XYK
Chapter 18- "Zen"
Lois knocked on the door. She really hadn't needed to, after all she still had the keys to the apartment, but out of courtesy and respect she decided to knock.
Using her right hand she knocked carefully, trying not to agitate the sprain she'd acquired during her and Clark's last encounter.
When he finally opened the door the mask had been discarded. He looked different, suddenly a little older, tired even. Nothing like the exuberant image of Superman splashed across every newspaper in Metropolis, nor did he possess the friendly chipper Zen of his work day persona.
"What do you want?"
Lois cleared her throat and looked down at the empty removal boxes she'd brought with her, "I just came to get some of my things. I can come back later when you're not here.."
Clark shook his head, beckoned her inside and shifted to the right, giving Lois enough room to enter the apartment that had formerly been her home. Their home. Now it just felt cold and foreign. As she entered the living room, Lois crossed her arms against her body, she hadn't realised that she'd been shaking.
"You know where everything is." Clark said gravely, not turning to look as he went to the opposite side of the room.
Lois walked over to the Stereo system and gently ran her finger over the thin layer of dust that was picked up a stack of CDs and began to sort through them. .Ours ,she mentally said as she divided up the CDs into each pile. Not a laborious task, the Rock, rap, heavy metal and hip hop CDs were hers,whilst the Indie ,Motown and Country CDs were his. Everything else went into the in-between Lois had finished she looked down at the CDs and couldn't help but fight away tears.
"Want a drink?"
Lois slightly jumped, knocked out of her internal dialogue; she'd forgotten that Clark had been in the room, leaning against the book cases silently watching her. Lois inhaled and collected herself. She turned around and forced herself to meet Clark's eyes. "A coffee would be great. Thanks."
Clark exhaled and went into the kitchen. Lois walked over to the book case and chucked a few books into her boxes; she skilfully perused each title and claimed the ones that belonged to her. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed the leather bound first edition copy of 'Letters to a young poet' by Rainer Maria Rilke, on the top shelf, just out of her reach. The first gift Clark had bought her once he'd started working at the Daily Planet.
Lois got on her tip toes and tried to reach for the book, but to no avail.
Clark quietly entered the room with two steaming cups of coffee in his hand. Clark watched her stretch for a few moments, and then put the coffee cups down on the coffee table. He slowly walked up behind her. They hadn't stood this close in a long while. Lois became acutely aware of her husband and tried to ignore how inviting he smelt. She could tell that he had been to visit Martha on the farm. He smelt of fresh cut grass and her double choc- chip chocolate brownies. Standing behind Lois, Clark stretched up and took the book down without any trouble. Lois turned round but had underestimated the amount of room between them and found herself practically face to face with Clark, had it not been for the height difference they would be lip to lip. Clark slowly handed Lois the book. "Thanks," She said in a half whisper.
Lois opened the book and read the inscription out loud.
"To Lois,My Lois...
In the words of someone far wiser than myself..."For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation"
I love you.
Smallville. X
She smiled, hit with nostalgia and looked up at Clark; the look on his face was one she didn't recognise. They stood quietly staring at each other, bathing in late afternoon/early evening sunlight.
An instinct deep within her propelled her to hold him, she stepped forward, intent on closing the tiny gap between them, but Clark took one step back breaking the momentary spell that had been cast. Avoiding her eye contact, he said "I'm going to take a shower ,let yourself out when you're done."
Lois looked down and nodded, Clark walked away and went to the bathroom without looking back.
Lois sighed. If he was prepared to be civil then so would she.
Lois surveyed the room and made a mental list of thing she still had to do. She went over to the writing bureau that held her passport, bank details and other paperwork, she tried to open one of the drawers. It was locked; all the bureau's drawers were locked .This surprised her because they'd never locked the bureau. She bit her lip and tried to remember where the key had been. Under a plant pot.
Locked safely in the bureau were their wedding photo album and neatly bundled photos. Lois took one of the bundles and slowly untied the string that held them together. It was them, every single photo that they'd taken together, all the smiles and memories had been shoved away into the dark mahogany bureau.
Something in Lois snapped, she couldn't breathe. She couldn't contain the torment any longer, she clutched her heart and let out ,what would have been a heart stopping scream had she not been covering her mouth with her hands. The tears that raced down her cheeks seemed to be too quick for her hands to wipe away.
She wanted him to see .She wanted him to know that he wasn't the only one having a hard time with this. With her hands slowly shaking, she opened the already ajar bathroom door. She could barely see past the steam but could make out the figure of the man under the shower. Clark pulled back the shower curtain and faced Lois.
He stood there naked, the shower streaming over him at full blast but he didn't blink or rush to cover up his nakedness, instead he met Lois's eyes with so much pain and intensity that Lois had to wince. "I'm sorry..."she began. "I just...."
Before she could finish her sentence Clark effortlessly lifted her into the bath tub and cupped her face in his hands. Slowly he bought his lips towards her in a slow soul stirring kiss. With confidence and ease Clark snaked his tongue into Lois's welcoming mouth. Despite the shower raining down on them, Lois could hear the staccato drum beat of her heart. Dizzy with intoxication, Lois grabbed Clark's waist and allowed him to back her up against the showers tiled walls.
Clark eased the soaking T-shirt from up over her head and threw it onto the bathroom floor, He thanked heaven for small mercies when he discovered that she hadn't been wearing a bra. Clark slowly lowered he mouth and kissed down her throat and then slowly down her chest. Running her fingers through his hair, Lois let out a small moan of pleasure.
Using that as a signal to continue Clark undid the button of her jeans and unzipped them. Lois wrapped up in the heat and good feeling, stepped out of her jeans and allowed Clark to fling them towards the floor.
Almost as naked as him, Lois allowed herself to be galvanized by this man who made her heart pound. Clark reached down for her panties.
"I'm sorry..."Lois stopped Clarks hand from going further. She stepped out of the shower and picked up her soaking T-Shirt and jeans ,then walked out of the bathroom. She let fresh tears run down her cheeks unashamedly.
As much as she wanted to be with her husband, she knew they had unresolved issues that a quickie couldn't possibly fix.
"Lois..." Clark switched off the shower and chased after her. He grabbed her arm and turned her around "Lois, don't go!"
Lois tried to reclaim her arm. "I have to. ."
Clark blocked her exit. Lois dropped the wet clothes she'd been carrying in a bundle.
"Let me go,Clark."Lois wailed.
Clark gently reached over and used his hand to wipe her tears "Nothing's changed."
Lois didn't shrug him off or move away. "Nothing's changed." she agreed.
Clark made love to her like a man possessed, right there on the living room floor, with the sun setting over Metropolis. He wanted her to melt like a chocolate bar in the middle of July. Most of all he wanted to make sure that never again would she reach such heights with another man. Looking back it seemed to be some sort of beautiful torture. Clark was all at once, rough and tender, forgiving yet punishing. Once they'd finished, they lay side by side weak and expiated, completely silent except for the sound of sirens on the street below.
Clark wasn't sure when they'd fallen asleep but when he woke up the apartment was shrouded in darkness. Clark adjusted his eyes and looked around the eerily quiet apartment. Lois was gone and in her place were her door keys and her diamond wedding ring.
Clark calmly got up, thumbled for his glasses then proceeded to punch a giant hole into the nearest wall.
TBC.