Hello again! And now, time for chapter 2 of Hurt! This time, it's all Raph all the way! I hope you enjoy it! And hopefully Raph isn't OOC... he's one heck of a hard turtle to portray...

I own nothing.

Hurt

Chapter 2: Hamato Raphael

Ya ever wonder what its like to get freakin' shot at with a handgun? Better yet, ever been shot by one? I can betcha a lot of ya can't say yes to that, and if ya can... man, I feel sorry for ya.

I can also bet NONE of ya's are a five foot tall, overpowered, stubborn, green- skinned, sai wielding, ninjustu capable turtle. I thought so.

Well, that's what I am. I'm a very hotheaded and temperamental turtle, and my brothers- my stick in the mud older brother and my baby brothers- they know that. I'm not usually one for all the sentimental crap. Gotta have something that's mine.

And yet I gave into that side of me one night. I got shot, ya know, Purple Dragons, thugs, all that good stuff.

Hurt like hell too, might I add. Bloody, oh yeah, but painful? If I could curse right now, I certainly would, let's put it that way. But something else besides me getting shot and somehow surviving it happened that night too.

It had to do with my brother. See, me and Leo- TOTAL opposites. I love to punch first, think later. Leo... likes to think TOO damn much, I swear, and he HAS to be Mr. Perfect. It annoys me to no end, and it has usually led us to get into a fair share of arguments and fistfights.

That night, when I stupidily ran after a few Purple Dragon goons, I had refused to stick with Leo's plan of being stealthy and silent. Like, I know I'm a ninja and all but JEEZ! Can I have some fun or what?!

So I broke free. And I ran after them... and I beat all but one senseless.

But they were smart, I'll say that. One of the goons hid so well in the shadows that by the time I had realized I had been shot and I was actually screaming, the others were already at my side, slashing, kicking, and eventually locating the one who fired the near fatal shot at me.

Leo was panicking for my life... I hand't seen him that scared since we were tots...

I can't remember what happened after I blacked out- other than Leo begging me to live- but when I fully came around, I saw Leo sitting with me in a chair. I was alive, thank whoever watches over us. I was unable to leave the bed for a few weeks but I was beyond thankful I could see my family.

Looking at my brother, I could tell something was eatin' at him- trust me on this, it almost ALWAYS is. So I let him know I was awake by asking him something I always had on my mind.

"Leo, what does hurt mean to you?"

He looked at me, shocked and relived I was talking- if ya wanna call barely sounding awake talking- until he actually took into account I asked him a question. Then that... I dunno, that 'Leo' look he always gets when he's afraid to open up came over and he shook his head.

So I asked him again. I wanted to know what was the real reason he was sitting over there trying to act tough when he was scared like the rest of us.

He explains to me that WE are the hurt he feels. That he feels he'l fail horribly at keeping us safe, and he will lose us one day.

I understood that. And he looked at me, I guess wanting me to answer my own question. So I looked at the ceiling and I answer him.

"What hurts to me... good question. I guess... my anger... that's what hurt me the most."

He leans closer to rest his head on my arm. I don't think he's slept since this whole thing happened, but that's Leo for you. His fear will never let him be free. But I continue to talk anyways, listening to what's echoing in my head as I talk.

"My anger has always been a problem, Leo. Even when I was a kid, and I think it was worse because I couldn't understand what made me tick! It was like, everything every one of you did was a problem and I had to hate you for it! Honestly, it... scared me. Especially after I almost killed Mikey for trying to cheer me up that one time."

I feel myself wanting to shut down, but a small piece of me is grateful I can actually... say this to him. Before I never get a change to. Leo doesn't say anything. He listens.

"As I got older, and I began to understand a little more about myself, I knew I wanted to be free. I mean, yeah, we're freakin' turtles, but we deserve to enjoy our lives too! Why can't we go out and play basketball and hang out with Case and Ape when they have parties and just... not have to live like we're animals in a cage? I hated everything- I hated seeing people happy, hated even US being happy- I wanted you guys to understand my pain!"

I took a deep breath and finally looked Leo in the eye. "I wasn't just frustrated, Leo. I HATED. I hated my life, our lives... and you."

"I... kinda had a feeling you did..." he finally says quietly.

"But I know why you act like such a stick in the mud. I may despise it, and at times, it pushes me over the edge. But... I understand that part of you now, Leo. Just like I understand what makes me hurt."

He waits. "My anger is my hurt, bro. My fear that my anger will one day hurt YOU guys, and I'll never be able to get forgiveness for what I did. My anger at things I simply cannot control and I cannot understand. My fear that the darkness in my heart will one day completely take over and I can't be the brother you all know..."

I sighed. I got this far, sounding all sentimental. But I'm not lying about anything I said.

"I don't want to lose myself and force you all to lose me too... I don't want to be alone because I... I need you guys. I need Mikey to drive me insane, I need Donnie to hit me with his huge vocab and fix us when we hurt ourselves... and I need you the most, Leo. Even though you REALLY annoy the hell outta me, I... I still need my only big brother."

Leo looks at me like I grew two heads. And before I could say anything more, he decides to hug me. Normally I'd pull away from that kinda thing, but besides being trapped in this bed... I want his hug. It's not that bad... I guess.

"We both have different ways of perceiving hurt, little brother. And... I'm glad I can see this side of you. I don't want to lose any of you to anything but you're making me understand something myself." he says as he pulls away and sits back down.

"As much as I want to keep you locked in this cage we call home... I know I can't. You all have to experience, to live life, to be free. My hurt will never stop, my fear will never cease because you're all the family I have... and that's all I'll ever have." he explains shakily, trying not to have a total meltdown.

I just nod. "I know. But we can take care of ourselves, Leo. I'm just... afraid of myself. One day, my anger WILL get out of control. And I will never forgive myself if ANY of you get caught in the crossfire."

"I guess our definition of hurt is kinda one in the same. We will always be each other's hurt, we just see it differently." Leo said, this time not turning away to wipe his eyes. I quietly allow him to finish that, ignoring the urge to let tears roll down my cheeks. I'll save that for another time.

But I feel something inside of me tighten as I look at Leo's face. I hate that he's always gonna hurt because of me... and I'll always hurt because of my fear of myself hurting them.

"Thanks, Raph."

At least now, there's understanding between us. It might change things between my brothers and my father and I, and it might not. But I gotta give it a try this time. For them, I have to try and understand.

"Don't mention it. And Leo, I do mean that literally- do NOT mention this to Mikey or Don or I'll kick ya shell from here til next week, got it?"

Leo's laughter is my reply.

So I guess I thought about my own question longer than I ever believed. I must have, otherwise this conversation probably never would have happened. Scratch that- it NEVER would have happened.

I know now what is my meaning of hurt. My anger is my pain. It will always be my pain, my setback, but also makes me who I am.

I guess... without having something to be angry at, without having a stubborn attitude... I would not be able to protect my brothers and myself from anything. I need anger but it hurts me at the same time... how in the hell does that makes sense, don't ask me.

Dammit... when did I get so soft...

And done! Raph's was a bit longer than Leo for some reason... but I think it came out okay.

I love showing the tough guy's soft personality too. Raph is a tough outer cookie, but he cares- he just wants to be stubborn all the way.

Next is the intelligent Donatello.

Please leave me any advice, reviews, comments (not flames or rude, please)- anything you think can and will help me with my story.

Until next chapter!