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CHAPTER TWELVE

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A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

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Warning:

This chapter deals with sensitive subject matter, including touching on issues such as miscarriage.

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My pregnancy was finally showing. It might not have been obvious to the outside world, but I could see the slight swelling of my abdomen. Even my enhanced cleavage seemed to be growing more prominent. I relished every new outward sign. Each little indicator was evidence of the child growing inside; confirmation of the love I shared with Edward.

It was proof that I desperately needed as I reached the fifteenth day in a row where I was asleep before Edward came home and woke after he'd already left. The only tangible proof I had that he was even coming home at all was the crumpled sheets on his side of the bed and the lingering scent on his pillow.

I spent my days floating on the promise of what it would be like, after the morning sickness had past, after the first ultrasound, after the baby was born.

The only bright point each day was the moment Kieran came into Renee's.

It was easy to assume that after spending three days a week working with him, I would be sick of his company, but somehow when we were at Aisling Milis, it was different. I was able to distinguish him as my employer, separate from him as my friend. When he was at Renee's he was a friend, a confidant and a customer.

He knew my shifts—he fit my hours at his office around them—and came in regularly for lunch. Occasionally, he would stop in for dinner too. I hovered around his table just a little more than any other and when he was in for my dinner shift, he would walk me to my car after I'd finished.

I almost stopped dead when Edward walked in through the door at lunch one day. I practically ran to his side and threw my arms around him. He held me tightly for a moment.

"I've missed you so much," I murmured.

"Me too."

I couldn't give him the lingering welcome I wanted to, because I had other customers, and a bitch of a boss who was watching me like a hawk.

A happy giggle burst out of me as Edward rested his hand on my stomach.

"How's everything?" he asked.

It almost felt like he was an old friend and we were catching up after a number of years apart, rather than my husband who I lived with and loved with all my heart.

"Are you coming to the doctor's with me next Tuesday?" I asked him.

I'd left a note to let him know the details, but hadn't had time to talk to him about it.

His expression told me the answer before his words did.

"I'm sorry, I want to, but I can't. There's an important meeting that could possibly lead to a multi-million dollar sale."

I frowned, not wanting to give voice to the disappointment I felt.

"I'll be there for the next important appointment," he said soothingly. "I promise."

I nodded. "I was just excited to see our baby with you."

He took my hand and rubbed his thumb along my knuckles. "Hey now, I was excited to see it too. If I could get out of this meeting, I absolutely would."

My lips pouted involuntarily.

"Just think of the commission I'll get if I can close this sale."

I forced a smile on my face, the complete opposite of what I actually felt like doing. I felt like crying, but then I remembered I had a job to do. I was about to ask for his lunch order, but he preempted me.

"I'll just have the usual, baby," he said, his voice almost bordering on dismissive.

As I turned, I saw Kieran slide into his usual booth. I smiled and gave him a small wave before giving Edward's order to the kitchen staff.

I walked to Kieran's table to take his order.

"What's the matter?" he asked with a small frown. He looked in Edward's direction. "Customers giving you grief?"

I laughed. The sound of it drew Edward's attention. I gave him a wink and waved before he went back to his work.

"Hardly." I smiled, warm and genuine. It was easy to be happy when Edward was so close by. "In fact, that's my husband. Maybe we could go over there and I could introduce you?"

I looked back to Kieran just in time to see the remnants of a grimace on his face. "Yeah, maybe," he said without enthusiasm.

I wonder what that was about.

I glanced back toward Edward's table again—wondering if I was missing something—just in time to see Jacob sit across from him.

"Or maybe not," I muttered.

Kieran shot me a confused glance.

"Let's just say I'm not a fan of the company he chooses to keep sometimes."

I received a knowing smile in response.

"Ready to order?"

He grinned. "Always."

I ran Kieran's order to the kitchen just in time to collect Edward's. I was so disturbed by Jacob's presence I almost considered asking Angela to watch their table, but decided face-time with my husband was much too valuable.

I slid his plate in front of him.

"Jacob isn't eating," Edward said quickly. "He's only dropping some documents off for me."

I shrugged as if it didn't matter.

In truth, my stomach dropped each time I even passed the table because of Jacob's presence. I hadn't seen him since he'd invaded my bedroom a few months earlier and it was terrifying being so close to him. Edward hadn't questioned me further about what happened that dreadful evening, and I hadn't offered any information either. He'd stuck true to his word and never invited Jacob back into our house, a contributing reason why Edward wasn't at home either.

"Let me know if you need anything else," I said before slipping away from the table.

I felt the weight on someone's eyes on me as I headed to collect Kieran's order. I turned back to glance at Edward, but he was concentrating on his paperwork. My eyes skipped involuntarily to Jacob, but he too was busy with the documents. I grabbed the plate and made my way back to Kieran. He smiled brightly. It was a smile I couldn't help but return.

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On Friday, I was at Aisling Milis when I realized something was wrong.

Terribly wrong.

It started small, just an uncomfortable pain in my abdomen. I pushed it out of my mind because at almost thirteen weeks, I was used to the little niggles that accompanied pregnancy.

By mid-morning, the pain stretched across my entire stomach, enough to cause me concern, but it didn't raise any serious alarm bells. At least, it didn't until I noticed the spots of blood that had soaked into my underwear.

"What's wrong?" Kieran asked immediately when I returned to my desk to gather my things.

Instead of answering his question, I doubled over, as agony worse than I could ever comprehend seemed to rip my stomach in two. I screamed and tears began to fall. I began to silently beg whatever god was listening to save my baby.

"Edward…" I forced out through clenched teeth. "I need Edward…"

"I'm taking you to hospital," Kieran said. "We'll call Edward from the car."

I wanted to argue with him, but my body was in agony and my mind was distraught. I nodded and clutched at my stomach. "Just hurry, please."

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was at the hospital. Kieran had tried Edward's cell three times with no luck. He left a voice mail message, asking Edward to call as soon as possible, explaining that it was an emergency. He called Edward's work phone, only to be told he was out for lunch with a client and they had no idea when he was due back.

"I need him here," I sobbed as Kieran helped me through the hospital doors.

"I'm trying," he said. "I promise I'll stay with you until he comes, okay?"

I nodded through my tears.

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I rested with Kieran hovering close by. The pain had stopped shortly after I arrived at the hospital but the doctors had still taken me through a number of examinations and needles, all without any reassurance that the baby would be fine.

It had been almost three hours since the pain had first struck and my panic was slowly subsiding, giving way to a subtle nervousness of not knowing what was happening and a simmering anger directed at Edward. He hadn't even called to see if I was okay.

I tried calling his cell again from the hospital but it was still going straight to voice mail. The knowledge that he was unable, or God forbid unwilling, to be by my side when I'd needed him most pressed upon me, like a physical ache. My anger scalded my eyes and made them water. It was only Kieran's presence that forced me to hold myself together.

When the doctors finally signed my release form, after giving me next to no information about what had caused the pain or the spotting, Kieran was by my side. He demanded answers for me, and I had to admit it felt good having someone willing to stand up for me. He held my hand tightly in his own as words like 'subchorionic hematoma' and 'threatened miscarriage' rang in my ears.

Once I'd been given the details for my follow-up consultation, Kieran offered to drive me home. I tried to argue with him. After all, I didn't want to inconvenience him by forcing him out of his way. He waved off my arguments and reminded me that I'd had a major scare and I needed someone to look after me—at least for a little while. It was a sharp reminder that I'd been let down once again by the person I wanted to be able to rely on most of all—who I should have been able to count on.

I finally relented and let Kieran drive me home. He made me a cup of chamomile tea and sat with me, at least until I shooed him out of the house because he'd already shut his office for too long on my account.

I crawled into bed to try to erase the day. I was supposed to be working a shift at Renee's but I texted Angela and asked if she could cover for me. Facing a packed diner during the dinner rush was the last thing I needed with the stress I was already feeling. I pulled my blankets over my head and tried to sleep.

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I must have drifted off easily after returning from the hospital because the next time I opened my eyes, it was dark. The bed beside me was empty and I had no idea whether Edward was home, or when he would be returning. A bubble of grief built inside me, threatening to spill over as I considered the fact that maybe he didn't love me after all. He didn't care enough to rush to the hospital to see if I was okay—if our baby was safe. I sat up in bed and checked my phone. He hadn't even called to find out what was wrong.

One tear sprang up from deep inside me and trailed slowly down my cheek. As if they were waiting for the pioneer to complete its journey first, a flood of tears rushed to my eyes just as the first landed wetly on my hand.

"Bella."

Edward's voice had never before held the musical quality it possessed as he whispered my name in the darkness. Even through the veil of sleep, I could hear the quiet reverence in his tone. I wondered what gave it that quality.

I brushed my tears away. I didn't want him to see me crying because I knew he would see it as a sign of weakness when I needed to be strong and tell him how hurt I was.

"Are you alright my love?"

My stomach clenched at his question. The dreaded M-word hung over my pregnancy like a dark presence looming in the shadows, ready to spring at less than a moment's notice.

"Isn't it a little late to be asking me that?" My voice sounded dull and lifeless even in my own ears.

"I'm sorry I didn't return earlier. I was…delayed."

My breath hitched. "What does that even mean?"

I clenched my fists and took a deep breath. I needed him to know how angry and hurt I was, but I couldn't risk putting undue stress on my body, and on the baby.

"It means I'm sorry I wasn't there for you." He sounded apologetic. In fact, he sounded desperate for me to listen to him, to understand and accept his apology. "Maybe things could have been different."

"It's not enough!" my voice was only a little more than a harsh whisper.

"What's not enough?"

I inhaled deeply, allowing my anger to brew deep within me. "Your words." I swallowed heavily. "They're not enough to erase the pain you caused me."

His hand caressed my face gently.

"Isabella Swan, I made a grave mistake. The words I said in my bedroom, they were a lie. I didn't mean them—" his voice broke. "I didn't mean any of them."

My stomach clenched. He'd used my maiden name and admitted to making a mistake. I had no idea what he meant by the words in his bedroom, but I wasn't thinking straight. I was barely holding myself together.

"Bella, did you hear me?" his voice was gruffer, deep and rough just like it always was.

I shook my head.

"I said I didn't get back to the office after my lunch meeting, and my cell went flat. I only got your messages a few minutes ago when I charged my cell."

I turned away from him. I needed a moment to collect my thoughts, I almost felt as though I was having two conversations.

"Are you okay? Is the baby alright?"

Finally, he had asked the one question I'd been waiting for. I broke down.

"I don't know," I whimpered.

He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest. Part of me wanted so badly to stay angry with him, but I couldn't maintain my rage. That didn't mean I didn't want to make him aware of exactly how badly he had hurt me.

"I was so scared today."

He stroked my hair silently.

"I felt so alone; I needed you."

He held me tightly. "I'm sorry that I let you down."

"You did."

He lifted my body gently and laid me down onto the bed, wrapping his body around mine and continued to offer his near-silent comfort. "I'll do better next time."

My heart leapt into my throat at the thought of 'next time'. I didn't want there to be a next time. I wrapped my arms protectively around my stomach. Edward continued to gently comfort me.

"I just have one question," he murmured after a while.

I tilted my head against his chest in a silent signal to continue.

"Who's Kieran?"

I thought about his question for a moment.

How can I possibly describe Kieran?

He was quickly becoming an integral part of my life. I couldn't imagine not working alongside him at Aisling Milis. I couldn't imagine not seeing him sitting at his usual table at Renee's: smiling face, cheeky smirk and untamed hair.

He was the one person I knew that I could rely on. I felt like he put my needs above all others, including his own. He made me feel good about myself. He gave me the confidence I felt I'd lost in other areas of my life. He was a confidant, someone I knew I could trust implicitly. He was my lifeline.

I pushed down the awareness that he really shouldn't have been so important to me. Those attributes should have belonged to Edward, and at one time, they had. I wasn't entirely certain they still did.

"He's a friend," I replied, as much to quieten the voice in my own mind as to answer Edward's question. "Just a friend."

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