This chapter contains mentions of sexual abuse.

I Count My Sins

-January 25, 2014; Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania-

Tessa had flown into Pittsburgh a day early. Brie and Nikki were able to convince her that they needed to see all of Pittsburgh's hidden secrets and that she was the only one who could show them. No amount of protesting or trying to delegate the job to Bryan had gotten her out of it.

They were standing across the road from Floyd's – a regular haunt for all those who ever appeared on a Ring of Honor card. It looked straight out of an 80s movie and Nikki's face paled a little. She was used to less than stellar diners – you had to be when you travelled as often as she did – but Floyd's definitely took the cake for dingiest place she'd ever dined in.

"I can't say that I ever imagined you enjoying eating in a place like this," Nikki commented after they were seated. "It's a bit of a hole."

"The indie circuit doesn't pay as well as WWE," Tessa reminded her. "They have good food here and it's cheap."

"Yeah," Nikki nodded slowly, "looks like it."

Tessa smiled at her lightly and shrugged – they asked to be shown Tessa's old stomping grounds and that's what they got.

They ate their food and Nikki slowly warmed up to the diner as she ate and realised that the food was pretty decent given what they were paying. Everything tasted like a home cooked meal and it was exactly what every wrestler wanted when they were on the road so often.

Being back at Floyd's reminded Tessa of her time at ROH and that eventually led back to her affairs. She sat in silence, contemplating everything that had happened.

"What's on your mind?" Brie asked as Nikki snapped her fingers in front of Tessa's face. Tessa, startled, flinched at the sudden noise and turned to the twins, breathing in deeply.

"I think I want to tell you about all of it," she stated causing both of them to look at her curiously.

"No pressure, Tessa. In your own time."

"Um, well... I suppose I just start from the start..." Tessa stopped speaking to think of how she wanted to start. It had been so long since she'd actually thought about all of it. "I don't even know what to say... Rami and I... I was 20 when he asked me out. We'd been friends for awhile, you know? Since he started working there. He became my best friend. We told each other everything. He wasn't even around in ROH too much but if he had time he'd stay and hang out. Then he got fired. Looking back it probably had something to do with how close we were – Gabe and all that – but at the time it was said that they – he and Steen - weren't good enough for the company. We still hung out and talked all the time and I fell in love." She shrugged somewhat helplessly, a smile forming on her face.

"Colby..." She continued, the smile not quite leaving her face, "I'd known Colby for awhile, he did IWA with Jimmy and I went to as many of those shows as I could. He wasn't... He was just one of the guys. He was hot. I was notorious for crushing hardcore on Jimmy's friends." Nikki couldn't stop her laugh, Tessa laughed too as she thought back to the beginning of her career. She'd only been a teenager and Colby wasn't the first crush she'd had on a friend of Jimmy's. "I think we hooked up – made out – during a game of spin the bottle... Rami came back to Ring of Honor and we got pretty close on a few occasions to fooling around but he stopped every time because he didn't want to just..." She took a deep breath, her cheeks flushing red slightly. Brie and Nikki leaned in a little closer. "He didn't want to do anything with me if we weren't in a relationship."

"That's adorable," Brie swooned leaning her head on Tessa's shoulder playfully.

"So here I am waiting for him to actually ask me out... And he's making sure it's okay with Jimmy.
For nearly a year we were just Rami and Tessa and we didn't have to worry about anything other than a fake relationship with Tyler Black.

"But not long into 2008... Gabe happened. The first time it happened... I don't even know," Tessa sighed sadly and started to fiddle with the buttons on her coat. "It all just kind of started and then it never stopped. He would say all these sweet things but then threaten my career if I stopped. It wasn't just my career... Jimmy, Rami, Colby, anyone I was friends with was going to be let go or buried if I didn't keep sleeping with him."

"Tessa... That's sexual assault. If you didn't want it to happen that's-" Nikki started to speak quickly, only to have Tessa cut her off.

"I did it to protect everyone," she said firmly and it would have been convincing if her voice didn't crack towards the end. "Colby happened because I was scared. I didn't want to continue with Gabe, I just wanted Rami... But Colby was there when Rami wasn't. We were on most of the same cards when Rami wasn't and... That crush sort of lingered for awhile. And then it happened and I didn't want to stop that."

"Did you love Rami, still?" Brie asked. Tessa nodded slowly, closing her eyes for a moment in an attempt to compose herself.

Tessa sighed, "I loved both of them. For different reasons. Rami was my best friend. Colby was everything I'd dreamed of as a teenager... Looks wise, personality, interests... They both meant so much to me... They still do."

"Do you know what happened that night?"

"Gabe decided that he was going to tell someone. Colby and I had essentially been dry humping each other in the middle of the ring, I know that it was intense - I mean, I was part of it. Gabe was angry and he said something. Rami heard and went to, you know, teach him a lesson. Only... Colby got there first."

"Sweetheart, you don't have to talk about it anymore," Brie covered Tessa's hand with her own. The former's lip had started to quiver and it looked liked tears were about to form in her eyes. "You should tell them."

"They won't want to talk about this." Tessa felt Brie squeeze her hand and she sucked in a shaky breath. What Brie said next was something Tessa didn't want to hear.

"They'll want to know the truth."

It had crossed Tessa's mind many times over the years that the truth might solve her problems. Not all her problems, of course, but at least a few of them. Colby was upset that she had also been sleeping with Gabe but if he knew why she had done it, perhaps he wouldn't hate her so much. He might even understand and forgive her. Rami, though... Rami wasn't going to be as easy. The look on his face when she told him that she loved both him and Colby was forever etched into her mind.

Tessa knocked on Colby's door firmly; she hadn't wasted any time in doing so. As soon as she reached his door she had knocked her knuckles against it because she knew that if she over thought it she would have walked away.

"What do you want?" He grumbled, standing in the doorframe with his arms against it.

"I was..." Tessa trailed off when it clicked in her brain that he wasn't wearing a shirt. In his Shield get up his chest was never bare and she hadn't seen him face-to-face without a shirt for such a long time...

"You were...?" he prompted, agitated by her hesitation. She returned her gaze to his face and noticed that he looked uncomfortable.

"I was hoping that we could talk?" It came out as a question despite how much she had prepared herself for the conversation. The look on his face was making her wish she had just stayed in her hotel room.

He laughed manically, "What do you want to talk about, Tessa? The final three Harry Potter movies? The Avengers? An Unexpected Journey? The Desolation of Smaug? That they're making Episode Seven?" His voice rose with every word that he said and Tessa had to take a few steps back so that he wasn't shouting in her ear. "What? What do you want to talk about?"

Tessa frowned, "About Ring of Homicide."

"I don't want to speak to you. Let alone talk about your whoring around." He stepped backwards into the room and slammed the door shut, leaving her staring at a gold number 41. She tussled her hair and drew in a shaky breath before turning and walking towards the elevator. She wasn't going to cry about it. Confused as she was, Tessa would not let it get to her.

The elevator doors opened in front of her before she had even pressed the button so she took a step to the side, ready to let the people off.

"-drop that damn championship and let someone else have it," a female voice said as Tessa stood off to the side.

"She's your best friend," responded a familiar male voice.

"I'm not angry at her, I'm angry at booking."

Tessa recognised the male voice the second he spoke. Ambrose. She looked up and smiled at him as he exited the elevator.

"Do you know what's up with Colby?" she asked him before he was able to walk away. The small blonde beside him looked at Tessa instantly, raising her eyebrows.

"Why the hell were you talking to Colby?" Tessa looked at her, Darcy, in confusion. "Oh, I know. I know all about it."

"Of course you do," Tessa said with a sigh. She had long come to accept that everyone in the business knew. "I just needed to speak to him but he's in a really bad mood."

"Stinger that is, apparently, still causing him pain," Jon answered, wrapping his arm around Darcy's shoulders. "That's why he's sitting in his hotel room eating Burger King instead of having an actual dinner with us."

"Oh," Tessa nodded. "I... That's okay. I'll try talk to him when he's feeling better. Can you apologise to him for me? I just made him even angrier."

Jon assured her that he would as he pulled Darcy away before she could say anything more. Tessa couldn't miss the glare she had received the entire time she was talking to Jon. Darcy was clearly not her biggest fan. It was an easy assumption to make that Darcy was friends with Colby and had heard his side of the story. It was also easily assumed that Darcy was friends with Rami, too, making her hatred for Tessa even stronger.

Tessa, with a deep breath, pushed the door the elevator – it had closed during the conversation – and eventually found herself back at her hotel room, sitting on the edge of the bed with a heavy heart and a racing head. She hadn't cried – that she was proud of – but she definitely felt like she could have.

a/n I promise that Sami Zayn plays a huge part in this story, we just have to get to that part which I think is chapter 15.

Thank you to UntilNeverDawns, nattiebroskette, Livin on the EDGE, CarolReigns, Straight Edge Queen, Westie86, deanambooty, ajroleplays and nmoxracha for reviewing last chapter.