I feel like crap that I haven't posted in forever, but life has once again got ahead of me and I just got back from vacation and have a lot going on in school right now. I only get 15 minutes to write every now and then so it's been hectic trying to even write this chapter, let alone check it over and make sure it's the way I want it to be. If there is any errors I profusely apologize, but I'm rushing and trying to get this out to everyone who has been waiting for a new chapter. Please leave reviews ! I really want some feedback, any suggestions or criticism I am totally open to! ENJOY :)

Chapter 6: Pain is Everything

BPOV

I sat stunned and in tears, rage was starting to overtake my body. I couldn't even begin to believe what just happened. I threw my book to who knows where and watched open eyed as he screamed at me. I was only sitting here reading peacefully, trying to keep my mind away from him and he storms at me and blames me for being here—at the public library.

I wanted to yell back. Scream at him for hurting me when just a couple hours prior he was taking care of me! I wanted to ask what his problem was, and why me, but before I could say anything but his name in the faint voice I could manage. He took off running, away from me, my tear stricken face, and my broken heart.

EPOV

I got to my car and took off. Fuck I needed to smoke some weed. I needed to get her off my fucking mind! Why must she be everywhere, including my head. I stormed into the dark house, quiet with everyone sleeping, up to the third floor where my bedroom was located. I started opening and closing drawers, looking anywhere and everywhere for even a little bit of weed left. Luck wasn't on my side, because I came up empty and even more frustrated than before. I slammed my door shut, stripping down to just my underwear hopping into bed, hoping sleep would overtake me quickly.

I tossed and turned all night, finally giving up on sleep in total and showered and got dressed. I crept my way through the house and out the front door rushing to my Volvo. I stopped dead in my tracks as someone was standing beside my car. I stared into the dark, trying to make out the figure.
"Edddiee, I was just about to call your cell!" the whiney voice of Jessica Stanly cut through the air. I felt repulsed. I had never liked her voice, but man was she a good fuck.
"Jessica" I said in my smooth voice I only used to get in girls pants. "Come on and get in my car, we'll go find a nice spot" and with that she jumped and opened the door slamming it when she was in.

That girl was so easy I hardly even tried anymore. I grabbed the keys out of my pocket getting in and speeding off with Jessica's girly fingers playing with the button and zipper to free my very hard, very excited member for some damn good road head and a much needed hard pounding against the hood of my car on some back road.

BPOV

I ran up to the house door, not caring or worrying if anyone was up. It was already one in the morning and I just wanted to get to my bedroom and do something about the tense, built up feeling building stronger as the time passed. I rushed quietly through the house, not wanting to wake anybody up. I ran inside my room, slamming my door shut running to what I needed. Tears stained my face and my hands were shaking. My clothes were drenched from the rain, and my hair was a knotted wet mess. I started stripping out of all the clothes, putting on my comfiest track pants and tank top, having a hard time because of my shaking hands.

My whole body had started to shake and my crying was getting worse and worse. I couldn't stop thinking about what he had said. I couldn't deal with any more of this. Laurent, my mom and now Edward. I couldn't deal with this. I guess tomorrow would just be another one of those days where nothing would be okay.

Grabbing my only savior and slowly and steadily walking towards the bathroom. My vision was going into tunnel vision on my one track mission to hell. I started setting up the gauss and bandages, and sterilized the knife in a robotic manor. I sat down against the counter and stared at my arm. I shouldn't do this, it would only cause me grief the minute it was over, but I couldn't handle the building inside my head. It felt like it was going to explode if I didn't do something to stop it. Before I over thought about it, I grabbed the knife and tried to steady my hand over my left arm. I brought the knife down cutting one large cut across my forearm, then another, then another… I dropped the knife when I was done.

Tears were streaming down my face faster and harder than before as I watched the blood drip down my arms to my fingertips and onto the floor. I knew I needed to stop the blood soon before I lost too much so I routinely cleaned and bandaged the cuts. I got up off the floor, cleaning the floor of any blood and finding my sweater in the dark and my way to my bed. Landing face down on the bed, I passed out within seconds, but not before the face of Edward was burnt into my eyes as I remembered him crouched down with his head in his hand as I drove away from him earlier.

When I woke up I could feel the burn of the cut on my arm and someone rustling around my bedroom. I opened my eyes to see my mom walking around my room gathering all my dirty clothes.
"Get out of my room" I said in the nastiest voice I could manage. The thought of her with that man repulsed me.
"Don't you dare talk like that to me Isabella Marie Swan! I am your mother and you will treat me with respect!"
"Why don't you treat dad with respect you selfish bitch! Maybe you should be fucking faithful! Or do you not know the meaning of that word! You're a cheating bitch! People like you make me want to spit in their face! You have no right to tell me to treat you with respect when you can't even do the same for anybody else!" I screamed getting up off my bed taking all my clothes from her arms and grabbing her hand yanking it hard and pulling her out of my room.
"Let go of me! Bella!" she screamed but I yanked her out of my room and walked back in, slamming the door in her face and locking it.

I took a deep breath and collapsed to the floor. After breathing deeply a few times I remembered I had school today. I didn't know what time it was, or how I looked so I got up and started rushing around the room. I hopped in the shower being careful of the fresh cuts and hoped out as soon as I was done. I dressed in a long sleeve shirt and my wrist warmers and just a pair of jeans. Not even bothering about makeup because I knew my face would be ghost like as it was and I didn't have the time. I glanced at the clock and it said it was already ten minutes until the bell for school rung. I rushed out my door locking the door from the outside and ran through the house before my mom could confront me. I pressed on the gas to back up a little too hard and squealed the tires, but come on. It was a mustang so I didn't care.

I drove faster than I ever had before, not caring that the roads were wet and slippery, not caring if I got pulled over, not caring about anything. Today would be another fucking fabulous day, so why not start it with a little fun in my car. I pulled into the parking lot with two minutes to spare, making record time with eight minutes on a normal twenty minute drive. As I pulled in though, my speed was a little too fast and my back end spun and my whole car did a 360, then I turned hard and pulled into a parking space with a sharp hit on the break and breathed a deep breath. I had to say even I was impressed with my skills and as I got out of the car, anyone who was out still was staring at me wide eyed like I was a pig that had a litter of cows.

I tried to avoid all the looks because it wasn't something I enjoyed and I know I looked like death. I pretty much ran through the front entrance and down the hall to my class. Not wanting to have any issues with anyone. I walked into English and took a seat beside Jasper. We sat with each other in this class because we were good friends and we both had strengths to help each other out. I didn't feel like talking to him today, but he sure wanted to talk.
"I saw that nice car maneuver outside before the bell. That was pretty impressive. Must come from being the police chiefs daughter." He laughed his southern drawl of a laugh, and I had to admit, if he wasn't with Alice and not a good friend, he would definitely be a good catch.

"Oh thanks, I was just running late" I croaked. Only then realizing I must have lost my voice when I was yelling at my mom this morning. Fuck that was the last thing I needed. I had work tonight and I really didn't need that. I took the last week off because I knew I needed a break after Laurent and I broke up, but I had to go back today. Lucky me, working at the small outfitters store located on the edge of town by all the trails and campsites. It was a pretty easy job, and it was better than waitressing, especially for me. I didn't have to worry about my klutziness getting in the way there.
"You getting sick or something?" he asked sincerely, but I noticed the movement he made to move a little further away from me.

"No, I just…" I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't tell him about my mom; it wasn't right because we weren't really that close. Just kind of close.
"Yeah I guess I am…" I finally whispered. Not really having any other choice.
"Well I hope you get better! But that was the bell, so see ya later Bella!" he said kindly, rushing off to his next class. I walked slowly to art, just wanting to take a break from having stuff to do, and take time to wallow in my own pain. It was only starting second period and I felt like bursting into tears. I hadn't seen Edward once, but I knew as soon as I did, I wouldn't be able to hold it in any longer. I still don't know what I did to even deserve this kind of behavior towards me.

EPOV

I was hard and wanted to fuck her senseless. She had pulled in going at least 40mph, did a 360 and pulled into a parking spot perfectly. I had only ever seen that kind of stuff on television! But clumsy little Bella had managed to pull it off unharmed and then ran inside the school like nothing happened in the first place! I had been sitting in my car trying to get Jessica to leave me alone for five fucking minutes! She had been with me since four this morning when she was by my car as I went to leave. She gave me some fucking amazing road head, I fucked her senseless against the hood of my car, we went for a drive then we ended up here at school and she wouldn't leave me the fuck alone.

I had told her at least three times to get out of my car, but she refused to listen. Finally I was going to get out and just walk away, and then Bella pulled in with her little show and my hard dick was straining against my pants. So I figured I'd take advantage of clingy Jessica and we skipped first to fuck in a janitor's closet. She wasn't quiet, but I found duct tape in the closet and told her it turned me on to have her taped up, but really I couldn't stand her voice any longer. I turned her around and pounded into her to get the release my dick so very much needed from Bella's little stunt.

When we were finished I untapped her and told her to scram and get out of the closet so we wouldn't be stuck in there when the bell rang. The last thing I needed was some naggy old teacher lecturing me on sex. I used fucking protection. No way was I getting some slut from Forks High pregnant. She ran off with post sex hair, skirt all crumbled, shirt a little cricked and I couldn't help but laugh. Man I did a good job. I smiled and starting walking to biology class. The bell hadn't rung but my locker was by that class anyways and I didn't need to miss anymore class today. Mom was already going to throw a fit. Every time I missed a class she went on the same rant about how I couldn't go to an Ivy League school and become a doctor if I missed classes. I always laughed it off because I had a 98 average in school and I wasn't too concerned with getting into Ivy League schools.

I opened my locker, grabbing my textbook and notebook, realizing it needed to be organized and that I had ten minutes, I started organizing it so that I wouldn't have a nerd moment and have all my books fall out on me. Not that anyone would try and make fun of me, but it was pretty inconvenient. Just as I finished the bell rang and I didn't want to have to deal with anyone so I slammed my locker and started walking towards biology keeping my head up in the manner that no one would even come towards me. I saw in the distance Bella walking towards the art room, and even at the distance I could notice how pale she was. I looked away, not wanting to think about her at all. Doesn't matter if she was sick. Not my problem.

I sat down in biology at my empty desk. I liked to work alone because nobody did the work to my stands. I got almost or perfect on every assignment, having a very high average in this class which was good because I needed this type of stuff to become a doctor. Working with partners was just too much work, and you had to get together with them, and I just didn't like people in my business like that. I preferred to work on my own. The bell rang and the class carried on as usual. I knew most of everything in the class because my dad, Carlisle was the head surgeon and had been for years at the Seattle hospital and he wanted to teach me from a young age all the stuff to be a doctor.

As the bell rang, I couldn't want to get out of the place and go and smoke a cigarette. I needed one bad after sitting there listening to Mr. Banner ramble for an hour an hour cells went through metamorphism. People in that class were so damn stupid it made me want to scream… I rushed through the crowds of people almost running smack into Bella in the process as she had her head down, I was going to make sure she was okay, but I couldn't do that. I had to keep her off my mind. Fuck I needed a smoke…

BPOV

I saw him almost hit me, but I avoided him completely. I saw him pause but then rush off like I electrocuted him. The pain he caused me when he just walked away like I did exist made me start running for the bathrooms. Tears were streaming down my face and I couldn't stop them. I ran into the bathroom to the furthest stall, locking the door and collapsing onto the floor with my head in between my knees, books scattered around me and my hands shaking uncontrollably. I craved the feeling. I needed the pain. I needed the knife slicing through my skin. I couldn't take this. I had to get out. I got up drying my face and grabbing all my books. I shoved them all in my bag and went to unlock the stall door when I heard people coming in.

"Did you see the way Bella looks today? She looks like someone tortured her. I don't even understand why Laurent liked her in the first place. He was only dating her for the sex. And he was with me the whole time anyways. He used to come to my house at night after he left her place just because she wouldn't give it up. Such a faker. We all know she's a slut. She just refused to give it up to him, so I made sure he was fully satisfied" Laurens high pitch obnoxious voice pierced the silence of the bathroom.
"I know! And now she thinks she can get her hands on Edward, I saw how he flinched away from her like she was poisonous. He's mine! I met him at his house this morning and we left for some hardcore sex on the hood of his car and then when we got to school we went to the janitor's closet…" Jessica's voice trailed off as they walked out of the bathroom.

The tears threatened to fall again but I refused to let them. I was not going to cry over Edward or Laurent again. They were the same type of guys. Who was I to ever think Edward was a good guy, or that I had a chance at all. He was a player and that's all he'd ever be. I should have known better. I shouldn't have ever even let him kiss me. He played nice, showed me his hideout, but that was all to get in my pants and I knew that now. Well too bad for him, he would never get in my pants.

Then I thought of him playing the piano, helping me out when I got hurt, and listening to me sing a song I wrote myself without judging me. He could be so kind, but I scratched the thought off right away. He was being that sweet guy to make me like him. Fall in love with him, he would use me for sex and we wouldn't talk again. It was how bad guys worked. He never wanted to be my friend, to comfort me. He never even wanted me to talk to him. He wanted me as another sex toy and that's all I'd ever be to him… I couldn't believe how gullible I was. I couldn't believe I had actually started to fall for Edward Cullen…

EPOV

I got back from my extended lunch and cursed at myself, not only was mom going to flip about first period, she would get mad about third period now too… I really needed to stop this because I couldn't afford her snooping around my room. If she found out about the weed I could kiss any sense of freedom goodbye… I rushed into the school as the bell rang for third period to end and I knew now I had chemistry with Bella. I silently wished there would be another empty seat, but that class was full and there was no way I was getting away from Bella in that class. I walked into the room and I was the first one in, I went over and took my seat taking the time to set up my book the way I liked it so I wouldn't have to tell Bella to move her shit when she got in here. I heard her walk in because she tripped and almost fell, cursing.

I chanced looking up, hoping she wasn't looking and for the first time today I noticed how much she looked like she was going to collapse in on herself any minute. She quickly walked to our table to avoid further embarrassment and kept her head down. I wanted to laugh at her clumsiness. She put her books down sitting down quickly and I could see out of the corner of my eye she was looking down, using her hair as a shield between us. I tried to pay attention as class started, but all I could do was stare at Bella. She was biting her lip and playing with a piece of her hair in a way that made me want to take her on the table right now. But she also looked like she was in a lot of pain, her eyes were sunken in, her face had no color to it. She had her arms close to herself, like she was hugging herself. Mr. Elgins was saying something about chemicals mixing at the front of the class but I couldn't focus if I used all my energy.

The class ended far quicker then I would have liked and she got up, dashing out. As much as I wanted to talk to her, I knew I couldn't. I was glad of her running out so quickly, because I couldn't be this close to her without thinking about all the things I wanted to do to her. I couldn't get enough of this girl, and I hated that! That's why I couldn't be around her anymore. The longer I stayed around her, the more I wanted to be and I couldn't have that. I didn't need that. Fuck I needed a damn smoke. I got up and walked out of the classroom towards the front doors to the parking lot where I parked my car. I wanted to get out of this hell hole for today. Go somewhere; do something that wouldn't involve me thinking about Bella. It seemed all I could do lately was think about that girl, and frankly it was driving me nuts.

I thought of going home to play the piano, but I knew Esme would be home and I didn't want to deal with anyone right now. So I finished my smoke and walked back into the school, against all the traffic of the kids running for the doors to get out for the night. I walked into Mrs. Burskey's office startling her but as soon as she saw it was me she put on that smile all woman had when I came around. She had to be in her fifties but every time I came around I could see a blush on her cheeks and I used this to my advantage. I had my own key for the music room but during school time I had to have her permission so the principal wouldn't get involved.
"Can I use the music room" I mumbled. She gave me her old lady smile that told me I was being dumb for mumbling something I knew I didn't even really have to ask for.
"Of course you can Edward, lock up when you're done please" she finished, lowering her head to get back to her papers. She was dismissing me, but I could see the flush in her cheeks still. I smirked and started walking down the little hall her room adjoined to and into the music room where there was an old, cheap piano.

It was nothing like my grand piano at home, but it did just fine when I couldn't be at home. When I needed the release that playing gave me, without the trouble of all my family. Emmett was a pain in my ass; my mom was always worrying about me. And dad… well he just wanted me to stop with all the "troublesome teenager acts". Sometimes I wanted to tell him to fuck himself, but I needed somewhere to live. I sat down and started playing, not even having to think about the notes, they just flowed from fingers. I closed my eyes and started playing some of my favorite pieces.

BPOV

I headed out to my car, feeling like I was going to be sick from being so close to Edward for such a long period of time. I could feel him staring at me all period, but I refused to acknowledge him. He wasn't worth my time. I needed to go to the store and get some food before work so I had to drive fast or I'd be late. I hoped in and off I went. I got to the local food mart but for some reason it was closed. I cursed because I really needed to eat before work. I hadn't eaten since yesterday sometime and the last thing I needed was to pass out at work. I knew there was another little store on the way to work, but it was creepy and never had any customers. I didn't really have a choice. I took off again, speeding a little but I didn't really mind. My dad would bail me out of it in some way.

I pulled into the little store and there were only two cars out front in the parking lot. I ran in grabbing some snacks to bring to work with me, paying with a smile and taking off again. As I walked out the door I ran into someone, I looked up apologizing quickly. It was a man with a scruffy face, and clothes that looked like he had been running through a forest in them. I smiled and went to talk past him. He grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him again.
"Don't be in such a rush, let me at least get your name" he said in a voice that made me shiver. I didn't like it at all and he crept me out.
"I'm sorry, but I'm really in a rush" and I went to take off again. He grabbed me harder pulling me against him.
"Let—me—go" I struggled against his hands

"Stop struggling against me little girl!" he whispered harshly at me, his breath fanning over my face. It reeked of beer and cigarettes. I pulled harder and released my hand from his grip. I ran to my car getting in as fast as I could, started it and squealed the tired speeding out of the parking lot. I looked behind me in my mirrors and he was making a face that looked like this wouldn't be the last time I saw him. My heart was racing and I was scared for my life. Who was this guy and what did he want with me?

Please read and review ! THANKS SO MUCH !

Kyla :)