Hello again! and now on to the next chapter of Hurt! This ended up being longer than I thought... o.o
Mikey's my favorite turtle out of the four, and I feel like he's the easiest to write about. I hope you all enjoy!
I own nothing.
Hurt
Chapter 4-Hamato Michelangelo
I'm the baby of my odd little family. And being the youngest does have it ups... but as a ninja, being young also has a lot of downs I seemed to always encounter.
Because I was the youngest, I thought like a child. I loved to have fun, reading all my favorite comics, playing all the newest video games, even trying a new prank on my bros and my dad! I loved my life... as far as everyone else knew. I was also the fastest out of everyone in my family, which... at times, I guess came in handy when you wanted to run from being hurt all the time.
Inside, like, inside my heart and my soul, I feel totally different. I feel... dumb. Not dumb like, I can't comprehend anything, but... useless because my family thinks I'm so idiotic and I don't pay attention, but I do and that stuff... it really hurts. Its my family and I hate that they think that I don't pay attention when I try to keep things fun!
I always hated that... but I could never say anything about it. So I kept on a mask and pretended that I didn't want to cry and hide away by myself. I always cried alone sometimes but I made sure my mask was perfect when I was around them. That's how its always been.
There was this one time, when we were all around 14. Master Splinter- our sensei and father- was seriously kicking our shells in training! It was brutal- even Leo, Mr. Perfect, was struggling to keep in rhythm with our dad!
At the end of it, we were all beat, and we decided to take a shower and crash in front of the couch and watch a movie. I was the last one to go in, and as I was showering, I thought I heard voices outside the door. Not wanting to be totally obvious, I turned down the water just enough that I could hear what was going on as I was showering.
"Man, that Mikey..." Awww, they were gonna talk about how great I was today in training! I chuckled and continued taking a shower.
"Ugh, what about the little twit? He broke something else again?" I frowned a little. Raphie knew I had a habit of being a little clumsy but I apologized AND bought new pieces for one of his things I broke AGES ago. I don't remember what it was now but I fixed it for him... but I shrugged it off. Like I said, I was used to that.
"No, not this time. I don't know, he's just annoying. Like, I'm surprised sometimes we're even related. You sure he's our brother, Leo?"
I froze. THAT was something new. And it came from Donnie of all people. He did sound annoyed, I do remember that, and I also remember the water was running over me and thinking that we are supposed to be brothers... I mean, I know I do a lot of stupid things, but... I'd never say anything like that... that time, that really hurt me.
"Mikey is our brother. Sad to say, but he is. But sometimes, he's a pain in the shell too. He breaks more than his fair share of OUR things, and it's not fair Sensei lets him skips out of training half the time because he fakes being sick! And we have to take care of him?! Not cool!"
I never forgot that night. For once, I finally began to realize that I couldn't keep pretending I was okay with being sad like that. I wasn't okay with my brothers thinking that I was nothing more than a baby who had no sense. I admit I make mistakes but I always tried my best, and I'm sorry if I made them think I wanted to take credit for things I know I can't do in training!
I couldn't put on my mask that night. I barely ate and I just stayed in my room crying myself to sleep. No one bothered to ask me what was wrong and that hurt a lot, too. I hadn't meant much to them that night, and I didn't know back then how much they didn't like me but I tried to push it away for now.
I remember telling myself by the next day, I'll be back to... normal. Maybe this would be blown over.
Fast forward now. I'm 17. I'm still the target of their jokes, their insults and sometimes, their frustration. And yet I try and keep a mask up because I don't want to be a burden to them. I always did what they said and trained hard. No one seemed to know who I had become. I didn't know what I had become, but I knew I didn't like it.
Then of course, one night, they all came to my room. I was unsure why. I had been minding my business for as long as I could remember, so I didn't think they needed to come bother me. It was Leo who said something first.
"Spill it, Mike." I blinked in confusion.
"Spill... what?" I asked. I mean, I thought I knew what they were talking about but I thought I was wrong... and I wasn't trying to hurt myself anymore than I was. So I did what they felt I naturally did everyday- I played dumb.
That's all I was to them... a dumb turtle who didn't do anything right in their eyes and was too immature to understand anything around me.
"You've been acting strange, Mikey. What's going on with you?" Leo... always have to be Mr. Perfect... and always right when it comes to me. But I still chose not to say anything. I shrug and look at my sketch book, which was full of a bunch of random sketches and doodles.
"Nothing's wrong." I said finally. Donnie starts talking next.
"Mikey, what we're trying to say is that your behavior isn't like you. It's been going on for months now. Is everything okay? Is something hurting you?"
At this point, Raph decided to crack a joke that for some reason, sent me to my breaking point. "Hurtin' him? Hell, he's probably fakin' it again."
I snap. I couldn't believe what I had done but at the same time, he was making me so mad!
But I stood up and one fist flew through the air and connected with Raph's face. I stood there, my arm shaking, and Raph just staring in shock with one hand cupping his swollen cheek.
"I'm sick of you guys thinking I can't understand and hear what you say about me! I'm not always faking it! When we fought The Shredder, I took just as many hits as any of you! I put up just as much of a battle as any of you! And you STILL thought I was faking that?! I'm not hard headed, tough, smart or perfect so that means I'm not related to you anymore! Isn't that right?!"
Leo tried to calm me down, but I'm seeing nothing but red... all I remember was screaming and throwing punches everywhere... they didn't understand!
The next thing I know, I'm sitting alone in my room, and I just draw my legs up and sigh. I feel worse than I did before. I feel like crap. But I also feel a little better someone finally heard me.
They all hate me now but I can't bring myself to care anymore. I have no energy to try. So I sit there alone and listen to some quiet music, trying to lose myself in thoughts.
"Mikey? Hey, are you... okay?" Its Leo again. I wish he'd leave me alone. They've been doing that for who knows how long now. Why stop?
"Mikey, please. Can you look at me at least?"
"Go away, Leo. Go be with your family." I spat out, a little too harsh but who cares. I just want to be left alone.
Isn't that what they've always wanted? I wasn't part of the team, wasn't a brother, just a thing to be abused until either I gave in or they broke me. I don't want to be pitied. I want to be left alone and let them be happy.
I hear Leo's gasp and I curl in more into myself. Now I've hurt him... as angry as I am at them they don't deserve me acting like this... but then, who can I actually BE?! I'm so confused... and I don't know what to ask or what to do.
"... I'm sorry, Mikey. I know that's not going to heal anything but... but please. Can you look at me? I just want to talk to you." he says softly. Why you, Leo. Why do you even care about me now?
I don't want to but I lift my head. Leo's brown eyes look worried for once... but who knows. I'm probably an idiot for thinking he cares.
"Why? Why do you even care about me?" I ask. Leo takes my hand and sighs. I ask something else.
"Is Raph okay?"
"Yeah. His cheek was swollen but Don said he'd be fine by morning." I smile a little. At least he's okay. I'm sorry I punched him, but they were all making me so angry...
Leo decides to sit next to me and I look away from him. I don't want to know what he has to say anymore. A lot of the words they've said slowly broke a little bit of me at a time, and I don't know if I can bring myself to give them anymore chances or give myself a chance to let them try.
That kind of pain... being hurt and betrayed by those who said they loved you... that's the worst kind of pain. I hate feeling it. I keep telling myself it will get better, maybe they'll understand what they've done... but nothing changes.
My mask, I noticed, isn't here now. I'm exposed and I'm scared of what's going to happen to me.
"Mikey? Mikey, you're shaking... what's wrong?" I shake my head again and take deep breaths to calm down.
I'm scared of something, that's what! I'm scared to be left alone and yet I want to be... I just don't understand myself anymore.
All these years I've been trying to make myself please them, making them happy, trying to be someone I'm clearly not! I'm a kid and I want to enjoy life! I know we're all that's left, and yeah, thinking about losing any of them scares the living shell out of me! But I don't WANT to think like that!
I want to enjoy my family, for us to enjoy life because one day, I know we're not gonna be together like this anymore and we won't be until we're gone together in the next life...
"Shhhh, Mikey... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry for everything..." Leo whispers in my ear, rubbing my shell. I hate feeling so weak like this!
"Why d-does it have to hurt like this..." I blubber. I want to know but I don't either.
When did I start crying like this? Why am I crying like this in front of Leo? And why is he holding me?
I have such a headache... I don't know what happened... right now, Leo and Raph and Donnie are talking to each other, and I groan before trying to push off someone... Leo? When did I get here? And when did they get here?
"Mikey? Are you okay?" I feel dizzy and weak and I wonder what's everyone doing here. Probably ready to accuse me of 'faking' my tears.
"Bro... Leo told us what ya said... about what we've been doin' to ya. Why didn't ya say anything to anyone?!" Raph asks. I know he's not angry at me but I whimper and look away.
"I... I did... but no one listened to me..." I answer quietly. "No one believed me so I... I just stopped trying."
What's going to happen to me now? I still feel myself shaking. I've never felt so much fear from my own family before.
The next thing I know, my brothers all hug me and I feel... strange. I like the warmth and the protection but I've been so used to being my own protection, and shielding my own feelings from everyone.
I just want to feel like I'm wanted somewhere. Like me being who I truly am won't burden them and bring them down, and make them understand I see things differently... but I still see what they see, hear what they hear and feel what they feel.
"You are wanted here, Mikey. You're our brother and I'm sorry this ever happened. Please forgive us, little brother." I smile; I must of spoke aloud. Its always Leo who does that. Makes me feel a little better.
"It... it's okay, Leo. Its okay."
Slowly, I began to open up to my family. There were a lot of times I grew scared they were going to make fun of me or insult me, but I didn't hear or see any of that. They actually wanted Mikey back... as do I.
Whenever someone asks me what kind of pain do we feel, I stop and I smile at them.
I'm used to fighting. We're like superheros, so we have to be. But emotionally, its a pain I hate feeling.
I guess that's something that...hurts me? Being unable to feel like I'm wanted somewhere. Being alone. I'm the youngest and they always want to keep me safe. They told me that when I woke up the next day.
I'm the youngest and I'm supposed to be their light... I'm supposed to annoy them and they are supposed to get mad at me and make sure I come home safely after every battle. I'm not sure what I am to them myself.
I'm just Mikey. I'm just a child. I'm a baby to them and I have a lot to learn in this world. But I love my brothers and my father and I always want to keep them happy, whether I'm here or not. I don't like to think so dark and angry and negative. I want to keep my big brothers happy and make them understand they don't have to be afraid.
We have each other and I wouldn't want it any other way. I love my family and I love being a turtle!
And chapter complete!
Next and last chapter will be the head of the household, Hamato Splinter.
I hope you all enjoyed and thank you for reading! Please leave any advice that would help me improve!
Until next chapter!