Chapter 6: The Truth
Lightning was speeding after Sahz. They rode through Green Hill Zone and had an epic Family Friendly Disney car chase, except Snow turned it into Mario Kart and threw hand grenades at Sahz. He burst his tire. "AHHHHH!" Sahz cried in pain as his tire- his left nipple- had been obliterated by Snow's literal hand grenades. Fang and Vanille fell out of their Sahzcar and skidded on the ground. Sahz resumed his normal form passed out. "NOOOOO!" Fang pounded her fists on the ground. But thankfully they were at the building they needed to be at. Fang grabbed Vanille's hand and they rushed inside. Lightning skidded to a halt. "HURRY!" Lightning beggoned to Snow. He jumped out. Before Lightning transformed into her human form again, Snow held a hand out. "Wait. Don't move." He sounded like there was serious danger. "What? What is it? We're going to lose them!" Lightning was offbeat. "It's snow go." Snow said. Lightning transformed into her human form and gently walked up to him. "Snow." Lightning said putting a hand on his shoulder. "Y...yes?" Snow couldn't answer because he was too busy laughing at his funny. Lightning took out her birthday club and BEAT HIM INTO THE CEMENT WITH HER BEHTON. "SNOW YOLANDA III VILLIERS DID YOU STOP ME FROM CATCHING THEM JUST SO YOU COULD SAY THAT LINE?!" Lightning had become a lightning bolt and blasted through the building's entrance. "WHERE IS VANILLE AND FANG." Lightning screamed at the receptionist lady, but didn't care and blasted down the first door she could find! What she saw was something that she could not unsee. IT WAS DR. CID RAINES GIVING SERAH A PAP SMEARRRR! Snow burst through the door, "SEEERRRRAAAHHHHH!" Snow started beating the shit out of Raines. "Snow! Stop it! Dr. Raines is my OBGYN!" Serah tried ripping Snow off Raines but the meaty loser hero boy could not be stopped. "Wait, what's an OBGYN?" Snow asked stupidly. "A gynecologist!" Serah pleaded. Snow still looked petrified at this new found French word. "A VAGINA DOCTOR." Lightning ripped off Snow's beanie, which caused him to pass out. "Ugh, thank you sister." Serah and Lightning made out, sisterly of course. Dr. Raines recomposed himself. "Ahem...Serah, we need to finish the procedure." He shoved pliers up Serah's cluster hole and resumed his dignity. "Serah, why are you here?" Lightning asked. "Uhm well..." Serah began, but Raines finished, "to check her l'ciexual drive...she thinks it's not functioning properly." "Uh, yea, that's it." Serah looked relieved. Lightning did not seem convinced and crossed her arms. "Serah." Lightning used her father tone. Serah knew the crowbar enema would commence if she didn't answer properly. "OK! Well...Snow has...Snow has..." Snow suddenly came back to life by absorbing his beanie. "SNOW HAS WHAT?!" Snow began slowly and carefully carving a Leaning Tower of Pizza into Raines. "Snow has..." Serah began to hide her sugoi tears. "JUST FUCKING SAY IT!" Snow etched a really nice portrait of the Mona Lisa in Raines's back. "HE HAS BIRTHDAY BOY SYNDROME! AND I DIDN'T KNOW IF I CONTRACTED IT OR NOT.!" Serah cried. Lightning took out the salad from Chipotl'cie and slowly spoon fed Serah as she made Korean drama. "YOU KNEW I HAD BBS SERAH. YOU KNEW I HAD IT, BUT YOU SAID IT WAS OK." Snow heroed. "I...I know what I said.." Serah kawaiied. Raines was done performing the saddle stronkin' pap smear and Snow ripped the pliers out of Serah's poontah. "It's alright baby. We can still make it work." Snow caressed Serah's buffled face as Lightning was still spoon feeding her nasty salad. "Snow I...I have something I need to tell you..." Just then Lightning saw Vanille and Fang see them and they ran out the door. "NO TIME FOR GAMES, WE GOTTA GET THEM SNOW!" Lightning roared.
But there was no point. Vanille was being shoved closer to Lightning in hand cuffs and Fang had her threatening behton out. Sazh was being a laugher and stuff. Snow jumped up out of Sarah's vagina and tackled Sahz. "GOTCHA U FAST RACER!" Snow sounded heroic. "Yo wazzup Snow!" Sahz laughed off Snow's attack, despite being pinned down. "Tell me what I want to know!" Snow slobbered a little. "Maybe you should watch your hands." Sahz laughed. Snow was lost. "Huh?" But it was too late to heed the warning. Sahz's bird came out of his afro and began pecking out Snow's eyes. "AHHHHH!" Snow howled. While Snow was stupid attacking Sahz, Lightning had confronted Fang for an explanation. "Why is Vanille in handcuffs and why did you run away?" Lightning crossed her arms. Fang held up a warrant. "We finally got the bitch. She said she would 'never lie again' in a stupid whiny voice at some point, but its time you know The Truth..." Fang cleaned her nose with a Cl'cieorax wipe. "VANILLE IS A STUPID LIAR AND SHE IS NOT REALLY HOPE's MOM AND ALSO THAT WAS ACTUALLY HOPE ON THE PHONE!" Fang snorted a l'cigaratte. "Ahh... That's right. Vanille is a child Falc'ieographer!" Lighting was unimpressed. She looked to the right and saw Snow having his eyes removed by the little bird. Lightning smiled. "I suddenly feel like going to L'cie N Fal'cieBurger." She couldn't deny that sweet urge to get a burger after seeing Snow's eyes pecked out. Sazh got up and agreed. Snow's eyes grew back and he grabbed Sarah. They all agreed they would need to visit the burger joint. Vanille broke out of her cuffs and pulled off the l'cie-tape from her mouth. "FANG I HATE YOU YOU RUINED EVEEYTHINGGGG! Oh but also I want a burger too!" Snow got up, and got in Sahz's racecar form. "I'll bring back food for everyone!" Snow yelled out and drove to L'cie N Fal'cie Burger. Lightning turned to Vanille. "So why'd you lie?" Vanille huffed turning her head, but then Fang helped out by giving Vanille a few whacks with the behton. "I...I am not a L'cieafile... But I made a contract with the Pope Fal'cie and he wanted pics of Hope OKAY?!" The truth was finally revealed. Snow arrived back with bags of food. "Hey guys I got the food!" Snow beamed. Sarah smiled warmly, because the OBGYN shoved a big warm vibrator up her tattoo, but Snow didn't know that. "Heres your food guys!" Snow seemingly grabbed a random bag from the pile and pulled out a nice meaty burger and started eating. Lightning grabbed a bag and opened it- it was a VEGGIE KIDS BURGER! "WHAT THE FUCKKKK!" Lightning roared and snatched the bag Vanille was about to grab. Another Veggie Kids Burger! Lightning opened all the bags to reveal Veggie Kids Burgers in all of them. "SNOW WHAT THE FUCK!" Lightning threated Snow with her sword-gun in shotgun mode. "Hey! What can I say? You guys are like the KID SISTERS I NEVER HAD!" Snow threw his shoe at Lightning and got into Sahz, whom he had fed gasoline since he was a car. Snow drove around as Lightning chased. Vanille got up. "Well... We better find Hope... I wonder where he is..." Vanille started hacking away at her internal organs just thinking about hi-" Fang was looking right at her. "Yuck! Man, I hate little kids,hehehe!" She giggled, pretending she had been removing the live fal-crabs from her vagina. She plopped one out and handed it to Sarah. But then it crawled up her vagina. "AHHHH!" She screamed and then turned into a crystal. Everyone stopped fighting and came over. "What the fuck?" Lightning crossed her arms at Vanille. "Hehe... Oops! Umm... The OBGYN will know what to do!" Everyone looked at the OBGYN, but Vanille was wrong because he grabbed one of Sahz's pistols and blew out his own brain without hesitation. Everyone looked back at Vanille. "Umm...Hope will know what to do, we will find him!" Vanille giggled. And off they went to search for Hope.