... previously ...

Promise Me

"Merlin, what is it?" He asked, filling up his own mug. I took a deep swig from mine and, luckily, instinctively, Arthur followed suit.

"You said I was your friend but … I've not been honest with you and … I'm sorry. I've kept secrets, one particular secret and – well, I think perhaps you've already guessed that?"

"You have always been a bit of a mystery to me, yes," he said, taking another large drink and emptying his goblet in the process. "I knew from very early on that you weren't a complete idiot but then, I think it was probably the only reason I didn't fire you on the spot." I winced as the word 'fire' conjured up too many unpleasant images, both of this afternoon and what Arthur might do to me after this confession.

"I made Gaius a promise that I would tell anyone, that I wouldn't tell you but now ..." I shook my head.

"Merlin, you can tell me anything. After everything we've been through together, you must know that you can trust me." I looked up at him and his open expression, those clear blue eyes currently full of affection, and suddenly doubted my courage to continue – dreading seeing some other emotion there instead.

"Arthur. Promise me you'll hear me out?"

"Merlin?"

"I ..."

Coward! You total coward, you can't even say it, can you? My eyes fell on the jug in front of me and, with Arthur still looking straight at me, I willed it to move. I saw him jump – probably noticing my eyes change colour - but I kept focusing on the jug, moved it towards his cup and then allowed it to slowly tilt so that the liquid refilled his drink.

"Merlin! W-what? Was that ...? Did you just …?" He moved his hand to the cup very slowly, picked it up as if he expected it to burn him and then looked nervously at the liquid inside.

"Just drink it, Arthur. As I said, you definitely need it more than me."

'This is the best reveal fic ever written, except it ends too soon!' [Mrs Bonner]

How could I refuse to oblige after such a lovely comment? That fic was obviously 'first-person Merlin' and so now I start part way through 'Promise Me' in 'first-person Arthur and then continue.

Btw - in case you were wondering. I roughly wrote all of this on Saturday and have done nothing but tweak since then but, this first section does resonate in light of recent events. In fact, it's actually a bit spooky!

The 'L' Word

It had been a sombre day and a sombre duty. Saying farewell to Camelot's beloved Court Physician. Because that is what he was. Loved. Even I, Prince Arthur of Camelot who is hopeless at showing emotions, hopelessly bad at saying the 'L' word would have described Gaius as such.

We lost so many during this latest epidemic; Gaius was not the first, nor will he be the last. Anyone could be next. Unfortunately, it will probably be my father.

Not everyone will grieve on that day, some might even celebrate, but we should always mourn the loss of any life, shouldn't we? No matter who they are or what they've done? Even as a Knight, a warrior, trained to kill from birth, I would still say I valued life, honoured all those that have died at my hand, mourned for them in my own way.

King Uther has done many good things but, unfortunately, I suspect that he will only be remembered for the bad. I fear that, in the future, history will call him evil, wicked and mad.

I have always called him ... father.

I was interrupted from my less than cheerful thoughts by Merlin entering my chambers.

"And still you don't knock," I said.

"Why would I need to knock?" he asked innocently with one of his usual goofy smiles. "Gwen's not here, is she? Come on now, own up … have you hidden her under the bed?"

Honestly, that boy ... why do I let him speak to me like that? Although, I suppose I really shouldn't call him a boy anymore. Not when he's well into his twenties and has so much responsibility resting on his shoulders. He's now our court physician; not a job he feels qualified for and one that must constantly remind him of Gaius. Well, I understand the pressures of inheriting a job from your father, of course I do. Yet, here Merlin is, still my manservant too and ... if he asked to leave? If he asked to spend all his time focusing on medicine? Just the thought of that possibility makes me feel uncomfortable. Not that he would, despite how badly I've treated him - and yes, I have treated him badly at times. I know he wants to stay here and I know he does not consider himself able to take on Gaius' job indefinitely. At this moment in time, Merlin is the most qualified physician in Camelot.

Now there's a statement that neither he nor I would ever have expected to utter.

That will have to change though; Merlin's already sent word to another who might be able to replace Gaius or recommend someone who can. Right now, that's not important thought. Right now, Merlin is here and, despite his jokes, my servant is looking tired, and heart sick. Opposites attract? Where there ever two more different people? Fair and dark, muscular and lean, noble and commoner, introverted and emotional.

"Come, sit down. You need a drink, my friend," I said and was surprised to see him wince. "What?"

"You called me - friend … again." I grinned, suddenly remembering the very first time we'd met. The first time this strange, skinny, annoying boy stood up to the Prince of Camelot.

"My mistake, I could never have a friend as annoying as you," I replied.

"Nor I one as st..." He started to quote back automatically but then stopped, shaking his head. "No … no more insults."

"Spoilsport. Why not?"

"There's something I have to tell you."

Alright, so we joke, we banter, we're famous for it. I know that those new arrivals in Camelot are initially shocked by the way my servant talks to me and the way I encourage him. Sometimes I hear them comment, or see their disapproval and then, usually, someone puts an arm around their shoulders, takes them to one side and talks to them and, from that point on, they just smile and nod - understanding. Strange how it needs to be explained, it seems so obvious to me – and to Merlin, I think. I moved over to the table to pour a drink and asked Merlin - my friend - to join me.

"Here," I said offering the first one to him. "As I said – I think you need it."

"I do, but your better pour yourself a large one too – you're going to need it more than me, I think."

"Merlin, what is it?" I sat down and poured my own as Merlin took a surprisingly deep swig from his cup. I'd never thought of him as one to drink – struggle to recall him ever loosing control at celebrations, now I come to think of it. I took a large sip of my own, now quite aware that this was not a time for jokes. Merlin had something of great importance to tell me and so I would listen and try to help.

"You said I was your friend but … I've not been honest with you and … I'm sorry. I've kept secrets, one particular secret and – well, I think you perhaps have guessed that."

"You have always been a bit of a mystery to me, yes," I said, taking another large drink and emptying my goblet in the process. "I knew from very early on that you weren't a complete idiot but then, I think it was probably the only reason I didn't fire you." He winced again and I thought that perhaps he seemed nervous. Surely he wasn't nervous about me.

"I made Gaius a promise that I wouldn't tell anyone, that I wouldn't tell you, but now ..."

"Merlin, you can tell me anything. After everything we've been through together, you must know that you can trust me." He looked up at me with such an open expression. So full of hope and yet, so full of fear.

"Arthur I ..."

So, I waited. Yes, I admit that I'm bad at showing emotions and often feel awkward when others show them but ... this is Merlin and ... I ...

And there's my problem. I know how I feel about Merlin but, try as I might, I just can't tell others and I certainly can't tell him. He knows though. Doesn't he?

I followed those bright, blue, sad eyes as they moved nervously from mine and turned to the jug in front of us. He looked up a little then and suddenly, to my total shock and horror, I saw those same blue eyes glow gold.

Magic?

Was it? In all my experience with sorcerers – and I'd met my fair share – they had chanted some spell before the magic had happened but here there was nothing but blue eyes turning to gold and then, the jug in front of me lifted up, floated towards me and slowly, elegantly, tipped over my cup and poured the liquid into it. It was totally shocking, totally terrifying.

Totally beautiful.

"Merlin! W-what? Was that ...? Did you just …?" I moved to pick the cup up and was surprised that it felt normal, that the liquid looked normal but, if Merlin was a sorcerer ...?

My thought processes stopped at that point and I just stared at the liquid as it splashed around the insides of the cup.

"You'd better drink it, Arthur. As I said, you definitely need it more than me."

I looked up at him again and was surprised to note that he looked exactly the same. There, in front of me was my servant, my court physician, my best friend. The same skinny, big eared, strangely loyal young man that I've always known and yet ...

"Merlin ...?"

"Arthur ... I'm so sorry I didn't tell you."

"You ... you have magic?"

"Yes."

"Why? Why do you practise such an art when you know it's banned? When you know it could get you killed?" I was quite unable to prevent the anger from seeping into my voice. The idiot!

"Would you kill me, Arthur? Will you order my execution now that you know?"

"Merlin!" Of all the things to say, he has to ask me that? Now? Then, he just stared at me with that pathetic, emotional, tear-filled look that I'd seen several times before, but has rarely, thankfully, been directed towards me. I am quite convinced that no-one, not even my father, would be able to order his execution if faced by that look.

What was going on in my head – my heart? I now had no idea.

"I did not choose to practise magic, Arthur. It chose me. I was born with the ability, just as you were born to be King, born with the natural ability to fight. I was born with the natural ability to do magic. This is me, Arthur, this is who I am." I shook my head. Not because I didn't believe him - right then, I didn't know what to believe. No, I shook my head because I was struggling to cope with all the thoughts and emotions rattling around in there.

I suddenly had the strangest wish to have Guinevere here with me. She'd know what to do. She's know what to say.

"Who else knows?" I asked.

"Gaius knew." He paused frowning. "Lancelot too. They both saw me use it – quite early on. Before I got good at hiding it."

"Anyone else?"

"No-one here in Camelot. Not as far as I know, anyway." I suddenly realised that I hadn't answered his earlier question.

"I'm not going to turn you in. I'm not going to order your execution."

"Thank you." I almost laughed. He said it as if I'd awarded him some great honour.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"At first? Because I didn't trust you." I felt as if he'd driven a knife into my heart. Oh, I understood. I knew, as he knew, that the Arthur he'd first met would have turned him over to Uther without a moment's hesitation but ...

"I understand that. I really was a prat back then." I smiled. At least, I tried to. Merlin's attempt looked pretty pathetic, so I expect mine was even worse.

"And now you're not. Well, not as much, anyway." I understood, he understood. He was saying that I was his friend.

What, you didn't get that? I think we have our own code now, Merlin and I. Prat, idiot, clotpole. They're not insults – not between the two of us. Neither of us can say the 'L' word but ...

We understand.

I hope Guinevere does too. It probably won't be as easy for her to accept. I expect I'll have to meet her half way. I will have to learn to say it – she will have to learn to believe it. Perhaps I should say ... something similar to Merlin.

"So, why?" I asked.

"Because you changed so gradually. Because the insults started off as real insults and then very, very slowly the same words started to mean something ... different," he said.

You see? He understands too.

"I suppose. I just wish ..."

"Yes, so do I."

"Merlin, I'm going to need time but ... I want you to know that ..."

"Yes?"

"It has been some while now that I've considered you as ... my friend." There that wasn't as difficult as I'd thought.

"Thank you, but this has changed things?"

"No, not exactly. It's just ... puts things on hold for a while?" He nodded. "I think perhaps ... I need to talk to Guinevere." He smiled then, a similar one to the smirk he'd shown earlier but ... it wasn't quite the same. He knew, he understood. "How is it that two commoners have become my closest friends?"

"You can call me that now? Even after this?" I frowned for a moment, considering.

"Yes. Even if I hated you now and locked you up in the dungeon ... I think I would still call you my friend."

"And, if you did. Even if you ordered my execution, I would still call you my best friend too." I lowered my head and shook it - fighting the ridiculous tears that were forming.

"I won't do that."

"I know."

"But ... I do need some time before ..."

"I understand."

"Will you please let me finish a sentence?"

"Why? I know what you're going to say." I looked up at him sharply and his eyes widened. "N-not because of the magic, but because of our ... friendship?" He winced as he said it but I understood.

I didn't need to say it. He didn't need to say it.

Love needs no words. It just needs understanding.

A/N Whoa – deep! Not quite sure where that came from but, as a British tomboy female, I think I understand these two boys more than some girls might. My other half is very much like Arthur in that regard (even though he's tall, dark and skinny like Merlin) so a lot of this comes from personal experience as we usually only show our feelings through banter too. Perhaps that's why I've always felt so comfortable writing Arthur and Merlin.

I did this 'overlap from a different pov' in The Invisible Servant' and rather enjoyed it, so I thought I'd give it another try.

I've now basically written chapter 19 and 20, so it's all downhill from now on with just some final editing before the updates. Some of you lovely people have already started to worry about the end. Thank you for you support. I've a few ideas lined up but nothing has really grabbed me yet. Feel free to let me know the sort of fics you would like me to write/develop next (check my profile for some of the ideas that are currently 'floating')