Chapter 4: Need Serenity
BPOV
As soon as the tire screeching started I closed my eyes, hands on the steering wheel, pushing my body back against the seat, waiting for the impact. But the impact didn't come. The screeching stopped. I heard Edwards voice stop calling my name. Then I heard a line of cussing coming from that beautiful mouth of his. I opened my eyes looking out my passenger window. There, not even two feet from my black mustang, was an orange Chevy pickup truck. And beside the truck was a very angry Edward…punching a guy in the face repeatedly. I got out of my car quickly, turning it off before hand and running around my car to where the two men were scrapping.
"Edward! Stop!"
"NO!" He screamed in my face. Pulling his hand back to punch me. I shrink back. Then everything changes. He still looks angry. But he relaxes a little. His arms fall to his side. I'm still shrinking back away from him.
"Bella… I'm so sorry. I wouldn't have hit you..." he rambled. I just shrugged. Still keeping my distance. I looked to left. There on the ground. Unconscious. Was Tyler from school.
"Edward… what did you do?" I whispered. He grabbed on his hair. Yanking at it. Then pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lighting one up. Taking a huge puff before speaking.
"He almost hit you. He should have been watching where he was going." He said simply. I started at him with my mouth open.
"That's no reason to knock him unconscious!" I screamed. "You're going to go to JAIL! The police are going to come soon! SURELY someone phoned them! He's going to wake up and say you freaking beat him up! You could get arrested Edward! He didn't even hit me!" I screamed. Edward was taking another huge puff and pulling on his hair with his other hand.
"He should have been watching where he was going…" he repeated. I huffed, walked over to my car and slid down to the wet ground leaning against my mustang. Closing my eyes and breathing deeply.
I heard his footsteps grow quiet as he walked away. I was relieved. I didn't want him around. I had to learn to stay away from him. He made me want things that I shouldn't. I keep my eyes closed, breathing deeply. Then I hear his footsteps coming up to me again. I opened my eyes looking up at him. He has a blanket in his hand. He sits down next to me. draping the blanket over my shoulders. Its then that I realize it's raining out, and I am shivering.
"T-th-thanks" I say as I shiver. He just nods at me. Pinching the bridge of his nose.
We sit there for what seems like hours. Tyler moved and moaned a couple times. But never fully woke up. I heard sirens in the distance and then the police and ambulances came flying down the street. The ambulance took me and checked me to make sure I was okay. They said I was fine. The police had Edward in handcuffs and were questioning him. I really hoped he didn't get in trouble. I was escorted home in one of the police cars with another cop driving my mustang home for me. The police didn't think I was in well enough shape to drive. When we pulled up my mom came running out of the house. I groaned.
"Bella! BELLA! Where the hell have you been! What did you DO! Sir, I assure you she must have had a logical reason..." she started ranting. I take my car keys from the police officer. Thanking him, and pushed past my hysterical mother running up to my room. Unlocking my door with the key on the key ring and walking in. I lock the door behind me, stripping out of my soaking clothes putting on new underwear and a oversized t-shirt. Collapsing on my bed.
I heard my phone going off, not knowing how much time had passed since I collapsed on my bed. I didn't want to answer it, but I knew I'd have to at some point. I got up off my bed. My feet were numb because id been lying there for so long. It was dark outside. My eyes were clouded with tears. My makeup was probably running everywhere. How things changed so much in just a few hours I would never understand… I was so happy. And then snap. I was back to life. Back to my life. The shitty hell hole it was. I opened my phone up and read the text.
Sorry for earlier. Couldn't just let him get off easy… he should have been paying attention... I just got a warning, and 20 hours community service. Hope u aren't mad.- E
I sighed. I don't think I could ever truly be mad at him. He was just trying to protect me. He didn't mean to hurt Tyler, he just couldn't help it. I quickly typed out a message and pressed send.
Not mad, just tired. And cold. Was outside for a long time. thank you. But next time , just talk. He didn't deserve that. It was an accident. Plus he didn't hit. Im safe. Im fine…-B
What a lie. I thought to myself. Laughing a very humorless laugh. I walked into my bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. I looked like shit. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. My mom hadn't come to check on me. I guess the police officers explained everything and she thought I needed some alone time. Once I was cleaned up I went and lay on my bed again. I checked the time on my phone. 8:45pm. Damn I was tired. It couldn't be only almost nine. My phone alerted another text. I quickly read it.
Ill try. Don't have the best temper control… I could keep you warm ;)-E
Ha thanks, but no thanks. Blankets will do just fine-B
Awe man, I was looking forward to cuddling :( -E
Ha. Ha. You're so funny. Even the luckiest man on earth wouldn't get to cuddle with me in my bed..-B
Well maybe you should let a man in. A man to protect you…-E
Oh shit, im sorry. I have to go. I need a smoke before bed and my parents went to bed, so that's my cue. Peace-E
Shit that sounded bad… Goodnight Bella :) –E
I laughed. My phone kept going off from texts from him. I waited until the last to respond. Responding with a quick goodnight. Usually I found smoking a huge turn off, but with him, it was kind of hot. Thinking of him as the bad boy biker type… gawd! No Bella. I could feel the pool of wetness starting between my legs. I rubbed my legs together absentmindedly. Moaning quietly. I had never got myself off before, but the pooling between my legs wouldn't stop, as the thoughts wouldn't either. I quickly rubbed my hand against my underwear moaning again. Gawd why did this feel so good? I knew what to do, I quickly moved my underwear to the side, sticking two fingers in. pumping at a fast pace, thinking of the beautiful Edward. His green eyes, bronze hair. The way he kissed me. the way he was grinding against me. Rubbing my clit hard against my hand, keeping my moaning quiet, I clenched around my fingers, moaning through my release.
After I calmed down from the high, I go to the bathroom to clean up, then walking back out to my room. I lay down in bed and just thought about everything that happened today. It was a great day. I have to admit that. I fell asleep later on, thinking about Edward. I couldn't seem to stop thinking about him lately…
EPOV
I blew out a puff of smoke. Gawd this felt good. It had been to long since I smoked weed. Especially shit this good.
"Thanks man, I really needed this" I said nodding in James direction. He just nodded, I passed the joint to him and he took a long breath in. James wasn't a friend of mine. Not even close. I pretty much used him for good weed. That's about it. He didn't go to Forks High School; he went to a high school in Port Angeles. And he came down once a month, and brought me some shit. He couldn't come last month so this was long overdue. I felt like a dick for leaving Bella on such a note earlier. But I really needed this. Especially after the fucking hell of a day I had.
After the almost crash Bella was escorted home, and I was taken down town for questioning. They let me off with a warning this time, since I'd never been in any serious trouble. Sure I got in trouble around school often. But I kept my marks up high, so the school didn't dare suspend their "best" student. I laughed out loud. James just looked at me than looked away again. Man this shit worked fast… well anyways. They didn't want to arrest me seeing as I had a perfect record and all. If only they knew. They were so oblivious.
I leaned against the side of my house. Taking another puff. It was helping already. Distressing me. Bella had me all confused. She was a totally different girl today. They she turned right back into the Bella I'd gotten to know over the past week. I couldn't do this. This wasn't me. I was Edward Cullen. I didn't get into serious relationships. Every guy wanted to be me, because every girl wanted me, but that didn't mean I got with them. I hadn't even been with many girls in my past. Not nearly as much as people say. Girls say that they got with me all the time, for popularity I guess. But I don't see it as that. There all low lives that lie about who they sleep with. I couldn't stand more than three quarters of the people in the school.
I didn't want to fall for Bella. But I didn't think I could stop it anymore. I couldn't lose my tough guy reputation, I didn't want to put up with people. I didn't like talking to people. They all pissed me off. Except my brother Emmett, his girlfriend Rosalie, her brother Jasper and his girlfriend Alice. Who happened to be friends with Bella... but if I lost my reputation, people would start to talk. And I wouldn't hesitate to knock every one of those dumb fuckers out at the school. especially Mike Newton. Tried to get with every girl. Idiot. I felt bad for Tyler today. I hadn't punched anybody in a real long time, and I hate that it had to be him I took all my anger out on.
But once he almost hit Bella, I freaked. What if she got hurt? Or worse, died. I wouldn't admit this, but I didn't know what I would do without her. She made my life that much better. And I needed that. I would miss her. Most definitely. I missed her the past week. She'd been at school, but not all THERE. She was a different girl. And it worried me. It worried me that it was my fault, but then I remembered what Laurent did to her. I wouldn't do that to her. Yes, I had done that to people in the past. But something about her was different then the other girls I have dated.
I took another long drag from the joint. Then put it out. I had to get back inside. It was getting late. I didn't want to stay out here smoking all night, or I would be fucked. And then I would be grumpy in the morning. Thank gawd it was only Sunday tomorrow. I waved to James, and told him to get outta here. That I'd see him next month. He nodded and stumbled away. I didn't know how that guy drove at all, let alone when he was high, but that aint my problem. I walked back inside quietly. Careful not to disturb anything to make it noticeable I was out smoking. My parents didn't know I smoked cigarettes let alone drugs. My dad being a doctor and all would flip shit and my mom would have a breakdown. The image of her perfect son being ruined for her.
As much as I loved drugs and everything, I couldn't hurt my parents like that. They couldn't know. Ever. I got to my room locking my door, jumping and landing in a heap on my bed. Without getting up I took off my shirt and jeans, sleeping in my boxers.
BPOV
I woke up with a sore back, and neck. Then I realized I must have got up in the middle of the night and curled up in the old rocking chair in the side of my room. I groaned. Getting up and stretching. Sunday. Great. Today I would have to do all the homework due for tomorrow, and avoid parents at all costs. There was a knock at my door. I crept quietly over to my bed, grabbing my phone. Ah hell. It was already noon. I wondered how long my parents had been knocking at the door. I ignored the door. I walked to the bathroom, turning my tap on to fill the tub. I really needed a long ass soak in the tub. I heard my phone go off from in my room. I almost ran to the phone.
Hey, sorry I was a douche last night. Was so tired. And stressed. Seriously needed that smoke. Mornings bells –E
I couldn't help but smile at the text. I brought my phone into the bathroom and put it on the counter as I got into the hot water. Sighing at is hit all the right spots in my muscles. I picked up my phone and typed out a message back.
Don't worry bout it, I wasn't in the best of moods either. – B
Im in a better mood now. What are you doing right now?-E
Sitting in the tub…-E
After I sent that I realized I shouldn't have. He didn't need to know where I was. I should have just said fucking relaxing! Stupid me. Stupid. Stupid. Stup— my phone alerted another text.
Mmm. Sounds nice. Im just chillen on my bed in my boxers, not wantin to get up ;)-E
Sounds fun.- B
I couldn't think of anything else to say. I sat back and closed my eyes. Letting the hot water sooth my body and replenish my muscles. I must have dozed off because next thing I know, I'm awake. Sitting in cold water. With my phone saying 3 missed messages. I groan. The clock says 4pm. I can't believe I slept for another four hours! That's just brutal. I got out of the cold water wrapping a towel around me and getting clean pajamas to relax in. I then started reading the texts after I lay down on my bed on my stomach.
Very nice-E
Bells, you there?-E
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it awkward… just when u said u were in the tub…-E
I quickly typed out a message back.
Sorry, was so tired. Passed out in the tub. Just got up again. So fucking cold.. damn I cant believe I slept this long in the tub. – B
Ohh, that's alright bells-E
I smiled at his nickname for quickly stopped smiling. I yawn and lye on my bed. Then asked, why was I even texting him? I had to stop. I had to get out. I couldn't stay in this house any longer. I quickly got up running around grabbing clothes and most importantly wrist warmers. Smashing against the bathroom wall in the process.
I called Angela while I was at it. Her and Alice were the only people I could trust. I had to tell them about my wrists. They were my only salvation.
"Hello?" Angelo answered after she let it ring for a while.
"Angela..." I said outta breath.
"Bella? What's wrong!?" she asked alarmed. I breathed deeply.
"Nothing, just running around getting dressed. Call Alice. I'll meet you both at your place in a half hour. I need to talk to you two." And with that I hung up. Edward was driving me crazy with love and I couldn't hold it in. And in order to explain everything to them. Why I couldn't give him the time of day. I would have to tell them about my wrists. They'd have to know.
I grabbed all my stuff and ran out my bedroom door. Stopping to lock it on the way out. I ran down the stairs and out the front door before my parents could stop me. I got in my mustang and drove off towards Angela's house. It was a fair bit of a drive. Twenty minutes. But it gave me time to think about how I was going to tell them. Should I just take off the wrists warmers? No. No that would scare them. I'd have to hint at it first. And then tell them as I take them off. Ya, that would be how I would do it. Oh Jeeze, look at me now. I was having a conversation with myself. I turned the music on to relax myself as I got closer to Angela's. This could go two ways. And I didn't want it to go either way. They would either be sad for me or feel pitiful for me. Or totally hate me and not want to see me again... I didn't know which one would be the easier outcome. But they were both bound to end up badly.
I pulled into Angela's driveway slowly. Alice was already here. Great. No time to tell Angela and help me break it to Alice. Alice was always the drama queen… She was bound to make a big deal out of this. No doubt about it. I just had to brace myself. Get in there and do it. Who knows, they could just pretend like there not there, right? Oh who am I kidding? I'm totally dead. Everything changes today.. Better just get it over with.
I got out of my car. Locking it and running up to Angela's door. Before I could even knock Angela and Alice barreled out and hugged me. Knowing something was clearly wrong but the time it took for me to come inside.
"Let's go inside. I got stuff to tell you guys" I said. They nodded and we all walked inside. We went upstairs to Angela's room; they both sat on her bed. But I walked around. I was nervous as hell.
"Bella. Calm down. Were your best friends. We'll love you no matter what" Angelo offered. I nodded at her.
"Do you know when people are upset? They do bad things? Things they regret but can't do anything about. Things people hate about them. But stuff they can't stop. Things that make them feel better in the moment, but the next day they hate themselves more than they ever did the day before. But the chain goes on. The reaction continues because the more they hate themselves, the more they do stupid things and it just keeps going. The domino effect. An effect they couldn't stop even if they tried on their own?" I rambled on.
They both looked confused for a second. But then Angelo figured it out. She was always smart. Her eyes shifted to my wrists. Where my wrist warmers were still safely in place. Alice was still thinking. Angelo looked upset, but she also looked full of compassion. Like the truly understood. Alice screamed and got up.
"NO! No, BELLA! You don't! Do you!? Beeelllaaa" she drew out. I winced. She ran over to me and before I could stop her she was pulling off the wrist warmers. I closed my eyes as I felt the tears start to build. I could feel them seeping out of the cracks of my eyes. She pulled up my sleeves and gasped. They were bad. I knew they were. I'd just gotten use to them. I heard Angela's little gasp come from the bed.
"h-how long?" Angela gasped.
"I don't know. Not long" I whispered. Alice hadn't said a word. She was still holding on to my hands, keeping my arms pulled out, open. Vulnerable.
"But there are so many…" Angela trailed off. I still had my eyes closed. I knew there was a lot. I just nodded. Alice dropped my hands and then walked backwards sitting on the bed and then crumpling into a ball. She was crying hysterically and kept repeating
"How, how, how, how"
Angela was now balling and I had collapsed to the floor, holding my arms close to my chest, letting tears fall from my face to the floor. Angelo got up and came over to me. Pulling me up off the ground and hugging me close.
"You need to stop. This isn't good for you, Bella. But I understand. I understand why. A lot has gone on." She whispered.
"Angela. I want to stop. But I don't think I can." I said in a sob.
"Why did you finally decide to tell us?" she asked.
"I knew you guys were my only help. You guys can try and help me stop" I explained.
"Bella. I hate you. I hate you for doing that! Fuck Bella! HOW COULD YOU! Your mom has to know! Your mom needs to know!" Alice screamed before running out of the room. I screamed after her.
"No! ALICE NO! Please!" I sobbed…
"AHH!" I jolt up off the floor. Screaming my lungs out. I finally stop and start breathing. It was a dream. Just a dream. I must have passed out when I hit the bathroom wall… it was just a bad dream. But that just proves that no one can know about my wrists. I got up off the floor. Walking into the bathroom to splash my face with some water. I walked back into my bedroom, grabbing my phone off the floor from where it must have landed. I opened it up. I had a text from Alice.
Something is wrong. I know it. come over to Angela's in a half hour :) – A
I sighed. I really couldn't do this, but I knew I'd have to. I couldn't just say no. but I could lie to them.
Ill be there. – B
I sat on my bed, putting my wrist warmers on carefully. I heard my mother scream. Startled I got up and crept to my door. Listening, I heard nothing. I hadn't heard my house this quiet in months… there was no sounds, no television, no radio. Not even my mom's sweet singing. Something was wrong. I opened the door quickly, dashing down the stairs and looking everywhere. When I run into the living room I stop dead in my tracks. No one could have braced me for what I saw. No one could have prepared me for the shock of seeing my mother in the arms of another man, which was not my father. With him lying on top of her pounding into her. I screamed running out of the house and to my car. Glad I had my keys with me. Starting the car and taking off quickly. There was only one place I could go. I needed serenity. I was going to Edwards abandoned resort….
Well there's chapter four :) please read and review, I really wanna know what cha guys think :)
Kyla