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CHAPTER SIXTEEN

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A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

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"Come, sit. I'll tell you all about myself."

My heels lightly brushed against the kitchen cabinets as I sat on the kitchen bench, eager to hear all about the enigma that was Kieran. I felt myself smiling, almost happy for the first time since Edward had uttered his horrid words. I could hide my curiosity about the man who had willingly given me his friendship.

He stood beside me after hanging up the dish towel.

"I was born in Scotland, in An t-Eilean Sgitheanach—the Isle of Skye," he said, a small smile lighting his face as he lost himself in his memories. "But I left many years ago."

"Why did you leave?" I asked.

He laughed bitterly. "I joined the army."

He was quiet and so was I. The moment seemed weighted with solemnity.

"I know, it's hard to believe isn't it? Me, in the army."

I thought about how I'd grown to know Kieran over the course of a few short months. He was sweet and caring and went out of his way to help me when he didn't have to. However, I hadn't seen any hint of regimented self-discipline that I would have expected from someone who'd been in the armed forces.

"I wanted to be a hero. I wanted to save the world." He turned his eyes on me and the regret and pain in the toffee-colored depths made me lose my breath.

I reached out my hand to comfort him, brushing my fingers lightly against his warm cheek. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes briefly.

"I traveled when I was in the army. I saw the world. I was even sent to France. The time I spent serving my country changed me. I was no longer the young, Kieran McLeod, who'd left a small village in Scotland. I was a man who had witnessed horrific things. I knew I couldn't go home, so I came to America instead."

"You haven't been back since?" I asked.

He shook his head 'No'.

"What about your family?"

"My parents passed away a long time ago and I haven't seen my sister since she was married. That was before I enlisted."

"So it's just you?" My heart ached for him; he must have lived a very lonely life.

He nodded. "Just me; all alone."

The sadness in those four words was palpable.

My hand reached for his and gently squeezed.

"You're not alone now," I repeated what I'd said earlier. I knew now how much that simple statement must have meant to him.

He swallowed heavily and released my hand, before stepping closer so that my knees touched his stomach. He cradled my face lightly in his hands; his eyes stared into mine, his mouth inches away from my lips. His hot, sweet breath blew across my face.

"Bella," he whispered reverently.

My stomach clenched tightly at the implication of my name uttered so quietly and with such need.

He closed his eyes. "I know the timing is lousy. In a perfect word, it wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't tell you like this..."

His thumbs caressed my cheeks softly.

"I have to tell you though. I can't keep it to myself anymore."

He seemed to be talking to himself more than me.

With his eyes still closed, he rested his forehead against mine. I was surrounded by his warmth as he leaned into me. Adrenaline coursed through my veins and my body shook slightly. I wasn't afraid of him, but I was worried about what he was going to tell me. I could anticipate his words. I wanted him to say them, but at the same time, I also wanted him to hold them back. I knew any revelation that started with the desperation for closeness he seemed to display, would have dire consequences for both relationships I had with the men in my life.

"I care for you Bella," Kieran whispered.

My heart continued to pound and my mouth went dry. I wanted to press my fingers to his lips and silence him; I wanted him to tell me everything.

"I've tried to fight it ever since I found out you were in love with someone else, but I can't help it."

He opened his eyes and the deep pools of honey stared at me intently.

"I love you, Bella."

For a moment, one tiny moment, my heart skipped a beat. In that moment, I wanted it. I wanted him to love me. I wanted to love him in return. Every inch of my body ached for him. I longed to feel his arms around me, hear him whisper his love over and over again.

Then I thought of Edward and my heart fluttered.

I knew Edward's horrid words were at least partly responsible for the surge of desire I felt for Kieran.

Loving Kieran would be easy.

"I've tried not to," he said, his voice gravelly. "I really have, but I can't help it. I love you."

He closed his eyes almost instantly, as if terrified to see any hint of rejection.

My mind struggled to keep up with the conflicting emotions I felt. Had Edward not been so terribly cruel, it would have been easy to tell Kieran that I loved Edward—that I could never leave Edward. But Edward had been cruel. I couldn't help but let myself imagine how my life would be with Kieran; if I turned away from Edward and accepted Kieran instead.

My heart skipped a beat at the thought.

I looked at the almost perfect man in front of me and made my choice.

I wouldn't reject him; I couldn't. He was my friend and I couldn't hurt him. If I was honest with myself, I had fallen in love with him too; at least a little.

I placed my palms over his hands.

"Kieran, open your eyes…please?" I whispered.

He took a deep, shaky breath before opening his eyes and staring at me again.

"I care about you too, I really do."

He shook his head slowly. The pain I saw in his eyes was obvious.

"I know there's a 'but'…please don't say it," he whispered.

The hurt in his voice made my heart ache.

"I'm married," I said quietly. "I don't know what's going to happen, but Edward is still my husband."

Kieran closed his eyes tightly and dropped his head. His hands slipped from my face and fell to rest on the bench either side of my thighs. He was so close, but there seemed to be a chasm between us.

"I'm having his baby," I murmured, reminding myself as much as Kieran.

Part of my mind was shouting that I should accept Kieran's declaration, and return his love. It would be easy to let him love me. It would be simple to stay with him and block the pain that Edward caused with wicked words expressed in anger.

But that would be completely out of character for me.

I couldn't forget my vows and walk away from my husband as easily as he'd seemingly walked away from me.

Even after everything that had happened, my heart still beat for Edward.

My fingers brushed against my husband's wedding band that I'd slipped onto my thumb; a reminder of what Edward had once promised, and of what he'd done. The gold was cool despite the constant contact with my skin.

I reached out for Kieran, clutching at his shirt and pulling him closer to me. Tears pricked my eyes as I tried to absorb his pain on top of my own. I placed my hand on his face, stroking my thumb softly against his cheek.

"I wish things were different," I said truthfully. "And maybe one day they will be. But I wouldn't be me if I just gave up on my marriage."

Kieran met my eyes. A moment of perfection passed between us, when I wasn't a married woman and he was the only man that owned my heart. I could almost see my life with him, and I knew he would have made me happy.

"I know," he said, as he reached for me and captured a rogue tear with his thumb.

He bent forward and rested his head against the soft curve of my throat. I wrapped my hands around shoulders, providing him what comfort I could. I traced my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. It was an intimate embrace, but I realized it was exactly what we both needed. It was a way I could comfort him and let him know that just because I couldn't accept everything he was offering I wasn't willing to turn my back on our friendship.

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you for your honesty, and for helping me out lately. I don't know what I would have done without you."

He held me tighter. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

I started to tell him that there was no need, but he stopped me.

"I didn't want to tell you, not like this—maybe not ever if it meant I would lose you as a friend—but I couldn't lie to you anymore. I couldn't just pretend, especially not after…"

I could almost hear the end of the sentence, 'not after what Edward said.' I suppressed a shudder that threatened to run through me at the thought.

"Bella, can you promise me one thing?"

"What?" I asked.

"No matter what happens next, remember that I'm here for you. Always and forever. Mo chridhe*."

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I woke with a start, realizing that I must have drifted off at some point in the early hours of the morning. I'd tossed and turned for most of the night—unable to stop my thoughts for long enough to fall asleep—my mind ran on a constant cycle. I worried about saving my marriage to Edward, the health of our baby, and what Kieran's confession might do to our friendship.

Kieran and I had sat talking for a while longer, trying to move past the awkwardness and back to the comfortable place we'd been in before my world had come crashing down around me with Edward's outburst.

I rolled over, tempted to ignore the sunlight coming through the window and sleep the day away, but barely a minute slipped by before my mind began to work overtime again.

I had come to one resolution overnight—I would have to confront Edward. I needed to know what had lead to his accusations, and whether he meant what he'd said before he'd dropped his wedding band to the floor.

'She's not my wife.'

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and pulled myself out of bed. I stretched gingerly; trying to be conscious of any aches or niggles in my stomach. Satisfied, I grabbed the change of clothes that Kieran had purchased for me—a plain, dark-blue silk blouse and a pair of denim jeans—and headed for a shower. If I was going to confront Edward, I was going to ensure I was in the best shape I could be first—which included cleaning away the evidence of a tear filled night.

I asked Kieran to drive me to Aisling Milis so I could pick up my car. He'd offered to take me home. In fact, he'd practically insisted being with me to give me support when I saw Edward, but I refused, knowing how it would have looked. If Kieran were with me, I was certain it would make the situation worse.

As I drove home, my heart pounded and felt like it was somewhere in the vicinity of my throat. I wasn't afraid of Edward—despite his rage, I didn't really think he would actually hurt me—but I was afraid of the words he might say.

I was afraid he might tell me that there was no hope for us. I would be willing to forgive one outburst said in the heat of anger—even though the sting of his distrust still ran through me—but I didn't know what I would do if he was unwilling to listen to me.

I almost drove straight by the driveway when I saw an unfamiliar car parked on the road. I was nervous but I knew that I needed to face him sooner rather than later. I didn't want days or weeks to pass before we spoke again. I knew we would have no hope of fixing things then.

I parked the car, walked to the front door and rang the bell. It was my house as much as it was his, but I wanted to be respectful and give him some space. I didn't owe him an apology, but I was willing to be the one to make the first move toward reconciliation. That meant I was happy to do it at his pace; whatever that might be.

There was a little commotion inside and then the front door swung open. I almost threw up on the spot as the vision of blonde hair and mile long legs stood in utter perfection and stared at me through my screen door.

Rosalie.

She had nothing on except an oversized t-shirt that barely reached the top of her thighs.

"Rosalie," I said through clenched teeth.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, not even attempting to hide her disdain.

"I'm here to see my husband."

"Maybe he doesn't want to see you," she said too sweetly. "Maybe he's happier without you here."

I inhaled deeply.

Don't let her affect you.

"Then Edward can tell me that himself," I said, even as I prayed he wouldn't.

She rolled her eyes.

"Eddie," she called in a perfect, sing-song voice. "There's someone at the door for you."

I bit my lip as I watched her turn and walk away from the door, her baby-pink lace panties flashing from beneath the t-shirt with each step.

I heard quiet muttering in the hallway but I couldn't make out the words.

My stomach clenched tightly as I waited for Edward to appear. I wanted him to stop talking with his ex-girlfriend and come to me. I was his wife after all, regardless of what he'd said the day before. Tears pricked at my eyes as I stood waiting for him. I could have unlocked the door with my keys, but I had come this far in an attempt at reconciliation, I wanted him to close the final distance.

I breathed deeply, trying to calm myself, and closed my eyes. I worked very hard not to get upset. I didn't know whether anything was happening between them, and I needed to show Edward that I trusted him.

When I opened my eyes, Edward was standing a few feet away from the door. He was wearing his low-slung flannel pajama pants, but his chest was bare. His hair was pressed down on one side, dark and wet, and sticking to his face in clumps. His eyes were red-rimmed and had black circles underneath that would probably have rivaled mine.

For a minute, everything was silent between us. It was almost like the calm before the storm as I watched him through the screen door.

"You didn't come home last night," he said finally, his tone accusatory.

"Did you expect me to after what you said?"

I rubbed my finger over his ring on my thumb for comfort.

"Where were you?" he asked instead of answering my question.

"Not where I really wanted to be."

"Where was that?"

I put my palm on the screen door, a silent plea to be allowed inside. "Here, with you."

Edward didn't move at all. "What about him?"

"There's nothing going on between Kieran and me." I felt a stab of guilt as I remembered his confession and the way it had made me feel. "You're my husband. You're the only man for me."

He shook his head, as if trying to deny the words before they penetrated the wall he'd built around himself.

"Please let me in? We can talk."

He took one small step toward me before stopping again. He paused and considered my appearance before slowly covering the last of the distance. He unlocked the door and I opened it carefully. It was almost as if we were both afraid to move too fast for fear of frightening the other away.

I reached for his hand, anxious for some sort of connection, but he pulled it away quickly.

I dropped my eyes to the floor. He can't even stand to let me touch him.

"Why did you do it, Bella?" he asked softly. "I know I haven't been around. I've been working so hard for you; for us. How could you do this?"

My heart ached as I heard the utter devastation in his voice. I shook my head.

"I never…" I swallowed the lump in my throat heavily. "I've never beenwith Kieran, or anyone else. I love you, Edward, only you. It's only ever been you."

He walked over to the couch and sank into it, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. A second later, a heartrending sob escaped his lips.

I rushed to his side and placed my hand on the small of his back.

"Edward, I love you," my own voice escaped in a sob. "You have to know how much it hurt me, what you said yesterday. It hurt so badly that you didn't trust me."

Another sob ripped through Edward's body before it morphed into a hard, sarcastic laugh.

"I know something was going on with you two. I saw it, Bella. I saw him holding your hand and you were both smiling, and laughing. I saw it."

I froze, my blood cooling instantly in my veins. "What? When?" I replayed all of the memories I had of yesterday, and wondered what it was that made Edward think I'd slept with Kieran.

"Rosalie went to Renee's yesterday, she saw you two, the way you were interacting, and she caught it on her videophone."

He shrugged away from my hand.

I sat silent and stunned.

"You can't even deny it, can you? Not now," Edward said, his voice tinged with hysteria. "I saw it with my own eyes!"

I shook my head. "I don't know what you think you saw," I said. "But there's nothing going on. Kieran was at Renee's yesterday because he wanted to know that I was alright."

My breathing was panicked and shallow. My anger and sorrow battled for dominance.

"I woke to an empty bed the morning after thinking I might have been miscarrying our baby. I was frightened and alone, and Kieran didn't want to leave me in that state. He's a friend, Edward. That's what friends do."

Edward shook his head again. "I wish I could believe you, Bella, but I can't."

"What about our vows, Edward? What about the fact you promised to love me forever?"

He lifted his head. The tears that he'd been trying to stop had dried up, replaced with the hard expression that had existed as he'd twisted off his wedding band. "It doesn't matter."

It doesn't matter.

I don't matter.

The ghosts of the memory of my visions of Forks swirled around me.

"Edward, don't do this please…I love you!"

"I wish I could believe you. I loved you so much, Bella. I was willing to give it all up for you."

I wanted to yell at him to stop talking in past tense.

We can still work this out.

The words were in my mind, but I couldn't seem to find my voice.

Rosalie walked into the room. I saw she'd slipped a pair of shorts on underneath the tee. She made a beeline for Edward and took his hand.

"I think you'd better leave," she said without a trace of emotion.

I shook my head.

"I think Edward wants you to go."

My heart pounded.

I watched as Edward entwined his fingers with Rosalie's. She brushed the hair from his face in what was certainly meant to be a possessive move. He closed his eyes momentarily and leaned into her touch.

I wanted to scream as images of the two of them together came unbidden into my mind. I met Edward's eyes.

"Are you…" I couldn't even finish the sentence. I swallowed and tried again. "Did you…"

I didn't have to finish the question, the guilt in his face spoke louder than any words. I pictured them together.

In our bed.

I threw myself to my feet and rushed outside.

I needed fresh air.

I needed to be away from them.

I barely took a breath before emptying the contents of stomach onto the front lawn.

I knelt on the grass, trying to contain my tears, when her voice carried out to me.

"It's okay Eddie, you've done nothing wrong. She's the one who betrayed you."

I dragged myself to my feet and ran for the car. Tears obscured my vision as I struggled to fit the key into the ignition. I had no idea where I was going; I just knew I needed to drive. I needed to go away, far away.

I threw the car into reverse and flew out of the driveway.

The road in front of me was a blurred mess as I swiped my eyes repeatedly to clear my tears. Images of Rosalie's long legs wrapped around Edward's waist invaded my mind. I pressed the back of my hand over my mouth to stop myself from heaving again.

I had just turned onto the main road when I realized my cell was ringing. I reached to grab it, releasing the steering wheel for one moment. I wiped the tears from my eyes again as I looked down at the screen. I hadn't even read the name flashing there when I heard screeching tires. I dropped my cell as I felt a jolt.

My ears filled with the horrific sounds of crunching metal and shattering glass in the moments before everything went black.

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*mo chridhe = "my heart"

A/N:- So after saying in the last chapter I was going to try to post in pairs closely together, that plan has gone out the window this week (sorry!). I was going to hold this chapter until I had the next one ready, but after asking on Twitter I was told to 'post, post, post!' so blame the gals there for the cliffy.

(Just kidding, it's my fault & I take responsibility; which is why I'm back in hiding & madly writing)