Hey everyone! Lets just saw I was blown away by the feedback from the last chapter. I'm so glad so many of you are still enjoying this story. It may have made my day earlier this week with the tumblr shout-out... (okay, who am I kidding, it was definitely a fan-girl moment).

And, as a little surprise/thank you, Newgirl78 had some really amazing input for this chapter. So much so, that I decided to split this into two due to length. Hopefully this means that the next chapter will be up pretty soon.

Enjoy!

Chapter 15

The barest hint of sunlight was starting to edge against the horizon, bringing with it a warm summer breeze.

Nick let his hands graze against the grass as he leaned forward. The glow of a nearby streetlight made the words etched into the cold stone just barely visible in front of him. Walter Miller.

"Hey, Dad," Nick breathed. He didn't know why he was here – let alone at 6 AM – or what exactly he was expecting to come of it, but he'd sat up all night, restless, and this seemed like a logical place to go. The rest of the family wouldn't be up for a few hours, so he could steal away, though he'd left a note under his pillow if Jess (or Aly) came looking for him.

It was strange, in that moment, to feel like the person that had left him for so long growing up was the first person that came to mind when he needed to leave. The one person who, by some very strange twist, might be the one person that would know exactly how he was feeling.

When no subliminal sign came from his greeting, he kept going.

"I have a daughter," he admitted, the word catching in his throat. Why was this so hard? Was hearing the word out loud making him aware that he had accepted his role? He was father to not only the most amazing little girl, but a parent with the only woman he figured would change his mind on the matter. It seemed funny how the world had given him exactly what he needed, in a way he never expected.

Nick touched his hand against the cool marble of the headstone once again before he continued. "She has the prettiest blue eyes, like Jess. I think you would've really liked her."

The breeze picked up, and Nick smiled slightly. He'd take it.

Closing his eyes, Nick began to wonder why he felt so compelled to open up about all of this. Maybe it was the universe's way of making good on all those times that his father hadn't been there for him. The idea of feeling that someone was there after they had passed always creeped him out, but he felt oddly relaxed, and at peace, in the presence of his father's grave; not unlike how he had felt all those times when Tran had listened silently to his endless ramblings.

With his eyes still shut, he took a deep breath and felt the tears forming behind his eyelids. "She called me daddy last night."

Opening his eyes slowly, he quickly brushed his hand over his cheek to catch the tears that had escaped. He let out a small laugh and nervously started to tug at the long pieces of grass growing along the base of the headstone.

"How can someone so small make you love them so much it hurts?" Nick shook his head. "I would do anything for her. Anything. And the thought of her spending even an afternoon away from me anymore, I..."

He felt an anger start to rise in his veins as he tore at the grass with a little more aggression than before. "Dad, I want to believe that you loved us, but how could you have gone away all those times and not felt this? All I want to do is be the best dad I can and..." He looked up and took another deep breath, his voice quieter. "Why couldn't I get you to stay?"

He thought back to all the times Aly had simply looked at him and his heart had melted. How she could touch his hand or simply smile at him and he wanted nothing more than to remain in those moments for as long as humanly possible. And now that she had called him daddy? He couldn't imagine a day going by that he wouldn't be there to greet her good morning or tuck her in at night. What if all those times he had left to go home, Aly had felt abandoned just like he had when Walt would disappear?

"I don't want it to be like that with her."

In the silence of the cemetery, his heart ached at the thought of leaving Chicago and returning to a life of only being her father from a distance. And what was even worse, was that he couldn't imagine living in a home without both of his girls. Aly and Jess and Nick. It was as if this trip home had given him a taste of what it was like to be a family, and he desperately wished that it didn't have to end.

Sadly, there was a lot more to it than just being Nick and Jess again.

If she hadn't walked out that day, did he think that he would have stayed for her? If he was being honest with himself, the most likely answer was no. With the way things had been at the end, could they have really built a family out of that? It had already taken losing Jess to realize what he had been missing in the first place; he couldn't imagine having to learn that same lesson with Aly again, except in a way that leaving would have been his choice.

Suddenly the pull to be with Jess made him resent the fact that Julia had convinced him to move forward with their engagement. As wrong as he knew the thoughts were, he couldn't help but wonder if he could have had everything he wanted, if he had only had better resolve when Julia had pushed the idea of marriage.

What if Ma is right?

It was awful to think, knowing that Julia had done so much for him in the years he'd been away from Jess, that he didn't want to prepare for a time when it wouldn't be appropriate for Jess to come along. He wanted to be a family, and that image didn't seem to leave much room for Julia. It was true that he loved her, but where did that love end?

Would it end at the discussion of having children? Did it include dressing up in family-coordinated Halloween costumes with Aly? Could it be enough to replace the wine tasting events with trips to Disneyland? Just four months ago, he had been so content without facing those kind of questions, because that was simply not his and Julia's relationship.

Now, though, having Aly around appeared to have raised his capacity to love, and everything else seemed to pale in comparison.

Nick squeezed a blade of grass between his fingers, rolling the single strand around as he tried to form together words. As if Walt was sitting beside him, he looked up. "I don't know if you ever felt like this with us, but... I never imagined it could be like this."

The wind that had been tugging at his hair started to die down with his revelation, and Nick frowned again.

"I guess you know what's coming next." He sucked in a gulp of air. "Jess was pretty incredible, too," he croaked. "I told myself I wouldn't be like you and do something like run away from Julia just because all of this happened, but I can't just ignore this with Jess. I want to be a family. I want it for Aly, because it's what I never had, but... I also want it for me, Dad. I want to come home to my wife and my little girl every night. I want to love them and take care of them and... I feel like I want everything I can't have, all because I messed up. I can't ever get back my baby girl's first years because of me. All the stupid things that I said." He took a deep breath. "I should have fought for Jess. I should have gone after her..."

He trailed off, aware that he was rambling.

Gazing up again, Nick watched the sky turn a pinkish orange as the sun began it's slow ascent above the horizon. Somehow the soft colors helped to ease the regret that had taken over his heart. Turning back to the ground, he took took another deep breath, the air almost completely still now.

"Aly asked about you the other day… Wanting to know if I was like you."

He chuckled to himself darkly. All she wanted to know was why her Nana didn't have a Grandpa to go with her, like Jess's parents. Aly's innocent stare, after Jess had helped gently break the subject of death to her, prompting her next question: "Did your dad love you?"

"She asked if you loved me. I told her that, in your own way, I think you did," Nick began again, running a hand through his hair, his heart finally settling down. "Then she asked if I loved her." He paused, remembering the sinking sensation in his stomach. He hadn't been lucky enough growing up to hear that from his dad. "I knew the answer was yes. I knew it. I wanted her to know, too, so I told her so. It was so easy to say..." Nick's voice trailed off as he smiled at the memory of Aly's smile, already so close to his own.

With one last sigh, he stood up and looked to the horizon. The breeze was starting to come back. "Maybe it's good to know how it feels to always wonder about what it would have been like with us, because I'm never going to let her down like that, Dad. I can't." Nick slowly stood up, brushing the broken blades of grass off his legs and breathing in the warm summer air. He nodded his head. "Thanks for listening".

He started to turn around before he paused, a lump in his throat. Before taking a step, he nodded his head with a quiet reverence. "Love ya, Dad. No matter what."

With that, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and made his way back to his mother's car, which she'd be expecting back soon. Part of him wished he was still the Nick that could simply miss his flight and choose to stay here with Jess and Aly forever.

As he slid into the driver's seat, he wondered if maybe this feeling was why Jess had stayed away for as long as she did - as a way to avoid the pain she'd have to face if she had come back to LA, the same pain he saw ahead of them when their imaginary world here in Chicago would disappear. The pain of knowing how desperately you wanted someone to love you, and how the decisions that you had made meant that it was no longer possible.

"You have a beautiful family."

The old woman smiled kindly down at Jess as she got up from her spot across the aisle, getting ready for the boarding call in the adjacent terminal. They'd been at the airport for less than an hour, and Jess wasn't quite expecting someone to comment on their habits so early in the morning, let alone while Jess was by herself.

Nick had taken Aly on his shoulders across the terminal to the food court – Aly's crop of dark hair was just visible above the crowd. Jess had been watching them since they walked off, remembering the happy giggles from her daughter as Nick pulled her up to his shoulders after mentioning that her feet hurt.

You didn't see us going through security, Jess thought at the woman's comments. What a nightmare that had almost been. Outside, though, she returned the gesture with a genuine smile.

They did have their moments.

"Thank you," she replied as earnestly as she could muster. "Though, I'll admit, she was pretty cranky on the way over here."

The woman only chuckled as she turned to walk away. "Oh, dear, it's an airport. Aren't we all?"

Jess could understand this. Aly hadn't gotten a lot of sleep – hence the near-meltdown as she was told that she'd have to walk through the metal detectors by herself – and Jess couldn't say that she'd gotten much, either. Hers, though, was mainly because she'd spent most of the night desperately trying to deny that she'd fallen right back into Nick Miller's arms.

She could have stopped herself, in that split second that he'd lingered above her, but she had chosen not to. She had let him kiss her and she had responded with just as much fervor. She knew it would happen. Hell, if she was being completely honest, she wanted it to happen. Just not like this, not when she knew that nothing would ever come of it. She knew the moment that she had returned and found out about Julia that it just wasn't going to ever be 'Nick and Jess' again. How could she have let down her guard and be vulnerable to those emotions again, knowing that they would never be together? What was wrong with her?

She had come back to fix her mistakes, to right the wrongs that had plagued her for almost four years, not create new ones.

What was even worse, was that it broke her heart to think that she had, through her actions, given Aly a glimmer of hope that they could be a real family. She had promised herself, promised, that when they came back here she would be careful. Careful not to fall back in love with him. She was here for Aly, nothing more. But then Nick would look at her, or smile at her, or do something, anything, hinting that he was truly thinking about her, and all that love she had had for him came rushing back.

Why did it feel so good? Why couldn't she will herself to accept that he was marrying another woman? This wasn't love he was feeling for her, he was simply being kind to the mother of his child. He momentarily got carried away, she momentarily got carried away. He was doing all of this for Aly too, right?

Still, it had been nice, as Nick had kissed her, to not feel like just Aly's mom. In his arms, she'd felt desirable and dangerously unstoppable.

Furthermore, Jess had forgotten just how ridiculously attracted she was to him. She had never forgotten how she had loved him… No, that had been hard enough to get over. Rather, she'd just discovered a love that had overshadowed that in his absence, and had blocked out everything else. Somewhere in between sleepless newborn nights and energetic toddler theatrics she had somehow let her love for Aly allow her to forget the love she still had for him. The love she would always have for Nick Miller, justified or not.

Yet, here she sat, in the hustle and bustle of Chicago O'Haire, just as hopelessly torn as she had ever been with Nick.

Had there been an empty room nearby last night, she probably would've followed him right in there, and done things she'd both revel in and regret. She was so disappointed in herself at how easily she could become the other woman. That wasn't her.

Then, there was the whole thing with his mother.

"Knock knock!"

Jess had nearly jumped out of her skin as she was unpacking, Aly's extra set of pajamas falling out of hands as she spun around.

Bonnie Miller stood at the door to Nick's – or, temporarily, Jess and Aly's – room. Jess quickly bent down to pick up the clothing, her wide-eyed stare flickering between Bonnie and the suitcase.

"Aly's with Nick downstairs," Jess replied quickly, "he's getting her ready for bed, if you want to help."

Bonnie only cracked a half smile, then came to sit on the bed. "No, Jess, I just wanted to come see how you were doing."

"How… I'm doing?" Jess repeated.

"Yes," Bonnie confirmed with a matter-of-fact nod. "So, Jess, how are you doing?"

Jess took a deep breath. There could be a lot of ways to answer that.

"I'm… I'm doing," she replied, just as lamely and awkwardly as she had intended not to reply. Bonnie didn't miss a beat.

"You know, Nick really does care about you."

Jess winced. She wasn't going to act like she wasn't catching on, but she was certainly not going to be encouraging it. She had an example to set for Aly now. This wasn't just about her and Nick anymore... They were parents, not two loft mates battling it out on who could feel more (or less, depending on the situation).

She had already made such a huge mistake where Aly was concerned, she was becoming conscious as to how Bonnie was perceiving her ability to be a good mother. She had been much more nervous about coming here than she had let on. She still wanted so desperately for Bonnie to like her, especially now that she was raising her granddaughter.

Bonnie continued her neutral stare, beckoning a response. In the time that Jess had been with Nick, Bonnie had always been so good at reading her. Too good. Stares like this had the potential to freak her out.

"He's been really good for Aly," Jess averted. Bonnie tried to speak, or protest, but Jess held up her hand, pulling together every ounce of confidence she could muster. "Bonnie, I know this whole thing has been hard… And I don't know how to say I'm sorry for keeping this from all of you for so long, but I just want to make sure you know I didn't ever want to hurt any of you. Aly adores Nick and he's a fantastic father."

"I understand, Jess," Bonnie nodded, much to Jess's relief. "Nick told me what happened before you left. We may never see eye-to-eye on it, but who does when it comes to their kids?"

Jess chuckled, feeling a weight slowly lifting off her shoulders. She was cautiously starting to feel that maybe she hadn't ruined her connection with Bonnie. There were things she didn't even agree with her own mother on regarding Aly. "You're being awfully nice to me over all of this. If I'm being honest, I was scared to come here. Your kindness means the world to me and well..." She took a deep breath, "I've missed being part of your family."

Bonnie smiled as a laugh escaped her lips. It was a deep laugh, one that both relieved and terrified Jess. She really had missed this woman.

"Jess, dear, the family loved having you around before, and now that you're associated with Aly… Well, let's just say they're ecstatic," Bonnie put her hand on Jess's shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"My days when Aly needs me here are numbered," Jess countered sadly, shaking her head. "Nick has Julia, and I can only think that in a few years they'll be bringing Aly here together."

Bonnie rolled her eyes. "Do you honestly think he'll follow through with marrying her?"

Jess felt a drop in her stomach. Bonnie wasn't supposed to know, she knew that for sure. With wide eyes, she tried to put together a sentence. "Nick told you?"

"Oh, heavens, no!" Bonnie waved her off. "She called me."

The way Bonnie wouldn't say Julia's name gave Jess an idea on exactly how Bonnie felt about that. Jess shook her head again, closing her eyes for a brief second. She couldn't get into this debate right now, especially with Nick's mother. Bonnie would see right through her. Jess knew she could never say anything that would convince Bonnie that she liked the idea of Nick and Julia getting married.

No. Nope. Not at all. Bonnie was way too observant, especially when she had a vested interest in something.

Bonnie looked at her then, her expression softening. Jess felt a blow to her willpower.

"Can you just tell me, Jess," she pleaded, "do you really think it's a good idea for him to marry Julia?"

There were a lot of things that Jess could've said. She could've said that it was good, because he was going to give Aly a chance to be with two parents, despite how much she wanted to be the first to give that to Aly. She could've said that it was exactly why she left. She could've said that he was finally growing up and that she was happy he had found someone.

However, she knew the raging jealousy, slowly eating at her resolve, made none of these reasons true.

So, for the first time, she uttered the words that she'd kept held up inside since the moment she'd found out about Julia. Unable to look Bonnie in the eye, she quietly said it out loud.

"No," she confirmed, letting another gulp of air of her lungs, "I don't think it's a good idea."

Jess leaned her head back against the glass, closing her eyes and remembering how relieved she had been to finally say it, then how terrible she felt for admitting to Nick's mother, of all people, that she didn't want Nick to marry Julia. She never thought that these feelings would come back the second she returned.

She couldn't let herself feel this way about him. He had moved on. She was trying to move on. He was marrying Julia, and it was too late for them. But why was it so hard to accept? She couldn't do this to Aly. She couldn't pretend that it would ever be just the three of them and that they could be a real family. She had to stop this before it went too far. She couldn't let Aly spend her childhood holding out hope for something that simply couldn't be, Jess knew all too well how that felt.

She had been so careful not to let her guard down, but then she had turned around a few nights later and kissed Nick back like neither of them were in the process of moving on, like they were picking up right where they left off.

Jess exhaled again. She'd been cordial, but distant, to him ever since. It was just best for Aly. And... possibly best for her? All too soon they would be back in LA and Jess and Aly would be alone in their apartment, and Nick would be with Julia. As much as she wanted to hold onto what they had here in Chicago, it simply would never be. She had wanted this... right? This is why she had left in the first place, because they just weren't good for each other.

Just as she thought this, she felt a warm body slide into the seat next to her. She turned to meet Nick's shy smile, who then glanced down at Aly.

"Momma, we got ya something," Aly began, holding up a Styrofoam cup with a lid.

"Thank you, sweetheart," Jess replied earnestly, taking the cup. She took a careful sip to discover it was her favorite blend of chai tea. Oh, man, good stuff.

At Jess's approving smile, Aly beamed. "Daddy said you'd like it."

Jess really tried not to spit it back into her cup out of surprise. She frantically looked at Nick, who offered her up another innocent smile. However, flustered Jess was hard to overcome, so she opted to look down at her feet, with fleeting glances to her daughter in between breaths. How did he always know exactly what she needed to feel better? After all these years, how could all these tiny gestures still make her feel so loved? Why was he so good at taking care of her, even now?

Damn him. Why did he have to make this so hard?

She took strategic sips when Aly, and only Aly, was watching, until their boarding call came in just late enough to make the whole situation awkward.

Good going, Jessica.

Again, Newgirl78 went above and beyond the whole beta title with this chapter. HUGE thank you to her for her suggestions here, and in the next two following.

I've been terrible with review replies as of late. Hoping to change that this go-around. For all you guest reviewers - you don't have to write to create an account on here! We have this really cool forum called 'The Writer's Loft' where you guys can go and post suggestions and just chat (and, well, if you ever get the urge... write!).

Anyway. Thanks again everyone, hope this chapter was a suitable follow-up to that last one!