Yeah, your report was sufficient. For a soldier. It's not what you send to your family when their wondering if you're alive. But I guess soldier's always been the easiest mode for you. I tend to forget after everything we've…well. You're an adult and it's none of my goddamn business. You won't have to remind me again.

If the angels still have power then I can get Sam and Kevin lookin' for omens. Miracles, disasters, meteor sightings. I'll let you know if we come up with anything, point you in the right direction. A crapload of angels with all their mojo could be bad news for humanity.

Be careful with this Ambriel chick. If you don't remember her she could just be yanking your chain. I know you won't fall for that one again Cas, but we're all only human and sometimes we see what we want to see. I want you to have an ally out there, but we've both been around too long to take anything at face value.

Good luck. Stay smart out there.

-Dean

Ambriel has so far proven to be trustworthy. Travelling north.

…

I just noticed a hummingbird near the window of the car. It's the first time I've seen a hummingbird as a human. I never noticed how fast they can fly… It was there one moment and gone the next.

…

I assume you have your hands full with caring for Sam. Or are on a hunt. Give my regards to everyone if you happen to glance at this.

…

Hello Dean,

I have offended you. I've… hurt you ag ain. You see, I've written battle correspondence for thousands of years. Clear, concise reports with no room for flowery phrasing or… any self-expression at all for that matter. I have hindered myself by choosing this method of communicationbetween us as friends . It's just as easy for me as it is challenging.

You see, Dean, you say that you want to understand what I'm feeling, but the truth is that I don't understand myself. Some mornings I wake up in such a rage, it covers my eyes in a fog and I c an barely see. Some days I am dead to the world and feel nothing. I haven't figured out which is worse.

I need you to know that it isn't your fault. It isn't your weight to carry. I know your nature dictates you otherwise. If you must put your energy into others, I would advise you give it to your brother. He needs you right now. More than I I couldn't ask I don't want to take you away from him.

If you wish to cease communication, I will understand.

Your friend,

Castiel

Hey Cas,

I'm sorry. I haven't been tryin' to ignore you I'm just…I'm tired. I'm tryin' to be the leader here, I'm tryin' to act like I know what I'm doing, but it's like Sammy's thirteen again with the flu only he's not getting any better now no matter how hard I try and Kevin…he's, well, he's acting like a nineteen year old kid whose mom got killed and who hasn't got any promise that it's all gonna end. He's not like me 'n Sam, and I don't want him to be, so I let him rail on me. He should be angry. We all should be, I've just been at this so long I honestly don't know what I would do if it stopped.

I feel like for the last year all Iv'e I've done is run around trying to keep everybody alive but even when I succeed I don't feel like I've accomplished a goddamned thing. I miss Purgatory sometimes, as miserable as we were in there at least when I killed something it stayed down and it got me one step closer to finding you.

Hehe…the other day we were all on the couch (Sam was wrapped up in blankets like a fuckin' burrito, you shoulda seen it) we were watchin' some Steven Seagall movie and for some reason all I could fucking think about was the time you showed up on the hood of my car covered in nothin' but bees. I was giggling like an absolute lunatic and I tell you what, Sam thought I had finally cracked. I just couldn't handle it. Do you even remember that? You probably don't, but damn I wish I had snapped a picture. I remember telling Sam and pretending I was all freaked out about it, but the truth was I laughed for fucking days. It wasn't long after that we got shot to Purgatory but let me tell you, some days that was the shit kept me going.

I…when you showed up at the bunker, after the angels fell, there was a part of me that hoped we could have that back. That doesn't make any sense. But do you know what I'm talking about? It's bizarre, but I was…I was relieved that you were human. No more heaven. No more mind control shit. No more angels. Maybe you'd be a little broken, but I could fix you. We can always fix each other and then we could fix Sam, and maybe even Kevin, and then we could have that back. Maybe we could laugh again, and have this one little weird domestic thing for a while. I was excited. But that wasn't what you needed. I should have known you woudn't wouldn't be happy to sit on the sidelines and make pancakes while people suffered. That's what I want. If I could keep you and Sammy safe and just hide I would do it. Screw the world. We've done enough. But that's not who you are.

That's not youre your fault either Cas. I shouldn't put that on you. You've gotta live your life the way you think is right. dont Don't worry about me. Just keep writing. I'll be here, I promise.

Dean

I do remember the bees. And your laughter. It made being crazy worth it, if only for the moment. I miss purgatory as well, it was the one time I felt that I did right by you. Even though I left you at the end of that story as well.

…

Castiel was convinced that his car had shrunk in size. The interior was stuffy. The upholstery too scratchy. His CD from Kevin was starting to skip and the radio played nothing but "The Devil went down to Georgia" for miles. He felt all of this on hyperdrive and couldn't let his mind wander because constantly he was being watched.

He had forgotten how observant angels could be. How they could stare at something with that insane look of wonder and awe without ever tiring or even needing to blink for heaven's sake. Patience. Consistency. Silence. All traits of a superior breed of soldier.

Not for traveling partners.

For two weeks they drove northward from Louisiana through the lower states to Virginia and have come up empty-handed on finding more angels. Ambriel claimed that she could still sense when angels were near, even former angels like Castiel. She said very little, preferring to communicate with her piercing gaze and minimal body language. Cas tried to avoid her eyes, knowing that her usefulness outweighed his discomfort in importance.

Still, all leads turned up cold.

Scratching out yet another set of coordinates from the Men of Letter's data, he sighed heavily, wiping sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. The car windows were thrown open as they sat in a rest stop parking lot, but not a breeze could be tempted. He felt sticky and salty all over and dreamt of proper showers and central air conditioning.

Ambriel was a picture of serenity and hygiene, not a hair out of place. Castiel had allowed her to obtain money using her grace (the guilt keeping him up at night) and the occasional burger (less guilty) but wouldn't go so far as to ask her to help him stop smelling so bad. Especially since she wasn't complaining.

"Why have we stopped?" She asked, despite the fact they had been stopped for thirty minutes.

"Been driving for twelve hours straight," He said, head in his hands, "Need to take human time."

She nodded silently and looked out the window. The heat was merciless but at least he was in the shade and maybe just maybe he could sleep for a while—

"Why don't you teach me how to drive?"

Cas groaned as she wrenched him from his almost-doze. "You? Drive? You're an angel, you don't need to drive."

"Inaccurate." She insisted, "I can't use my grace that flashily at the moment, so for practicalities sake I should learn how to drive so that you can rest and be a better leader on this mission."

Cas laughed humorlessly. "I'm not your leader, Ambriel. No one is." Her eyes bore into his wordlessly. He looked away. "Besides, I'm not comfortable enough with driving myself to be a suitable teacher."

"I see."

"Thank you."

Silence settled again. Cas reclined his seat back and little and was just laying his head down for a moment-

"Did your human teach you how to drive?"

He felt tears of frustration prick at his eyes and tried to stifle his sudden need to yell and scream and throw a tantrum that would only make him overheat more. "My what?" He asked, his voiced uncharacteristically high.

"Your human. Dean Winchester. Everyone knows the stories." She cocked her head forward, as if to say "silly Castiel."

"He is not my human," he cranked his seat back up, giving up on sleep, "He's a friend. An equal."

"I see," she squinted, looking away, "Friends."

"Surely I don't see to illustrate the mechanics of friendship to you Ambriel-"

"I am well acquainted with the term, Castiel," She interrupted. She folded her hands in her lap and was silent once again.