Author's Note:
I'm back! Ah I am so so sorry for the delay in updating...my grandmother passed away and it's been a rough two weeks. I wasn't at all in the mood for writing or updating. I hope you can all understand that. I'm feeling alright now, though, and am pleased to say that I'll be on Christmas break next which means more writing time! Yay! Here's the next Daryl update, and Merle has been updated too. Thanks for reading! :)
Night had fallen and Rick still hadn't returned from wherever he was. Before drifting to our separate rooms to sleep that night, it was decided someone would have to go looking for him if he hadn't shown up by the next day. I knew Rick was perfectly capable of handling himself, but I was worried about him. I had no idea the extent of the damage Lori's death had taken on him. I wasn't sure what he would be like once we found him. All I knew was that he needed to continue to be a father to Carl and his new daughter. Lori would expect that from him.
I was laying in my bed, not as tired as I'd hoped I'd be. Partially because it seemed my brain never turned off. Tonight I was busy wondering how the hell Daryl and I were supposed to hide what we were doing from everyone else. It had seemed like a simple enough idea at first, but it was hard to avoid the urge to grab his hand when we stood next to each other, or just say 'goodnight' when all I really wanted to do was grab him and kiss him. It was all still so new, though. It had taken baby steps to get to this point and I knew it would take even more cautious, little steps to get to a point where we wouldn't have to hide this.
The sudden sound of heavy foot falls scattered my thoughts. Someone must have been on their way to relieve T-Dog on watch. I sighed, sleep still feeling extremely far off. I wondered if Daryl was still awake, too. I decided there was only one way to find out. I pulled myself off the bed and headed out into the dark corridor towards Daryl's cell. It was further away than any of the others. I knew by now that he liked his privacy. Still, I hoped he wouldn't mind if it was me dropping by. As I came closer, I could see the faint glow of a flashlight coming from inside the room.
"Hey." I greeted quietly, leaning against the door frame.
Daryl looked up. "Shouldn't you be asleep?" He asked as I came further into the room. I dropped down on the bed next to him, peering at what he had in his hands.
I perked an eyebrow. "Are you actually sewing right now?" I asked, unable to keep the surprise out of my town.
"Yeah, got a hole in my shirt. Whadya think? Only women can sew?" He retorted, giving me a smirk. I watched as he finished sewing up the tear in the shirt, biting through the thread when he was finished. "Merle taught me, believe it or not. On one of our huntin' trips. Yer' mama never taught you?" He asked.
I shook my head. "No, she always did that kinda stuff for me I guess."
He tossed the shirt onto a metal chair in the corner. "A girl who don't know how to sew. Is there anything you can do, Charlie?" He teased. I mock glared at him. Before I could come up with a witty retort, though, Daryl caught me off guard by taking my face in his hands, his lips meeting mine. I leaned into him, deepening the kiss. His hands slid down the back of my neck and over my shoulders, until they reached the small of my back. I could feel the rough, callousness of his hands as they slid under my shirt, giving me goosebumps.
We reluctantly pulled apart after a few minutes. Daryl's gaze bore into mine as his hands continued to gently rub the small of my back. His eyes were so incredibly blue. It was always one of the things I liked most about him, even as a kid. They reminded me of the sky on one of those clear, perfect summer days.
"Can I stay here? With you tonight?" I asked as my fingers toyed with the hem of his shirt.
"You sure as hell know I ain't gonna say no." He answered, a rare smile tugging the corners of his lips.
I smiled back, giving him a teasing peck on the lips. "You know, you looked pretty sexy holding that baby today."
Daryl rolled his eyes, although the pink tinge in his cheeks was hard to miss. "You're so full of shit." He shot back.
"I'm being serious! I don't know why…it just was." I said, shrugging my shoulders.
"So are you tryin' to tell me that all I gotta do to turn you on is find a baby and hold it?" Daryl asked, his hands sliding over my hips. Once again, he was wearing that irresistible smirk.
"Maybe." I answered, my pulse sky rocketing. I watched as Daryl leaned back and switched off the switch of the flashlight he had been using as a makeshift lantern, casting us into almost total darkness.
"I think I know of a few other ways that might work better than that that." He whispered huskily, his breath hot against my neck. His lips found mine easily in the dark as he laid down on the bed, bringing me with him.
Early the next morning, I snuck off back to my own cell, feeling very much like a teenager in high school. Only it was ten years later and I was in a prison and the boy I was kissing was Daryl Dixon. Never in my wildest dreams would I have picture myself being where I was. Still, thoughts like that faded away to nothing when Daryl pulled me in closer, pressing his lips against me.
The sun was just about up and I had only been in my own bed for about half an hour before deciding it was time to get up. I could hear the soft muffle of voices down below and knew that I wasn't the only one awake. Stifling a yawn, I left my room to join the others.
"Morning." Glenn greeted me as I walked into the common area.
I stretched my arms over my head. "Morning." I replied with a grunt. I glanced around the room to see Maggie and Beth in the corner, feeding the baby. "Rick show up yet?" I asked quietly, looking back at Glenn.
He shook his head. "No. It's been two days…I think someone should go try and find him."
"Probably a good idea." I sighed, running a hand through my hair.
"Yeah, I was thinking about calling together another meeting. That way we could figure out who to send after him. Or maybe we should send a few people."
I debated over his words, chewing my lower lip thoughtfully. "I don't know…" I said hesitantly after a long moment had passed between us.
"Don't know 'bout what?" A southern voice drawled. I looked up just in time to see Daryl dropping down into the seat next to me. He gave me a small smile that faded just as quickly as it came, though all I really wanted him to do was lean over and kiss me. "Well, you gonna tell me or not?"
"We're trying to figure out how to find Rick. I told Charlie maybe we should send more than one person. Just in case." Glenn answered him, though he sounded unsure about his plan.
I shook my head. "No, I don't think that's the right way to go about it. One person could probably talk to him…more than that might freak him out." I explained. "We have no idea what sort of state he's in right now. For all we know, the guy could be out of his god damned mind. I mean, he lost his wife…" I trailed off. Both the other men were silent for a second, no doubt contemplating on what to do.
"Alright then, I'll go find him." Daryl responded, shrugging his shoulders.
"No offense, but maybe someone else should go." Glenn instantly shot him down. He flinched a little as Daryl shot him a defensive look. "Seriously, I just don't think you're the right person to talk sense into him. Like don't take this the wrong way, but you're not exactly the most patient person."
"What the hell's patience got to do with it? Worst comes to worst, I'll just knock him out and drag him back here."
I rolled my eyes. "And that's exactly why you're not going." I huffed. Daryl perked an eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. "Rick is in a fragile state and needs someone to calm him down and make him see reason."
"So why don't you go then?" Glenn suggested, catching me by surprise. I felt Daryl stiffen next to me, but didn't think much about it as I mulled the idea over in my mind.
"He doesn't really know me that well, though." I said after a moment.
"Yeah, but you're the one talking about him needing a voice of reason and whatever. I feel like you'd be pretty good at that." Glenn said, offering me a small smile.
Although Glenn didn't know me that well either, he had a point. I could think of countless times in life where I had been a mediator, someone to diffuse the tension and make people see the light in a sense. Plus, while Glenn didn't know this, I had also just lost someone close to me not that long ago. Maybe I would be able to use that to reach out to Rick. I finally came to a decision and nodded. "Alright, I'll do it."
"Perfect. You should start getting your stuff together. I'll go let the others know." Glenn said, all business as he pushed himself up from his chair and headed into the cellblock to consult with the others, calling Beth and Maggie to follow him.
I jumped at the sudden aloneness I had with Daryl while the others talked about our new plan. "Why so quiet? You don't think I can do this?" I asked, watching the hunter closely. I placed one of my hands on top of his, watching as his blue eyes suddenly flickered to meet my own.
"Nah, I know you can. Hell, Korean kid's right. You gotta better chance at it than anyone. Just don't really like the idea of you goin' back in those tunnels alone." He said, once again that protective nature clearly apparent in his gaze. I fought the urge to intertwine my fingers with his and lean into him.
"I'll be fine. Trust me." I assured him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
Someone suddenly cleared their throat obviously and both our eyes shot up to see Carol, giving us a knowing smile. I quickly pulled my hand away from Daryl's, our eyes averting elsewhere. A second later, there were footsteps as everyone else joined her in the common area.
"You best be careful, Charlie." Herschel said, hobbling over to our table on his crutches. "We don't know what kind of state Rick is in. Just promise me you'll watch yourself."
"Yeah, I think it's about time this girl officially met her daddy." Maggie said, smiling down at the bundle in her arms. She lifted her eyes to meet mine and we exchanged smiles.
"Well, I guess I'll go get my stuff then." I said, pulling myself up from the seat. I returned to my room to gather whatever weapons I thought would come in handy, just in case I needed to defend myself against walkers. Hopefully I wouldn't need to use them against Rick either. Herschel was right, I had no idea what I would be walking in on. When I had returned to the common room, the others were milling about, mostly gathered around the baby and taking turns holding her. Daryl hung by the gate that sealed the entrance to the rest of the prison. I sidled over to him, placing a hand on my holster absentmindedly, checking my gun was still there.
"You ready?" He asked me.
I shrugged. "I guess. Try not to worry yourself to death. Go sew or something." I teased, giving him a small smile.
"You're a god damn riot, you know that?" He said, his words dripping with sarcasm. He unchained the door and pulled it open for me. "Just watch yourself."
"I will." I muttered. We exchanged one last look before I turned and headed into the darkened corridor. I felt Daryl's gaze on me the entire way until I turned the next corner and felt utterly alone.
The depths of the prison felt almost creepier than they had the night I had run through them frantically, searching for Carl, Lori, and Maggie. I hoped I remembered where the boiler room was because I had a gut feeling that was where I would find Rick. I moved slowly, taking my time as I continued, trying not to think about how every turn looked the same. This had to be the right direction, although I really had no way of knowing. So much chaos had been happening that night that I never really stopped to familiarize myself with my surroundings.
As I turned the next corner, though, it was hard to miss the bodies that littered the concrete floor. There were at least a dozen walkers lying there. I carefully stepped over them, noting that they looked like they had recently been taken out. I felt hopeful that this was a sign. That Rick had unknowingly left a trail for me to follow. This proved right as I took the next turn and spotted the familiar heavy looking metal door, the front of it smeared with dried blood. I stood outside of it, listening but couldn't make out a sound. I tugged open the door far enough for me to slip inside before closing it securely behind me.
The scene in front of me was all too familiar. There was a huge, dried puddle of blood where Lori's body had been. I felt a wave of sadness go through me as I remembered her tearful goodbye to her son. Her body was missing, though, and I had pretty good idea of where it had gone. I wished we would have thought to come back for her body sooner. I took another step further into the room and suddenly paused as I heard a voice. I held still, listening closer. I recognized the deep southern twang. It was Rick. But who the hell was he talking to? Herschel's warning rang clear in my mind. He was right. I had no idea what sort of state Rick was in. There was only one way to find out though.
I followed the sound of his voice around the next corner, peering around it hesitantly. I felt relief rush through me as I spotted Rick, his back to me and looking unharmed. What was strange, though, was that he had a phone held to his ear and was speaking into it in a low, hurried tone. I knew that there was absolutely no chance in hell that the phone was actually working. So what exactly was he doing? I debated for a moment on what to do. A part of me wanted to go back and get the others, at least tell them what I was seeing. I had come this far on my own, though. The least I could do was try. I took a steadying breath and stepped out from behind the wall.
"Rick." I called his name out. He whipped around, the shock of seeing me there written all over his face. The phone was still clamped to his hear. I took a few steps closer to him. "What the hell are you doing?"
"I can hear them, Charlie. There's someone on this phone and they say they have a group. They say they might be able to take us in." He said hurriedly. His eyes looked glazed over, his skin pale and chalky. I was sure he hadn't eaten or drank much in days. He was run down. I had been expecting that. The imaginary phone calls, though, I hadn't thought of.
"Let me see the phone, Rick." I said slowly, coaxing him to hand over the device. He hesitated a moment, eyeing me closely before finally holding it out to me. I took it and pressed it to my ear, his eyes never leaving me. Just as I thought, there was nothing. No dial tone, no static. Just silence. I lowered it down. "There's no one there, Rick. There's never been anyone there. The phones don't work. You know that." I said, my voice pleading with him. "You need to come back with me."
"No, no, I can't. I gotta wait here. I have to stay here." He said, swiping the phone out of my hand.
"Rick," I tried again. "Please. You need to snap out of it. I understand what you're going through. I do. You have to remember, though, that you have other people depending on you. You have a son. And now you have a daughter and they both need their father. Now more than ever. Do you understand me? You can't give up. You have to keep going for their sake."
His knuckles were turning white from gripping the phone so tightly in his hand. "You don't understand. I heard her. Charlie, I heard her voice. I need to hear it again."
I furrowed my eyebrows together in confusion, though it momentarily dawned on me the 'her' he was referring to. "Lori?" I asked. Rick's condition was slowly becoming more serious to me by the second. He didn't answer, but I knew he was right by the way he had flinched at the sound of her name. "Lori isn't talking to you. Rick…Lori's not here anymore. She's gone. Let her go." I said, my voice quiet. "The best way you can remember Lori now and do her right is to go be a father to your children. Don't you think that's what she would want?"
Once again, my questions were greeted by silence. I waited a long, drawn out moment. His lips suddenly parted. "The baby…" He began quietly. I leaned forward, hanging on his every word. "Is the baby alright?" He asked. It was the first thing he had said that made any sense.
"Yes. The baby is fine. It's a girl."
"A girl?" He repeated. I noticed his grip on the phone slackened. Finally, maybe I was getting somewhere.
"Yes. You have a daughter, Rick. And she needs her daddy. Carl too." I said. I tentatively reached out and took the phone from his hand, setting it down on the counter. I grasped his now empty hand between both of mine, his skin cool to the touch. "Will you come back with me and meet your daughter?"
He glanced down at his hand in both of mine before finally meeting my eyes and nodding slowly. "I'll come back."
The relief I felt wash through me at those words was immense. It was a far cry from healing the damage inside him completely, but this was a good start. I had feeling that seeing his kids, including that newborn baby would be another big leap. "Let's get goin' then." I headed slowly towards the door, waiting to see if Rick would follow. He stared at the quiet phone for another minute before finally turning his back and trailing after me. We left the room together and I was sure to keep Rick in my sights as we headed back towards the cellblock. We were quiet as we made the short journey, but I knew there wasn't much to be said. The man was so completely broken up. It was hard to recognize him, as he was just like a mere transparent lens of the man I had grown to know. It was painful for me to even see him this way, all his strength and will diminished. I hoped that in time he would find a way to gain it all back.
When the two of us emerged into the common area together, everyone stopped what they were doing and froze. All eyes were on Rick as he shifted uncomfortable underneath their stares. I found Daryl's face among them and his eyes finally slid to me, his expression mirroring the same concern for Rick that I was currently feeling. After a moment, the sheriff suddenly stepped forward and made his way across the room. I saw he was making a beeline right for Beth, who was holding the baby in her arms. She stood up as Rick approached and slowed to a stop right in front of her, peering at the little infant bundled in the blanket. The mix of emotions on his face tore through me. He hesitated a moment before reaching for her and pulling his daughter into his arms. Carl was at his side in a second, watching the two of them apprehensively. Rick's gaze was focused intently on his daughter, whom he was now holding for the first time. I hoped that by feeling her tiny little heartbeat and watching her chest rise and fall, he would once again find some purpose buried inside of him.