Chapter Thirteen:

Luke sat in the cockpit, gazing without seeing at the mottled view provided only by hyperspace. His ruminations matched the scene almost verbatim. Thoughts on his crazy rescue of a damsel in distress who turned out to be more than able to take care of herself when given the chance to do so.

Luke knew that Mara had a past that she wasn't ready to share with him. But he wouldn't pry it from her. He would let her come to him when she felt ready.

But that didn't mean he had to stop his growing feelings for the woman. He held her in high regard, and had a great respect for her already, just by their interactions so far.

Not to mention she was so good looking.

He'd tried not to stare when he'd first met her, but she had taken his breath away. And then after his healing of her, when she was still asleep, Luke had paused upon leaving the bed to simply gaze upon her.

Her hair, so beautiful with its red-gold hue, was soft to the touch, her slight curls only adding to her elegance. Her skin, so much like a porcelain doll, was creamy, smooth, and outright amazing. He loved her light freckles, and had counted those on her cheeks.

Her eyes… he'd heard his aunt Beru tell a friend once that a person's eyes were the true way to measure someone. And Mara's emerald orbs captivated him like nothing had before. It wasn't just her color, thought that was gorgeous in and of itself: Mara's gaze shown with intelligence, even in that room when she'd been frightened and depressed.

He knew now that the woman had a good wit about her, and a sense of humor he found refreshing. Her voice was somehow soothing to him, yet it was confident in tone. Luke loved her laughter, and the first time he'd heard it earlier had been utter music to his ears… and he wanted to hear more of it.

Luke sighed, realizing that he was only dreaming. She didn't seem ready— not that he blamed her— to let anyone in yet. He wished he knew what he'd done to scare her off like that, and Luke had been over every possible scenario.

But nothing fit except for her reluctance after her ordeal to be open.

Leaning his head against the back of the seat, Luke let his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment.

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She hadn't moved from her position in the three hours she'd run away from Luke. She was so afraid of what she'd felt… and she didn't know why.

You know why, Jade. Mara chided herself. It's because you've never been in love. And thanks to Palpatine, you never wanted to.

This was all uncharted territory for her. Normally not one to let the unknown scare her off, Mara was particularly annoyed that she was doing so now.

Yet still, something kept her firmly rooted in place.

Was she afraid of being loved and loving in return? Or was she more afraid that he'd fall in love with her, learn her secret, and then abandon her as everyone else had?

I should tell him now, before he has that chance, and then it will be easier to let him go. Mara reasoned.

She felt bad for making him believe he was the cause of her sudden departure from dinner, but she had to figure herself out before she could let Luke in.

He wants to get to know you better Mara… is that such a bad thing?

She felt the independent woman in her rebel at the thought of someone taking care of her. She was the former Emperor's Hand, for stars sake. She didn't need anyone to protect her… and she was better off alone anyway.

But there as a different part, a rapidly growing part, that craved the presence of the man sitting aboard this ship with her. After all, hadn't she been trying to distance herself from her previous life before she'd fallen into the hell of Garris's business?

His presence… soothed her like nothing ever had. His spirit, so warm and alive, was a balm to her wretched spirit.

She shied back, wondering if she was just smitten with the knight in shining armor who'd risked life and limb to help her. But his reasoning for aiding her helped to alleviate her worries.

I wanted to meet you… I felt a connection…

She recalled their first meeting on Tatooine, and how she'd felt a spark when their eyes met. There indeed was something between them, even in those brief seconds. And now that they were in closer proximity, and with Mara refusing her former master's desire for her to kill Luke, she felt that connection so much clearer.

To her great surprise, now that she was searching her soul… Mara discovered that she wasn't afraid of it. In fact, she found her heart yearning to be closer to Luke… to feel his arms encircle her into his protective embrace.

She wanted to get to know him better too… but how?

You could start by taking your back end out of self-exile and actually talk to him. Open up… trust him.

She closed her eyes, thinking again on how she'd feel if she lost him after they'd grown close and he learned her nasty secret. Could she really hope to establish a real, lasting relationship is she wasn't honest with him up front?

Mara knew the answer to that was no. Nor would such a thing be fair to Luke. How could she look him in the eye and lie to his face like that?

The Emperor's Hand could have done that, but Mara Jade would not. She would brave the unknown and hope for the best.

And if Luke turned her away… then she would accept that her lot in life was to be alone.

But it would probably scar her far deeper than Palpatine ever had.

Swallowing hard, Mara stood and left her cabin. She wandered the ship until she found him sitting in the cockpit. She paused when he seemed to be sleeping, and bit her lip indecisively.

But then he shifted, sitting upright and checking some instrument or another. Steeling her resolve, Mara entered the confines and stopped just behind his chair.

"Luke?"

He jumped slightly, turning to face her. His surprised face relaxed into a shy smile.

"Oh, hi Mara."

She shifted, drawing a curious lift to his brow. "Can we talk?"

"Of course." He turned away and gave her his full attention.

Mara started to speak when she heard Artoo join them. She felt a flash of annoyance at his intrusion, and then at herself for caring about a droid. But she'd hoped it would be just them for this discussion.

Noticing her unease, Luke stood.

"We can go somewhere else," he offered.

"Yes, please," Mara murmured, leading the way back to her cabin, where she settled onto the bunk.

When he closed the door, Mara patted the bed beside her and he sat down with her. But when his blue gaze situated onto her, Mara's courage suddenly wilted. Could she do this? Could she tell him… or anyone the truth?

She searched his ice-blue eyes for any shred of a reason why she should back out of this, but there was nothing but patient acceptance. And… she suddenly realized that part of the burning in her chest was her need to share her past with someone.

Preferably someone who wouldn't shoot her on sight when she did open up. Mara inherently knew that she could trust the man before her.

Taking a deep breath, Mara began quietly.

"I wanted to tell you who I really am. Or was." She looked away. "I really don't know what I am anymore."

"I'm listening," Luke urged gently.

"Please… don't hate me," she whispered, shocking herself with that statement, but before Luke could speak, she leapt into her confession.

"I am… was… the Emperor's Hand. I was his personal assassin, and I killed people for a living."

She slumped down slightly; deflated from the guts it had taken her to say those few words. But she also felt suddenly lighter for having done so.

"Pardon?" Luke stammered.

Mara glanced at his surprised face, and went into more detail. "When I was very young I was taken from my family to be raised by Palpatine. The only reason I know this is because I asked one of my nursemaids when I was younger.

"I do not know who my parents were, or where I was found, only that I was an orphan who was now going to grow up under the strict eye of a master. I trained every day of my life to become the perfect assassin and spy. I had no choice in the matter, and after nearly two decades I became just what he wanted me to be: a perfect servant.

"I rarely asked questions that did not pertain to my missions, and I learned very early on to never question my mater's orders and wishes. What he wanted, he got: period. If I stepped too far out of line or failed, the consequences were severe."

Mara paused for breath absently studying her fingernails as she spoke, almost absentmindedly; lost in her memories.

"I thought I was happy and secure in my job. And I was for a while; or maybe I just deluded myself along the way into thinking of my master as a sort of father. I loved him to a degree, because he as my only constant: which was exactly his point in keeping me alone." She added bitterly. "I killed for him, I spied on whomever he asked me to, and if I attended a ball or other function it was as the Hand, but under cover.

"No one knew who I was except for a rare few, and they're all either dead now, or have forgotten me, or they think I died when the Palace was attacked by those mobs. I was a shadow, indiscernible except in my false identities." She hugged her arms around her body then. "I was invisible… and I have never been loved a day in my life that I can recall. I… I have always just been focused on surviving. I endured both my training and a life with my master… it's all I've ever really been good at: aside from my job.

"The first time I questioned Palpatine was when Alderaan happened." She shuddered. "Even I, as screwed up as I was then, knew that such an act was wrong. And as much as I tried to deny to myself that Palpatine wasn't at fault— Tarkin ordered the hit after all— I just kept coming around to the fact that he was the reason that space station had even come into existence.

"So when I was sent to Jabba's palace…" Mara finally looked him in the eye. She noted dimly that while he was still taken aback, he was giving her his undivided attention as she spilled her soul to him. "I was supposed to kill you. And I was fully prepared to do just that… until I felt your presence. Your… Force signature: it was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I was so used to those dark, frigid presences given off by Palpatine and Vader that it had become the norm for me. It wasn't until you warmed my soul with just your light that I knew there was something different. Something better.

"And I decided not to kill you: I chose to defy Palpatine. It was the first time I disobeyed my master," Mara whispered, looking way again. "And then he wanted me to kill you after his death. I told him no then, too."

She braved looking up at him once more. "When our eyes met, back on Tatooine, I felt something too. And… I… I want to explore… us too…" she wasn't sure her words were spoken loud enough to be heard, but Luke didn't indicate otherwise. "If you… still want to, after... all that…"

She ended with a hard swallow, waiting for her companion to process everything, even as she rubbed her hands over her arms in a very rare display of vulnerability. She threw periodic glances his way as the silence stretched on, and Mara could see the cogs turning behind those beautiful eyes of his.

Finally his gaze shifted when hers was forward, and she watched him peripherally. He glanced down, then back up and reached out tentatively to take her hand. She let her gaze fall upon their touching limbs, and waited with baited breath for his rejection.

Already she could feel the tears welling up, and she blinked rapidly.

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Luke was shocked beyond words at first when Mara had gone into her verbal autobiography. And when she'd finished, he had taken a good deal of time computing facts and assessing his stance with this new information.

Anger quickly settled in, but ran a swift and dead-end course. He willed it away, refusing to let it come back. This woman may have been on the opposite side of things in the war, but she hadn't done anything to him personally.

But still, he couldn't quite believe what she was telling him, even as he felt the truth of it in the Force. Every word she spoke rang loud and clear.

She was the former Emperor's Hand.

Her skills from before struck him with crystal clarity now, and he thought back to how she'd managed to stay essentially untouched by the doubtless many men who'd tried to bed her on Nar Shaddaa.

Any less of a woman would have caved, but not Mara. And that fact made his respect for her grow exponentially.

She'd been affected by Alderaan's destruction too, enough to go against a lifetime of forced training and a hell of an existence to try to do her part to right that wrong.

It also made sense now why such a fabulous woman had been lurking in Jabba's palace. She had been ordered to kill him.

But she hadn't. She had gone against the man she now knew was evil, and had done what she could to help Luke without putting herself in danger of her master's ultimate wrath.

Luke had been on the receiving end of that once, and he did not blame Mara for wanting to avoid such a fate herself.

She lived with that constant threat all her known life, though. Luke thought. This is one hell of a woman!

When he focused again on her, he realized with chagrin that he had been quiet perhaps too long, for Mara looked ready to bury herself under a rock.

Looking down for a moment, Luke took a deep breath and then lifted his gaze, reaching out gingerly to take her hand.

"Thank you for being honest with me, Mara," Luke said softly. "But none of this changes the fact that I want to get to know you better. Though it does answer several questions for me." He added wryly.

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Mara just stared, unable to believe what she'd just heard. When he'd begun speaking, she had already been formulating ways to accept his turning her away. But now Luke's words sank in… and she couldn't quite grasp them.

"B-but… didn't you hear what I said?" She was almost angry with him for being so understanding. "I was a killer! I almost killed you!"

"But you didn't slay me," Luke retorted firmly. "And what you did while in the Emperor's service was not your fault, at least not the way I see it."

Mara's jaw dropped. "Do explain."

"Mara, you were taken at a young age, probably so that you would be gullible and open to Palpatine's teachings." When she glared at his insinuation, he winced. "Sorry, I did not mean that as an insult. What I'm trying to say is that you were following the orders of your commanding officer. And in times of war, that's all anyone can do."

She shook her head. "I still performed the acts. I am still a murderer."

"No." Luke took her other hand now and turned Mara so that they were looking right in each others' eyes. "Listen to me: you may have done those things, but the ultimate responsibility lies with Palpatine, since he ordered those actions. It's the same in the military: whoever gives the orders is the one who is responsible at the end of the day, no matter what his foot-soldiers do. We were at war: we all killed."

His confession, spoken softly and full of aged regret, reminded Mara that Luke had destroyed the first Death Star. So he too knew what it was like to take innocent lives.

And Mara could feel, deep within, that Luke really did mean what he was saying.

"You don't hate me then?" Mara had to ask, afraid to hear his reply.

"Of course not." Luke looked aghast that she'd even think that. "Why would I hate you for your past?"

"Because it's hardly a clean slate, Luke," Mara stated.

"And mine isn't?" Luke retorted evenly. "I have a dark heritage myself."

Mara frowned up at him. "What are you talking about?"

He shared her confusion. "You don't know?"

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At the shake of Mara's head, Luke lifted his brow. She had no idea he was the son of a monster.

Former monster. Luke corrected himself.

He paused uncertainly, wondering if he should tell her. But then he instantly chided his stubborn self. It would be utterly unfair to Mara for him hide his dark secrets when she had just born her very soul to him— risking everything in doing so.

Taking a steadying breath, Luke looked Mara in the eye again.

"Darth Vader was my father."