A Jecker Story - Chapter 10 - Jess' POV

It had been a month since Becker had been stabbed in the neck with the dirty needle and he had changed, we haven't had sex since the accident, he doesn't kiss me and he hardly ever kisses me and he doesn't like other people touching him. He's convinced that he's got some sort of disease and he doesn't like people touching him until the results come in and prove if he has anything or not and it was just as frustrating for me as it was for him we both needed these results to determine our future.

I woke up and looked over at Becker who still asleep snoring lightly with his back facing me like it always seems to be, I want my old Becker back. The one that makes love to me, who hugs me, kisses me and is open and can tell me anything... Now he's just closed off and hardly speaks. One good thing that has come out of this is that Mark has been sent to prison for a long time and he has been disowned from the family, my mum has taken it hard but dad is helping her through it.

The alarm clock rung out loudly and Becker turned it off before getting out of the bed and going into the shower without even looking in my direction so I followed him into the bathroom where he was standing in the shower "I must learn to lock the door" He mumbled.

"You're in one of these moods today then when you can't even look at me, I don't know why you're punishing me for what happened it's not my fault and you need to stop acting like it is" I told him sternly before making my way out of the bathroom slamming the door behind me.

Once me and Becker were ready we got into his car and drove to work in silence and it was horrible, I think sometimes that he hates me and blames me for everything that happened because it was my brother and it was tearing us apart "Sorry for this morning I shouldn't have ignored you or snapped at you" He said halfway to work.

"You gotta stop blaming me... I'm sorry for what he did for you but sometimes you act like it's my fault and it upsets me and I feel bad enough about what happened without you making me feel like it's my fault" I told him.

He sighed "I'm sorry but I just don't know how to do deal with this, the results should be in soon and I can't stop thinking about it. Jess if I have HIV because of this it means we can't have sex without using a condom, which means I won't ever be able to give you children like you want... You want to have children and if I have HIV or any other disease I can't give you that so we'll have to seriously discuss our future together and if you're sure you want to be with me even if I can't give you everything" He explained.

He thinks that if he was a disease I wouldn't want to be with him? That's crazy "Becker I love you and even if you do have a disease of course I want to stay with you, there are other options for children like adoption, we'll work this out I promise we will" I told him and he put his hand on my knee and rubbed it before moving it back to the steering wheel.

"You know if I can't give you children it will tare me apart, I won't be a real man and it's gonna kill me" I never knew he felt this way, I looked over at him and seen tears threatening to fall from his eyes and I hated to see him like this.

"Pull over" I told him and we pulled over into a quiet street and I turned to him "Becker it will not make you less of a man I swear and if your ill or not it makes no difference to me I love you for you not because your a healthy guy... Please stop thinking like that" I wiped his tear away and he turned away from me "Look at me" He turned back to face me "Let's go home, I'll phone Lester and tell him we're not in today because we need some personal time right now he will understand" Becker nodded and we drove towards his apartment and when we got to his apartment I made us some coffee and we sat down on his couch in silence "Why don't you kiss me anymore?" I asked.

"Because I'm scared. If I have a disease then I don't want to give it to you and I know I was told I can't pass anything to you through hugging and kissing but I'm still scared, the last thing I want is for you to become ill because of me I wouldn't be able to live with myself" He explained to me.

I leaned into him and for the first time in a little while he put his arms around me and hugged me close, a few moments later we were both crying about this situation "I love you... Whatever happens" I told him.

We spent the rest of the day talking about our future if he did have disease or if he was clear of everything and obviously if he didn't have a disease that would be ideal but life never works out the way you plan, but I would still love him either way.

At dinner time we decided to treat ourselves and go out, not for anything fancy we only went to nandos but still it was nice to be out of the apartment and talking about something other then the results we were all waiting for, we talked about work and how we wanted to go further then we were now in our jobs... Becker spoke about leaving the ARC again but said he wouldn't leave until he was to old to do it or he couldn't outrun the dinosaurs anymore... Which ever came first.

After dinner we went for a walk along the river and held hands, to anyone watching us we looked like a young carefree couple who were madly in love and we were but we just wasn't carefree right now. I swear the quicker those results come in the better it will be for both of us then we know what we're doing and what to do next.

Becker's POV
I don't know how Jess has been so calm, brave and supportive through this hard time for me, I have never showed so much emotion towards anyone... Not even my parents because I didn't want them to think that I was less of a man or anything but the way Jess wiped my tears and made me feel better it was amazing. She looked after me and treated me so well I will never forget everything she has done for me this past month and although she's been great to me sometimes I've been really mean to her and I need to make it up to her she didn't deserve it.

After our walk along the river we made our way back to the car where we drive to my apartment and once we were there she got some snacks, a movie and a blanket then made me sit down on the sofa, she sat down next to me and cuddled into me as the movie started to play but I paused it before it actually started and she looked at me in surprise "Jess I wanted to ask you something, I want you to know that this past month has been the hardest in my life and I would not have gotten through it without you and I know I have been a little mean to you it was just because I was stressed and I want you to know that even though sometimes it doesn't seem like it I really appreciate everything you've done... It's also made me realise how much I do love you and how I can't picture anyone else in my life other then you, Jess will you move in with me?" I asked nervously.

She looked like she was going to cry "Are you serious? You want me to move in with you?" She questioned and I nodded, maybe she was going to say no "Of course I will, oh gosh Becker I love you" She kissed me and I kissed her back with all the passion we haven't had in the past few weeks.

We decided that she was going to move in here and put the her apartment in Connor and Abby's name and this weekend we would move all of her stuff in which was great because it would give me a few days to clear some... Lots of space for her and a chance to give this place a real good clean. I mean I clean everyday but it hasn't had a really deep clean in about six months and it was terrible as I used to do one a month but with everything being so busy at the ARC and everything I just never got round to it.

I can't believe me and Jess are going to be moving in with each other we were now defiantly in a serious adult relationship, we don't even know the results of my test yet and she agrees to move in with me... That's a real woman, a real girlfriend.