So I guess it isn't too much to say that I think I got a little carried away with this chapter, I had originally started it off going in a completely different direction and then today I took one look at it, deleted everything and wrote this and now I am much happier with this than what I had before. It was nothing special so don't think you're missing out on anything, just the typical 'wake up in Castle's arms' fluff which is all good and fun, but I think it is time for a little more angst.
Black. Dark. Cold. Alone. Kate was hugging her knees to her chest, her face was wet with tears but she didn't bother to wipe them away. She couldn't see anything, she couldn't hear anything, she had no idea where she was or what was going on. All she knew was that she was terrified. Suddenly, there was a glint of light in the distance, then the sound of a shot screamed in her ears, and then she heard the sound of a bullet slicing through flesh and she screamed. Her chest began to burn and her hands wiped all over her chest looking for the source of the bleeding...but there was nothing.
She heard something hit the floor and she screamed again, she still couldn't see anything but she knew that there was now a dead body lying at her feet. Then a mobile phone began to ring, lying on the floor, the light of the screen switching on and off with each ring, over and over again. The brief flashes of light allowed her to see where she was, she was back in the elevator, trapped between the floors. Once she realised where she was, she cast her eyes down to her feet at the body. She choked on a shocked scream and her eyes were so wide her face began to hurt. It was Castle lying at her feet, a bullet hole in his head. His blue eyes were open wide, his pupils were white and his face was full of fear and pain. The bullet had exited out the back of his head and his blood was beginning to spread. Before she had time to breathe, her legs were soaked in the hot blood of her partner as she moved forward and leaned over him.
Tears spilled from her face and mixed with his blood, the sight before her was choking her, killing her from the inside out. Her mouth was wide open as if she was trying to call out to him, but all she could do was make a strangled gasp. She traced the side of his face with her hands and tried to brand the exact shade of blue of his eyes to her memory because she knew that this was the last time she would ever get to see them. She closed his eyes when she couldn't stand looking at them anymore, they weren't the eyes she knew, they had no life, no light, no childish innocence; they were dead and grey and empty.
Why was he dead? Why had he been shot? And then realisation hit her like a punch to the throat, he was dead because of her, he had been shot by the same sniper who had tried to kill her. It was all her fault, he had only wanted to protect her, to keep her safe and for his bravery and loyalty and love...he had lost his own life. He was dead...but she was still alive. She began to scream, kicking and slamming her fists on the ground. It should be her lying there, he didn't deserve this. Why was she still alive? Why wouldn't he shoot her too? She looked for the glint she had seen before and started screaming at the shadows.
"Kill me too! Don't leave me like this...kill me too!" The tears were falling so fast she couldn't see a thing, her phone was still ringing but she didn't care who it was. She didn't want help, she didn't want to get out of here...she wanted to die. "KILL ME! Just end it! SHOOT ME!" She continued to scream and shout, begging to be killed; but her cries went unanswered in the silent darkness.
Suddenly, Rick's hand latched around her wrist and held tight, she screamed in shock when his head turned to look at her, his eyes still as dead as before. "Kate..." His voice was weak and dry and it scared the living shit out of her. He then rose up onto his knees and moved towards her while she tried to scuffle away. He trapped her in the corner of the elevator and placed his cold clammy hands on either side of her face. "Kate...wake up...you're dreaming...you need to wake up!" She couldn't look away from those terrifying eyes, how could his eyes be so cold and empty? This couldn't be happening!
"Kate! Wake up! Wake up Kate, please!" Her head shook wildly from side to side before her eyes flew open, drowned in horror and tears. She didn't want to see those eyes again, she couldn't handle that, but as she looked through the darkness, she didn't see lifeless eyes, she saw deep blue ones, his pupils darker than ebony and glittering tears looking down at her. She looked around frantically wanting to know where she was, when she realised that she wasn't in the elevator, she was in Castle's bed in his room, she breathed for the first time since she had woken up.
Rick had his hands on her face, leaning over her and when he saw her chest move with her breath, he released a deep shuddering breath that he had been holding onto since her eyes had opened. "Kate? Are you ok?" He asked her quietly, brushing wisps of hair out of her face. That was when Kate realised that she was caked in sweat, her hair was everywhere, tied around her face, and as she looked down at herself she noticed that she had actually ripped the stitching on the T-shirt, the left sleeve was torn exposing her shoulder. She felt like she was about to go mad, but when she looked up into those very much alive blue eyes again she started to regain her sanity. She leapt up from the bed and tied her arms around Rick's middle, holding onto the back of his shirt in tight fists. She held him so close and so tight that it was a little bit hard to breathe, but he didn't care.
She buried her face against his chest and gritted her teeth together painfully to keep from screaming. Rick wrapped his arms around her just as tightly and kissed her head, whispering calming nonsense into her ear. She was soaked in hot sweat and she was shaking violently, what the hell had she been dreaming about? She began to cry, her voice coming out as a strangled sob.
"Don't leave me, don't leave me please...stay with me, Rick, don't go...please don't go." She begged him over and over again and the very sound of her voice like this broke his heart. He held her face and forced her to look at him before kissing her powerfully. When he pulled back, his own face was wet with her tears.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise you Kate, I will never leave you. I will stay with you, I will not leave you. Never." He kissed her again and pulled her back into a tight embrace. By the sounds of her breathing, she was beginning to calm down a little, but she still clung to him like her life depended on it...maybe it did right now. "I've got you, Kate, you're safe; you're ok...I got you, I'm not going anywhere...I'll protect you, I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He kissed her face, lips and head. He couldn't stand to see like this, she was so very scared and vulnerable. But he was going to keep his promise, he was going to keep her safe, he wasn't going to let anything happen to her.
When she started to breathe slower he started to think that things might have begun to calm down, but then he heard a suppressed sob, groaning and a sharp intake of breath. He pulled back just enough to look down at her. Her brow was furrowed deeply and she was biting the hell out of her lower lip. She was in pain, physical pain, and she was holding her wrist. He gently took hold of her forearm beneath where the pain seemed to be and he inspected the damage. She let him have her arm and she looked away in shame, turning her head as far as it would go.
"Kate, what the hell happened?" Her wrist was badly bruised and from the sounds she was making and the look on her face, it was very painful. He looked around and noticed a dent in the headboard of the bed, shit, she must have slammed her wrist into the wood while she was thrashing and twisting. "I should take you to the hospital, you might have broken the bone." She immediately pulled her arm away and curled up, cradling her injured arm in her lap.
"No, I don't want to go..."
"Kate, you might have seriously hurt yourself, we need to get it checked out."
"No." She was trying to make it sound like a command, but it came out as a whimpering protest.
"Either I take you to the hospital or I call Lanie."
She glared at him, knowing that that was on the brink of blackmail, but she knew they were her only choices. "Fine...but can I get cleaned up first?" She asked, using her other arm to wipe away the sticky sweat on her forehead.
"You can't do it alone, not with you wrist being in so much pain."
Kate was silent for a few minutes, tying to think up an argument, but he was right, her wrist was at its worst right now: no pain killers, no treatment and no bandage or brace to keep it straight. She wouldn't be able to concentrate on washing while in that much pain and it would seriously limit her movement of her shoulder and torso. "Then help me."
"Kate..."
"Look, I know you've done so much for me already and you are still trying to do so much for me and I don't have the right to ask anything of you...but please don't make me go in there like this, please." She felt disgusting, her skin was crawling and she felt like she wanted to be sick. A vision of Rick's lifeless eyes looking down at her shot through her mind and she leapt off the bed and ran into the bathroom as fast as she could.
She swung her left arm onto the front of the toilet and used it to hold herself up as her other arm was useless. She felt tears run down her face as she threw up the wonderful dinner Rick had made for her, and then he was there holding back her long hair and stroking the top of her head gently to comfort her. She threw up two more times before she was finished, she was shaken, confused, scared, crying with sadness, covered from head to toe in a thick layer of sticky sweat and now she had the vile taste of vomit in her mouth to top it off. Not to mention her wrist was killing her, this night just couldn't get any worse could it? She took a few deep breaths and waited for her heart to stop pounding so furiously, she was absolutely exhausted and she found that she no longer had the strength to keep herself up. She slumped onto the floor and breathed heavily.
"Now I have no choice but to clean you up, don't I?"
She just managed to make a faint laughing sound, he was trying to pick things up as best he could. She had to stop taking him for granted, she was going to stop, no more. What if he hadn't been here with her? What if she had been at home? She had had that nightmare before, but she had never had it quite that bad. Kate had no idea what she would have done without him right now. She had no energy to get up, so Rick lifted her into his arms and carried her into the shower.
He removed his shirt and socks and rolled up his pants over his knees before stepping in with her, he placed her so that her back was to him and he started to take off her sweat-soaked clothes. He made sure she was out of the way of the spray before he turned on the water and only when he had got it set to the perfect temperature did he help her get into the water. Because of the pain in her wrist, Kate wasn't able to hold herself up as she sat on the shower floor, so she laid herself down on the cool tile and just focused on breathing in and out, in and out again; the water splashing onto her face and washing away the dirt and grime, but not choking her as she thought it might.
"Kate, I know...you need to sit up." He told her quietly, he didn't want to push her, but she wasn't going to get clean just lying on the floor.
"Ok..." She slowly pushed herself up using one arm and positioned herself so that she was sitting straight and not slouching, using her back for support instead of her arms. She felt her hair being brushed over her shoulder and she glanced down at the handful of curls, still relatively dry, but covered in droplets like a spider web after rain. She felt warm hands running soap up and down her back and massaging the soap around and releasing the tension in her shoulders. It was like heaven, his hands running up and down her back, washing away the horror of her dream. He was sitting behind her now, mixing shampoo into her hair, massaging her scalp and making her purr.
A faint smile lit up his lips at the sound and he spent a little longer than needed washing the shampoo out and putting in the conditioner. Her eyes were closed for most of the shower and she hummed and purred at his touch. He got her to stand up so he could wash down her legs, never looking at her front, his hands never straying. She was completely naked and at his mercy and yet he was still a gentleman, Kate couldn't believe how much restraint he had and it was very nearly almost beginning to annoy her; but only a tiny bit. When he stood up straight again and made sure all of the conditioner was out of her hair, she leaned back against him and he wrapped his arms around her waist to hold her up. He was careful not to put any pressure on her scar, but he did take this chance to get a look at it. It wasn't very pretty, but it had saved her life. The nice 6cm long scar down her left side was still painful for her if she moved her body the wrong way, but there was no emotional trauma associated with that scar, it was the one that sat between her breasts that made her panic and cry.
She just stood there for a while, leaning into his hold, feeling too weak to hold herself up. She became aware of the water being turned off and a nice big warm towel being wrapped around her, actually, it was really warm, like almost hot. She looked around to look at the rack it had been hanging on and noticed it was shiny metal and there was something plugged into the wall just below. He had a towel heater, she wasn't surprised at all, but she did catch herself thinking about never leaving his apartment. The heat from the towel was just perfect, surrounding her with a sense of comfort and safety, just like his arms did. He helped her step out of the shower, sat her down on the bathroom stool after handing her a second towel and then slipped back into the bedroom to find something for her to wear. He returned with her bra and jeans so that she would have something to put on so she wouldn't be sitting completely naked in the bathroom while he dug through his drawers.
He found a small black skivvy that was always too tight for him to wear but he figured it would be alright for Kate. She smiled warmly at him when he brought her the top, her appearance certainly wasn't very high on her priority list right now, but the fact that he was thinking about her feelings towards simply walking into the hospital and being injured and was trying to ease that for her by finding something relatively nice for her to wear warmed her heart. He helped her to dry off and to get dressed and still didn't let his hands or eyes stray.
The shirt he had given her was snug, a little big of course and the sleeves hung over her hands, but it looked a lot better than what she had been wearing before. He found her a pair of slippers to wear since there was no way she was walking around in heels right now, and they both silently stepped out into the hallway together. It was only when Rick had closed the door that Kate even thought about the rest of his family. She felt really stupid now, had his family heard her crying out in the middle of the night? Did they know she was spending the night?
"Rick...um, where is Alexis and Martha?" It seemed like the stupidest thing to be asking right now, but she was very grateful when he responded, starting a conversation that would help distract her.
"Alexis is on a camp, she'll be away for the rest of the week, and mother is at some sort of retreat with her acting class."
She was thankful that no one else had been witness to this, and she was even more thankful when Rick put a warm coat around her shoulders and stood right beside her the whole time on their way to the car. She hoped in the passenger side without a word and remained silent until they had reached the hospital. No matter what might need his attention, he always made sure she was ok before doing anything. It was something like 3am when they stepped out of the cold darkness and into the blindingly bright building. It was pretty quiet tonight so they didn't have to wait too long, Rick did most of the talking, simply saying it was just an accident, she had had a bit much to drink, they were mucking about when she had stumbled and hit her wrist on the coffee table. Kate didn't like the plot where she was too drunk to control herself, but she preferred it over what had really happened.
It didn't matter anyway, they didn't have to stay for too long, it turned out she had just sprained her wrist a bit and all she needed was to bandage it up for a few weeks and it would be good as new. The doctor showed her how to properly bandage her wrist so that she could do it from home, and while he was doing this Kate couldn't help but notice Rick standing against the wall, blinking his left eye a little more than usual. Had he been doing that all night? If so then why was she only noticing it now? He realised that she was staring at him and he turned her face away from her, only making her more concerned. Was his eye hurt? What if she had hit him when she was twisting and turning in her sleep? Oh god, if she had hit him...this night hadn't gotten worse, she just had to jinx it didn't she? Not only was she suffering one of the most embarrassing nights of her life but the man who was helping her get through all this was suffering from what might turn out to be a black-eye thanks to her.
Then the doctor turned to Rick to talk about pain meds and such and he noticed his weird blinking too. Rick bit back a bad word or two when the doctor insisted on checking out his eye and announced that he was going to have a bruise in the morning. He had been trying to keep Kate from finding out about it, she had enough on her plate right now she didn't need the guilt of having punched him in the face while she slept. The doctor suddenly looked a little suspiciously at them and frowned.
"Why don't you tell me what actually happened tonight."
Kate bit her lip, the last thing she wanted was to have to tell a medical expert that she was having horrible nightmares that were causing her to lash out in her sleep, there was so much that she did not want to deal with right now; and then Rick answered in the most truthful voice she had ever heard a lie be told in.
As they were walking back to the car, Kate couldn't keep the smile off her face and she gently shoved Rick with her shoulder, getting his attention along with a raised eye brow.
"Twister? Seriously? Do I honestly strike you as the kind of girl who likes to play Twister?" She joked about the story he had told.
"You strike me as the kind of girl who is up for anything."
They kept the banter coming for as long as they could, Kate trying not to think about the events of that night and Rick understanding that this was what she really needed right now. She had broken down twice in one night, first about him seeing her scar and then about her nightmare. But she just didn't have the energy to hold herself together tonight, she was absolutely exhausted and stressed out because of Detective Brunswick and Castle not being there for comedic relief and the nightmares and...just the everything. It felt like her head was about to explode, it was too much going on at one time and now she had punched Rick in the face. She felt like smacking her head against a brick wall just to see if it helped, she remembered a phrase that went 'why do I keep hitting myself in the head with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop', she couldn't help comparing that statement to her current situation, wondering when the world was going to stop hitting her in the head with a hammer.
The phrase sounded mildly entertaining in a way but when her homicide detective mind kicked in and made it visual, she felt like being sick again.
Wow that was long, so I've set up some more stuff for these two to deal with and once again I lied, Detective Brunswick did not make an appearance in this chapter, I know you guys must be thrilled about that, but I do think he will be in the next chapter so enjoy this peace while it lasts. I do promise that Kate is going to actually stop being a self-centred narcisist and actually contribute to this relationship, but there are still a few bumps ahead.