~ 0 ~

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

~ 0 ~

A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

~ 0 ~

The first thing I did after my impromptu meeting with Kieran was to seek out my family. I wanted to know what Alice could see coming, and confirm that she had seen the conversation. Mostly, I wanted to know whether she still saw the same future for Bella—the vision that had led me to break my promise and return to Forks.

I wished someone was watching over Bella, but I had to concede that no harm was likely to come to her from Kieran. He was remarkably good at keeping his thirst at bay around her.

I also had the comfort of knowing the wolves were close-by if there was an incident—Kieran would not survive if he hurt Bella.

Alice had summoned Jasper and Carlisle to the dining table. I knew she had something important to say. The last time we'd gathered like this, was just after Bella's birthday party, when I'd made the fateful choice to leave so she could live a human life devoid of supernatural danger.

The irony of where we'd ended up was so great it reminded me of how stupid I was to have left her.

Jasper's thoughts ran in a very similar vein to my own. He kept replaying the moment Bella's blood had spilled and how he'd reacted. He uselessly wished he'd done something differently, that he had the same level of control as Carlisle or me. His regret was palpable; he regretted that his actions had caused Alice and I pain.

I touched his shoulder lightly as I passed by him, silently communicating that I didn't blame him.

'Nothing has changed,' Alice thought. 'Not…specifically.'

"What exactly is that supposed to mean?"

Jasper and Carlisle both watched me carefully. Alice had already filled them in on the basics, but she refused to go into detail until I returned home.

Alice showed me her new vision and I saw what she meant.

Bella was still vicious and bloodthirsty. Kieran still stood by and watched as she slaughtered her prey, a wicked, delighted, smile on his lips.

There was one change. One almost easily overlooked difference.

Bella's age.

In the earlier vision, Bella had appeared to be older than she was now. The changes were subtle, the slight softening of her hips, the fullness of her breasts, but they were there. In Alice's more recent vision, Bella looked no older than she was now; her hair was its current length.

It could be happening right now, I realized.

'Edward, wait!'

I had barely even registered the fact that I was moving until Alice commanded me to stop.

"She's safe for the moment, but we need to find out why it's going to happen sooner," Alice said, explaining to Carlisle and Jasper as much as me.

I didn't need to ask what had caused the change—I knew it was me. My presence had obviously caused Kieran to decide to turn her sooner rather than wait. It meant I needed to ensure everyone was aware of the reason for Kieran's presence and then run back to Bella's side to keep her safe from him.

I relayed what Kieran had told me about Victoria and Laurent. Alice had seen me attacking Kieran in the forest, but hadn't heard the details. As soon as I mentioned Laurent's betrayal, growls erupted from Alice and Jasper. During our time in Denali, they had come to count on him as a friend. Jasper especially had wanted to help Laurent take up our lifestyle as penance for his attack on Bella. To hear that Laurent had been instrumental in linking Victoria and Kieran in order to hurt Bella was almost too much.

"Are you sure Bella is safe?" Carlisle asked.

"He isn't going to hurt her," Alice answered. "Not yet anyway."

"He loves her," I stated, trying to reassure Carlisle and remind myself why I hadn't torn him apart…yet.

"Not as much as you do."

Jasper's words caught me by surprise. I had thought as much, but worried that perhaps I was blinded by my own love for her, merely assuming—perhaps incorrectly—that it was superior.

"I've been at the school and near Bella's house. I compared your emotions with his. Alice wanted…"

He trailed off, but his thoughts continued. 'Alice wanted to be certain we were doing the right thing for Bella.'

Alice grimaced at me. 'I just wanted to be sure. I know you love her enough to leave if it was what was best for her.'

I nodded. She was right, to a point. I would hide in the shadows and never speak to Bella again if that was what she wanted—what she needed. If I had the choice though, I would be by her side forever. I knew that I would never be able to leave her again of my own free will.

"Do you know how she feels?"

Jasper shook his head. "She loves you, I know that, but her emotions are…confusing. It's almost as if she's feeling two or three conflicting emotions simultaneously."

"Kieran," I spat his name like a curse. "It's his talent."

I quickly explained what he'd told me and what I'd seen in his mind about his gift.

Even as I spoke, I was growing anxious.

Alice, Jasper and Carlisle agreed to do some research and see if they could find out more about Kieran's gift. Alice promised to keep a watchful eye for Victoria—now that we knew she wanted to harm Bella, it was important that we kept tabs on her.

I wanted to see Bella immediately. I needed to reassure myself that she was safe.

~ 0 ~

I knocked on Bella's front door, listening to Carlisle's quiet reassurances as he drove away.

I decided it would be best if I approached Bella out of school. We'd fallen back into a semi-friendship, even though it wasn't really my Bella. I wanted to talk to her properly without prying eyes and ears eager for gossip nearby.

I heard her footsteps and waited anxiously for her to open the door.

"Hi, Edward." She greeted me with a small smile.

I nodded, immediately recognizing the now-familiar almost-blank stare. "Bella."

She stared at me for a moment. "Do you want to come in? I was just watching TV."

My heart plunged to my feet as I watched the empty shell that was once my love walking and talking as if everything was right in the world.

"Sure," I said, smiling as brightly as I could.

She led me into the living room, where the TV was on but muted. Once she was sitting, I sat right next to her. I clasped her hand in my own. She glanced down at our joined hands before slowly pulling hers away.

I noticed the chain around her neck. I knew it held the key I'd left with her—the key to my house and figuratively, my heart. I knew she held it close for a reason and hoped it was enough to bring her back to me.

"I left that key with you."

She blinked, but then continued to stare at the TV.

"I took everything from you, or at least I tried to. I wanted it to be like…I never existed. I couldn't though. I left your belongings under a loose floorboard in your room, because I couldn't bear to take anything else away from you. When you fell in the woods, when you were bleeding, I almost didn't leave. I almost convinced myself it would be better if I stayed. If only I'd known then what I know now; I would have trusted those instincts. Then you asked me to change you and I knew I wouldn't be able to say 'no' for much longer."

I thought I saw the glint of a tear in her eye, but she brushed it away.

"I could never imagine it would come to this. I thought you would survive, thrive and find someone else; someone who would give you a normal life, a human life. I can only give you death. Bella, I was too selfish to leave you without something to remember me by. I thought you might want space to recover. I wondered whether my old room would be a comfort for you but I wanted it to be your choice. That's why I left you the key."

Her fingers traced the chain down to the key before she caressed it lovingly in her hand. It was a gesture I'd seen her do a hundred times, something she seemed to do almost automatically. I hoped it was a positive signal.

"Say something, please?" I asked.

"Like what?" Her voice uncertain.

"Like anything!" I said. "Ask me where I've been, what I've done, anything to show that there's still a chance you still love me."

I couldn't bear to think about the possibility that she no longer felt anything for me. I expected her anger, I even anticipated her hating me for leaving, but to consider she might not feel anything tore me in half.

"I don't know what to say, Edward. I just don't." She didn't even look at me as she spoke.

If it wasn't for the vagueness in her eyes and casual conversation, I might have thought she was trying to hurt me deliberately. But I knew Bella would never do that.

"I can't do this," I groaned.

"Do what?" she asked, a slight frown forming between her eyebrows.

"I can't pretend that I don't care about what has happened to you. I can't pretend that I'm not torn up inside knowing that I'm responsible for this. Bella, I love you."

She looked down at her hands and stayed quiet.

"Bella, please come back to me," I murmured.

I placed my hand tenderly along the side of her face, cupping her cheek gently in my palm. I pressed my lips forward, my eyes falling closed naturally as I allowed my emotions to take control. I kissed her softly, gently, but poured every ounce of love I felt for her into the kiss.

Her lips moved in time with mine, a practiced rhythm that was impossible to forget.

For a moment, I thought I'd awoken her from whatever trance Kieran had put her under, but when her eyes met mine after we'd broken apart, the glassiness was still there.

"I need you to be you again."

She chuckled softly. "I'm always me. If I'm not me, who am I?"

I ran my finger along her cheek.

Here in the privacy of her home, I could show her how vulnerable I was without her by my side. I could show her how much I loved her.

"Bella, you have to snap out of this," I said. "Kieran has put you under some kind of spell, but you have to fight against it. You have to fight for us. You have to come back to me."

"Kieran?" She asked, confusion crossing her features. "I don't know a Kieran."

I rested my head in my hands and groaned quietly in frustration. This wasn't Bella. She wasn't living. It was almost as if her body was on autopilot. I longed desperately to know where she was—what was happening in those parts of her mind that made her Bella.

I sat immobile, uncertain what else I should do—what else I could do? Finally, I heard Charlie's approach and realized it would be prudent not to be in the house when he arrived. I'd heard his mind enough to know he wasn't at all happy with my reappearance at Forks High School and the only reason he hadn't approached Carlisle was because Bella didn't seem to be upset by my return. I wondered how bad she had been when I left that he didn't even question her current state.

I said goodbye to Bella, a stab of rejection striking me when she simply nodded and went back to staring at the TV.

As soon as I left Bella's house, I ran to the forest. Kieran's scent covered the area closest to Bella's house. I was certain he knew I was inside with Bella, but didn't care. I wanted him to free her. He'd said he was the only one who could do it—I wanted it done now. Bella could heal in the real world. I would be everything she needed, if she'd let me.

I followed his scent until his mind came into range. His thoughts were clear, but it was almost as if part of his mind was closed off—as if something was interfering with my ability. I'd always been so focused on his direct thoughts I'd never noticed the absence of his underlying 'voice'—the part of the brain that keeps the deeper secrets hidden away.

"What exactly have you done to Bella?" I asked as soon as I was close enough that he would hear me. I didn't expect an honest answer from him, but I hoped I could sense the truth in his thoughts.

"I haven't done anything to her. I told you, she wanted an escape."

"Why won't she talk to me? Where is she?"

"She's lost deep in her world. She's so far down the rabbit hole; she won't be roused in the usual ways. Her subconscious mind wantsto stay there."

"What does that mean?"

He sighed. "You're not going to go away until you know all of this, are you?"

"I'm not leaving until Bella herself tells me to go."

He rolled his eyes. "You're highly irritating, you know that right?"

I raised my eyebrow at him, silently willing him to just tell me his story.

"I can't explain it all. All I know is that I saw a broken, beautiful girl in the forest. Her blood…"

I heard his desire for her blood ringing through his mind. It brought pools of venom into my mouth.

I clenched my jaw tightly, thankful that he hadn't acted on his first instinct. I had been so distracted I hadn't even noticed his hungered thoughts. He had been so close to her, so close he would have been able to kill her before I could react.

"I followed you as you took her back to that house. I was confused why you didn't act on your nature. I didn't understand how you could hold her so gently, so close, while she was bleeding and not attack. I wondered whether there was something special about her, or about you, because I couldn't see beyond the blood-lust."

He dropped his eyes away from mine and shame filled his thoughts.

"Then you left her, and she was alone, and she was so, so sad."

I could see his memory playing out in his mind as he spoke.

My old bedroom. Bella lying on the black leather seat. Her alabaster skin and the softness of her features stood in stark contrast with the dark, hard leather. Her hair covered her shoulders and red blotches marred the skin under her eyes, evidence of her tears.

"I think I began to understand the yellow-eyes lifestyle a little more in that moment."

He knelt in front of her, his eyes lingered on the red-soaked bandage on her arm. He remembered the thirst that had struck him as the smell of drying blood drew his attention.

"For the first time in, well, in very long time, I thought about a human as more than just a way to sate the constant ache, or house dreams for me to manipulate for my own amusement."

I was surprised, but thankful, that he'd been able to resist.

"I wanted to help her. I had no idea what to do, it's been so many years since I comforted someone, so I did the only thing I could, I tried to seek out her mind."

He reached forward and gently brushed her hair off her face.

"Edward…" she whimpered in her sleep. "Come back."

He tried to find her subconscious mind, but struggled. He doubled his efforts, concentrating on my name.

"I've never had such difficulty locating a subconscious, especially someone who's sleeping."

He whispered my name to her and waited, listening intently. Suddenly an image had appeared in his mind—the image of me with jewel-green eyes.

"It grew easier after that."

His mind traveled forward in time, watching her swallow sleeping tablets before bedtime.

"Despite my initial fascination with her, I was still doing what Victoria asked. I expected to find a girl who was wicked and cruel, who was the instigator of trouble. I was going to place myself into her dreams and turn them into nightmares. But as I watched her dreams, I grew fascinated by her nature. I've spent so many years around vampires who are interested in nothing more than their next meal. It was so refreshing to see someone so self-sacrificing."

I couldn't help but smile at the memory his words evoked. I had fallen in love with Bella for the same reason; she was good.

"I had to get to know her, so I put myself somewhere I could get to know her from a distance."

"Hello, my name is Bella and I'll be your—"

Her face paled and her eyes widened in shock. She stood unblinking for a moment until her pen slipped from her fingers and clattered to the floor.

Bella ducked down to pick up her pen, but Kieran already had it clasped in his hand. Their faces were inches apart as he held it out to her.

"Sorry I startled you," he said.

"That's okay," Bella murmured, slightly breathless and still wide-eyed. "You just reminded me of…someone I used to know."

"I fell in love with her," he said. "I don't know exactly when or where or how, but I did. I could no more hurt her than cut off my own arm."

I understood. I didn't want to understand, but I did. I had the benefit of Jasper's statement to give me some confidence, but it didn't guarantee that Bella loved me more. Or that she would forgive me. I still needed to talk to her.

"You said that she's too deep in her own mind," I said.

He nodded.

"But you can bring her out?"

"It's possible," he said. "But it's going to take something cataclysmic."

"Like what?"

His mind ran through the possibilities until he settled on one.

"She isn't able to be woken from the outside anymore. I'll have to do something to remind her mind that her world isn't real."

I shook my head at his thoughts.

He can't be serious?

"It won't hurt her; she'll wake up in this world. She'll suffer some disorientation, but the effects will wear off quickly."

"You can't do it," I said.

"If you want her awake, it's the only way."

I shook my head. "You can't do that."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Fine. But you'll have to think of something else."

I nodded. "I will."

He turned to leave.

"Can I ask one more thing? Can I please see her there? I need to know she's happy."

He grimaced. "Things in that world don't always make sense. The subconscious mind acts impulsively, sometimes on misguided notions."

"Please? I want to see her." I couldn't admit to him that I'd never seen her mind. I longed to have the opportunity, even if it was through an intermediary.

He closed his eyes and brought an image to the forefront of his consciousness. His thoughts of Bella's other world seemed to be recent memories, as if whole conversations were occurring there even as we spoke. I wondered why I couldn't see the conversations as they occurred, but thought it might have been due to Bella's silent mind.

I saw Bella, sitting on a bench in an unfamiliar kitchen. Her stomach was rounded with pregnancy, and her face glowed despite sadness in the depth of her eyes.

"I was born in Scotland, in An t-Eilean Sgitheanach—the Isle of Skye."

Kieran's voice reminded me that it was his vision.

"But I left many years ago."

"Why did you leave?" Bella asked.

He laughed bitterly. "I joined the army."

I took a moment to study Bella. The spark of life that was missing during our conversation earlier was present in her eyes as she spoke with Kieran in the other world.

The moment seemed strangely intimate and I could see why Kieran felt the way he did. The two of them certainly seemed to have a connection. But the fact that he would contemplate driving a car into hers—even if it was only in a dream-state—proved that he didn't really understand the meaning of love.

"Thank you," I murmured begrudgingly. He'd offered me a rare insight; it hadn't been her thoughts per se, but it was a world she had created.

I had to find a way to reach her.

I would find another way to wake her.

~ 0 ~

A/N: I am very sorry for the delay. I had a chapter written for right after the last one, but it didn't quite feel right—it felt like something was missing in between. That chapter is now chapter eighteen, which means it won't be too long before it is posted. However it meant there was a slight delay with this one.

Thank you for sticking with me and a special thank you to Boydblog for betaing this in double time so I could post ASAP.