPER BABY LIKE I ASKED YOU TO." Lightning made a scene. Hope gently performed the heimlich on himself and threw up the garbage that was inside that 3DS. "Ugh look I'm sorry ok? Vanille is in the bathroom but she won't come out." Snow admitted. "Ugh." Lightning reluctantly went in the bathroom to see what was the matter. She had to take a shit anyway.
As soon as Lightning went in the girl bathroom Snow went into action. He dragged Hope all the way to the center of the store. "This ones for your maum!" Snow grinned and pantsed Hope. "HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BABBYYYYY!" Snow slapped his knee. Hope was about to pound the shit out of Snow but then in Snow's laughter he dropped his phone. A video was playing on the phone's screen. It was of Hope's mom getting shot in the head and Snow SMILING WITH HIS PEARLY WHITES AND IT WAS ON LOOP! Hope's eyes welled with tears and he began crying his eyes out. Shoppers all around stopped to laugh at the crying baby. Snow was dying from laughter and the shoppers were too! Hope finally snapped. "I HATE YOU SOOOO MUCH YOU STUPID GRUNT... I AM NOTT A BABBBYYYYY!" Hope roared and hurled himself toward Snow. "And he's pounding the shit out of Snow- except nothing is happening because Snow is a tank and Hope is a BABBBYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Roared a girly voice through a megaphone. Whoever it was was standing on a ladder stepper. Snow laughed his tall laugh as he towered over the little baby. Hope saw with his soaked eyes who was on the ladder with the megaphone. It was Vanille! Hope abandoned the clearly too powerful Snow and grabbed the base of the ladder. He began shaking it. "AWW POOR VANILLE. SHES A WITTLE TODDLER ABOUT TO DIE FROM DISEASE!" Hope cackled. A shopper stared at him. "Wow what a shitty phrase. That wasn't even making sense! He must be a baby!" The random watcher confused himself. Hope shot a dagger at the shopper and the poor bastard died. "Woooahh!" Vanille giggled acting scared, but then her phone fell out of her pocket! "OH FUCK!" Vanille tried to grab it but missed and it fell to the fl-uffy hands of Hope. He unlocked the phone to see- THE WALLPAPER WAS OF HIMSELF IN KAWAII POSES?! Hope gasped. "WHAT THE FUCK VANILLA YOU LIKE ME?!" Hope shrieked and ran as fast as he could with the phone out of the store. "Nooo!" Vanille broke down- literally because the ladder fell apart and she fell into Snow's hands. "No worries babe." He smiled his hero smile. Lightning caught up panting. "What the fuck Snow! No one was even in that bathroom except for an old couple who wouldn't let me leave until I helped them wash their hands!" Snow giggled. "Yeah. Vanille and I just wanted to play a prank on Hope. It was Vanille's idea." Lightning looked awkwardly at the broken down depressed Vanille. "Umm.. Whats wrong with he-" Lightning was interrupted by a long boring monolog by Vanille. Near the end of it she spoke useful information instead of that babble garbage. "I...I actually am like... A famous porn star... Vanilla Johnson..." Snow interrupted her, "why'd they call you that? Huh." He dumbed. "Because I like ice cream and... And because i ended up having real sex with lots of them." Vanille gulped. "Hope thinks... That man on my phone is him... But its not... ITS HIS FATHER AND IM HIS REAL MOTHER!" Vanille revealed. No one cared. "Cool. Now can we go get Hope?" Lightning sighed. Snow interrupted, "Hold up- that doesn't make sense- I killed his mom- right? I mean he was born from her?" Snow tried to sound intelligent but Vanille stopped him. "He was conceived in me, but I used my L'cie powers when I was crystalized to tranfer the egg to someone whom I knew would get killed... So that I could replace her as his mother..." Vanille confessed. SUDDENLY FANG BLASTED THROUGH THE WINDOW IN A RACECAR AND SCOOPED UP VANILLE. "Yo wazzup Lightning!" The racecar, who was Sahz, laughed. "FUCK! GET IN SNOW, AFTER THEM!" Lightning transformed into Lightning McQueen to speed after them!