Chapter 8: The Marathon
Then it fell through the glass because it was so fucking heavy! "DAYUUUMMM!" Sahz howled while recording a L'Vinecie. Lightning gasped. "My god... After seeing that terrible sight we need to raise awareness!" Lightning lit up. Snow patted her on the back. "And what better way than a good old fashion L'CIE SPONSORED FAT L'CIEATHON!" Everyone cheered and went to work. They were going to make this the BEST L'cieathon ever! Lightning was in charge of statistics, Sahz was in charge of recruiting, Snow was in charge of not wrecking the place or scaring away people with his heroic stature, Vanille was in charge of decorations, and Hope was in charge of Administration. Fang was too big of a party pooper and against raising awareness for fat people. When Hope asked her to help she responded by giving him a Falway coupon. "YOU WANT HELP? GET YOUR AUSSIE ASS INTO A GYM AND BUY A HEALTHY FALWAY SUB!" Fang finished Hope off with a head bang, then Fang quickly zipped up her athletic suit and strapped on her l'ciePod to her arm before taking off at a healthy-but-fast walking rate. "I'M GONNA WINNNNNN THISS!" Fang rangled herself up. Hope got his babieself up and yelled at the quickly disappearing Fang. "I DIDN'T ASK FOR HEALTH ADVICE I ASKED IF YOU WOULD HELP ME SETUP THE REGISTRATION BOOTH!" but Hope's yelling landed on dead l'ciePod earphones. Hope sighed and read the coupon. "This coupon allows for the redeeming of one free item at Falway." He looked up and daydreamed of ordering a meaty unhealthy burger- after all, they were bound to have one burger at least. But then Hope dropped the card and looked down at it to notice his thumb had covered the fine print. 'May only be used to redeem a HEALTHY L'CIEHOICE (TM) 100-calorie or less sub.' Hope sank defeated. But then he didn't care and threw the coupon away and went back to work. Lightning hated using Falcel. "AGHH! I HATE SPREADSHEETS!" She clicked around and mashed the keyboard and magically the perfect stats came up. "YES!" She happy noised, but then Snow came by and tripped on his sexiness. "WOAHHH!" He slammed down the laptop's lid. Lightning meat grinded and was about to clobber that fucker, BBS or not! Snow got himself up and attempted to redeem himself. "Woah, slow down! You are over reacting!" Snow opened the laptop's lid but then he spilled Lightning's coffee all over the Keyboard. Lightning was about to thunder but Snow put his hands out again. "No worries!" He wiped it up with his L'cie cloth. He unlocked the laptop and CLICK CLICK. Snow closed out of the Falcel spreadsheet WITHOUT SAVING. He opened Falcel. "There. I got you started, ain't I a pale?" He made his beatdown worthy heroic grin. Lightning began besting Snow with her coffee mug she got from L'ciebucks. Meanwhile Vanille was decorating. "Well... I guess one or two joke balloons won't hurt..." She shouted at the dollar store employee. "PLEASE... PLEASE TAKE WHAT YOU WANT, JUST DONT HURT ME AND STOP YELLING!" He cried. Vanille crookedly smiled :v. Then she ate him. Sahz was just about done recuiting- and by that I mean he hadn't managed to recruit anyone and he was fed up with this shit. "Man, this some baloooonnniieee!" He rapped a little to calm himself. Then he saw a schoolbus. "Perfect!" Sahz ran up to the schoolbus that was stopped at a red light. He banged on the door. The bus driver lady opened up. Sahz surveyed the bus. Sanctumgarteners. "Aww ya'll are cute. Perfect! YA'LL NEED SOME AWARENESS ABOUT FAT PEOPLE!" He pulled out his pistol and ended the bus driver without looking. "FIIIEEELLLDDD TRIPPP!" Sahz pushed the dead driver out the window and took his seat. "Manual transmission? How the fu-" and as soon as Sahz touched the clutch a train SMASHED THE BUS, SENDING IT FLYING INTO THE AIR out of nowhere! Lightning looked at her watch, then smashed it on the ground because she hated watches. "Worst Christmas present ever!" She huffed burying it with her foot. "Time to start the l'cieathon for raising fat awareness!" Lightning called out, and suddenly a bus crashed right at the starting line. Sahz got out. "Alright kids! EVERYBODY HAVE FUN!" He pointed his guns beckoning the kids out. Vanille saw the kids. "AWW SOOO CUTE!" She pinched each child's cheek with a stapler. She stapled one balloon to each child's left cheek. She turned to Hope. "HEY WHY AREN'T YOU OVER HERE? YOU ARE A BABBYYYY LIKE THEM!" Vanille cackled. Hope gruntled stiffly then looked at the baloon designs Vanille had picked out. "What the.." Hope was in shock. One read, 'MY MOM IS IN PRISON', another 'I DIED', another 'I HAVE HIV', a fourth, hooded girl with no mouth had one that said, 'I HAVE RWJs'. "Vanille! Those are terrible balloons!" Hope cried out. But then he saw the rest said things like "L'cie 4 life." Vanille giggled. "Heheh. I picked out joke ones silly!" Lightning facepalmed as Snow accidentally ran into the starting ribbon tearing it down. "GOOOOO!" Sahz laughed but no one went, so he fired shots at some kids's feet. The kids screamed and began running. "HAHAHA!" Sahz laughed in a friendly way. He noticed one kid was falling behind so Sahz ran after them and caught up to the slow kid. "Hey... I don't know if you know what this run is for... But its for fat awareness..." The kid, barely 4 did not understand. "You... seem to be embracing fatness by going that slow..." Sahz began hyperventilating. "Googoo." The small child made noises. "I WILL NOT HAVE MY L'CIEATHON BECOME A JOKE!" Sahz capped the slow boy. "BETTER SPEED UP, FAT PEOPLE ARE SLOW!" Sahz went crazy and began taking out any kid he caught up to. Eventually none were left. He caught his breath. "Man... I...i..." Sahz looked around. He was in the middle of nowhere. "I SAVED AMERICA FROM FAT KIDS!" He roared like an ape and proceeded to drive to a strip club. Meanwhile at the start/finish Fang crossed. "YEAHHH!" She grabbed Hope and noggied his raskly head, squeezing him under her armpit. He began gagging for air. Vanile walked over and put a clothspin on Hope's nose. "AWWW BABBY CAN'T BREATHE!" She giggled and walked away. Lightning sighed. "This was such a failure..." Snow gasped. "OH SHIT HOPE's CONCERT IS STARTING SOON!" Hope passed out from no breath and everyone wondered what to do. Then Hope woke up and he felt something was wrong. "MY EIDOLON IS GONE! MY DRUMSET WAS STOLLLENNN!"