Chapter 10: Heavy Heart
Everyone had left, gone to get ready for the upcoming fight. There were discussions of fight plans and the mission but Stiles found himself drifting away from the noise of everyone's voices. Eventually he even found himself pushing up from the couch and wondering off from the living room. He wasn't sure what made him go there but before he could really think about it, Stiles was standing in the middle of the kitchen leaning on the table. His eyes were fixated on the blood stained floor.
Maybe he wanted to see the blood. Maybe he wanted to cry. Or maybe he wanted some part of his dad. Even if Stiles had kept this part of his life from his dad for a long time and was determined to be able to take care of himself, he still needed his dad. He needed his family. Who was he without his dad? He was no one's son anymore. There was no one out there who shared any DNA with him. Didn't that make him alone?
Just as he felt his knees beginning to give out there were arms grabbing him and lowering him into one of the kitchen chairs. "Hey, are you okay?" It was Scott, of course it was Scott. It's always Scott. His best friend had been the one to notice Stiles had left the room. And Scott had been the one to find Stiles standing shakily in the kitchen ready to fall. "Stiles?"
"Why'd he have to die?" Stiles' voice was so small.
Scott followed his friend's glaze to the stain on the floor. "I don't know Stiles. I wish I could have kept it from happening. I wish I could have been here."
"No!" Stiles jumped. "No if you had been here then maybe…" Stiles looked up at his friend, his alpha, his brother. "I can't lose anyone else Scott. I don't think I could take it. I can't even think about losing anyone else. I don't have a family anymore Scott, I can't afford to lose my friends."
The confession sent a pang right to Scott's heart. "I'm going to try my hardest so you never have to lose anyone ever again Stiles."
Stiles nodded as his eyes went back to the bloodstain. "I know that we have to go to the woods tonight. I know that we have to get ready. But…but I need you to take me somewhere." He couldn't take his eyes off the stain. His mind kept supplying the image of his dad's lifeless body bleeding out making the stain that's left there now. "Please Scott." He finally tore his eyes away from the floor to look at his friend.
He didn't have to ask where Stiles wanted to go, Scott knew. That's what it was like for those two being friends. They just knew each other. "Alright, let's go." Scott helped Stiles up and they went out to the blue jeep Stiles had dreamt about seeing again. Scott helped Stiles into the passenger's seat before climbing behind the wheel.
The two sat in silence, something that felt like a first for them. But it wasn't uncomfortable. Scott knew this was what Stiles needed and Stiles knew Scott was there if he needed him. So they stayed like that the whole drive to the cemetery. "We're here. Are you sure about this?" Scott turned the jeep off and turned to his friend.
After a moment of thought Stiles nodded. "I need to do this. I need to see it." With that the two boys left the jeep, Stiles leaning on Scott, and walked down the aisles of gravestones until they came to two marble stones next to each other with the name Stilinski written on them in big letters. "Mom and Dad." Stiles let go of his friend and fell to his knees in front of his parents. "I'm so sorry."
Scott placed a hand on Stiles' shoulder. "It wasn't your fault Stiles."
"Yes it was. Both of them…" Tears fell down his face. "I miss you so much." Stiles lifted a hand to each stone. "I don't have anyone anymore. I'm all alone."
"Hey." Scott got to his knees next to Stiles. "You still have me." He gave Stiles a small smile. "You'll always have me Stiles. I know I'm not your blood family, but you're my brother. You'll never be alone as long as I'm around."
Stiles somehow managed to smile back. "I love you Scott. I know it's weird to say that but…"
Scott laughed and put an arm around Stiles' shoulders. "I love you too Stiles." He looked at the graves. "And they love you. I'm sure they're still out there somewhere watching out for us. They were proud of you Stiles."
"I love them too." Stiles wiped his eyes. "That's why I'm not like him." Stiles smiled to himself. "I can do this Scott. I know you wanted me to hang back and be safe, but since when is that ever my style? Every time I did that it went wrong. I mean, remember when I stayed back when you went into the bank to save Boyd and Erica? The plans always work better when I'm there."
After thinking it over for a minute Scott nodded. "You're right, the whole pack should be there and you're a big part of this pack Stiles. I just want to make sure we're all safe." Scott rose from his knees as his phone went off. "They're almost ready."
Stiles shook his head, pulling himself away from the graves that raised him. "That plan isn't going to work. He'll be expecting a bunch of werewolves and you guys to run in. He'll have the place surrounded with poison. I have to go in first. I can detect and disarm the poison on my way. Then you guys can come in after me, being careful for anything I missed. Then you make yourself known. There will be no surprising him. He wants you there anyways, Scott. He wants you to betray me. He thinks that once I see you're more loyal to your beta than me, I'll see that I'm not part of that pack. And once I'm not part of the pack I have no connection. I'll become a killer like him."
Scott put a hand on Stiles' shoulder. "You are a part of this pack Stiles. You were a part of my pack long before anyone else. It was you and me long before we even knew werewolves even existed. Remember when crazy alpha Peter made a big deal about me giving up my pack? Stiles that was you, you were my pack before there was anyone else. Yes, it grew to be more. I mean, we aren't loners anymore but Stiles you're still my best friend, my brother. Liam is my beta and I feel this pull towards him, a need to protect him. But you're more than a beta. I didn't have to bite you and turn you into a supernatural creature to create a bond with you Stiles. And even if there was no supernatural you'd still be with me. That's also how I know that you aren't a killer. I know you."
With a smile Stiles shook his head. "Scott, whether you like it or not, I've killed. I'm different now. And Scott, you can't choose me. You have to choose Liam. We have to let him think he's won. When that happens he will hand Liam over to you and you will hand me over to him."
"What? No, I wouldn't do that!"
There was wisdom and understanding in his eyes as Stiles sighed. "I know you wouldn't Scott, just listen to me. I'm the only one who can kill him. He's been lacing his tea with plants considered poisonous to different supernatural beings for a long time. If one of you killed him, spilled his blood, then you'd be risking killing yourself. Plus, I know all his moves. Now that I'm not tied down or drugged I can take him. I can do this. I'll do it for the pack." He took a breath and leaned on Scott.
Scott seemed unsure. "Are you sure? I mean, you don't seem so stable right now. Once Mom hears you were out of bed today she's going to kill us both, bring us back to life, and then torture us slowly. Plus, Stiles he said your first battle ground, whatever that means. That has to mess with your mind. This guy knows how to fight a war." He hated to admit it.
With memories right on the brink of taking over Stiles nodded. "I can do this. I have to do this." He knew he would never get passed this if he didn't. He would do this for his pack. He would do this for his dad. He would do this for the person he used to be before he was taken. He would do this for the part of him he lost on that battle field…
Dinner, a real dinner with steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, and melt-in-your-mouth rolls that would have made the sheriff immensely happy, and it all sat wonderfully in Stiles' stomach as he let the van rock him to sleep. He had had a long nights rest the night before as well. Food and sleep; he hadn't had those in a long time. But ever since he started killing he'd had so much…
The van came to a stop and Stiles was pulled out, a gun being thrusted into his hand. "There are terrible creatures, causing havoc in the area. They need to be slaughtered. Finish this and you will be rewarded beyond…"
"Wait, there's more than one?" Stiles wasn't use to this. He wasn't use to more than one target.
The older man smiled. "This is your first battle Stiles. You're taking down a whole pack. Taking down one doesn't really count as a kill. You have to kill the entire pack for it to really count. Come on Stiles, you're smarter than that." He gave Stiles a pat on the back. "You're ready for this, I know it. Your bones have healed. Your stitches are gone. I can barely see any bruises. You are like a phoenix that has risen from the ashes, left behind your old life to welcome the new." He gave Stiles' shoulders a little rub before pushing him forwards. "Go on my phoenix."
Stiles gulped. He didn't know if he could do this. But then he thought back to the months of torture. He knew he wouldn't last much longer if he had to go back to that. He liked how he was treated now. So he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to be shut off. When he opened his eyes he tried to turn off all emotion. He tried to think of this as simply something he had to do to survive.
Before Stiles could think about it, he had snuck onto the camp of the wolves undetected. He came upon the first wolf. He was expecting a group of monsters. Older people already wolfed out. But that's not what he found. There was just a teenage boy sitting in a tree. He couldn't be any older than Stiles himself. And he was such an easy target. Stiles felt doubt, he took a step back making a twig snap which alerted the wolf to his presence.
"Whoa, what are you doing here?" The wolf boy jumped out of the tree and looked at Stiles warily. This was just a boy. He didn't want to kill Stiles.
Stiles looked around. He thought about escaping, maybe getting away before the man could punish him for his disobedience. But then he remembered the last time he had tried to refuse to kill the supernatural being that he'd been told to murder. That bastard had made Stiles watch as he gave the poor girl the most painful, agonizing, drawn-out death imaginable. It lasted a week. It was the worst week Stiles endured. He didn't want that for this kid.
"I'm sorry." Stiles felt a tear run down his face as he pulled out a throwing knife, sending it into the air. The werewolf managed to dodge it and attacked Stiles. Stiles did as he was trained and hit pressure points as he dodged claws. The teen fell to the ground and Stiles pulled out his machete. "I'm so sorry." He brought the weapon down several times, severing the poor boy in two.
Looking down into the lifeless eyes Stiles felt as if a part of himself had died with the boy. With a deep breath Stiles let that part of him go, saying a silent pray for what was lost. He wiped the tears from his face and straightened up, readying his warrior's stance. He cut his emotions off, he had to. He couldn't kill with a heavy heart. A heavy heart never survives. Guess he was learning after all.
The next werewolf reminded him of Derek: confident, in his prime, and too quick to jump at a predator. Then there were a few middle aged men. There was even one who looked too much like Melissa, but still Stiles didn't blink. He just kept trudging through the blood. If he let himself feel, then this would be worse than the torture he was trying to escape.
By the end of it he had killed three families; men, women, and children. He killed those who fought back, those who begged for mercy, those who ran, and even one who slept. But he couldn't let himself feel guilt. He couldn't feel remorse. This was survival. He needed to do this for survival. This was awful. This was pure murder. He'd have to be let free after this right? There had to be a reason for this blood on his hands.
After the job was done he let his mind come back. He thought maybe all of him would come back when the fog lifted but he wasn't all there. A part of himself was still gone. And he fell to his knees. Maybe it was exhaustion. But then he felt that terrible haunting presence come up behind him from the massacre. "I did what you said, now will you let me go?"
A laugh came before a hand laid on his shoulder. "Oh my good boy, this is only the beginning."
Stiles jumped awake from a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, are you okay? Your heart was beating out of control." Scott looked a little worried. He had initially been happy when he saw Stiles fall asleep in the jeep as they drove away from the cemetery. He knew Stiles needed the rest. But not far into the sleep Stiles began to show signs of a nightmare.
Clearing his throat Stiles nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" He looked out the window, seeing they were back at his house. "Scott. He's going to tell you about the awful things I did. He's going to tell you about the families I killed."
"Stiles…"
"It's all true. I did it. I was desperate. I was selfish. But I don't want to do that ever again. I don't want to feel that way again. I don't want to lose any more parts of me." Stiles felt tears running down his cheeks and it made him laugh. "This is the most I've cried in a long time that wasn't from physical pain. It's like…it's like my heart is back."
Scott smiled at his friend. "When we were kids your mom always said you were the one with the heavy heart."
/Hey guys, thank you so much for all of the awesome reviews! They made me all warm and cuddly on the inside! And made me want to write more! So, sadly, I only have two more chapters planned for this story but I was thinking of adding one more that would be purely flashback (more of Stiles' torture and a little bit of the rest of the pack as they searched for Stiles) before the final showdown. What would you guys think of that? Let me know! Also, I have finals for my summer classes coming up so next week might be late. Then I go back to school in a couple of weeks so life is going to get crazy. I'm going to try to get ahead and finish this in the time i have between summer classes and regular school but if I fall behind please be patient, I'm just a college girl. Anywho, thanks for reading, please review, and have a great day! :)