Author's Note:

These last few chapters have been so tough for me to write! I think I'm mourning Harlow's death more than Merle...now I totally understand how hard it is to kill off a character. Anyways, just wanted to say the usual things I say...thank you for reading, thank you for your messages, reviews, and favorites. Anything you do to support me, I appreciate more than you know. If I could give you all your own personal Daryl Dixon to love, trust me I would. Enjoy the chapter, biscuits!

-Nikki

Charlie

"How long are we going to let him stay out there?" I asked quietly, crossing my arms over my chest. The sun had sunk lower in the sky, casting shadows over the prison yard. Merle was still sitting alone out in the field, Harlow's lifeless body in front of him. It had been at least two hours. My heart was breaking for him. I couldn't even begin to understand that kind of pain he was feeling. I just knew that I never wanted to.

"I dunno." Daryl answered. I looked over at him to see that he was also watching Merle, an unreadable expression on his face. I could tell he didn't really know what to do, let alone how to feel. This had to be the first time in his life he'd ever seen his older brother break down like this. Merle had never been a predictable person. But he'd always seemed so strong, so unbreakable. Now here he was, cracked and crumbling beyond repair.

I grabbed Daryl's hand, intertwining his fingers with mine. I watched him cast his eyes down towards our hands before he looked up at me. I didn't think I'd ever get over how fiercely blue they were. "We'll get him through this." I said quietly, although even as I said the words I didn't know how. I just knew we would try.

Daryl nodded and I tugged on his hand, bringing him closer to me before pressing my lips to his. I pulled back, running my hand over the stubble on his jaw before letting my hand fall back to my side. "I've never seen him cry." He suddenly said. His voice was low and quiet, and I could hear the slight disbelief in his tone. Like he wasn't sure if Merle's tears had actually happened or not.

I let out a sigh, shaking my head. I'd never seen him cry either. Never thought I'd see the day when there was anything that could tear Merle Dixon a part like that. The door to the cellblock suddenly opened and Hershel slowly made his way outside on his crutches. Glenn followed behind him with Maggie and Carol. I watched as all their eyes landed on Merle in the distance.

"We should bury her. Have a proper funeral." Hershel said.

"He probably won't let us get anywhere near her." Maggie added quietly.

"Well, we can't let him stay out there forever. You two should go to him." Carol said, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I glanced at Daryl to see him chewing his bottom lip slowly. He finally let out a defeated sigh. "Don't think he'll listen."

"Doesn't hurt to try." I said, looking back towards Merle's hunched figure. "Come on."

I started across the pavement, heading towards the field. I heard a second set of footsteps after a minute and knew Daryl had finally followed after me. I felt a pang of nervousness as we got closer to his brother. I had no idea how the older Dixon would react to us intruding on his grief. From what Daryl had told me earlier, Merle had lost it on the catwalk and tried to destroy everything in sight. When I looked at him now, though, he looked drained. He was on his knees, shoulders slouching and head bowed. It hurt my heart to see him this way.

Daryl and I slowed to a stop just behind him. I looked down to see Daryl's hands clenched into tight fists at his side. He had always been pretty damn good at hiding how he felt, but I could read him easily. From the way his fingers were curled into fists, to the way he was hesitating, I could tell Daryl was uneasy and more upset than he let on to. I took a deep breath, deciding to take the first step for him.

I moved forward and cautiously took a seat on the ground next to Merle. If he knew I was there, he didn't acknowledge it. I swept my eyes over his grizzled face and felt another pang in my chest. He wasn't crying anymore. His eyes and cheeks were both dry, but the expression on his face crushed me. I followed his gaze to Harlow and swallowed hard. Her skin was pale, her dark hair fanned around her, and her chest utterly still. Just a few hours ago I had seen her smiling and laughing, I'd seen her eyes follow Merle across the room. I hadn't known her long, but she had a good heart. She deserved to live. Merle deserved for her to live. I wouldn't wish something like this on anyone ever.

"I'm sorry, Merle." I said in a whisper. "God, I'm so sorry."

He didn't say anything, but Daryl was suddenly crouching down on his other side. His eyes lingered on Harlow's body before he looked back at his brother. "We need to bury her, Merle. Have a funeral and put her to rest." He said carefully.

I tentatively reached out and put my hand on Merle's arm. When he didn't pull away, I reached for his hand and clutched it in mine. "I know there's nothing anyone can say to make this alright, but I'm glad you had her. Even if it wasn't for as long as you wanted. I've never seen you that happy. I'm glad you got to have that for a little while."

"She shouldn't have died. Should be me lyin' there instead." I suddenly heard him mutter in his gruff voice. He pulled his hand out of my grasp and I watched him lean forward and brush his hand across her forehead, his fingers lingering on her cheek before he abruptly stood up and started walking back towards the prison.

"He's right. She should still be livin'. Didn't deserve to die." Daryl said in a low voice. "Governor deserves everythin' he's got comin' to him." His voice took on a dangerous, savage tone, but I knew I would be lying if I said I didn't feel it either. He'd already take away too much from us, done too much damage.

I heard footsteps and looked over my shoulder to see Glenn, T-Dog, Michonne, and Maggie headed towards us with shovels in their hands. I stood up, brushing my hands on the front of my jeans.

"Where should we bury her?" Glenn asked, his eyes avoiding the spot on the ground where Harlow's body still laid.

I shook my head. "Not here. Not where all this happened. Over there. By Lori." I pointed towards a grassy spot on the other side of the guard tower that had been untouched by the Governor's attack. There hadn't been a body to bury when Lori passed, but we'd still held a funeral and created a cross to mark her grave. It felt like the only right thing to do. I hesitated, though, realizing someone would have to carry her. When I turned back around, Daryl met my gaze. Wordlessly, he bent down and carefully gathered her into his arms. He tucked her close against his chest before leading the way to the spot I pointed out.

It was a short, but quiet walk and I could feel the heaviness in the air. It was like we all were shouldering some of Merle's grief and sharing it with him. Daryl gently laid her on the grass and Maggie unfolded a blanket I hadn't noticed she had tucked under her arm. As everyone else got to work digging the grave, Maggie and I carefully wrapped Harlow in the blanket, covering her pale face last.

"I hate this." Maggie said as we finished, shaking her head. "We shouldn't have to worry about other people takin' our lives. We should be all workin' together to stay alive."

I nodded. "I know. Sometimes I'm more afraid of the living, than I am of the dead."

The mood was somber and silent the entire time as we all took turns creating Harlow's resting place. When it was finally finished, we stood around the deep hole in the ground. I was instantly reminded of when Dale died. Of how it felt to stand around the grave as we all took turns saying our good-byes.

"Someone should go get Merle." Maggie spoke up, breaking the silence.

Daryl shook his head. "He won't come."

I knew he was right. This was the last place Merle would want to be. The best we could do for him now was to leave him alone, let him deal with his pain as best he could. He wouldn't want anyone to help him or comfort him.

"Well, let's at least get everyone else. If we're gonna have a funeral, then we should do it right." Maggie said before turning her back and heading towards the prison.

When I turned back towards the shallow grave, T-Dog had hopped inside it and was holding out his arms as Daryl carefully passed Harlow to him. I turned my eyes to the ground. I couldn't watch them put her body in there. I couldn't watch as she disappeared into the ground. Merle wasn't there to see it, but my heart hurt for him. I heard the distinct sounds of shovels dropping dirt into the hole and I moved away into the shade of the guard tower.

I watched from the distance as Maggie held open the prison door for Hershel to limp through on his crutches, Beth, Carl, Gabe and Carol close behind him. I realized I once again had no idea where Rick was, but that was the least of my worries right now. Even though it made me almost feel guilty to think that.

"Alright?" I heard Daryl's familiar voice ask and turned around to see he had silently come up behind me. I could see the thin layer of dirt that coated his hands and arms, a little bit smudged on his face. I reached for him and pulled him closer, using my fingers to wipe the dirt from his cheek.

"Not really." I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. "It's just hard to watch." I looked back at the grave to see the mound of dirt that now covered the top.

"If I was Merle, I don't think I'd wanna see this neither." He said under his breath.

I nodded in agreement. I didn't want to think any farther than that. I didn't want to imagine what it would feel like if it was Daryl underneath all that crumbled earth. I knew without thinking too hard that I would shatter into a million pieces. I suppressed a shudder.

The others finally made their way down to the field and were gathered around the grave. Daryl brushed my hair out of my eyes before nudging me in their direction and I reluctantly turned to join them. It was quiet for a long minute as we all stared down at the ground, a million different thoughts running through each of our heads. I was sure we were all thinking along the same lines, though, that it could have easily been any one of us instead of her.

"None of us knew Harlow for long, but I think we can all agree she had a good soul. She was kind, helpful, and willing to fight alongside us strangers to keep our home safe." Hershel began.

"Back in Woodbury, she warned me to leave while I could. That it wasn't safe there." Michonne said quietly. "She saved my life."

"She didn't deserve to die like this." I added before I could stop myself. I shook my head as I felt everyone's eyes turn towards me. "I know not all of us knew Merle for very long, or knew him the way that Daryl and I did, but believe me when I say Harlow made him a better man. It takes a certain kind of person to love Merle Dixon…someone strong and capable and smart enough to see through all his bullshit." I said with a small, barely there smile. "He loved her back more than I thought it was possible for him to love somebody. She didn't deserve this."

"Neither of them deserve this." Daryl finished for me. I nodded hard.

I was suddenly aware of Beth passing baby Judith to Carol before shyly stepping forward. "I know that Merle isn't here, but I think I'd like to say somethin' for him. Actually, I'd like to sing somethin'. If that's okay." Her eyes drifted around our huddled group before landing on her father, who nodded and gave her a smile, encouraging smile.

I wondered if Daryl was as surprised as I was that out of everyone in our group, Beth wanted to be the one to speak on Merle's behalf. He and Harlow were still both strangers to her, yet that didn't seem to matter. She took a deep breath, her eyes nervously averting to the ground, before she started to sing.

It's been a long time since I've prayed
Let the words fall where they may
Forgive me now for what I'm about to say
Tired of being on my knees
Sick of begging you please
Since the day you took him away from me

God, how much more do I have to hurt
How far down do you wanna see me go tell me
God, you don't know the sadness of this place
You got the angels and the saints
So give me back my love
Don't you think I'm lonely enough

You got the power in your hands
To change the master plan
Every star and every grain of sand
You keep bringing back the dead
Just roll the stone away
Before there's nothing left of me to say

God, how much more do I have to hurt
How far down do you wanna see me go tell me
God, you don't know the sadness of this place
Show me amazing grace
And give me back my love
Don't you think I'm lonely enough
Wont you give me back my love
Don't you think I'm lonely enough

Beth's voice was soft, but somehow seemed to carry across the entire prison yard. It didn't matter that I didn't recognize the words or that the melody was one I'd never even heard before. It'd been so long since I'd heard music of any kind. It was one of those things that seemed to have gotten lost after the world ended. I felt grateful to Beth for lending her voice. It was a damn good way to honor Harlow's memory. We lived in a place now where death happened too often and also usually happened too suddenly. There was never any guarantees for goodbye or closure, or even just remembering. I was glad we could give her this.

The song ended and Beth's voice trailed off until it was quiet once again. She shyly stepped back next to Maggie who wrapped an arm around her little sister's shoulder.

"That was beautiful." Carol said quietly.

I nodded and wiped my cheek with the back of my hand. I hadn't even realized I was crying until then. I couldn't stop thinking about her in the cold ground, couldn't stop thinking about Merle sitting alone in the prison wondering how the hell he was supposed to go on existing after this.

"Let's head back inside. There's a lot we need to think about." Hershel said after one final, long moment of silence.

Beth was at his side in a second, helping make his way through the field and up towards the prison. Daryl and I slowly trailed after the others and when I looked over my shoulder, Michonne was the only one left staring solemnly down at the ground where we laid Harlow to rest.

I felt someone brush my arm and glanced up to see Gabe had fallen into step with me. "Did you ever talk to her? While you were in Woodbury?" I asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I knew she worked in the clinic, but that was about it. She didn't really go out of her way to socialize."

I didn't blame her for that. It would've been ten times harder to leave Woodbury behind if she had made real ties with any of the people there. We reached the cellblock door and walked into the cool dimness of the common room. "Do you think we should check on Merle?" I asked Daryl.

"He probably don't wanna be checked on." He answered, shaking his head. "Probably wants to be on his own."

I chewed on my bottom lip. I knew he was right, but a voice in the back of my head kept nagging at me to at least look in on him. He was in rough shape. He had lost the one thing that mattered to him most and I could only guess what that sort of loss could do to a person like him, who already so unpredictable. "I just need to make sure he's okay." I finally said.

Daryl slowed to a stop. He looked like he wanted to argue with me about it, but finally let out a sigh. "Fine, but I'm goin' with ya'. Don't know what kinda shape he's in."

I nodded before looking back at Gabe. "Stay here." I told him, before turning and heading towards the row of cells beyond the gated door. I knew that the cell Merle and Harlow had shared was the last one on the first floor. It was quiet as I headed in that direction, Daryl's footsteps trailing behind me. When we finally got there, I slowed to a complete stop, taking a deep breath. I peered around the corner into the tiny, cement room.

Merle was seated on the edge of the cot in the far corner. He had his head hung low, arms resting on his knees. From here, I couldn't tell if he was staring at the concrete floor or had his eyes shut. He was incredibly still, though.

"Merle." I said quietly. I waited a minute, but he didn't answer. Didn't look up or anything. I stepped further into the room. "Merle, I just wanted to make sure-"

His deep, rough voice interrupted me before I had a chance to finish. "You best get your ass outta this room in the next five seconds." He muttered, sounding dangerous. "I just lost the one good thing I had goin' for me, and you're standin' there askin' if I'm okay? Get the fuck out."

Before I could even think about saying anything else, Daryl's fingers wrapped around my arm as he pulled me out of the room. "Leave him be, Charlie." He said quietly.

I followed him back out into the hallway, where he immediately headed up the metal steps that led to the second floor. I followed after him into his own cell, where he leaned back against the cement wall opposite the cot. I sank down onto the thin mattress, wrapping my arms across my middle. "I don't know what to do." I said, shaking my head.

"Nothin' ya' can do." Daryl answered. He looking at me with a new sort of intensity, a look on his face that suddenly seemed sad and grateful all at once. "When ya' didn't come back that day, when Michonne showed up outside the fence and told us what happened…" He paused for a minute, averting his eyes to the floor before finally glancing back up at me. "There was a part of me that thought I wasn't gonna see ya' again. I'd never felt anythin' even close to what I felt that day. So standin' here and tryin' to imagine what Merle's goin' through makes me pray like hell I never know."

"Daryl…" I said quietly. His eyes were still watching me and I wondered if he was still looking at the fading bruises, imagining that day.

"I already lost ya' one time…didn't know what I'd do if it happened again." He added, voice almost a whisper. Daryl was never eager to tell me things like this. Things that made him feel vulnerable, or weak. He shifted from one foot to the other, his fingers clenched at his sides. All the signs that this was hard for him to say.

I stood up off the cot and crossed the room in one short stride, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing myself close to him. I felt his arms wrap around my waist, his chin resting on the top of my head. "You aren't gonna lose me, Daryl."

"The entire time I was diggin' that hole, I just kept thinkin' how close I came to diggin' one for you."

I pressed myself to him even closer, though it didn't seem physically possible. I tilted my chin and pressed my lips to the side of his jaw. "Stop, Daryl." I murmured against his skin. "I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere." I closed my eyes as I breathed in the familiar musky smell of his skin, resting my cheek against his chest. He wasn't the only one. All I could think about the entire time I was in Woodbury was that I'd never see Daryl every again. That I had wasted ten years of my life missing him, finally found him, only to lose him all over again. He wasn't the only one afraid of getting left alone. "Just promise me you won't go anywhere either."

I felt his fingers running through my hair before his hand was gliding over my shoulders and stopping to press against the small of my back. "You know I ain't ever gonna leave you, girl. Not as long as I can help it."

"Then stop driving yourself crazy thinking things like that. We'll be alright." I assured him. I leaned back to look at his face and was surprised to see a half smile pulling up one half of his mouth. "What?" I asked, my eyebrows knitting together.

"Nothin'." He chuckled. "But ain't this supposed to be the other way around? I'm the man right? I should be comfortin' you."

I rolled my eyes. "You're not as tough as you think you are, Dixon."

"Well then I guess it's a damn good thing I have you." He smirked.

"Damn right." I agreed. I laid my head back against his chest, nuzzling my face into the roughness of his shirt. I listened to the sound of his heartbeat, his chest slowly rising and falling. It was a sound that right now I was more grateful than ever to hear. It grew quiet, Daryl's hand trailing up and down my back as I held myself close to him, wondering not for the first time how I had missed out on this feeling for years. I felt a sting in my chest as I thought about the other Dixon again and the permanent hole he now had in his life. "I really hope Merle can pull through this, though." I said, breaking the long stretch of silence.

"Guess we'll see." Daryl answered. I felt his calloused fingers brushing back my bangs before his lips pressed against my forehead.

I sighed as I leaned against him, thinking about how quiet Merle was now as he sat alone in his cell. I couldn't help but think that the quiet scared me more than the crying, than the outbursts. The quiet made it hard to tell if he was hanging on or giving up.