The Chief informed the Titans that a banquet was being planned to celebrate the first step in repelling the Citadel. The Titans were allowed to go about their leisure and shop to find eveningwear for the event scheduled in four days.
Starfire found a beautiful electric emerald green gown. It was strapless, made from filmy material that gathered around her curves and flowed to the floor, and a small train trailed behind her. A large sparkling brooch was pinned over the right hip.
Raven opted for a simple but elegant black evening gown that slit up the front over one leg. Her dress was also strapless, with a fitted bodice. The top of the bodice was lined with rhinestones, which gave the dress a little shimmer.
Robin, Beast Boy, and even Cyborg were fitted for tuxes.
Something seemed a little off with Starfire. In the days leading up to the banquet she wasn't herself, and as they were getting ready for the party Robin noticed she was subdued and it was like she had something weighing on her mind. She mentioned she wasn't feeling well.
"You don't have to go tonight if you feel sick, Star. They'll understand."
She shook her head. "It would be ungrateful of me not to attend. I only feel a little light in the head."
"Light-headed?"
"Yes."
"Are you dizzy?"
"A little."
"Well... let me know if you need to leave early."
"I will do that." She leaned her temple against the door as Robin straightened his tie.
The Titans gathered in the hallway to leave for the banquet together. Starfire's mane of hair cascaded in a sleek wave of curls down her back and she wore a chain with a modest round diamond pendant. Raven's hair had been twisted into an up-do, wisps of hair falling out to caress her neck. Dainty sparkling earrings adorned her ears. She didn't wear a necklace; the detailing on her dress was enough accessory.
As the five Titans exchanged compliments on the monkey suits and dresses, Beast Boy sniffed Starfire's arm and looked worried. He told her it smelled like it was getting infected. Robin looked at her pointedly. Starfire sighed and took off the bandages so Raven could heal her.
The empath removed Robin's precise stitches with her magic and cleaned everything up. Then they proceeded to the event.
The banquet for all the heroes and the servicemen was lovely. The great hall was decorated and a huge buffet was laid out with the very finest food of several planets. Cyborg was in heaven. He mostly spent the evening at the spread, refilling his plate.
Robin and Starfire were once again inseparable. They ate together (although Starfire only managed to down some crackers) and stood side by side the entire night. Either his hand rested on the small of her back or her hand softly gripped his bicep. Ryand'r and Galfore made the rounds, thanking everyone and showing their gratitude.
The Chief mingled too, complimenting his men on the mission. The event was good press and many influential people were there. He was pleased it was a roaring success.
Superman and J'onn had returned from Earth. J'onn was extremely happy (you could tell because his frown was slightly less severe) when the Chief had the forethought to include a large pile of Oreo cookies shipped in from Earth in the food array. He contentedly munched on cookies for the evening, barely aware there was a party going on. The two Justice Leaguers, Batman, and Alfred formed their own little group. Raven and Beast Boy switched between Cyborg and Robin and Starfire.
"I have a question," Raven addressed the Tamaranian girl, when there finally was a lull of people congratulating them.
"Yes?"
"When Ryand'r came to Earth, he said that he left Tamaran after you escaped, because your father was trying to send him to the Citadel too. Why didn't the Citadel try to get your brother?"
"Oh, yes," Starfire said. "I do not believe there was ever an official treaty. Ryand'r told me he had overheard Blackfire and our father discussing his use as a peace offering in my absence. He left Tamaran immediately. We realize now that Blackfire was suggesting the idea to our father, and not the other way around. Our father could not draw a treaty when the offering was missing."
"So the Citadel already knew barking up Ryand'r's tree was a waste of time and effort," Beast Boy supplied.
"…Yes," Starfire said, her brows drawing together in her classic expression of uncertainty.
"His expression means the Citadel did not waste time chasing after Ryand'r," Robin explained.
"Oh, I see," Starfire nodded. Robin smirked and rubbed her back. It always gave him a little shot of nostalgia when she didn't comprehend an Earth saying. Sometimes he missed having to explain things to her. It was one of the things that brought them together.
"Does Ryand'r know what he's going to do, after all this is over?" Robin asked.
"Ryand'r has decided to return to Tamaran, now that it is safe. Since I have passed on the throne, my brother will carry on the And'r line. He has agreed to let Galfore remain emperor until he is older and ready to take on the responsibilities." Starfire smiled sadly. "I will miss him greatly; we have just found each other and now we will be apart again. But I have promised to do the calling as often as possible."
Robin pulled her in to his hip, giving her a side squeeze.
"Starfire, I've been meaning to ask you something," Raven said. "When I healed your arm, I detected a trace of metal in your bones. What is it?"
"I believe it is a metal native to my planet. The closest comparison to an Earth metal would be Titanium, but I believe ours is much lighter. My mass is not much more than a human girl of my size."
"Tamaranians seem to have lots of scars," Beast Boy commented.
"Yes, for Tamaranians, we bear battle scars proudly, much like humans brand their bodies with images composed of ink, the 'tattoo'. Scars are a symbol of our warrior heritage and prowess. The more scars, the more revered a warrior who has survived such injuries."
"Is that why you didn't want Raven to heal your arm at first?" Robin asked quietly.
Starfire shrugged, feeling somewhat silly now for holding to a tradition that didn't even matter much to her in the first place. Her arm would have gotten seriously infected if Raven had not healed it, and it would have had ugly white scars trailing over it. Humans did not value scars like her society did, and she planned to live among humans for the rest of her life.
"Robin? Can I speak with you in private, please?" Batman appeared at his elbow.
"Oh, ah... sure," he said reluctantly. He fought not to roll his eyes. Heeere comes the lecture.
He touched Starfire's arm.
"Star? Batman and I will be right back."
She turned to look at him. "Oh, okay," she nodded. Beast Boy and Raven were right with her, so he didn't worry about her being overwhelmed by herself.
"Let's go," Batman said, walking off. "There are some important things I need to fill you in on."
Robin's brows furrowed. That was a different start off.
"First, I'd like to say I am always amazed at your capacity to find yourself in situations like the one you found yourself in a week ago."
Robin's shoulders drooped and he sighed in exasperation. "It's the same old song and dance, Bruce."
"You keep playing the melody, it's not my fault."
"There wasn't much else she could do. If she hadn't gotten her sister to capture her, she would still be running and her sister would be causing even more trouble, stirring up the Citadel."
"I know."
"And don't think I didn't criticize her too! I said it was a stupid idea, what she did, when I woke up in that cell. But honestly? I don't think I'd have the cojones to do what she did."
"What exactly did she do? She couldn't have counted on being rescued. While we were able to, something could have happened to delay us. She was extremely lucky."
"I wasn't even supposed to be with her. She snuck away from us at IGP and went down to the terminal alone. I followed her and jumped into her pod as it was leaving. She was going to confront her sister, and she knew her sister couldn't resist capturing her. She said she knew how to escape from the Gordanian cells. It was supposed to be the same cell she escaped from the first time, when she came to Earth."
"What do you mean 'supposed to be'?" Batman said, catching on to Robin's words.
"She didn't anticipate that they had an illegal cell. It was powered by xinothium. She really freaked out when she realized she couldn't escape." Robin lowered his gaze. "She didn't think anyone would be able to rescue us. She was preparing for the Citadel."
Batman was silent as he took this in.
"Well?" Robin said, unable to take the quiet. "Aren't you going to say something? How could we be so stupid and reckless, and place everyone's lives in danger?"
Batman still didn't say anything. Robin scowled.
"I hate it when you draw it out like this. You know, what she did was really brave," he insisted.
"It was brave," Batman said.
Robin was so shocked he stopped in his tracks. Batman kept going and Robin had to scoot to catch up.
"Wait wait wait. You're joking, right?" he said, astonished.
"Do I look like I'm joking?" Batman said flatly.
"No, you don't. You are honest to God not joking. Well what the hell."
"I was angry at first. I was going to lecture the hell out of you two at the beginning on IGP's ship. I didn't have all the facts at that point. Now I can see she was brave. It was reckless of her to strike off alone, but I can see that she had no other recourse."
Robin was dumbfounded. "You actually think she did the right thing?"
"It's a shame she didn't factor in the Gordanians would have an illegal trick up their sleeve. But IGP could do nothing for her. She had to make her sister break the law."
"Who are you and what have you done with Batman?" Robin gaped.
Batman shook his head. "I've heard what the Citadel is like. I never even imagined for a second that's what Raven had seen when she absorbed Starfire's memories, and clouded with Scarecrow's fear toxin to boot. It makes sense now, why Raven was so distraught. Knowing that Starfire's been to the Citadel once already and willingly placed herself into the hands of her sister, who was going to take her back there again... I can't say that I would have the guts to devise a plan like that, if I were in her situation."
Robin was stunned into silence.
"I can't believe you're condoning what she did. I mean, it worked, and we were able to be rescued, but I expected a rant from you at how stupid we were."
"You were stupid. But also very brave."
"You think you know a guy," Robin snorted.
"Do you want a rant?"
"No, that's okay. I actually like the non rant."
"Me too."
They paused for a moment before Robin commented.
"Those Citadelians are disgusting."
"You handled them very well after you got your emotions under control."
"Oh my God, two compliments in one day? Are you ill?"
"Take it or leave it."
"I'll take it but I think you should have Alfred look you over. Did Catwoman knock you over the head or something?"
Batman rubbed his mouth at the mention of Catwoman, a sign that he was concealing a smirk.
"She did! She so did! You dog you."
"No, I am not ill," Batman said, avoiding.
"Sure you're not. You're the opposite of ill. No wonder you're so laid back. She's been scratching your back, huh?"
"Let's get back to the subject. I have some important things to tell you."
"Quick change the topic. Am I going to have a new mommy?"
Batman blanched.
"Sorry I just can't resist." Robin had a grin a mile wide.
"You might have a new brother."
Robin raised his eyebrows in shock. "What?"
"I parked the Batmobile in an alley while I was chasing on foot after some thugs. When I came back, a street urchin had the Batmobile up on blocks and was taking off the last tire."
"He sounds like a handful."
"He is. I've tracked him down. Seems he's got a laundry list of criminal charges, and he's very young. Everything is what he's had to do to survive. What caught my eye were his skills at evading me."
Robin smirked. "I thought it was about time that Batman had Robin by his side again."
He raised an eyebrow at Robin. "You're not thinking of coming back." It was a statement, not a question.
"No. I'm thinking of changing up the duds. It's about time. I'm getting too old to be the 'boy wonder.' Starfire has an idea, something she saw in the future. It's not finalized yet, but I've been working on it in secret."
"Hmm. Well let me know if I can assist you if you need it."
"I'll be sending you the old uniform. What's this kid's name?"
"Jason."
Robin nodded. "Train him well."
"I intend to. Anyway, before we went off on the tangent, I was saying you caught the Citadelians in their lie, and I don't know how this 'betrothed' thing came about, but it's a good thing Starfire's not going back there."
"Yeah. It was just a misunderstanding between Tamaranian and human terms. But now I'm glad it happened. I literally know what they would do to her if she were to return there." He shuddered.
"I don't think anyone was in a position to argue for her freedom better than you. She is lucky she has you."
"I'm lucky I have her," Robin said.
Batman looked like he was having trouble getting out the next thing he wanted to say. Robin waited.
"I guess... I'm no good at this sort of thing," he muttered. "I guess I just want to say that I'm proud of you. You were brave in the face of certain torture and death and then you handled the Citadelians perfectly. Well, up until the attack, I mean. You did a good job."
Robin couldn't say a thing.
Batman grunted.
"No snarky comment for me? Alfred's not even here to intervene. We're getting better."
"Thanks, Bruce," Robin said.
"All right," Batman said briskly, trying to alleviate the sentimentality. "Here's what I wanted to tell you concerning Blackfire's trial."
Robin perked up, listening.
"You will notice that their court system is similar to ours. Superman and the Justice League have given IGP some cues on a better system to try their criminals. At first there was no system at all, if someone was apprehended on criminal charges they were sent to prison and that was it. A lot of innocent people were locked up and a lot of criminals went free. A few years back they implemented a system where a criminal was apprehended and their trial involved one judge, no jury. There was a prosecutor and a defense. The evidence would be presented, each side was allowed one witness, and there was no audience. The judge would decide the verdict and the sentence."
"That leaves a lot of weight on one person," Robin commented. "What if the judge was crooked? Bribed?"
"Exactly. A lot of criminals got off scot-free. Superman and I met with the Chief to discuss their judicial processes and what was lacking. We presented our way of trying criminals and it made sense to the Chief. He especially liked the idea of a jury of unbiased peers."
"At least people will be tried fairly then."
"Yes. I thought the knowledge that the court system is familiar would help you. The defense is no doubt trying to build a strong case in Blackfire's favor. We will have to be careful."
"Thanks."
"I've heard they're setting a date for Blackfire's preliminary hearing. It shouldn't be scheduled later than a few days from now, so then we can all go home."
Robin's shoulders slumped. "I wish we could just leave now."
"I know, you've all been through a lot. It's almost over. The prosecutor for Blackfire's case wants to get statements from all of us so he can prove she's guilty."
"That'll be fun too. Poor Starfire. I think she just wants to go crawl in a hole and never come out again."
"I don't blame her. It's not easy handling a family member who has betrayed you."
Robin shook his head. He glanced over at Starfire across the room. She was looking overwhelmed, holding Raven's hand and leaning against her.
Batman followed his gaze. "We should probably rejoin the banquet now."
ooo
After some slow dancing, Robin noticed Starfire was fading and asked if she wanted to take a stroll through some of the sky decks, to get a little privacy from the party. She nodded, he took her hand and they entered an elevator.
Once they were alone and gazing out at the stars through the large dome, Robin wondered if she'd finally get what was bothering her off her chest.
He leaned against the railing, his arm around her back.
Finally he broke the silence. "You know, the past few days you've been a little quiet. Are you unhappy about something?"
Starfire fiddled with her fingers and looked down.
"I can see something's bothering you. Want to share?"
She took in a deep breath and clasped her hands together. She glanced at him before looking away.
"Yes," she said slowly. "I have been meaning to tell you something, but I am unsure how. You will not be happy with me."
Robin frowned in confusion. "What won't I be happy about?" he said carefully.
"I have made a bad choice. And now, days after, I realize I was desperate and not in my mind at the time. It will affect us both."
"What did you do, Star? It can't be that bad. I've been with you this whole time, you haven't done anything wrong."
Tears sprung to her eyes. "Yes I have. I have done something terrible."
"What is it then?"
"You will be angry," she said, resigned.
"Tell me Starfire, quit beating around the bush."
She opened her mouth.
"It means quit avoiding the point and get to it."
She breathed in deeply and sighed.
"I have been trying to work up the nerve to tell you. I am not sure how you will take this, but when we… after we got back from the Gordanian ship and Raven healed me, and then we…"
"Go on."
"I neglected to mention that I was close to the most fertile point in my cycle."
The blood drained out of Robin's face.
"What?" he blurted.
Starfire crossed her arms tightly. "I was desperate, and I was not thinking clearly. At the time I did not care if we were to… I just needed you. And then afterward I was ashamed and frightened and I realized what I had done, and you… you were going to be so angry."
She looked up at the sky, waiting for him to say something, anything.
"So, you're pregnant?" he said, his voice disturbingly flat.
"I am unsure if we have actually conceived," she said hurriedly, " but since your, um… well it can live up to a week inside me? I know that we washed most of it away, but all it takes…it is a possibility that I could be."
Robin was stunned into a shocked silence. She waited for the tidal wave of anger that didn't seem to come. She had expected him to rant and rave, but he was standing stone still, staring at her with no emotion. His silence worried her more than anything.
Finally he broke the pause that hung between them.
"How could you do that to me?"
She closed her eyes, the sorrow in his words slicing straight to her heart. She couldn't bear to see the hurt that had broken out onto his face.
"After the fights we've had about trusting each other and not keeping secrets, and you go and keep one like this. What were you thinking?"
"That is the problem, I was not thinking… I was not thinking at all."
He rubbed a cheek in a distracted way.
"Damn straight you weren't thinking."
He shook his head, his lips still parted in disbelief.
Starfire had her hands clasped by her chest, her face worried, waiting for the fury she knew would surface eventually.
"I can't even… how could you do this, Star. God."
She winced. "I am extremely upset with myself."
"I'm extremely upset with you too," he glared.
And there was the shift. She saw his face redden as the implications of the situation fully sank in.
"What are we going to do?" His tone was now laced with a hard edge.
"I do not know," she said softly.
He began pacing.
"I can't believe you. After all that, and you go and betray me again," he accused.
She squinted her eyes shut, huddling her arms around herself. She could see his defense mechanism kicking in as he channeled all of his pain into frustration.
"This is crazy. I can't believe this. What are we going to do?"
"I… I know, I-"
"Jesus," he spun around, his hands in his hair. "I am not ready to be a father."
Starfire's shoulders slumped and she lost her balance, falling a few steps to the side before she grabbed the railing for support.
"I mean, how … how could you not tell me, Starfire?" he exclaimed, his hands palm up.
"I did not mean to hurt you, never," she shook her head, her bottom lip trembling.
"Well you did! You should've known better! How are we going to hide this?"
"I thought-"
"Shit," he moaned, not listening to her. "What is Bruce gonna say? God damn it, Starfire!"
Her eyes widened.
"I-I am sor-ry, I must go!"
She took off running, holding up her dress, her heels clicking on the floor.
"Starfire! Get back here, don't you dare run off!" Robin called after her, sprinting to catch up with her.
He caught her arm and spun her around.
"Don't run away."
She shook her head frantically. "I cannot stand you yelling at me. I cannot."
"Should've thought of that before," he snapped. "You've put me in a really awkward position."
She drew in quick shallow breaths, her eyes slipping away.
"I know I know, I am sorry, I am so sorry," she cried, wringing her hands, tears finally spilling down her cheeks.
"Don't cry, Starfire."
She shook her head, a hand holding her forehead, her eyes rolling back.
"No. Stay with me. Starfire."
Her lids closed, her legs buckled and with a moan she sank to the floor. Robin caught her descent and laid her across his knees as a shape rose up through the floor.
Raven's curvaceous form materialized, looking scared.
"What's going on?" she asked worriedly.
Robin shifted Starfire's body so he could stand up with her cradled in his arms.
"None of your fucking business," he growled at her.
Raven's eyes widened like saucers and her mouth dropped open.
"You can't expect me to just leave it alone when you act that way and Starfire's out cold," she chastised him angrily.
"I'm serious. Drop it," Robin said brusquely, brushing past her.
She reached out to his mind but he shut her out with a slamming door.
"I can help."
"Leave it alone Rae," he said warningly.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to the room. I don't feel like partying anymore." He hurried away with heavy steps.
As he was leaving his agitated mind forgot to hold up the shields.
Raven gasped, shocked.
"Oh, Azar…"
ooo
Starfire began stirring. Her swollen eyes cracked open and gazed blearily at the ceiling.
Robin was sitting on the edge of the bed, his chin in his hands.
"What happened?" she asked faintly, rubbing her hand over her head.
"You blacked out. You've been so stressed lately and I've barely seen you eat anything, so it's no wonder."
"Oh."
He sighed and looked over at her. He had changed her out of her evening dress and into a nightie. He found some gray sleep pants and a white t-shirt.
"We need to talk."
Starfire didn't move, but absorbed his grim statement.
"So what are we going to do."
"I do not know."
"This is huge, Star. If you're pregnant..."
"I know."
"I'm not just angry. I'm scared. We're not ready for this."
She sniffled.
"How could you put us in this situation? First you don't tell me that being a knotha means being engaged, and it gets leaked to the press. It was like a runaway train, impossible to stop, and I had no choice. If I had insisted we weren't, your pretty little self would be sitting in the Citadel right now, so we lucked out on that one. But if that wasn't bad enough, now you go and make another decision without me, and this one affects us for eighteen years. This is ridiculous, Starfire. Having a child is a big deal, at least it is to me."
"It is also the big deal for me," she said meekly.
"Well it doesn't seem like it. I trusted you to tell me when it was safe for us. I roughly know when your period is about to start, because you get all weepy and eat an entire bucket of ice cream with pickles covered in fudge, but calculating the whole ovulation thing is a lot harder. I don't see those signs like you do. I don't want to make you go on birth control, Star. But this level of deception is a deal breaker next time."
"A deal breaker?"
"Meaning a relationship ender."
"Oh," she sighed sadly. "I understand."
"Do you really? Cause I would've thought you had learned your lesson last time," he said sarcastically.
Her features crumpled and she buried her face into her hands.
"Why aren't you scared?"
"I am!" she cried. "I am the terrified!"
He pursed his lips.
"I am so frightened, and I do not have anyone to blame but myself," she wailed. She started to cry again.
Robin hated when she cried while they were fighting. The tears stormed his defenses and beckoned at his heart, but his anger held firm and won over.
He shook his head. "I know it's not fair. I know you've been through so much in the past few weeks. I don't want to be harsh on you, but there really is no excuse for not telling me I could get you pregnant."
"No, there is not," she whimpered through her fingers.
"Having a kid is a huge lifestyle change that we're not ready for. Don't you understand how that would drastically change things, especially between us? How could you just toss that whole decision aside so blasé and go for it? How could you not tell me?"
"I do understand. I am not stupid and I was not the blasé. I was the mess of emotional and I needed you desperately. I did not think about the consequences. If I told you, you would have said no…"
"Damn right I would've said no." He threw up his hands, at a loss. "I really can't believe this. You better pray to X'hal or whoever that you're not knocked up."
Starfire curled up bitterly on the bed, burying her face in the pillow with her back toward him. Her curtain of hair hid her tear-streaked face, and her shoulders shuddered as she sobbed. He shook his head again. Apparently she was shutting down and the conversation was over. He didn't know what else there was left to say.
ooo
At the end of the hall where the Titans were staying was their own private sky deck. Robin was leaning his elbows over a railing, staring out into the inky blackness pin pricked with little spots of light.
It was late at night according to IGP's time, the banquet had dwindled and everyone retired for the night. Starfire had finally cried herself to sleep. Robin couldn't drift off; his mind was a snarled mess of thoughts and worries.
"No matter what happens, everything's going to work out okay, you know that," said a voice from behind him.
He smirked ruefully.
"Can't ever hide from you, can I?"
"The bond I have with you is stronger than any of the others. I've been in your head twice, and it's had longer time to intensify."
"Still doesn't give you the right to poke your nose in all the time."
Raven frowned. "I know you're scared, and you're trying your best to hide it. But snipping at me when I'm just trying to help isn't going to help anything."
"Why would I be scared?"
"Is she truly pregnant?"
Robin dipped his head down. "We don't know yet. But it's a possibility."
"I thought she could…"
"She can."
"Sooo…"
"She didn't tell me."
Raven grimaced. "Ouch."
"Tell me about it."
"Why didn't she tell you?"
Robin shifted against the railing. "She was a mess. It was right after we got onto IGP's ship after fighting Blackfire. She was emotionally unstable and she thought I'd refuse her if she told me she could get pregnant."
"She was right though, you would've said no."
"Of course I would've said no. I just wish she could have trusted me to console her in a different way."
"She wasn't thinking straight."
"We discussed that already. What's done is done. Now we just have to wait. Great fucking timing."
"It's not the greatest timing, no. But at least you're engaged."
Robin looked confused.
"What's that look for?" Raven asked.
"Well… it's that. We're not actually engaged, Rae. I went along with the whole betrothed and knotha thing because I had to. If I said I wasn't, she would've gone back to the Citadel. We haven't done it officially yet, I don't have a ring, and I never actually asked her to marry me. It was all a misunderstanding."
"So you're feeling apprehensive that a baby will tie you down?"
"No, not tie me down. I just didn't want to do things out of order. We weren't ready to get engaged yet, it happened completely out of my control. And now she made a decision for me, once again without my input, and I'm responsible for all of it. How could she do that to me?"
"You didn't give her any reason to think it would be okay if she didn't ask you?"
Robin sighed. "Well, on the way to the Gordanian ship, I told her I could plan on a future with her. I told her we'd get married someday, have kids, the white picket fences and etcetera."
"Ah," Raven said. "So in her emotional tizzy she may have thought if it happened it wouldn't be the end of the world."
"I'm guessing," he mused.
"It's not going to be the end of the world, you know that right? You would love your child more than anything."
"Oh I know that. The responsibility of raising a kid is more the issue. And Bruce. I don't even want to think about the ranting." Robin squinted his eyes and pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose.
"Especially after his sex talk with you and warning you to use protection," Raven smirked.
"You heard that too, huh?"
"I did."
"We could've tried to find something if she had just told me."
"This hasn't broken your trust completely, has it?"
Robin tapped his fist on the railing. "That's the thing, Rae. I've had some time to cool down and think about this rationally. I really let her have it and now I feel bad. But I still can't get over the fact she didn't say something. I'm really trying not to feel tricked into this."
"She wouldn't ever trick you. She was emotionally desperate."
"I know. I know that more than anything."
"I don't blame you for feeling like your trust was violated. But give her a chance. She made a bad choice, but maybe something good will come of it."
"When she keeps secrets, it hurts our relationship."
Raven looked down. "Maybe you should tell her that. She needs to know how she's hurting you."
Robin nodded silently.
"Um… I was wondering though Raven, if you could keep this whole 'maybe, maybe not' thing a secret. Not that we can't trust Cy and Beast Boy, but…"
"I get what you're saying."
"Yeah, no offense but we weren't going to tell you either. It would've been between Star and me, but it's just too damn hard to hide things from you. If a miracle happens and she's not pregnant we won't say anything."
"My lips are sealed."
"Thanks," Robin sighed in relief. "I'm tired of talking about me. How are you and Beast Boy doing?"
Raven's eyebrows rose. "Well, uh… good, I guess."
Robin looked at her with one eyebrow raised. "Good, you guess?"
She shrugged. "Yeah."
"You don't sound like everything's good."
"Well, it's… I… uh…" she blushed.
A grin broke out on Robin's face. "Ah, it's that kind of issue."
Raven crossed her arms around herself.
"Maybe."
"So spill it."
She scrunched her nose at him.
"Oh come on! I just poured my heart out to you. You can talk about everyone else's sex life except your own?"
Raven frowned. "Well, that's the thing. We don't have a… sex life."
"No?"
"We've gotten really close, um… a few times this past week. But I just can't take it that last step."
"Ah. I understand."
"You do?" Raven said, looking at him hopefully.
"Of course. I felt the same way myself."
"But you're a guy."
Robin snorted. "So? It took me a little bit to get used to being physically intimate with Star. I was shy; I admit it. I spent so much time repressing any thoughts about her that when I finally could be with her I felt totally vulnerable."
"It didn't seem to take you too long to figure it out though. There was the episode with those dice."
Robin grinned. "Those stupid dice. I blame Batman."
"You blame Batman for everything."
"If he hadn't ticked me off so bad it probably would've taken months before she and I did anything beyond making out."
"The funny thing is she was ready for more well before you."
"I take it Beast Boy is ready for more before you?"
"Of course he is. He's got all those animal instincts that are making him slobber all over me like a horny little schoolgirl. We've talked about it plenty of times. He says he understands, but I'm not sure he does."
"What, that having sex means you have no control over yourself?"
"Yes."
"We're both control freaks, Rae. Both of us used that as an excuse. But I can attest to the fact that sex is definitely one of those things you should cast aside the control for."
"I have spent my entire life constantly containing my emotions. I have relentless control over everything that happens in my head. I can't change just like that."
"But after we defeated your father, didn't your emotions release?"
"Well, yes. They did, to a point. But not completely. So I'm afraid that if I just let go…"
"It seems like negative emotions cause stronger reactions in your powers, right?"
"Yes."
"Then maybe you shouldn't worry so much, because believe me, what you'll be feeling won't be negative."
Raven was silent.
"How did you do it? How did you finally cross that line?"
"I gave in to Starfire. She initiated it. I wasn't sorry."
Raven mulled over that.
"We're so alike it's depressing, Rae," Robin chuckled. "If you want to, give in. I promise it's worth it." He paused a moment before adding, "Oh, and I'm not saying all this as a guy to help Beast Boy get in your pants. I'm saying it as a friend, to help you out."
Raven smiled up at him. "Thanks."
He leaned his side against the railing. "No problem." He gave her a hug.
"Beast Boy's lucky I'm so completely enthralled with Starfire, otherwise he'd have some serious competition," Robin grinned.
Raven pushed his shoulder with a smirk. "You're a tease."
"I'm serious, Rae. He's a lucky guy."
"We'd make a terrible couple."
Robin snorted. "I'd get mad and sulk in my room and you'd hide away in yours, and we'd never do it because neither of us can get over our insecurities."
Raven giggled. "Meanwhile Beast Boy and Starfire's relationship would be like an ADD kid hopped up on sugar met a rainbow unicorn covered in glitter."
Robin laughed and put his arm around her shoulder.
"Come on. I think I'm ready to go to bed now."
"You're not coming with me."
"Damn," Robin grinned, playing along. "Thought I'd at least try." He dropped her off at her door and kissed her on the top of her head.
"It was good talking with you."
"You too, and thanks," Raven said, smiling before slinking around the door and closing it.
ooo
Robin slid open his door quietly and slipped back into his darkened room. He heard a shuffle of movement, so he flipped on the lights.
Starfire straightened up and turned around with guilty red-rimmed eyes.
"What are you doing?" he asked, eyeing the objects in her hands.
She sighed and looked down, and having been caught continued gathering the clothing from her closet and tossing them into a duffle bag.
"I am just getting my things."
"In the dark?" he asked pointedly.
"Well…"
"Why," Robin said sharply, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.
"It is better this way," she said sadly.
"What's better?"
She shrugged dejectedly, fingering the green dress, before pulling it off the hanger and slipping it into the case.
"What's better? What are you doing?"
"You will not have to bother with me anymore," she said, zipping up the bag. She looped it over her shoulder and went to move past him, her head down.
He grabbed her arm.
"Where are you going?"
"I am moving into another room."
"Why?"
"Please, do not make this so hard," she pleaded. "I am doing this for us… for you."
"No you're not. You're just running away."
"Is that not what you want?" She slipped out of his grip and backed away. "I feel the guilt for making you accept the consequences of my actions. I will not make you responsible."
"So you're just, gonna go?"
"If that is what it takes, then yes. I can go back to Tamaran and raise the baby there. You will not have to do anything."
"Really? So you're just leaving."
"I… um, well…"
"This is what you think I want?"
"I do not know. But I do know that I cannot stay here."
"Why can't you stay here?"
"Oh Robin," she sighed tearfully.
"No. I'm not letting you leave until you tell me why you think it's a good idea."
"I cannot stay, when I know you will be loathing me for what I have done. You want me to leave, so I am leaving."
"Did I ever say once that I wanted you to go?"
"You did not have to," she said softly.
"So you're just gonna take off and throw away our relationship?"
She paused, biting her lip. "I… thought you would want me to go," she said meekly. "I was just making it easier."
He shook his head. "You don't get to drop a bombshell like that on me and then just scoot out the door. What kind of guy do you think I am?"
She looked confused.
"I'm certainly not the guy who lets the woman he loves walk away with his kid."
Her lips parted and the bag slipped down her arm.
"I'm angry Star. So angry. But there's no way you get to just run off and not deal with this."
"But, I thought that you…"
"Well you thought wrong. I don't know how Tamaran handles this kind of stuff, what with your crazy six kids or more thing, but on Earth, purposely not telling your partner about getting pregnant is a huge trust breaker. Huge trust breaker, Star."
"I realize this. I was wrong, and now I am trying to fix it-"
"No you're not. You're trying to take the easy way out. Don't you dare think that after everything we've been through you can just walk away from me."
She dropped the bag, sank to her knees.
"I came back to tell you I've done some thinking. I wanted you to know I'm forgiving you for what you did, and you need to realize how hard that is for me to do. I'm really trying not to think you deceived me. I was trying my best not to fly off the handle, but you aren't making that easy when you're packing up in the middle of the night."
She stared at the floor.
"You know I would never deceive you, Robin," she said quietly.
"I came to that conclusion. But this is the second time you've kept a really big secret from me Star, and both times we've had a huge fight over it. When you keep things like this from me it hurts our relationship, and it hurts me."
"I cannot stand hurting you any longer. It is tearing me apart."
"It tears me apart too. How do you think I feel when you don't trust me?"
"Bad."
"Worse than that. It makes me wonder what our whole relationship is founded on."
Her face splashed with hurt. She closed her eyes.
"This is what I was trying to avoid. I was giving you the out."
"I don't want your out. I want you to own up to what you did and help us move forward."
"But, I told you, I will take the baby and you will not have to-"
"The baby isn't the issue, Star! You don't understand why I'm mad. The baby part terrifies me. The part I'm angry about is the you not trusting me and keeping secrets again part."
"Oh," she said in a small voice.
"Yeah, oh. You running away with my kid isn't solving the problem. I still love you and there's no way I'd just let you raise my child by yourself. I'm not that guy. We may not actually be engaged, but I thought we would get married someday. I don't want you to go anywhere except home with me."
Her eyes widened. "Truly?" she gasped.
"Of course, Starfire," he said, exasperated. "It'd break my heart if you left me and took my baby with you."
"I thought, I thought," she gulped, "that you would not want to see my face ever again! I thought you would hate me. If you rejected me I was resigned to leave, though it would do the breaking of my heart."
"Well let's not break each other's hearts then."
"Oh," she exclaimed, stumbling up from her knees and running into his outstretched arms.
He hugged her back fiercely.
"From now on stop keeping secrets from me. If you think I'm going to be mad about it, just tell me. Promise me you'll tell me from now on."
"I promise."
She was so relieved she didn't even realize she was kissing him until moments into it.
He squeezed her tightly, kissing her in return to ease the tremors still rolling through her body.
After they parted he pulled her to the bed and sat her down, holding her hand.
"So, explain to me how this happened. You know, are you sure we can even get pregnant? We're not even from the same planet; maybe it won't even work."
"I am unsure," she said, shaking her head. "Some species are extremely compatible with Tamaranians and they can conceive easily. Others are very difficult and require scientific methods to produce offspring."
"What about humans and Tamaranians?"
She looked chagrined. "There has never been a human/Tamaranian hybrid. But our endocrine systems are almost identical. I would assume we are compatible."
"So, how soon can we find out? Will you be able to use a regular pregnancy test, or do you need something from Tamaran?"
"There are slight differences in my cycles compared to human female ones, but the hormones I produce are very similar. We can purchase an Earth pregnancy test. I should be able to take an accurate test ten days from ovulation, which is six days from today. Then we will know."
"Six days, huh."
"Yes."
"I'm surprised you told me at all. If you aren't pregnant I never would have known."
"And if I was, I would be in even more of the trouble for hiding it that much longer. I cannot feign innocence like Earth women can."
"Well, I appreciate you telling me now so I can be prepared for a positive, rather than you saying 'surprise, you're going to be a daddy' without a doubt."
"I did not want to incur your wrath anymore than I had to," she mumbled.
"My wrath?" he said incredulously.
"You have quite the temper, Robin," she said lightly. "And I always seem to do something to ignite it."
Robin mulled over that. "I don't ever want you to feel like you can't tell me things, Star. Do I scare you?"
"Not scare, exactly. But intimidate, yes."
"I'm sorry Star. I don't want to intimidate you."
"It is part of who you are. I can only modify my own behavior."
"But you shouldn't have to. I should be more reasonable."
"I do not begrudge you for reacting the way you have this evening. I expected it, and I planned for it. I was sure I would be spending the evening alone."
"I don't want to break up. Just stop making all our life decisions without me!"
She looked somberly sheepish. "I will endeavor to do that."
He smirked and ran a hand along the top of her arm. He gazed down at it, and frowned.
"I have a question for you. It's something that's been bothering me for some time, ever since I found out you went to the Citadel. Talking about it at the banquet tonight made me remember."
Her brows furrowed worriedly.
"Part of the reason I didn't believe anything bad had happened to you was because there was no evidence. On your body."
She looked confused. "What do you mean? Evidence?"
"You have no scars."
Starfire's eyes fluttered down. "Oh."
"After you told me the kind of things they did to you, I checked more carefully. There's not even a scratch on your back. You told me you were whipped, among all the other horrendous things. That would have left considerable damage."
"Yes, it would have."
"So…you were beaten. How come your back doesn't show it?"
"They were trying to hide the evidence of the things they had inflicted upon me."
"Why?"
"I was truly supposed to be a prisoner of war. Absolutely no Citadelian was allowed to touch me, per the treaty. It was stated that I was to be given a suite to live in, clothed, and fed well every day."
"They obviously didn't do that."
"No. They had a healer who would mend the external damage."
"What do you mean 'external' damage?"
Starfire bit her lip. Trust him to pick up on that.
"I promised I would not hold things back from you. They only needed to clear away visible evidence of the abuse. Anything below the surface was left."
"Below the surface?"
"If… if you recall… the main torture I told you about…"
"Oh… oh God Star…"
Starfire fiddled with her fingers. "Raven healed me."
"When?" he choked.
"The day after our first time," she said reluctantly.
"Star," Robin moaned. "You told me you were okay, I never would've-"
"Exactly. You never would have. And that is why I insisted, and I did not tell you."
Robin emitted a frustrated sigh. "How badly were you hurting?"
Starfire looked guilty.
"Great. Bad. I didn't want to hurt you Star."
He drummed his fingers on his knee.
"So why did they bother healing you at all?"
"The reason they bothered was because Tamaranian ambassadors were coming to check on my living conditions. They needed to make it look as though I were being treated fairly."
"That must've been some healer."
"He had powers similar to Raven, although he was not nearly as gentle. Being healed by him was like experiencing all of the torture over again in reverse."
Robin absorbed that, before asking his next question.
"What did they do when the ambassadors came? Put you in some lavish room, made it look like you were living like a queen?"
"That is exactly what they were going to do. If the ambassadors Fuan'a and Gregfor had not come practically unannounced."
Robin felt a gut-wrenching suspicion in his stomach.
Starfire's eyes went glassy again. "They were a married Tamaranian noble couple. They were unlike any other, because they were truly in love with each other. It was very sweet."
"Star…" Robin said, knowing where she was going to go with the story.
"When a small group of Citadelian soldiers attacked two years after I was taken, my father chose to look aside and view the treaty as still intact. He was a coward," Starfire said bitterly. "The Citadelians were testing the boundaries of our defense information that Blackfire had given them. Galfore was not blind. He tried to make my father listen. Eventually he heard rumors that I was not being treated as a prisoner of war in the Citadel, which was keeping us placated. Our culture takes the no off-worlders rule very seriously, as you witnessed when you visited my home world. Royalty, specifically the princess, is an embodiment of Tamaranian pride and culture. Blackfire was relieved of her throne because she did exemplify Tamaran, in her looks or her disposition. It was very sad," Starfire said, looking regretful. "Because I was given the responsibility, the Citadelians desired me. To have the embodiment of Tamaran captured behind their walls was a great victory for them. That I was tortured was a serious offense to Tamaranians. After Galfore heard the rumors he insisted ambassadors be sent to inspect my condition."
"Fuan'a and Gregfor were selected?"
Starfire shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. "No, they volunteered."
"Oh," Robin said sadly.
"They gave the Citadel the least amount of notice possible, so they could truly see what was happening. My master had beaten me right before the ambassadors arrived, so they did a hurried healing. They would not repair me for weeks at a time, until they could see I needed the mending. The Citadelians tried to keep Fuan'a and Gregfor from seeing me until they could set up the ruse, but the two were very powerful and extremely persistent. Fuan'a reached me first. I was naked and covered in blood. I must have looked awful, because she was horrified. When Gregfor arrived the two of them tried to free me."
"They didn't make it, did they…"
"After a very valiant attempt, we were overrun," Starfire said solemnly, the tears running down her face. "There were just too many. They forced me to watch all of it. What you saw in my nightmare was only the half of what was done to them."
Robin looked sick.
"It was only days after that when my master tried to rape me. He knew when the Tamaranian ambassadors did not come home and the news of their torture and death spread there would be retaliation, and I might be rescued. He wanted to use me like he had always intended to later on and he could not wait. It was because of what was done to Fuan'a and Gregfor that mostly fueled me to escape on my own. Once the door was unlocked and I was unrestrained, and my master was…I was able to leave easily. None of the Citadelians were alerted in mass until I was already gone."
Starfire sniffled and her shoulders drooped. "Fuan'a and Gregfor were the closest thing to 'friends' that I had on Tamaran."
Robin placed his hand on her shoulder.
"Starfire? Is this why you felt like you deserved everything that happened to you in that dream? The one I was in."
She looked at him with wide wet eyes. "What do you mean?"
"When Raven showed me. I felt everything you felt. The pain, fear, shame, the sense that it was your fault this was happening to us."
"But, in a way, it was my fault-"
"No. No it wasn't. It wasn't your fault in the dream, and it wasn't your fault with Fuan'a and Gregfor."
"But yes it was!" she howled, burying her face in her hands. "If they had not come to see me, they would still be alive! They would not have been tortured to death for me!"
"They volunteered because they cared about you, Starfire. You couldn't help that the Citadelians did what they did. You couldn't. You don't deserve to be tortured to death, Star. Never. And what almost happened to us, it wasn't your fault either. The Gordanians had the illegal cell; you couldn't possibly have anticipated that. I came with you willingly."
She shook her head. "But you cannot deny that I am the link between all of this. No one would have been subjected to them at all if it were not for me."
"Their fascination with you is not your fault either. You can't help that you're a princess. You can't help that your society put you on a pedestal and practically dangled you in front of the Citadelians."
"We could argue in the circles all night," she sighed tiredly, rubbing her temples. "Nothing you can say will ever alleviate the extreme guilt I feel over their deaths. And to know I almost placed you in the same position-"
She cut off, choking on her words. Robin pulled her in close, placing his hands on her cheeks.
"Don't," he said softly. "Don't tear yourself up like this." He stroked her hair.
"I will try not to," she mumbled, looking down and giving in.
Robin started on a different track. "It sounds like the Citadel didn't intend on ever adhering to the treaty."
"No. Tamaran has some of the most skilled warriors in the star system. The Citadelians could never fully defeat us. We are a warrior culture, but even we know when war is harmful to our planet and our economy. We needed peace to restore the balance. The Citadel knew this and was keeping us quiet until they felt it was the right time to attack and take over our planet, when we least expected it."
"When you escaped it gave them motive to launch the assault?"
"Yes. They were extremely angry and did the rushing in. We were still victorious, even with their advantage of Blackfire's betrayal."
"You know, I'm surprised you used the fact that they attacked Tamaran to make the treaty void when they were here five days ago. Why didn't you bring up the torture as their break of trust?"
Starfire looked down. "It was a matter of pride."
"Pride?"
"Yes. I did not want to sound like my time in the Citadel affected my inner strength. I felt that if I brought up the torture it would sound like the whining. I want them to think that when I escaped I was as whole as when I went in." She raised her chin, her jaw set.
Robin paused, wondering how to respond tactfully. "I think you made them think that."
"It is completely without truth, I am aware," Starfire said dismissively, waving her hand. "But it matters very much to me that they do not view me as weak, even if I actually am."
"You are anything but weak."
She shook her head with a rueful smirk.
"When I first saw him, I did the quivering in my seat," she said, her voice emotional. "I felt as though I could not breathe, like the life was being sucked out of me."
"They did terrible things to you, Starfire," Robin said, holding her hand. "Things that most people would never go through and survive. It's amazing you had the courage to fight him at all."
"I am just glad it is over."
"It is over. Thank you for telling me. I didn't know there was more to the story," he said softly. "You're not holding anything else back, are you?"
"No," she shook her head. "But please understand that I cannot speak of these things anymore. It hurts far too much. I will always feel the guilt for Fuan'a and Gregfor's tragic deaths. They died trying to protect me, and talking about it brings the feelings back, that is why I did not mention it before."
Robin hugged her to him tightly.
"I won't ask anymore. I'm sorry I did in the first place, but now I know."
Robin brushed her tear-dampened hair out of her face. "How many days again before we find out if we're going to be parents?"
"Six."
Robin sighed, leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.
Ooooooh this chapter took me forever to get right. I still don't think it's right but I'm tired of looking at it.
Yay for sex ed with Kater! I think I just like yanking Robin around, I don't know. That and real couples have real fights.
I apologize for not getting them home this chapter, but it got too long and I just couldn't cram it in. They will definitely be going home next chapter though, promise!
The section where Batman and Robin are talking about Jason was inspired by the DC animated movie "Under the Red Hood." It was a double squeal for me because Jensen Ackles voiced Jason, and if you're also a Supernatural fan you know why I got excited. I'm kind of a "Dean girl". That's an understatement. (Kry's squealing right now too. We like Dean. A LOT. If you like hot snarky boys you need to look up "Dean Winchester" right now. RIGHT NOW. DO IT)
Same old apology on how long it took. Same old message that it'll probably take about that long for the next one. You guys aren't surprised by this anymore, right? I really am sorry! On a side note, January 26th will mark the four year anniversary for the original posting of this story. Wow. Four years. And I'm still not done! At least I'm still trucking on it, however slowly. I will finish this damn thing, even if it takes me another four years to do it!
up next: We actually get to Blackfire's preliminary hearing and the Titans go home. Robin and Starfire need to buy a pregnancy test. Bumblebee talks the team into a night on the town.