~ 0 ~

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

~ 0 ~

A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

~ 0 ~

I gasped for air as I sat bolt upright.

My arms began to search for the steering wheel, my feet for the brake, anything that would avoid the collision that I was sure had already happened. I tried to cal my movement when I noticed the stillness around me. I kept my eyes screwed tightly shut. I wasn't ready to face what I sure to see if I opened them.

My heart beat erratically in my chest as I listened for heart monitors or anything else that would indicate I was in hospital.

Silence.

I began to wonder whether I was alive or dead. My hands reached to wrap around my stomach, seeking to protect the life growing within. My heart pounded as my fingertips met with a soft, flat expanse instead of the usual tight roundness.

My baby!

I sat upright, immediately missing the feeling of fullness. Tears of panic flooded my still closed eyes. I wanted to scream and shout and demand to know what was happening.

Where is my baby?

I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was green. The deep green of a forest, viewed through an aging white window pane. I looked down and my heart tore in two as I saw visual evidence that my baby was gone.

I ran my fingertips through my hair as I struggled to make sense of my surroundings: a purple comforter twisted around my body, the crisp white sheets contorted about my legs.

Realization dawned on me slowly.

I kicked off the covers and stood up, my knees felt like jelly as the course of adrenaline ran through my body. Memories, vague and uncertain, swam through my mind.

I thought I remembered seeing Edward—not the husband who had betrayed me so horrendously— but the vampire that had appeared as a warning.

Images ran through my head: school and Edward, my house and Edward, Edward everywhere and nowhere all at once. I heard apologies uttered a hundred times with no reply. My head ached as the memories of both worlds pressed against each other and fought for coherence in my mind.

My fingers found their way to the chain around my neck and to the key attached. I needed to know whether my recollections where real.

Is he really back?

My stomach clenched as I thought about him—both the man I married and the vampire who broke my heart. I wanted to see Edward, but I wanted to run as far from him as possible.

I wanted to drive over to his old house and figure out whether I was in fact crazy. If I'd lost my mind entirely, it would stand empty, just as it had the last time I was there.

If he is there, could I face him after the betrayal I endured?

I held the key between my fingers, rubbing it absentmindedly as I walked to the window. Once upon a time, it was his doorway into my room. I rested my head softly against the glass, staring into the forest that bordered the backyard.

I squinted as movement in the forest caught my eye. I couldn't be certain, but I thought I saw a flash of copper-colored hair. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

I thought about the dream I'd just woken from.

It was a dream, wasn't it?

Edward and Rosalie had been together. The thought of it made bile rise in my throat, but in a way it almost made sense. Rosalie was exactly the type of girl that someone as beautiful as Edward should be attracted to.

Why would he settle for someone like me when she was around?

I knew Rosalie was with Emmett, but my recollection of her loving touches with the human version of Edward made my heart ache. I knew it wasn't real—unless this place is just a dream—but I still felt betrayed.

I turned away from the window and quickly grabbed some clothes. I was about halfway down the stairs when there was a knock on the front door.

"Coming!" I called as I sped up my pace.

I wasn't expecting any visitors, so I had no idea who it would be, but I had an irrational surge of fear and hope that it was Edward. I wanted to see him just as much as I didn't. I wasn't sure whether I would be able to see beyond the betrayal I felt. He had hurt me twice, the pain I'd incurred at his hand in both lives stabbed at me; but then he had apologized countless times when we were at school together.

I threw open the door when I reached it. My eyes grew wide as I saw Kieran.

He was almost the same as in my other world only it was obvious that he wasn't human. He had smooth, perfect, yet almost chalky skin. His brown hair fell forward, almost into his eyes, but flicked outward at the last moment—perfectly coiffed. He had every trademark feature I had come to recognize in a vampire.

My voice caught in my throat momentarily. I knew I should have been afraid; James had demonstrated to me how vicious vampires could be. But Kieran's eyes were a light, honey-gold color—just like Edward's—and they implored me to listen. I wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure he wasn't a hallucination, but I was afraid I would find his touch to be cold.

"Kieran!" I exclaimed. "But…how is this possible?"

I threw my hand over my mouth. I'd just admitted to knowing the man—no, the vampire—that was standing in front of me, despite the fact that I'd never met him before in this life. He didn't seem surprised by my recognition though. Nor did he seem vicious. In fact, he seemed almost contrite.

He scrubbed the back of his neck—a nervous tick I recognized from the other world—and smiled ruefully. "Can we talk?"

I nodded before stepping back to allow him into the house. A tiny part of my mind screamed at me that I shouldn't, but I felt safe around him. I instinctively knew that he was no more likely to hurt me than Edward was. I trusted him.

I pointed to the sofa and he sat, certainly more for my benefit than his own. I stood behind the coffee table with my arms crossed, seeking an explanation.

A vision of him in my bedroom as I slipped between worlds floated into my mind.

"You've been here before, haven't you?" My tone was accusatory.

He nodded sheepishly.

"Why?"

"I was asked by someone I considered a friend to come to Forks and find you."

My mind immediately went to Edward.

Did he ask this stranger to watch over me? Why?

I nodded, trying to coax him to continue talking. I was still dumbstruck at the way my two lives had smashed into each other with his appearance. I was beginning to feel faint and I needed to sit. I rounded the coffee table before sitting on it. It meant I was within touching distance of Kieran, and directly in front of him. I felt far more comfortable around him than I realistically should have been, considering what I knew he'd be capable of.

"When I did find you, you were hurt and broken. I wanted to help you." His eyes met mine and he held me captive. Sitting so close, I could clearly see the sincerity in his expression.

"How?" The question was on my lips before I'd even really thought about asking it. I drew closer to him, captured by his presence and natural charm, just as I had been in the other world.

"I have a gift."

My stomach twisted and I pulled back again. "What is it?"

"I can see and influence the subconscious mind."

I frowned.

What is he trying to say?

"When I saw how hurt you were, I wanted to help you. There was somewhere else you wanted to be, you wanted Edward by your side. I…" he swallowed heavily. "I gave that to you."

My heart raced.

"It was difficult to get into your mind at first, it's almost like there's some kind of...barrier protecting it. It seemed too easy for you to slip back out of the world your mind had built for you."

"My mind?" I repeated almost silently.

He nodded, and continued. He looked like he was on a mission, like he wanted to tell me everything; or perhaps like he needed to tell me everything.

"But almost immediately, it grew easier. You accepted me into your dreams. Your mind opened up to me, and you showed me what you wanted."

"Edward," I whispered.

He nodded. "You wanted a place where his…differences didn't have to pull you apart. I gave it to you. Everything you wanted, I gave you."

I considered the other world, married to Edward, all of the bittersweet moments I'd experienced with him. The touches and caresses that had set my skin on fire. My heart ached again as I thought of the baby, and my hand fell to my stomach. It didn't matter whether it was, as Kieran was telling me, an imaginary world, I felt still felt the loss of my baby keenly. As I relived the memories of everything I'd shared with Edward, his ultimate betrayal seemed that much worse.

"You put me there?" I asked. I thought of the happiness, and the heartache, I'd felt in that world. "Why?"

He hung his head in shame. "At first, it was to help my friend."

The words were said with such regret I knew that his friend wasn't a friend of mine, but I still had no clue to their identity, or their goal.

"Who?" I asked, but then the second part of his admission struck me. "You said 'at first', what changed?"

He smiled slightly as he looked into my eyes again. His fingers seemed to twitch, almost as if he was as eager to reach out to me, as I had been to touch him earlier.

"Bella, what I told you last night wasn't a lie."

"Last night?" My head was spinning and I could barely keep up. Everything I'd lived for the last few months—that I had ever experienced there—was in my mind, but apparently some of it was real.

"I could see what you were thinking. Everything. But I couldn't control any of it, with one exception."

"You?" I asked, my voice barely a breath. My stomach tightened.

He reached out, brushing his porcelain-like fingers across the back of my hand. The sudden chill of his touch should have startled me, but instead it make me think of another's touch that I'd experienced so long ago.

"I've fallen in love with you, Bella. I didn't mean to, but somehow along the way, I did."

I shook my head. "No, no, that's not me. Her, there, that's not really me."

He brushed his finger lightly across my cheek, sweeping my hair from my face. "It is though. Your inner presence—you—shine through in every action that happened there. Every part of your subconscious was on display, and it was…" He smiled. "It is brilliant."

I shook my head as both realities tumbled together in my mind.

"But I would never want Edward to…" I trailed off as the images of him and Rosalie together swamped me again. I dropped my chin to my chest, trying to hold back the tears.

Kieran's fingers swept to my chin, caressing it lightly as he coaxed my eyes back to his. "No, you didn't, but you never thought you were good enough for him either. Your mind rejected the fact that he could ever love you, especially if he could have someone like Rosalie."

I wanted to deny his statement as tears pricked my eyes, but I couldn't.

How many times have I thought exactly that? How many times have I doubted Edward's love for me?

"You were wrong," Kieran said vehemently. He'd sat forward and his face was just inches from my own. "He's the one who isn't good enough for you."

I was about to argue, when Kieran covered the last of the distance slowly. His lips met mine in an almost chaste kiss. He froze the minute our lips touched, before pressing his lips together and backing away slowly.

I easily recognized the signs of a vampire losing self-control. Edward had displayed them often enough when we'd first declared ourselves, I was sure it wasn't any different for Kieran. I sat perfectly still. I didn't even breathe.

Slowly, Kieran's rigid body unlocked and I knew the worst of the danger had passed.

I exhaled, and sat gaping at him while my mind warred with itself. Part of me was incensed that he'd actually kissed me; another part wanted him to do it again.

"I can't…" Kieran started before stopping and swallowing heavily. "I don't want to hurt you, Bella. I love you and I want you to be with me forever."

I gasped as I realized the implication of his statement.

He would change me?

My stomach twisted at the thought. It was one thing Edward had always denied, claiming that he didn't want me to lose my soul. Perhaps the truth was more insidious. Perhaps Edward just never loved me enough to want me by his side for eternity.

In contrast, Kieran was willingly offering it; in fact he almost sounded like he was desperate for me to agree.

"This is just too much to think about," I said quietly, pulling away from his touch.

I stood and crossed the living room, desperate to get away from Kieran's charm—it was all too easy to fall for his spell up close.

I loved Edward. Deep in my heart I knew that to be the solemn truth, but the adoration in Kieran's eyes was impossible to miss. I thought about the way he had treated me in the other life—in my imagination—and realized that he'd only ever looked out for me.

Would it be terrible to accept what he's offering?

I needed to know more. I needed more information.

"Tell me about yourself," I said with my back still turned to him. "The truth."

"I did tell you the truth," he said. "Or at least the part of it I knew your mind would be willing to accept."

"Then fill in the blanks."

"I was born in Scotland, in An t-Eilean Sgitheanach—the Isle of Skye," he said quietly, reminding me of the words he'd spoken to me in other life. "I was born in 1896."

I tried to hide my surprise, but I knew he could hear my heart beating faster.

"I left in 1914 to join the army. It was a different world back then, and they used propaganda to inspire young men to enlist." His voice was bitter as he spoke of it. "I thought I was going to find glory and return home a hero. Instead, I became what I am and could never return."

I found that I'd spun back toward him during his speech. His expression held such turmoil and I just wanted to wipe it away. I wondered what horrors he'd seen to cause that look. I was drawn toward him.

"I was a member of the 7th Battalion of the Cameron Highlanders. My Màthair was so proud of me." He almost spat the words, his bitterness obvious. "I was in the militia, and they sent me to the front line almost straight away. The things I saw…" His eyes flicked to me and he seemed to calm considerably. "Let's just say, they're not fit for a lady's ears."

He ran his fingers through the tips of his hair before cradling his forehead in his palms.

"I was there, when the poem I was singing last night was written. I was there for the battle of Somme." His voice was quiet and filled with pain.

I remembered that Edward had told me once that his human memories were dull and unfocused. I wondered how horrific the events in Kieran's mind were that he was able to recall them so vividly. He seemed visibly haunted by them. I wanted to offer some comfort, but I knew I couldn't. I wished I could ask him to stop, but I needed to know who he was—he knew so much about me.

My face flushed as I recalled some of the things Edward and I had done in that other life.

Had Kieran seen that?

"Nothing I'd ever witnessed could have prepared me for what happened there. Wave after wave of men climbed from the trenches, and almost all of them fell immediately. Some were tripped by the pock-marked ground, others slaughtered. Those who could, stood up and kept advancing. We had our orders, and knew our own side would shoot us if we didn't obey. We had to climb over the bodies of our fallen companions to reach the enemy.

"Twenty thousand men died that day. Many, many more were injured. I was shot, but I got lucky."

He dropped his hands, leaned against the sofa and rubbed his shoulder lightly. Bitterness crept across his features.

"My kinsman dragged me back to the safety of the trench and then the stupid fool got himself shot in the back. He died, because he was trying to save me.

"I was still waiting for a medic when a dark shadow crept by me. I didn't have a clue what he was then, but the way he walked through a rain of bullets made me think he must have been an angel. For a moment, I thought he was Death coming to claim me."

"A vampire?" I asked quietly, my voice startling us both.

He nodded. "The blood of the fallen was too great a draw for him. He'd killed four of my regiment before he was drawn to me. If he hadn't fed so much before descending on me, my fate might have been different. He took his fill, and didn't realize he hadn't killed me. He left me for dead."

I could picture a scared young man, having just witnessed the horrors of battle and the death of his friend, facing the red eyes of vampire mid hunt. Images of James, Laurent and Victoria flashed into my mind—the only red-eyed vampires I'd ever known. I remembered the way James had tortured me, and how his eyes had haunted my nightmares for so long afterward.

My heart ached for the loss of Kieran's innocence, and the loss of his life.

The story Carlisle had told me of Edward's transformation seemed compassionate in comparison to the monstrous way Kieran had succumbed. I wanted to erase some of his pain. I wanted to get to know him, and part of me even began to consider his offer.

Could I be by his side forever always knowing that he's my second choice?

"Why me?" I asked quietly.

He looked away. "The vampire who turned me, I eventually found him. I thought I would hate him, but he showed me what I was capable of. We parted ways shortly after arriving in America, but we cross paths regularly. About ten years ago, he introduced me to a mated pair. I recently found one half of that pair. She was very cross with you."

I felt all of the air leave my body as it became clear who he meant.

"Victoria?" I breathed, as my body began to shake with fear.

"She wants revenge." He closed his eyes. "I agreed to help her."

"What?" I couldn't think straight. My heart raced and I felt faint. I shook my head. "No, please don't."

I felt foolish that I had allowed myself to become trapped in my house with a vampire that had been sent to destroy me. I took a step away from Kieran. I stumbled. In a flash, cool arms held me firmly, halting my fall.

"I won't," Kieran whispered, his cool breath brushing against my ear. "I promise you, Bella. No one will ever hurt you again."

~ 0 ~

To picture the way Kieran looks at Bella just watch this video:- (imagine a slightly younger David Tennant with slightly lighter eyes) *sighs* http:/www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=UdFwLTP-Zl8