Falling Slowly Chapter Fourteen
Disclaimer: These characters – all except Jill – don't belong to me, am simply borrowing them for the purposes of this story.
AN: This chapter jumps forward 10 months from the previous one… Just wanted to go back and have a look to see how they were getting on… This is a chapter of no consequence, and fluff of the worst kind. Probably best to look away if you don't want that! To those that have, thanks very much for sticking with me through my first Mentalist story. I have loved writing it.
This is my favourite place to come sit when the day is over and I can happily enjoy a cup of coffee and some quiet. I am out on our balcony, curled up on the sinfully comfortable sofa we have out here. But I suppose it is slightly different tonight from the norm as I don't have a Jane sized cushion to curl into.
I am home alone and I miss him tonight, but that is not something I am likely to share with him anytime soon; if I did Jane would think twice about going out at all. He has started to go out with the guys, I suppose. Cho, Rigsby, and two or three agents from Narcotics have started going out for a beer regularly on a Thursday night.
Jane goes too.
He was reluctant at first, beer and chips and talking about sports is more to my taste than his –but I know he enjoys spending time with all of them and the uncomplicated interactions they share.
I don't know why I sound do wistful tonight; I am perfectly capable of spending a night without my boyfriend. And doesn't that make me sound like an ass. I'm at least fifteen years too old to have a boyfriend, but the label does fit in so many ways. He is the man I sleep beside, who loves me passionately, but with a sweetness I could not have imagined, he is the man who spoils me with things I don't need, he is my partner and my best friend. So boyfriend will have to do as a label right now as I am too tired to come up with another.
Anyway, I miss him even though we've spent all day at work together. Maybe we're one of those couples. Maybe we deserve a break after all we've been through.
The first few months of our relationship were not easy; Jane was desperately trying to let go of his fear of losing me again and trying to come to terms with our being together while letting go of his family enough so that he might live. And I was not exactly fun to be around all the time. I had nightmares for months, just couldn't sleep for months – I have no clue how Jane functioned for years on little to no sleep, the sleeplessness was genuinely more difficult to conquer than my injuries.
Coming to terms with Red John being in custody was no easier, although Jane kept to his word after all and he let him go without looking back. There were persistent request from Red John that Jane meet with him, that he visit as the two of them had issues yet to discuss… Red John threatened suicide if Jane did not respond to his repeated requests for a meeting.
He killed himself 239 days ago. I know one day I will stop waking up and counting that he has been out of the world for another day, but it's not going to be anytime soon. I realise it's not healthy but I need to mark his absence to reassure myself we are all a safer because he is gone. I need to recognise that Patrick is free of him because he is forever gone from our lives as much as he ever can be.
So like I said, the first few months were not easy; but it helped that we had each other. I worried about Jane, he worried me and somewhere along the way by being together we got better. All those long nights when I couldn't sleep for fear that I would dream again of being tortured, the only thing that kept me tethered to sanity was the warmth of Jane's arms around me and his soft words of comfort in my ear throughout the endless hours of being awake. I didn't know the simple words I'm here, I've got you sweetheart would bring me such perfect comfort.
I know I was able to help him too when Jane was brave enough to sell his family home in Malibu. It was painful, desperately so, but healing for us both. There are framed photographs of Angela and Charlotte in our living room, and a beautiful photograph of the three of them hanging in the hallway. I know their image is a poor replacement for their presence in his life, but at least now he is not haunted by their absence, at least now he can live with it. He can live.
It was the week after Jane sold his home in Malibu that he convinced me that we should buy this apartment. We were in our bed, our limbs still tangled around each other, heartbeats just beginning to return to normal when he asked if we could hide out in our apartment forever. I know I should have issues with living in an apartment that my boyfriend has paid for, but I just don't. I know this is our home, and that we will be happy here for as long as we live together within these walls.
I've been thinking too long, my coffee has gotten cold. I should probably coonsider moving from here and going to make myself something to eat.
I hear my cell phone buzzing and am reminded of the time. It will be Jane, he sends me a text at 8.30pm on every of his Thursday nights out. The first time he went out with the guys he was being sweet – as he tends to be, a lot – and sent me a text to tell me that he missed me. And as Jane is such a creature of habit he has repeated this little tradition ever since.
Maybe we are one of those couples.
I take my phone out of my pocket and reply with my usual have fun old man. As I'm about to get up and leave my comfortable position on my sofa, my cell phone rings this time. At least it's not work.
"Hey Jill."
"Hi Teresa, I'm not disturbing you am I?"
"No of course not, I'm trying to decide what to microwave for dinner."
"Really? Patrick can't be home then, I hope you don't starve darling."
"I'm capable of surviving one night without him Jill, besides that's what nachos are for."
I like the sound of her laughter; I wish we lived we closer so I could hear it more often.
"I hear you, Teresa, I really do. I'm calling to make sure everything is in place for tomorrow."
Jane and I have the long weekend off from work, and we're going to Washington to spend the time with Jill and her family. It's Jill's birthday and there's a big party – and I really wouldn't miss it for the entire world. What makes me happiest is that Patrick is coming with me.
"Of course everything is in place, I would have let you know if it wasn't. It must be late with you, you should be sleeping. Don't worry about this weekend, everyone that's coming wants to be there for you."
"I know, and I'm going upstairs to bed in a minute but it's been a rough week at work and I wanted a few moments to myself before going to sleep."
"You okay?"
"Not completely, no, but I'll be better when I go upstairs and go to sleep with my husbands' arms around me. I'll tell you about it tomorrow. Actually no work this weekend darling, I plan on drinking wine with you tomorrow then it better be champagne on Saturday. So tell me something about Blondie that will make me happy, and completely jealous of your fabulous new life."
"There's nothing to tell, you need to go to bed and get some rest."
"Have you talked about kids yet?"
"Jesus Jill this is how you wind down before bed, by giving me a heart attack?"
"Well that's an over- reaction if ever I heard one. I take it that means you are talking about kids."
"It really doesn't."
"You sure?"
"Jill."
The exasperation in my tone is usually reserved for my conversations with Jane, I wonder if the two of them have been comparing techniques. I genuinely would not be surprised.
"Okay, I'll table that discussion for the moment. I just want you to be happy."
"I am happy."
"Of course you are darling, I don't mean to tease. I was wondering out loud if you were planning on making me an Aunt, I suppose."
"I don't know, maybe this is a conversation I should have with Patrick first."
"Well, I'm almost certain that's true."
I can hear her smile over the phone, but also hear how exhausted she is. I wonder what happened that has made her want to avoid sleep; I can't imagine what it would take to cause Jill to have nightmares. But she has been there for me so much over the last months, it's the very least I can do to talk a little right now.
"I like my life the way it is Jill. I've always wanted children, of course I have, but I let go of that years ago. I have more now than I ever thought I would; I would be happy forever with what I have."
"Of course you would, but I'm greedy, I want everything for you."
"I think I might have gotten too selfish Jill, I love my job and don't know if I could ever give that up."
"I wouldn't expect you to. Let me ask you something, darling. Do you love your job more than you do Patrick?"
"No, of course not."
"Exactly. And that's how you'll feel about any children you might have, you'll love them more. Doesn't mean you won't work, just that there will be even more love in your life. And of course you'll sleep less, your house will never be tidy again and you'll watch Toy Story 3 four times in a row whenever your child decides you should."
I like that she has some fire back in her voice. And I am listening to what she is telling me, however convoluted our arrival at this conversation has been.
"Okay, Teresa I am going to stop nagging you and get some sleep. Before I do can you tell me something to make me a little jealous and hate you and your new relationship just a little."
"I have nothing that could do that."
"Liar."
I know I'm just giving her more material to tease me with if I share anything with, but that is really half the fun.
"Well, Jane has taken to leaving me notes – at home or work, or in my car, or my shoe… Anyway, he writes me to tell me he loves me."
"You're right that doesn't make me jealous, that makes me sick."
"Shut up."
"Well that would make a phone conversation boring, wouldn't it? I like the shoe thing though, that shows humour and devotion – two qualities to be much admired in a man. I'm looking forward to seeing both of you tomorrow, we all are. I miss you, and that attractive man of yours."
My reply to this is interrupted when I hear the door to the balcony slide open and turn to find Jane has returned home early. I smile hello as he moves to sit beside me, his hand coming to rest on my knee as he mouths Teresa as he smiles at me in return.
"I miss you too, Jill. Get some rest, okay. I'll call you when we check into our hotel tomorrow; we should be arriving in the early afternoon."
"Okay darling. Go get some dinner; I'll talk to you tomorrow."
And just like that she is gone. Hopefully she will sleep, and hopefully we will find time over the next few days to talk about what is bothering her.
"Hey Teresa, you look a million miles away."
Not quite a million, just a little way across the country.
I turn to Jane and look at him properly for the first time since he got home. He looks wonderful. Smug, but wonderful. It looks like he has new clothes on. Did he change before he went out? I really don't think he did – and apparently I do need food as I am rambling again.
"You've been sitting out here since you got home Teresa, you're supposed to come home and relax sweetheart."
He leans forward from where he is sitting and presses his lips firmly against mine; I do so love these soft, affectionate kisses Patrick likes to share. I smile against his lips as I feel his hand slide to the curve of my hip, pulling me back against him to kiss my cheek and hold my body against his.
"Why are you home so early? Beer and sports talk too much for you old man?"
"I told you, I missed you."
"Right. Is something wrong?"
He pulls us back against the sofa, my head on his shoulder as he laces our fingers together as he rests them on his stomach.
"I didn't go out tonight; I decided to take a night off from that."
"You bought a new suit."
"I did. I had plans to take you out for dinner, but now that we're sitting here like this I find myself entirely unwilling to move."
"That's okay, I like this too."
He releases my hand to bring his arm around my shoulder and pull me even closer to him, his lips now resting in my hair.
"You okay Patrick, you seem a little nervous. Look if you don't want to go with me this weekend that's okay. We can visit together another time."
He is kissing my hair this time, his thumb moving in comforting circles against my hip.
"Of course I want to go with you this weekend Teresa, I'm looking forward to it. Jill and I have been sharing stories so we can make fun of you in a tag team formation."
"You can sleep in the spare room you know, if you think you're so funny."
"That's not necessary my dear, I'm shutting up. But I do need your help with something."
"Anything."
"Well, I have a problem and I'm not sure what to do. I went out tonight and picked up this suit I had ordered a few weeks ago, picked up another few items and then drove around for a little while trying to work up the courage to come home."
I really don't know where he is going with this, which terrifies me more than I can say. Jane must notice me stiffen slightly in his arms as he removes his arm from around my shoulder and takes my hand again. In a ritual he performs every day of our lives, Jane brings the knuckles of first my left and then my right hand to his lips. He holds my right hand against his lips as he kisses my fingers, momentarily lost in his thoughts and the touch of his lips against my skin.
"I had plans for tonight Teresa."
He is whispering these words, his mouth pressed against my ear as he works his way towards sharing words that he seems to be struggling with.
"I had plans to take you out for a wonderful dinner, expensive wine, and then a romantic walk through the city. But when I came home to ask you to come out with me I find I enjoy being here more."
"And that's a bad thing?"
"No, not really, I just wanted a more romantic setting when I asked you to marry me."
"Well I like it here, I like sitting with you like this."
"I do too sweetheart, but I don't think you quite understand what I'm saying."
"Patrick, I don't need fancy dinners, you know that. I like to stay home, take advantage of that while I'm still saying it."
"I will my dear, but I need you to turn that wonderful mind of yours back onto our conversation. Try and work out what we're talking about."
What is he talking about; we're discussing being home vs. being out. He said he was going to take me out for a meal and that he wanted a more romantic setting when he asked me to marry him.
Wait.
What?
When he does what?
As I'm having some sort of low level panic attack Patrick is his usual insufferable self and simply brings my knuckles to rest against his lips again. This time he brings the fingers of my left hand to his mouth, and I feel the touch of his lips against the third finger of my hand.
"I know it's soon Teresa, but in a lot of ways it really isn't. We both know there is no one else for either of us, and I am certainly completely unwilling to ever let you go. I want to officially be your family, and for you to be mine."
He's really very good at this.
"Will you marry me, Teresa?"
As he says these impossible words to me, he slides the most beautiful, extravagant ring I have ever seen onto my finger.
I'm speechless. Literally. For the first time in my life, I am without words.
Both of us are just sitting together, my head on Patricks shoulder as he holds my hand in his and we both stare at the ring on my finger.
I think I might be engaged.
The ring really is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I am no good with jewellery but my ring is made up of a beautiful diamond, surrounded by a double row of bead-set diamonds. Patrick breaks my contemplation of our hands together when he brings my fingers to his lips again and whispers…
"I need an answer Teresa, please don't give an old man a heart attack."
"The ring is beautiful."
"Don't tease me woman."
I move from where I am sitting against Patrick and turn round to sit across his lap so that we're facing each other. Immediately his hands go to my hips and I lean forward for a quick kiss.
"Yes."
I whisper my answer against his lips, laughing as he tries to kiss any of my skin that he can reach.
"Are you sure, Patrick, you know I don't need a wedding to love you for the rest of my life."
"Of course I know that. I want a wedding. I want you to want one too."
"Then let's get married Patrick."
I lean forward and take his bottom lip between both of mine, loving that I can feel him smile with pure happiness against my lips.
I love that I make him happy. Finally. He gets to be happy.
Sorry, finally we get to be happy. Whatever else might be in our future, I know the two of us together will be happy.