Robin carried Starfire all the way to his room, and he could feel her body trembling and the shoulder of his uniform getting wet as she clutched her arms around him.

He shifted Starfire's weight so he could support her with one hand and entered in his code on the door. He hurried inside and pressed the lock button with his elbow before setting her down on his bed. He flicked his desk lamp on.

Starfire hunched over while she sat and her hands covered her eyes, desperately trying to keep a handle over the tears.

Robin stood in front of her, his hands hovering by his sides, not quite sure just what he was feeling. He was still angry, but he also knew Starfire needed reassurance that he wasn't going to disown her.

She couldn't bring herself to look up into his tense face as she brushed her wet cheeks, crying quietly.

"Starfire," he said, a little sternly, and her tears intensified.

Robin sighed, moved away and paced around the room.

"Look, I hate seeing you cry like this."

"You-" she hiccupped, "you are still angry with me." Her voice was weak and wavering.

Robin ran a hand over his face. "Star, yeah I'm angry, but not over the things you probably think I am."

"I am sorry, Robin. I did not… I did not mean to, to kill that creature, I mean… I did not make it suffer…" she wrapped her arms around herself pitifully.

"Star," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not… I'm not angry over that. It surprises me, but I'm not angry over that."

Starfire avoided his gaze, and looked up to stare blankly at the wall. "Then why are you so upset?" she half whispered.

"You didn't trust me! You lied to me. I'm sorry for what happened to you in the Citadel, I really am. It kills me, Star. It kills me." He gestured with his hands, all the while pacing, working off his agitation.

Starfire lowered her eyes. "We do not talk of such things on Tamaran."

"Well it's different here. When something like that happens to you, you get help. You tell somebody. You don't just go all medieval and suffer in silence. I've never… I've dealt with women who've been raped before, Star. I know how literally crushed they are, how they feel… but you have been through something so horrifying I can't even fucking comprehend it, and then you don't even feel like you can trust me enough to tell me? How am I supposed to deal with that?" he finished, his voice sounding more anguished than angry.

"I… I… do not know," she exclaimed, looking away, another sob wracking her shoulders. "I am sorry, Robin, that I was not completely truthful-"

"Exactly. I'm mad that you lied. I'm angry that you couldn't trust me with this. Why did you fucking lie about it, Star?"

"Robin, please," she pleaded. "You asked me when I was feeling extremely vulnerable, I was… naked and in pain. I just… you asked me the straight out and I panicked. I am sorry for lying, I truly am, and I lied so you would not inquire further. I… I was worried you would be disgusted with me," she cried. "I did not want to be sent away for killing, and I… was worried you would not want me after what had been done to my body." She looked away, her face twisting in pain and her hands covered her mouth.

"Star, I would never have sent you away. How could you even think that I would be disgusted with you? Do you really think I'm… I'm that cruel, that shallow?"

"No," she whimpered quietly.

"Well obviously you did, otherwise you wouldn't have lied to me, and you would've trusted me. Were you ever gonna tell me?" he growled angrily.

Starfire drew her hands up to her chest, hurt by his words. "I would have eventually, when I thought the time was right. Clearly it was not the right time now."

"Fuck that, Starfire. I'm angry that you kept this from me for this long. You clearly couldn't trust me."

Her lips began to snarl. The tears were still sliding down her cheeks, but she was beginning to get angry herself. The fight was one sided at the moment but she was tired of just getting yelled at. She wasn't going to sit there and not stand up for herself.

"You also do not do the trusting of me! You have a secret life as well, yet you have never told me anything about yourself, like how you almost died, who you and your father are, or how your real parents were murdered. I cannot accept that you stand here shouting at me for keeping secrets when you have kept a multitude of your own! You are the 'fucking' hypocrite!"

Starfire had stood now, her eyes glowing bright green as she jabbed an accusatory finger at him.

Robin stood stock still, an irate frown twisted on his face. He was pretty sure Starfire had never used the f-word before… which meant she was angrier than he had ever seen her.

He stood there and seethed for a moment, unsure of just how to answer her.

"I keep my secrets because I'm protecting the people I love back in Gotham," he said with a low growl in his voice. "If my secrets get out, people die."

"And you feel that I would inevitably betray you if I knew your secrets as well, Dick?" Starfire said flippantly.

Robin's eyes narrowed and he shook his head as he pointed a finger back at her. "Fuck off, Starfire. Don't twist this around on me. The less people who know, the better."

"We have never talked about our pasts, any of us, because it was painful and private information. I am indignant that you feel you are allowed to keep yours secret, yet I am expected to share all. Nothing ever seems to be equal between us, Robin. Why should I have to relive my past when you are permitted to forget yours?"

"I don't forget, Star. I never forget. I protect people by keeping quiet. You are not protecting anyone."

Starfire lowered her head. She turned away from him and sat on the edge of his bed, her back towards him. She breathed heavily for a moment, wiping at the tears on her face.

"Do you wish to know then? Do you wish to know what happened to me in there?" she asked quietly, turning to look him in the eye, her face intense.

Robin sighed. "Don't guilt trip me like this. I know I'm the 'bad guy' here, I know everyone in the tower is on your side. But… it hurt, Starfire. It hurt me to know that you've been through all this pain and suffering, and you couldn't tell me. You lied to cover it up. I don't see what your excuse is…"

"I need an excuse to withhold painful information now?" she asked tartly.

"No, I just mean… God Starfire why couldn't you have just told me?"

"Do you think this is an easy subject to bring up, Robin? That I can just walk up to you and say oh by the way, I was held captive and tortured in a place where the ground under their feet is treated better than their slaves? I was touched inappropriately all the time, tortured mercilessly and finally I had enough and killed to save myself? It is not exactly an easy thing to discuss!" Starfire shouted, her eyes blazing. "And you reacted exactly how I expected you to."

"I'm that predictable, huh?" Robin sneered.

"Yes, you are predictable," Starfire echoed his tone.

"You can be a real bitch sometimes," he said maliciously.

"And you are the hole of ass."

"That's 'asshole' but you never get things right anyway, do you?"

Starfire stiffened and stood up. "This argument is over. I believe the phrase I wish to leave you with is 'fuck you,' correct? Did I get that right?" She moved to stomp over to the door. Before she could leave or even react Robin forcefully grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back onto the bed.

"Do not touch me," she snapped as he stood seething in front of her, while she rubbed her arms where he had gripped her. Her eyes narrowed.

"I don't fucking care how mad you are, you're not going anywhere until we straighten this out," he snarled.

"You are making that rather impossible."

"Well so are you."

"Why? Because I am standing up for myself? Because I refuse to give in to you just because you are angry with me? Because I will not apologize anymore?"

Robin quieted for a moment. Technically he was supposed to be apologizing to her, it was what he originally intended, not this argument of epic proportions they were currently involved in.

He growled and began pacing. Starfire watched him move about the room in agitation, mumbling to himself. She still absently rubbed her arms, feeling absolute fury and hurt that he refused to understand sit in her chest like a heavy weight.

He was so furious, so upset over this. Starfire shook her head and looked down. Things were bad. Things were very bad.

She sighed, and the tears began to rim her eyes again. "Robin…" she called softly, the anger and bitterness leaving her voice, distress filtering in. "If we cannot work through this… I do not know if we, can still be, a… 'we' anymore."

Upon hearing her mournful soft words, Robin immediately felt like he had been sucker punched in the stomach and stabbed in the chest. He was not expecting her to say that. His pacing instantly stopped and he whirled around to stare openmouthed at her.

"What?! But, but Starfire-" he sputtered.

"You are very angry, and I do not feel that we have much of the trust at the moment, and strong relationships are built upon the trust. Robin," she said sadly, "we are in trouble."

"Starfire… no…" he said weakly, his face slack. He panicked and his heart constricted at the thought of what she was saying.

"We've had fights before and we've been fine, we've worked through them. That's what we're doing right now," he insisted.

She shook her head again, a tear escaping down her face. "We have never had an argument this large before. We are not coming to a conclusion very fast, are we? We are only accusing each other more."

"But we… we'll work through it," he said in a small voice, suddenly coming and kneeling next to her at the foot of the bed. "You can't just give up."

"I am not giving up. But perhaps we should get to the apologizing before we have done too much damage, if we have not already."

"No, no Star, don't say that…"

"Robin," she started sadly.

"Baby, please," he said, taking her hand, squeezing it with almost a death grip.

His mouth was saying things to her, reasons why she should stay, why they shouldn't break up. He was barely aware. It was just a stupid fight. A stupid petty fight that he had caused, he had let get so out of control…

Inside the dam had broken, and the flood of emotions he had been holding back assaulted him all at once, making his head spin and the room darken for a moment as the reality of the situation finally hit home. He stopped his babbling and held his hands over his face, sat back and rested his elbows on his knees.

It hurt. It hurt so much.

He heard Starfire sigh. "Robin?"

"I don't want to break up," he said shakily.

She didn't reply, but he heard her shift uncomfortably.

"Please Starfire…"

"Robin, I-"

"I'm sorry."

Her answer was slow. "I… am sorry too."

"I didn't mean for this to get so out of control. I get… upset when things are out of my control, Star…I want to know what happened to you," he said softly, not moving. "Just so I know. I don't know the whole story, but I, I want you to share. Please Star…"

"Robin please, must I relive it?" she asked, her voice cracking.

He looked up, his face strained and tight. "I know it'll hurt… but I'll help you. Trust me; that's all I wanted in the first place." He peeled off his mask, tossed the thin fabric away and looked into her eyes earnestly.

Starfire heaved a sigh as he watched her carefully.

"This is… difficult for me to do, Robin."

"I know baby, I know," he said, his voice pained. "But I want you to trust me. Please Star, this is worth it, for our relationship."

Starfire stared at the floor for a little while.

"There is… much history behind the reasons why I was sent to the Citadel." Her face twisted in pain. Robin grabbed her hand comfortingly, silently urging her to continue.

"My parents were forced into an arranged marriage as is the way of my people. They were not happy and rumors began to circulate over the stability of their marriage. Komand'r, my sister Blackfire, was born with a birth defect. She has white eyes, black hair, and she could not fly."

"I noticed that," Robin said, "that she had white eyes and black hair. But how can she fly now?"

"The Psions changed her when they experimented on her body. She could fly after the results of their research." Starfire shuddered.

"Is that a common mutation on your planet? Did you ever figure out why she was born that way?" Robin asked.

Starfire looked down. "There were rumors, because of the instability of my parents' marriage, that my mother had an affair with a Green Lantern. They were in the vicinity of Tamaran at the time of Komand'r's conception."

"Oh…" Robin said.

"This is untrue," Starfire said quickly. "As I said before, there are not many surprise pregnancies on Tamaran. Everyone claimed she had purposely conceived Komand'r, but my mother would never do that. People just like to be vicious. We are not sure why she has such strange features, but Komand'r could never get over losing the throne to me."

"Why'd she lose the throne?"

"Because of the way she looked and her inability to fly. She was always… very bitter because people would not accept her, which did not help their opinion of her either. I was next in line. My… little brother was last."

"You have a brother?" Robin said incredulously.

"Yes," she said sadly. "He is gone, however. No one has seen Ryand'r for years. He has been declared dead."

"Star," Robin said sympathetically.

Starfire sighed. "It is obvious my sister has great hatred of me. She tries her best to get rid of me. The Citadel has extended its control throughout our star system, but Tamaran has always just evaded their attacks. It has taken much out of our people however to protect our planet from them.

"When… when I was eleven, the Citadel offered peace, if they were to receive something in return."

"Oh God Star…"

"There was a plot. My sister… my sister…"

Starfire cracked.

Robin grabbed her hand tighter as he bit his lip. The ache in his chest was nearly overwhelming him as he listened to her broken voice.

"My sister convinced my father to send me to the Citadel instead of her. She claimed they wanted a 'true' Tamaranian princess, because I possessed the common features whereas she did not. My parents… were very detached to their children although my father liked that Blackfire still seemed to have great interest in Tamaran's government and foreign affairs, despite her losing the throne. So he… he listened to her…"

She stopped, clenching her eyes shut and pressing her lips together. Robin was staring at the floor, trying to ride out the surge of pain he felt.

Starfire composed herself and breathed a sigh.

"I was sent to the Citadel. My father told me, told me that by going as a prisoner of war I would be saving our people for generations; that I would be saving Tamaran. If I could just sacrifice myself, everyone would be safe."

Tears pricked Starfire's eyes. "They lied. They said I would be treated as a prisoner of war, and prisoners are treated humanely. I was not. Immediately upon my arrival I was chained and shackled and given to a master.

"I was completely stripped of all dignity. I wore tattered rags, was given scraps of food, had no chance to ever bathe or allowed any sort of hygiene in my cell."

Starfire's eyes glazed over, staring into the distance. "I was young, so in the beginning I was made a servant mostly. Children often are not much use to the Citadelians, because of the nature of the Citadelian facility. Children do not survive long because their bodies are so little and weak. For a Tamaranian, transformation marks the time when a child's body has become an adult one. I understand this is similar to your Earth 'puberty.' Because I was developing a figure and nearing my transformation, my master started to take more interest in me…" she swallowed.

Robin's eyes closed painfully, and he rubbed a hand over his face.

"If I resisted his advances, the punishment was lashings or no food, or…"

He held her trembling hand, waiting for her to continue when she was ready.

"Or severe forms of torture, when he was feeling especially sadistic."

Robin's breath was shaky, when he saw the blank look on her face. "Star…"

Starfire lowered her gaze to the floor. "The form used most often was a kind of torture called Foltur Excrucio."

Even the name sounded painful to Robin, whose voice was hoarse when he spoke.

"If… you can't tell me… what that is… I…"

Starfire spared him a morose glance with blank eyes.

--

During the movie Raven couldn't help but flick out her powers every once in awhile to see just how Starfire and Robin were progressing. She winced in the beginning, she could tell both of them were furious, and she guessed they were fighting.

She sighed. She was hoping Robin would skip the shouting and go straight to apologizing, although she knew it was wishful thinking. But later the mood in the two began to change, and she could sense Robin was panicked and distressed, and Starfire was deeply hurting. This surprised Raven… she wondered just what had occurred to drastically change their emotions like that, and she worried something was wrong. Now Starfire was still hurting, and Robin was hurting as well.

Raven's eyes grew concerned as she felt the ache and pain her teammates were going through. Something told her that this was going to take all night to fix.

Beast Boy cast a side glance at her and saw the worry etched into her face. He grasped her hand tighter, and she turned her head to give him a small anxious smile. He nodded in understanding, shifting to put his arm firmly around her shoulder.

--

Robin felt sick to his stomach.

His face was white.

He couldn't speak.

He had gotten up and paced as she explained… everything. Everything that had happened to her, everything they had done to her. He couldn't sit still through that.

He put a hand over his mouth, almost certain that the revulsion he felt for that race of monsters and their methods was going to come up.

Methods… what a completely dull and nondescript way to describe the absolute horror of what she had explained.

He didn't even try to stop the tears that streamed down his face or suppress the the tidal wave of grief he felt for her.

Tears were flowing freely down Starfire's cheeks as she rubbed her arm across her eyes before continuing.

"They usually like to wait until a Tamaranian has undergone transformation before… they…"

Robin's face twisted in pain.

"Before they use them. Slaves from all races are taken, and each one grows differently, but for us… they like us at maturity."

Robin bit his lip, unable to help the water that kept lining his eyes, the fatigue that seemed to have taken over his body. He had stopped pacing and resumed sitting on the floor, his arms slumped over his knees.

"I could see he was getting anxious. He was furious that my transformation was not taking place. Finally he could not wait any longer."

Starfire sniffled. "Off-worlders are not allowed to touch the princess. I believe you had first hand experience with this rule when you came to Tamaran. By lying its vulgar hands on me and attempting to…use my body… it violated everything in me. I felt righteous fury bubbling up inside and I just acted without thinking.

"I escaped; none of those foul creatures could catch me. When I… when I showed up on Tamaran, Komand'r and my father were furious that I had come back. My father believed the Citadel had not kept their promise of peace because of me, but in truth they had reneged on the treaty beforehand and gained a princess in the process, thinking they would cripple Tamaran in doing so.

"There was a great war when the Citadel realized I was gone, and we all were called upon to fight. My little brother had been outraged when he heard of my treatment in the Citadel and refused to have anything to do with the royal family after that. He renounced Tamaran and left before I came home. There was a month in between the time I had been in the Citadel and returned to Tamaran. There were… many of the issues I needed to work through before I could face my duties as a princess again." She sighed. "When I did arrive back on Tamaran it was to discover Ryand'r gone. I was very upset, because I loved my little brother dearly. I have heard nothing of him since, which is why I fear he truly is dead. There have been rumors circulating, of his death on Omiricon. But we were never given a body," she sniffed.

"Is… is the war you spoke of the one in which your parents died?" Robin asked, finally finding his voice, which sounded flat and broken.

"Yes. It was during the battle when I discovered that Komand'r had been behind the plan to make me become a slave in the Citadel. I also learned, after father was stabbed with a spear, that Komand'r had sold out our secret defenses to the Citadel, enabling them to attack us easily. She had escaped from Tamaran on a ship. I was so furious that I followed her. She and I became engaged in our own battle… I crippled her ship, which ended up in Psion territory," she swallowed. "They captured us, and it was then that we were experimented on."

"How long were you there?" he asked dully.

"Only about a month. Komand'r was unbearable to be around. She hated me, but we were both stuck in the same situation."

Starfire shook her head and gazed toward his window, even though the curtains were drawn shut. It wouldn't have mattered if they had been open. She knew that only night was pressing against the pane.

"I saved my sister."

"You saved her?"

"The Psions changed my body with their last experiment. It saved itself by releasing the excess energy through my hands. It destroyed the machines and the lab I was in. My sister was still enduring the experiment in another lab, and I saved her."

Robin felt another wave of pain wash up. Even after everything her sister had put her though, directly or indirectly, she still had saved her. Not only did it tear at his heart strings, but it humbled him too.

"We destroyed the Psion facilities together and then left."

Starfire continued on with her flat toneless voice.

"When I returned to Tamaran I found a regent had been placed on the throne in the absence of the royal family. The Citadel had threatened Tamaran once more, and the regent had negotiated peace by giving me up as an offering again. Since they could not catch me they placed a bounty on my head and solicited the Gordanian bounty hunters to arrest me and take me back… they succeeded in capturing me with Komand'r's help, but I escaped in transit. I flew to the nearest planet to hide… and then I met you."

Robin was stunned into silence.

Starfire sniffled. "You… you were so kind to me. I told you Robin, I told you there was no word for 'nice' on my home world. Rutha… weak."

The control he had managed broke and Robin felt the tears trickle down his cheeks again as he squeezed his eyes shut. He was ashamed he had shouted at her so much. He leaned forward, resting his head on his arms, which were draped across his knees and stared blankly at the wall.

"When, when I first met you, this was all happening. I merely told you that I was a prize for the Citadel because I was worried if I told you all the truth, you would send me back with the Gordanians." Starfire's voice became stressed, almost shrilly, and her breaths hitched in her chest as she spoke again. "Robin, when I learned that you had a code against killing, I could not, I was so afraid, that if you found out-"

Robin immediately turned and grabbed her off the bed. She fell to the floor on her knees in front of him, and he pulled her into a fierce hug and cut off anything more she had to say. He stroked her hair and spoke with a pained voice.

"Don't worry about that Star. I would never have sent you away, and I would never kick you off the team. I am so sorry that you've lived in fear this entire time. I know how important friends are to you-"

"Very. I had never had any."

Robin's heart broke even more.

"Never?"

She shook her head.

"You and Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg… you all are the first friends I have ever had."

She looked down. "That is why I was so afraid to tell you all of my past. If there was the slightest chance you would not accept me-"

For the first time he managed to hug her so tight that she was the one who could barely breath.

She sniffled into his shoulder.

He shook his head sadly as Starfire pulled away.

"I am so sorry I yelled at you…" he said, his voice wavering. "You should hate me. I was a complete… 'hole of ass' and you shouldn't-"

Starfire shook her head. "I do not hate you."

"No wonder you wanted to break up-"

"Robin stop-"

"I don't deserve you at all-"

"Robin!"

She shook his shoulders.

So many things. So many things she had said or done in the past that seemed either innocuous or unusual at the time now made complete sense.

Their first date… she had mysteriously said:

"You do not understand the politics of my home world, and nor would I expect you to. Being grand ruler has many pressures and responsibilities. The status of grand ruler or princess does not necessarily mean I am… safe."

She said she once held the anger, but he ignorantly didn't think she understood.

She was always upset when they all fought, when they bickered. She had anxiously stressed the importance of Blorthog day, had been so crushed when she explained the reckmas, of friends drifting apart.

She had been so sad and lonely when she ran away during her transformation and thought her friends wouldn't accept her; she thought she was a monster.

It all made sense, it all fell into place. How could he miss it? How could he not see it?

And still, there was more. More explanations.

Robin was still recovering, trying to process everything. His entire body felt heavy and bruised, even worse than any real injury he had ever sustained. More questions, now that he knew everything was linked.

"Star, Blackfire obviously was a main factor throughout all this… why were you so nice to her when she came to Earth that first time? All she was doing was screwing you over again; she was planning on letting the Centauri Police take you to jail instead of her. Didn't you see through her act, after all that you've been through?"

Starfire sighed and her shoulders drooped. "I had communications with her before she came. She apologized to me, claiming that since our parents were dead and our brother was gone, we should put the past behind us and form a friendship." Starfire blinked away tears. "I was eager to hope that she had changed. She is all the family I have left, and I very much wanted my sister back." Her mouth twisted into a bitter frown. "I was not completely ignorant, Robin. I had suspicions. Komand'r will never change, and I should have known that. She has her own agenda, and that agenda is ridding herself of me."

"Then why did you go through with her betrothal? You almost married a huge green disgusting blob."

Starfire rubbed her arms uncomfortably. "She was Grand Ruler, Robin… and all the people of Tamaran's eyes were on me. I could not openly defy her without a reason. Remember, royals and nobles marry for diplomatic purposes. I was afraid I would lose the support of my people if I showed disrespect to the Grand Ruler, even if it was my sister. But when you proved that her plans for marrying me off were not honorable or saving Tamaran, then I had reason to challenge her for the crown, and the people understood that."

"Oh."

"Yes. I fear my sister and I will always be enemies, and it is a pity. She is all the true blood family I have left."

He had so many questions… but she was growing weary, her face was red and strained, her eyes and lips swollen, and he berated himself fiercely for being part of the cause for those tears on her face. Even if she would forgive him, he didn't think he could ever forgive himself.

Starfire had stood and turned her back to him, wrapping her arms across herself. She turned then and those large green eyes looked so hurt.

"Robin? Why did you leave the tower? Where did you go?"

The guilt tore through him so ferociously it choked him. He finally managed to speak. "I just wanted to get away for a little bit, Star. I was walking along the caves by the shore, to think things over. I finally decided that I was drawing things out too long and that we should just get the argument done and over with. I never for a minute thought that you would think that we should break up." His voice was panicked at the end.

She shook her head. "I do not wish to do the breaking up."

"I don't either," he said quickly.

She emitted a slight sigh and sat back on the bed.

"…You were so… angry…" she stated blankly, rubbing her index finger in circles on the bedspread.

Robin clenched his eyes shut again, feeling like the lowest creature on Earth. He got up, unable to face her. But he had to explain. She had opened up so much; he owed her.

"Star… I was angry, but I wasn't actually… angry…"

"But, I do not understand…"

Robin's gaze went up to the ceiling. "You have no idea how much it hurts me to know… that you went through… all that…" his voice cracked.

"Robin, there was nothing you could have done, it is in the past," Starfire said mournfully.

"I know… that's what hurts the most." He was glad his back was turned and she couldn't actually see the tears that had started streaming down his face again.

"I'm so sorry Starfire. I…made myself get angry, I found the one thing I could be angry at you for, because I didn't want to feel how much this kills me," he said, his voice anguished and choked. "I have a bad habit of taking things that hurt me and turning them into anger. It's another one of those less desirable habits I learned from Bruce," he said ruefully. "He actually… trained me how to do that. Said that hurt and pain, even physical pain, were weaknesses. So it's just this… instinctual reaction now. When I… when I hurt… that much… I just…I shut down and latch onto the one thing I can be angry over. I was so selfish, I completely ignored how much I was hurting you."

Starfire rubbed her arm and looked down with a frown. "But I did lie to you. I should not have lied."

"It was mean of me to yell. You might've lied, but really I don't blame you, I don't. This is… bigger than that. You were scared, and I probably gave you reason to be," he said sadly.

"No, you did not, Robin please," she insisted. "It was an irrational fear and I should have known that you all are my friends and you all love me."

"I'm so sorry Star…"

"Robin, please, the apology is accepted…"

"It really shouldn't be."

"It is."

He shook his head, crossing to sit on the bed and hanging his head into his hands. "You've been through so much, and all I did was yell at you and hurt you more. No wonder you didn't tell me, you already knew that I'd hurt you."

Starfire looked down. "I had the feeling you would be angry," she admitted.

"Not at you Star. I…" his face screwed up again, and she could see he was trying to hold back more tears. "It hurts me so bad to think anyone could do something like that to you. I love you so much, it's just… I want to protect you, and to know…"

Her bottom lip trembled as she knelt in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders.

"Anything that could drive you to take a life is beyond anyone's comprehension of horrible."

She stiffened, knowing that he still needed to talk about that too.

"Robin, I was desperate, I am sorry-"

"Don't. Don't apologize. You did what you had to. Anyone in that situation… Starfire, we have rules here… where it's understandable if you kill someone in self-defense, because that person was trying to harm you first. You did it in self-defense. I love you Star, God… I could never send you away, I couldn't handle being away from you ever…I wouldn't ever think you were disgusting or… God Star…"

She drew in several hiccup breaths, sobs starting to come, tears spilling over her cheeks.

"Truly?" she squeaked, her throat tight.

He hugged her to him fiercely, pulled her up so she was straddling his lap, kissed her face, stroked her cheek. "No. I'd shrivel up and die without you," he smiled, a tear streaking down his cheek too.

She laughed, breaths catching in her throat before she kissed him soundly. He broke away and kissed her cheek, pecked at her neck, roamed his hands over her shoulders and arms. He nuzzled her collarbone, his lips traveling over her skin in attempt to make up for everything they had missed the past three days. Starfire leaned her head back, letting him get his fill, but she knew there was one other thing they needed to clear up before things got heated.

"Robin," she said softly, stalling his seeking lips. "There is something else we must talk about."

He instantly looked worried. "You're not… you don't want to… break up-"

Starfire smiled and a little laugh escaped. "No, not at all. I think we need to talk about the events that happened just before we went to fight the Scarecrow."

Robin's mouth formed an "o" and his cheeks went slightly red. "I… uh, okay…"

"We were very close. I am uncertain how we proceed…"

"Well," he cleared his throat, looking pensive. "Star… I don't know if right now… if…I could even…"

Her face instantly looked worried and hurt.

"But, I mean-" he said hastily.

"You are not ready? You accepted my invitation before."

Suddenly the room felt rather warm, and he tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. "So, are you saying… right now? You… want to…"

She looked down through her eyelashes, her cheeks turning pink. "You do not?"

"Well," he sputtered.

Then his face clouded, a look of anxious concern settled on his features. "But, Starfire… how… are you sure, you… want to do that, at all?"

She looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, after what you've been through I would think that you wouldn't want to be touched at all. I don't want to hurt you," he said slowly.

Starfire looked down at the floor. "What happened to me was awful, Robin. But you would never do those things to me. I have terrible memories, but I want to make some good ones with you. I want to know what it feels like to be with someone I love, and… someone who loves me."

He took her hands in his, holding them tightly.

"I love you so much Star, you mean everything to me…"

His eyes were so earnest, and so clear blue… she stared and smiled and tried to not cry as finally a wave of something other than sadness crashed over her.

There was a haze, and suddenly she realized he was calling her name, saying something to her.

"Hmm, what?" she murmured.

He grinned. "Lost you for a moment there."

"I could not help myself," she said sheepishly.

He chuckled again, reattaching his mouth over hers, until after a few moments of passionate lip lock he was leaning her back on the bed, stroking his fingers through her hair as his tongue teased. That hazy film was back, like she was suddenly in a dream. Her toes and fingers tingled as she felt his hands caressing over her stomach, flitting down her thighs. The kisses became intense, his hands roaming everywhere.

He was whispering something but she didn't comprehend it, her eyes serenely closed. She felt her shirt pushing up, felt warmth and breath creeping up her body, her fingers finding silky black hair.

She moaned when she felt his mouth close over her, arched her chest into him, gripped his hair as his fingers came up to tease too.

She leaned her head back, purely enjoying the sensations he was washing over her, the love she felt for him. She cracked her eyes open slightly as he was maneuvering her shirt, guiding her arms through the sleeves, pulling it over her head. Her hands reached out just as eagerly for his shirt, removing it from him just as quickly. She slid her palms over his chest, impatient when his fingers fumbled for the back of her bra. She lifted her body up, waited for him to untangle it from her arms before she hastily returned her attention to his skin.

His hands explored her just as fervently, his lips running over her neck, her collarbone, her chest. She could sense it wasn't enough, the need they both felt was growing, was pushing their bodies into a blurry fog.

She barely realized that his fingers were slipping underneath her shorts, were pulling them down and off her legs. She raised herself up a little to help him, her panties soon followed.

She gasped and grabbed the comforter when she felt his fingers slip into her, his thumb caressing her outside, gently exploring as he slid his body alongside hers. She writhed as he found good places to touch, places that made her body jump or made her moan.

Her face frowned as his fingers slid away and she grabbed his shoulders, wiggled her bottom and emitted a frustrated noise.

He grinned and slid his body on top of her, hovered his lips over hers. She wriggled, impatient. He brushed his lips over her ear before whispering, "I need to taste you."

Her mouth dropped open and a searing tingle shot through her as he slid down her body. She arched her back and gasped at the completely new sensations rocking her. His warm mouth and tongue slid over her skin as she gripped his hair.

She curled her legs around him and rolled her head back, shuddering as he licked that sensitive spot, making her body jolt with pleasure. She was unable to think coherently, her body light. She could have sworn she was floating, even though her back was still pressed against his soft comforter. Her breath came in gasps and she wasn't conscious of the sounds she made.

When he slithered back up the air felt cool where his hot mouth had once been. She grabbed his shoulders and pulled him to her, his lower half nestling between her legs naturally. She pushed herself against him with a moan as he continued to kiss along her neck and jaw.

She tugged on the waistband of his pants and waited restlessly for him as he drew away from her and threw off the remainder of his clothes. He crawled back over her, her legs wrapping around his waist and pulling him close, pressing him against her inner lips. Her body jumped at the contact and suddenly the haze cleared slightly for both of them, it became very real as he stared into her green eyes and took in the sheer desire filtering through them. She stared back into those lusty clear blue eyes and marveled at the fact that she had never wanted something so badly before. She was pulsing, aching from his pause. She felt so empty, the need for him overwhelming. She breathed in an impatient sigh and wiggled her hips.

"Robin, please," she pleaded with a moan.

Her words uttered with so much passion and desire sent his head spinning as he poked and prodded for a minute, barely conscious of what he was doing, before finally getting it right and sliding carefully inside her.

"Oh!" Starfire breathed, rolling her head back and closing her eyes. The sensation of him filling her completely was euphoric, so amazing and different than anything she had ever experienced. It was immediate satisfaction.

He drew slightly away, then slid back and she discovered it felt even better when he moved. She pressed herself towards him instinctively, trying to sway her hips in time with his slow motions as she fluttered her fingers over his back, up and down along his spine.

It was awkward at first; attempting to match each other's rhythm was difficult. She curled her legs around his waist then and let him set the pace, just let him rock against her as each time he ebbed away and came back sent her body into an ecstatic haze.

He started to gain momentum, the slow motions of before suddenly were not satisfying enough, and she pushed against him, urging him to go faster. She gripped his shoulders and buried her face into his neck, then somehow their lips met for a searing kiss.

She couldn't help the sounds that escaped her, pants and cute moans which intensified to a cry when he snaked a hand to where they were joined.

Oh. Oh that felt good. She was writhing beneath him now, his fingers sliding over her, making her body jolt against him. She could feel something rising in her, a burning sensation that wanted to be fulfilled, needed to be released, shifting beneath his fingertips.

His movements were fast and hard, his hand rubbing at her furiously and she felt something building inside her, emotions began to soar. And then she hit that peak. Her body went tense; she cried out and grabbed his shoulders, her previous feather like touches turned to nails digging into his skin. She began to shudder involuntarily as her eyes clenched shut, her toes curled into the sheets and her fingers tingled as a wave of pleasure washed over her entire body.

Hearing her cries and moans and the way she clutched at him was all it took to send him over the edge. She felt his body stiffen and a moan poured from the back of his throat as he stroked against her powerfully.

That edge was reached and they both came down from the climax, flopped flat to the bed, completely satisfied and energy expended.

They panted, chests heaving, and Starfire found that her entire body felt extremely heavy, which was odd since just a moment before she had felt light as a feather. She tried to lift her hand but it flopped listlessly back onto the bed; control over her limbs seemed minimal.

Robin's face was buried in her neck, his heavy breath tickling her shoulder. He hadn't tried to move, just sat there and pressed her against the bed. One erratic hand stroked through her hair. It seemed he had just as little control over his limbs, too.

After a few minutes of lethargic cuddling Robin finally lifted his head and kissed her on the cheek.

"That was amazing," he sighed, finally coherent enough to speak.

Starfire still looked dreamy. "Oh yes, it was… glorious. I… yes…"

He chuckled and cradled her head and shoulders in his arms.

"I love you, Star," he said huskily, pecking her on the lips, stroking a thumb over her cheek.

She smiled sweetly. "I love you too."

He kissed her again, savoring the sensation of being close. Still so much pain, but he couldn't love her more in that moment.

"We should probably get cleaned up, huh?" he said eventually.

She put her arms around his shoulders and wiggled on him.

"Perhaps. But I like staying this way," she purred.

He grinned. "Well then we'll just have to do it again."

Her eyes gleamed. "That sounds wonderful."

So I totally managed to get this chapter out way eariler than I expected. Yay! It was a monster of a chapter. I know there was a flood of back-story in there, but… it's important. It might behoove you to remember it. Just sayin'.

Word porn.

I don't write it.

I never will.

I tried to make Robin and Starfire's first time somewhat realistic, and actually it's still idealized. There are too many completely unrealistic first time stories on here, and there's even more that are just completely disgusting. That's right, I'm getting on my soapbox. This is as descriptive as I'll get, don't ask for more.

Also, I know I have a lot of younger readers. I don't mind if you guys read, but please do not send me reviews saying 'eww, why'd you have to put the sex scene in there?' Well it's make up sex. That happens, a lot, especially after a traumatic fight like this one. This is rated M on purpose, duh, and I should not have to put a warning in this story saying there's a sex scene coming up. It's more fun when it is a surprise, and older more mature readers would be annoyed with a warning (Especially Kry. She likes to be sprung. Her words, haha).

If you have to skip over the sex scene cause you can't handle it, or even worse you leave me a review saying you can't handle it, then maybe you aren't mature enough to be reading this story, because there will be things of adult content in nature for the remainder of this fan fiction.

-end public service announcement-

Next Chapter: aftermath