LOGAN'S P.O.V
I still can't believe I had sex with Rocky, again. After everything she did to me I should hate her, but i don't and I hate myself for not hating her. I hate myself for liking Cece too, but I hate myself even more for loving her. Its wrong that I have feelings for her, I mean she's practically my sister, and the fact that she's i rehab, it sucks, but I don't think it's healthy for her to be involved with someone.
I got my letter from her today. It was strange.
Day 2:
This place pretty much sucks. Little does everyone know, I'm not trying to get better. It's not even a thought. My roommate Roxy, she's really cool, she's a model and we're the same age, we're helping each other fake getting better. This is her 3rd time here, she knows how to get away with not eating and seeing how much we weigh. She knows this place like the back of her hand. She's perfect, in a way. She had a body like Miranda Kerr, a tan like Blake Lively, and a beautiful face. She's naturally gorgeous, she doesn't need makeup, her hair naturally falls straight and it goes down to her lower back. She just got signed with Wilhelmina, its her big break, she just needs to get out of her, and soon. We're working on it, she actually lives in my apartment complex and we plan on being anorexic sisters for life, its an insider, we have a lot of those now even though its only been hardly 2 days. We have a plan for breakfast tomorrow, its a pretty well though out plan. She's so clever and I wish I was her, even though she says she would quote: "kill for my body".
I realized that it was the wrong letter. I knew that she didn't mean to send that to me. It hurts me to see how sick she is. I know that deep down inside she wants to get better, she's just in denial. I'm not allowed to reply to her letters though, its part of her treatment. No connection with the outside world.
I thought about sharing the letter with her mom or Rocky, but I think she'll get better, on her own time that is. I kind of brush it off and pretend I never read it. I stored it in a shoe box and placed it in my closet. In that shoe box were pictures of me and Cece. It was a memory box. I can't help but admit that I think I'm falling in love with her, but I can't ,make her happy so I can't be with her. I know that I will never be able to be the kind of person she needs in her life, I want to give her the chance to be with someone who could actually love her, someone who knew her. I think i owe it to myself too, I need to find a more realistic love, Cece and I will be step siblings in a few months and it wouldn't be right. I deserve to be happy too, not just her. I think to myself often how different things would be between us if our parents never met, well if our parents never met neither would we. I just think that she deserves to be happy, even if that mean I'll be miserable. I can't keep her, i can never give her fully what she wants, what she needs, its like this: If I stay with her, it wouldn't work out, our parents would get married and eventually we would have to break up. Theres no reason to be together, its going to end up in heart break either rway you look at it, either way you look at it, we would end up nothing. I can't do that to her, I need to let her go, I need to let her be free and in the mean time, I need to find someone who loves me. Rocky loves me, I may not love her, but she loves me and that good enough, I feel as though I'm taking advantage of her though, I know deep down that its just wrong to use her like that, but I can't help it. I need to move on from Cece and I know that someone loves me, more than Cece if even possible. Rockys been waiting for me, waiting for me for a while now. I know I can't give her all my love, but its worth the try, even though she may be holding someone else' baby.
A/N: Okay so this chapter was kind of not very good, oh well. Just a beds up, next chapter will be written 6 months from this point, it will be very interesting! Thank you guys so much for reading!