Chapter 7: The Concert
Vanille, Fang, Snow, DeadSazh, and Lightning all searched for Hope but they found nothing. "Hey guys, check out this Toothpick++ App!" Snow took out his earplug thing and showed that they could TrackMyToothpick with Hope's Toothpick device. "Yayyyy!" Vanille did a gay twirl and hurled her reindeer antlers at Snow. "AHHH!" Snow dropped his Toothpick++ which shattered into a million pieces. "..." Snow said nothing. "Oopsie doopsie!" Vanille pooped a little. Snow put his hand on Vanille's shoulder, "It's fine." He violently pounded her face in until she had no face. "Hehehehe..hehe..he.." Vanille passed out. Fang picked up Vanille and tossed her in the dumpster that she was carrying, I mean all Australians carry. "So it looks like Hope is at Eden Orphan Hall." Snow said. "How do you know that if your toothpick broke?" Fang questioned. "Multitasking on ios9!" Snow giggled, not really answering the question JUST LIKE APPL'LICE. "Ok let's go." Lightning and DeadSahz transformed into their car forms and carried everyone there. They saw Hope sitting in the stands of Eden Orphan Hall wearing an odd costume. "HOPE!" Lightning angsted hugging her little brother/fuck friend. "DON'T TOUCH ME YOU LIARS." Hope had a moment. "MMMM MMMMM!" Sahz did a sassy nigga head bob with finger and slapped that little shit into the ground. "AIN'T YOU BE DISRESPECTIN' ME AW HEEEELLL NAH YOU LITTLE WHITE CRACKERJACK." Sahz niggaed. Vanille awoke from her dumpster. Fang poked her with a stick, nudging her forward. "Uhm...Hope..I'm sorry, I'm not really your mom ahehauhuhe.." Vanille awkwarded. "I hate you." Hope cried. "Why are you here?" Lightning questioned, looking at his odd face paint makeup and such. "I'm going to be a star." Hope admitted. Snow burst into fits of heroic laughter. "Ohohohoo, I'm sorry, I can't..." Snow just couldn't, so Hope took out his EIDOLON DRUMSET NAMED ALEXANDER AND JAMMED OUT ON THAT NUCLEAR SILO FACILITY. everyone gasped in awe. Hope beamed, "yeah! I'm part of a band now as the drummer, it's called Humbaba." Lightning slowly walked up to Hope. "What was that band called, Hope?" She smiled warmly while using her summon bar. "humba..." Hope was trampled and stampeded to shit as an army of Odin horses ran over him. "That's what I thought." Lightning picked up DeadHope and handed him to Vanille. "Ok I guess it's time we..." But then suddenly Serah stepped out from the shadows. "Hng? Shat have you done with our lead drummer?" Serah asked. Lightning was confused. "Serah...aren't you a crystal..?" Lightning pulled out her blade. "Not anymore sist..." "YOU'RE NOT SERAH!" Lightning used her commando move. "DON'T INTERRUPT ME ECLAIR JEBEDIAH-ARCEUS FARRONSTEIN." Serah roared. Everyone gasped! "What did you say?" Lightning was confused but then Serah transformed into Primarch Dysley. "Ahahha! So the legends are true!" He cackled. "How do you know..." Lightning was cut off, "that you were named after a FUCKING ECLAIR DONUT BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS WERE INBREDS?!" Dysley finished. "Hehehe.." Snow silently laughed but Lightning shot her sword up his ass and that was that. "My name is Pope Bathandelus III, but you can call me Bart. Bart Simpson is my favorite you know." The Primarch loled. "WHAT R U DOING." Sahz niggaed. "What God wants me to do, kill off all the lesbians and gays while simultaneously spreading CATHOLIC VALUES AND BELIEFS. FOR EXAMPLE: Dinosaurs are the work of satan and are thus not real creatures." Suddenly a dinosaur from Jurrras'lcie World came and stepped on old Bart boy.