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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

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A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen http:/yfrog(dot)com/oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

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~ EDWARD CULLEN ~

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The moment Bella's warm hand pressed softly against my chest, I felt like my frozen heart would shatter. She exerted the lightest pressure, but it was enough to push me away. Yet I couldn't walk away without leaving her with one last thought.

I placed my hand over hers and guided it over my heart. "Where ever I go, you will always be in here."

Her teeth sunk into the tender skin of her lower lip, and she avoided looking me in the eye.

"I'll see you in school tomorrow," I said to remind her of my promise that I wasn't going anywhere.

I left the room quickly, pausing only when I reached the bottom of the stairs, unwilling and unable to put extra space between Bella and me. After a moment, I forced myself to walk through her door.

Almost instantly, I heard Alice's thoughts calling my name and directing me toward the forest.

"What did you see before?" I asked as I reached her. I thought back to her urgent phone call and the scene I'd run into.

Her mind quickly flittered through the scene she'd witnessed in her vision.

Kieran holding an unconscious Bella in his arms, his control weakening as he breathed in her scent. Bella startling awake to see his lips curled into a snarl, then he sank his teeth deep into the soft flesh of her throat.

A small cry of horror escaped my lips as I witnessed the scene. It didn't matter that it was only a possible outcome—one that I'd managed to change—it was still horrific to watch. If he had lost control that way, Bella could have been killed instead of changed.

'It's okay, Edward, you got there in time.'

"Barely," I muttered under my breath.

'Barely is enough,' she thought.

"Besides," Alice spoke aloud. "I'm here to talk strategy."

I raised my eyebrow at her. "Please don't meddle."

She rolled her eyes.

"Bella needs a friend," she said. "I'm going to be that friend."

'I'm not going to tell her to choose you, but I can help to guide her way through the uncertainty.'

"Alice—"

She shushed me. "I want you to be happy. I want Bella to be happy. I know you'll both be happier if you're together."

"If she chooses him—"

"Will you stop that!" she cut me off.

"Stop what?"

'Being noble.'

"I'm not being noble. I mean it."

"And if you keep saying it, you'll drive Bella away. She'll think you don't want her."

"That's absurd."

"I'm being serious, Edward. Don't be noble. Fight for her; fight for what you want. Fight as if your very existence depends on it, because your happiness certainly does."

"What if it's not what she wants?" I stopped myself before I asked what if I'm not what she wants.

Alice smiled sadly at me. "Bella isn't the only one who doesn't see herself clearly."

I ignored her comment, and the barrage of thoughts she sent with it.

"Regardless, I'm not going to force her into something she doesn't want."

"Stop being dramatic. I'm not saying you should force anything. I'm just saying don't give up, don't roll over and let the other guy win. Woo Bella. Show her that you mean it when you say you love her."

"I wish I'd never given her a reason to doubt," I murmured.

"I wish I'd been more forceful when insisting we stayed," Alice replied softly. "But there's no point dwelling in the past. We live too long to surrender ourselves to regret."

I knew she was right, but I was unable to move beyond the cloud of doubt that filled my mind. I had seen the way Bella's eyes looked when they met mine in the mirror. The life might have returned to them, but they held such torment that I wondered if she would ever be able to move beyond it. I was almost certain that I was the cause of that torment, just as I was certain it was that pain that caused her to push me away.

'I can't see what she will decide, Edward. She still has too much doubt.'

I nodded.

'But I think it's best if there is someone close to her at all times, for the moment.'

I watched as Alice showed me Bella's future. It was a confused mixture of images swirling quickly: Bella with brown eyes, with burning red ones, with eyes of a soft amber and one other, with her eyes closed as she lay motionless in an open coffin.

In all of the possible futures, Bella had barely aged, if at all.

"Why?" I choked. I wanted to know what led to the most horrific of those outcomes.

'I wish I knew.'

Alice's thoughts were as strained as mine felt as she tried to see the sequence of events that led to Bella's death.

'I don't know what will cause any of them. What good is seeing the future if I can't stop that from happening?'

I rested my hand on her shoulder, to offer some comfort.

"Just keep watching out for her. I might not be able to win her back, but I'll be damned if I'll let her die."

Alice turned back toward Bella's house. "She needs a friend now."

I decided to take the opportunity while I knew Alice was with Bella to hunt. I was determined to keep her safe and I'd been pushing my own limits of control, After seeing Alice's vision I wasn't willing to take any risks.

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I brushed the dirt from my hands when I'd finished burying the carcasses of the animals I'd drained. I'd ranged further out than I was planning to, after inhaling the delectable scent of a mountain lion.

I felt revitalized. I hadn't realized just how thirsty I'd been until the first gulp of blood touched the back of my throat. It was a miracle that I hadn't slipped and harmed Bella. Recalling Alice's vision, I vowed to hunt as often as I needed to keep Bella safe.

It was well after dark by the time I reached Bella's house again. I expected to find Kieran skulking in the forest, but the only evidence of his scent that I detected was at least twelve hours old. I began to grow suspicious, but before I could investigate, something else caught my attention.

I heard movement in Bella's room moments before I heard the first few notes of the lullaby she had inspired. I closed my eyes and remembered Bella's reaction the first time I'd played it to her. It was a perfect moment in every way.

I was pulled from my thoughts by a low moan from Bella's room. My first instinct was to protect her—that she was hurt. Without thinking, I crossed the distance and silently scaled the side of the house, peering in through her window to check on her safety.

Instead of seeing Bella in danger, I saw the most beautiful and erotic vision I'd ever witnessed.

Her shirt was pushed up, revealing her pert breasts. Her fingertips trailed across her tender skin, brushing over the pink of her nipples and across the smooth plains of her stomach.

I barely even considered that I was invading her privacy; I couldn't look away. As I watched in awed silence, one of her hands reached into the waistband of her pajamas. She pressed her head back against the pillow in ecstasy and the scent of her arousal engulfed me.

The animal inside was delighted by the display. It whispered insidiously to lift open the window, to join her, to claim her.

I dropped to the ground instead.

I closed my eyes and shook my head to clear it, but all I could see was the image of Bella exploring her own body. It almost felt as though the picture was printed on the insides of my eyelids. My body was alight with sensations I'd never really felt before. I'd seen them in the minds of others—in the minds of my siblings as they coupled with their partners—but never had I truly felt the dizzying rush of burning desire, of lust. I thought I'd wanted Bella before, but the urges I'd had then were based on third party emotions. I'd never truly understood need.

I'd thought fighting my bloodlust was the worst battle I could ever face, but I'd been wrong.

I looked back up at the window as I heard Bella whimper quietly. My mind supplied an image of her biting her lip to stop from crying out in pleasure. I wondered what she was thinking about or, more specifically, who. I couldn't help but feel hopeful that she was thinking of me, considering it was my composition that she was listening to.

I resolved to get some answers as quickly as I could. I crept back to the tree line and watched her room from the forest. Kieran's absence crossed my mind briefly again, but was remarkably easily dismissed with the other images and thoughts I had to consider.

I couldn't help wondering what it would be like to feel the satin skin of Bella's navel with the tip of my fingers, to raise a trail of goose bumps with my touch. I could barely imagine the warmth that would accompany touching her intimately. The memory of the taste of her lips invaded my mind and with it a craving for the taste of her sweet skin under my tongue.

A howl in the distance pulled me from my thoughts and I knew I had to put the images out of my mind.

Bella wasn't mine—she might never be again—and even if she did want me, doing that with her was out of the question.

It would only take one tiny slip in my concentration…

I could easily envisage all of the ways I could hurt her.

Alice's vision! Could Bella's death be a result of my lack of control?

The thought sobered my mind almost instantly. I resolved to push the beautiful image of Bella's ivory skin, flushed red and heated with desire, from my mind. It seemed like a monumentally difficult challenge, but for her safety, I could achieve anything.

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A piercing scream filled the air and gut-wrenching sobs followed almost immediately after. My eyes flew to the source of the sound—Bella's window—and I was already running to her house when Charlie's thoughts stilled me.

'The nightmares are back.'

He dashed into Bella's room. I watched her through his thoughts. Her cheeks were streaked with tears and she was clutching her stomach as she tossed and turned desperately.

Charlie shook her awake and pulled the headphones she was wearing off. I tried to tune out their conversation, feeling guilty for invading yet another intimate moment in Bella's life.

I stepped back under the cover of the trees, refusing to take my eyes off her window. I may have wanted to give her some privacy—especially after completely disregarding it earlier—but I refused to leave her unprotected.

As I watched the empty window, Bella came into view. Her eyes scanned the trees as if looking for something. A spark of hope began to glow in my chest that maybe it was me. It was doused just as quickly, thinking that maybe she was hoping to see Kieran. She'd sent him away earlier, so maybe she wanted to confirm with him that she'd told me there 'is no us'.

I swallowed down my fears and did what Alice suggested. I wanted to fight for Bella. I stepped forward so that she would be able to see me in the soft moonlight. I beseeched her to give me another chance. I wanted an opportunity to heal her from the wounds I'd caused.

I knew the exact moment she'd seen me; her eyes locked onto my location and her head tilted ever so slightly to the side in question. I wanted to run to her arms, but I didn't want to scare her. I felt like everything between us rested on her immediate actions.

She could turn away from me and I would know that I had damaged her too much. That I would need to fight harder and I had to consider the fact that I might lose her forever.

Or she could show me in some way that we had a chance.

She sighed heavily before opening the window. She disappeared back into her bedroom almost instantly, but I didn't care, it was clear the open window was an invitation. The flame burning inside my chest grew exponentially brighter, burning so hot it felt like it would reignite my frozen heart.

I didn't think twice about her invitation. I rushed forward to scale the wall that separated us.

"Edward," she said as I climbed through the window. Her voice sounded pained. I saw tears swelling in her eyes, as she sat on the edge of the bed.

It was almost as if I was being guided by an outside force because I knew exactly what she needed. I gathered her up in my arms and held her as she cried softly.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," she whispered against my chest.

"I deserved it." I closed my eyes. "I made a big mistake."

"I missed you."

"I missed you too, Bella. I can't even begin to find the words to express just how much."

I pulled back enough to look at her face. I brushed the long strands of hair away from her eyes and swept away her tears with my thumb.

"Can…can you stay with me tonight?" she asked.

Her voice resonated with such vulnerability and I couldn't have said 'no' even if I'd wanted to—which I absolutely didn't.

"For eternity I'll do anything you want."

My words were dangerous—easily twisted to become a promise to give her immortality—but in that moment I didn't care. I would have given her the world on a string if she'd asked.

She rested her forehead against my chest momentarily. As long as I was able to, I wanted to hold her. I wanted to sooth away her pain with soft touches and gentle words. I knew it wasn't forever—one night by her side wouldn't sweep away all of her heartache—but it was a start.

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It was almost too easy holding Bella through the night. She'd curled up against my chest almost instantly and was soon asleep again. I realized that it didn't change anything, Bella and I still needed to talk about so many things, but I felt at peace in her presence.

Her sleep was plagued by dreams most of the night; leaving her whimpering and clutching me tightly. She spoke in her sleep, whispering my name and crying for 'my baby'. I was almost tempted to wake her on a number of occasions, but instead I stroked her hair gently and assured her I was there; it seemed to calm her.

After Bella had finally drifted into a deeper slumber—to the place where her dreams either no longer affected her or she no longer spoke them aloud—I began to examine the confines of her bedroom more closely. So much of what she'd had was now hidden or possibly discarded.

The books and CDs that used to clutter her small bedside table were gone, only two CD cases remained. One was the clear case I'd presented her CD in and the other one a black case with a red splash and the band's name. I recognized it, as I possessed the same CD in my collection.

As I listened to the tinny music echoing through the headphones that were lying on the floor, I heard lyrics that suddenly evoked new meaning to me. Without letting go of Bella, I reached over and restarted the song, an idea already forming in my mind as I did.

Bella woke in the early hours of the morning, nuzzling against my chest before opening her eyes slowly.

"You stayed," she said.

I smiled back at her. As if there was anywhere I'd rather be.

"Edward, I'm…" she trailed off and her cheeks flamed a soft pink. "Thank you for last night. I've just been so overwhelmed."

She still didn't understand that I had a new resolve to do anything she wanted me to—at least, anything that wouldn't endanger her life.

"Bella, I wanted to stay with you. I would have been here all night if I thought that was what you wanted."

I cupped her face with my palm.

"Ask me to stay, and I'll never leave your side again. I meant what I said last night."

"What if I want something that you don't want to give me?" Her blush grew and the delicate aroma of her arousal filled the air.

I could tell what she wanted, and I wanted so badly to be able to give it to her.

It was almost as if I had been granted Alice's gift momentarily as I imagined the future unfolding before me. I pictured Bella beneath me, her body stripped of all clothing. I could almost imagine my tongue tracing patterns across her skin.

I leaned forward and kissed her softly.

Our kiss quickly morphed from the almost chaste ones of our past, to something heated and desperate. Bella climbed onto my lap and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. Her hands balled into fists as she clutched onto my shirt, pulling me closer to her.

I was so intently focused on the passion of our shared kiss that I was taken by surprise when she bucked her hips against mine. I felt a new sensation rip through my body, fierce and unrelenting but so, so sweet.

I wanted her.

I needed to feel her warm skin pressed softly against every inch of me. I wanted to take her, to claim her, to make her mine forever.

I recognized my thoughts were a warning for me to stop before it was too late; before Alice's vision could play out.

I slowed the kiss before breaking it off completely.

Bella screwed her eyes shut almost the instant our lips parted. The ache of rejection was etched into her soft features.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered apologetically.

She pulled herself from my lap.

"It's fine," she muttered dismissively as she quickly adjusted her skewed clothing. "I don't know what I was thinking anyway. I…I'll see you in school I guess."

She fled the room and I was left alone to contemplate the fact that I'd inadvertently hurt her once again.

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