Underneath The Surface - Chapter 16

Tidal Pool of Guilt

**Author's notes: I apologize for the wait in updates, but the first time I wrote this chapter, it wasn't right. It was too forced and too rushed. So I scrapped it and re-wrote it. But life doesn't work like we want, so I had to let the chapter and the story percolate for a while. I hope that you, the reader, enjoy this chapter. Paradoxalpoised has become a great brainstorming partner and beta reader. She has become more of a co-writer actually, and I owe her a great debt. She knows where I want to go with this epic, and her insights have become so very valuable in keeping me on track, that I cannot thank her enough. Thank you Paradoxalpoised for being the other half of my writing brain so far away.**

Regina and Emma looked at each other with confusion.

"Who would be here to see us?" Regina asked.

Emma shrugged and went to open the door. "Thanks, Callie. We'll be right down."

"Okay, Mom asked me to send you to the dining room."

When Emma and Regina got to the dining room, they were surprised to see Charlie sitting at the table with Patty. They took seats beside each other as Patty got up and poured coffee for them.

"Did you miss us, Charlie?" Emma teased with a smile.

"Absolutely! You two lovebirds make my old heart skip a beat!" The diner owner chuckled and continued. "Seriously though, I thought I'd come have coffee with the three of you. I didn't have a chance to ask earlier, how are you settling in?"

"We're doing okay I guess."

"Sometimes it's as though we only arrived yesterday, sometimes it feels longer." Regina added, very aware of how long they had been in Desperation Lake.

"I think you're fitting in wonderfully." Patty joined in the conversation as she put filled mugs in front of them. "I told Charlie about our gardening plans, Regina."

"I told her she should grow vegetables a couple of years ago." Charlie threw in. "But Callie wasn't ready to be responsible and helpful then."

"No, she was in that wild stage." Patty agreed as she wrapped her hands around her mug.

"How bad could she have been?" Emma asked.

"Oh, she tried very hard to be a rebel. Started listening to music that was all anger, talked about getting a tattoo...all sorts of things. Lasted about three months I think. One night, instead of fighting with her again, I sat her down and started telling her about what her father and I were like when we were young. I didn't make it a lecture, just started telling her about her father, and before I knew it, I'd been telling her about our youth for a couple of hours. She stopped listening to the weird music, never mentioned tattoos again...Just straightened right out."

"Did you show her your tattoo?" Charlie asked her friend.

"Sure did. Maybe that was what broke her of it. Showing her that I had a wild side too." Patty shrugged then got up, turned her back to the table and lifted the back of her shirt a couple of inches. In black ink inside a red heart were the words 'Tommy and Patty Forever'

When Patty sat back down again, Emma chuckled. "How did she take that?"

"Her eyes bugged out a bit, and she admitted maybe I was a little cooler than she gave me credit for." Patty chuckled.

"He was a good man, your Tommy." Charlie placed a hand on Patty's shoulder.

Patty nodded sadly. "He sure was. There aren't too many left like him."

"Tommy was killed a couple of years ago out in the bush. The tree he was cutting down twisted and fell in a way no one expected it to. He and a couple of other guys were out there. All of them knew what they were doing and were wearing safety equipment, but it was a big tree." Charlie explained. "Patty and Callie have been on their own ever since."

"We do what we can." Patty said quietly.

"I see you have a tattoo as well, Emma?" Patty changed the topic.

Emma set the cup down that she had been holding with her left hand. "Yeah, I've had it a long time."

"Any tattoos for you, Regina?" Charlie asked.

Regina smiled. "None for me. Making hard cider has always been more my thing."

"Really? The Sneezing Moose doesn't have hard cider..." Charlie's voice trailed off as she got an idea. After half a minute, she asked, "So you make hard cider and you garden. What other wonderful things can you do?"

"Oh, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Emma laughed.

They all joined in laughing while Regina playfully kicked the side of Emma's foot under the table.

When the laughter had died down, Regina smiled at Charlie and said, "You must have been here in Desperation Lake a number of years. Were you born here?"

Charlie took a mouthful of her coffee before answering. "I was. My father was trying to avoid the draft down in the States, so he slipped across the border and hitchhiked until he came here. He found work as a logger, fell in love with my mother, who worked at the library and two years later, I was born."

"So you must be pretty well versed in the town's history, then."

"Four generations of my family tree put their roots down here in Desperation Lake. There wasn't much that happened in this town that my mother didn't know. In her elder years, she would sit in her rocking chair on her porch and watch the town go by."

"She would always welcome a visitor up to the porch for a cup." Patty added. "She knew about the plants in the woods, too."

"People would go to her for cures for everything from the clap to an unwanted pregnancy," Charlie picked up the conversation again. "One hunter that used to come through every year swore she cured his cancer."

"It wouldn't surprise me. There are labs all over the world working on a cure for it. A couple claim they're close, and most of their research has been on plants found in the rain forest." Patty addressed her friend.

"She sounds like she was a fascinating woman. I've wanted to grow echinacea for tea for a few years."

"She kept a few notebooks. I'll dig them out and let you take a look at them."

"Is there still a library in town?" Emma asked.

"First street on the right past the Sneezing Moose, down three blocks. It's a century old house that's been our library for at least ninety years." Charlie replied. She peered into her cup, drained it and took it over to the sink. "Well, I should get back. Lord only knows what those teenagers will get into if I leave them alone too long. Patty, I'd like to come over next week and talk to Callie about a job if I could."

"I think that's a good idea, Charlie. Part time would be a better fit for her right now."

Charlie nodded and turned to face Emma and Regina. "I'll see you ladies for lunch tomorrow?"

Regina smiled. "I hope so. It was good to see you again."

Charlie gave Patty a hug, clapped Emma on the shoulder and said, "See you tomorrow morning, Emma."

"You bet."

They listened to Charlie let herself out the front door before Emma turned to Patty. "Were you able to brainstorm that list of renovations?"

Patty pulled a notebook off the counter and moved her seat closer to Emma. Regina chuckled and got up to refill their mugs.

She had a feeling this was going to be a two-cup afternoon.

While Regina was pouring, she heard a suspicious sound. The hairs on her arms stood up and after refilling Patty and Emma's mugs, Regina silently eased down the hall and was not surprised to see a sneaker-clad foot half way up the stairs. Regina eased a hand through the balusters and grasped the ankle gently.

"You aren't eavesdropping, are you, Callie?"

"How did you know?"

Regina let go and stepped to where she could see the girl. "Let's say it's a skill of mine. You don't seem the type to eavesdrop."

Callie looked at her shoes, embarrassed she'd been caught. "I heard my dad's name. I was hoping Mom would talk about him a little."

Regina came to stand fully at the bottom of the stairs and put her hand on the newel cap. "You miss him."

Callie nodded sadly. "Yeah." she whispered.

Regina watched the teen study her shoes for a few heartbeats more. "I was going to do some work out in the backyard, but I'll need some help. Do you think you could give me a hand for a little while?"

"Sure"

Regina and Callie stepped out in the backyard and closed the door behind them. Callie studied the yard and then looked to Regina. "What did you and my mom decide to do?"

"Your mom wants to grow vegetables and herbs. We decided on a few garden beds. So first off you and I will need to mark off a few beds. We'll need a measuring tape, twine, a shovel and something we can use for corner posts."

"All of that's in the shed."

Regina gestured. "Lead on."

When they had what they needed, Callie closed the shed door carefully and took the shovel and corner posts from Regina. "I'm sorry I was eavesdropping."

As they walked Regina gave the girl a small smile. "I can understand why you did it."

She stopped walking near the middle of the yard. "We'll start here I think. We'll measure off a four by eight feet bed, place the corner posts and start digging."

Callie nodded. "I can do the digging if you'd like."

Regina smiled again. "I'd appreciate that, thank you. I'm not as strong as I used to be. Emma, she's the strong one between us."

Once they had three beds laid out with posts and twine, Callie took the shovel and asked Regina where she should start digging. Regina indicated where she thought it best to start and the teen began to break ground. After a few minutes, Callie grunted, "Can I ask you a question? You can tell me if it's too personal."

"Of course."

"What's it like? Loving someone, I mean?"

Regina angled her head as she watched Callie dig. "Are you asking because I mentioned Emma, or because your mother was talking about your father?"

Callie shrugged. "Both I guess."

Regina glanced at the house while she pondered if she was really the one that should be answering the teenager's question. She thought back to the questions she wished she could have asked her own mother and sighed. The girl was lonely, and if she wanted to know her mother's feelings on the matter, she would ask her, if she hadn't already. "Well, I'm not sure if it was different for your parents, you'd have to ask ..."

"I've tried asking Mom. She still doesn't want to talk about my Dad."

Regina nodded in understanding. "I see. Well, you already know Emma and I didn't like each other very much at first."

Callie nodded as she leaned on the shovel and watched Regina.

"She showed up out of the blue, and at first, she infuriated me. I was convinced she had ulterior motives and I did everything I could to make her life a living hell. I wanted to drive her away. I told her to leave town so many times I lost count. She never did though. She stayed just to irritate me further. Eventually we stopped hating each other. We found we had quite a bit in common and over time we stopped bickering and started spending time together. We're still finding our way through our relationship, but I'd have to say it's a wonderful journey."

"Is it as good as the movies show?"

"Well, it can be. Sometimes though, they simplify things too much. I can only speak for myself, mind you."

Callie nodded and resumed shovelling as Regina continued.

"What I have with Emma is complicated. We're still uncovering layers of each other that no one else sees. Because of that, we're hesitant to hurt the other, but sometimes, we need to hurt in order to heal. Movies don't show that. Sometimes people can hurt each other in ways there is no recovery from. Betrayal, guilt, manipulation can all be inflicted in the name of love when all it does is scar a person's soul. But it's not love."

"Sounds as if someone hurt you." Callie grunted from a deepening hole.

"My mother." Regina relied.

Callie looked at Regina quickly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ..."

Regina held up a hand. "It's all right. My mother was manipulative because she valued power and control above all else. She had a plan for me and never once thought my dreams were important. She did whatever she wanted. This scar on my lip is the only one people see, but I learned from my mother what love is not. Emma shows me all the good that love can and should be."

Callie stepped out of the hole and stood facing Regina. "Your mother beat you?"

"Beat me, bound me, hurt me in ways I can't get into, but believe me when I tell you that your mother loves you. From what I've seen so far, your mother wants you to be happy, safe and responsible." Regina rarely touched people, but she reached out and took Callie's upper arm. "You are a fine young lady, Callie. You have a lot of potential. Dream big, respect your mother and work hard. You'll go a long way in life with that. A lot farther than I did."

A soft voice spoke up. "Callie, thank you for helping Regina, but you need to get to your homework now." Patty stood on the small deck with Emma beside her.

Regina let go of Callie's arm and blushed. "Patty, I'm sorry..."

But Patty smiled and waved the apology away. "Nothing to apologize for Regina."

Callie shot a small, tight smile to Regina, handed her the shovel and stepped toward her mother. She hugged her mother briefly, then went inside the house. Patty smiled and followed her daughter.

Regina jammed the shovel into the dirt so it stood tall in the hole and went to sit in one of the chairs. Emma sat in the other one and took her hand.

"Did I overstep, Emma?"

Emma could hear the worry in Regina's tone and smiled. "No, I don't think so. We were there for a good minute and Patty seemed okay with it. I think she's glad that Callie was listening to you."

"As if I have any right to be giving a teenaged girl any advice." Regina looked across the yard and sighed.

Emma stroked Regina's hand with her thumb, trying to comfort the woman she cared about. "You gave her some good advice. Don't worry. If Patty had minded, she would have spoken up long before she did."

Regina said nothing, but pulled her hand from Emma's and tucked a length of her dark hair behind an ear silently, then crossed her arms.

Emma looked at the hole with the shovel standing sentry, then she looked back at her companion wondering how to keep her from slipping too deep into her tidal pool of guilt.

And an idea struck.

"Regina, you remember we talked about your library once, back home?"

"Yes."

"Did I ever tell you I never owned a library card?"

Regina turned her head slowly to look at Emma, and when she spoke it was the Mayor of Storybrooke enunciating. "And that has what to do with anything?"

"So, I'm not familiar with how they work. Will you ... show me what I need to know?"

"At some point, I am sure we'll need to visit Desperation Lake's library, but I can assure you that now is not that time." More and more of the old Regina was slipping out. Her words were being spit out, clipped and powerful.

Emma did the only thing she was certain would keep Regina from slipping further into her old ways.

She kissed her.

TBC