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CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

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A/N:- Banner by FatesLoveQueen /oed60p

I own nothing. Boydblog helped me with this and I'll be forever thankful.

She fixed. I fiddled. Any mistakes that remain are on me.

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~ BELLA SWAN ~

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"I need you to change me," I said.

Maybe Edward was genuine when he said he was staying. I tried to block the doubt; too many reminders of him leaving crept back into my consciousness.

I knew that I had to be honest with Edward. I owed it to myself to tell him how I felt. I needed him to know that I understood what I would be giving up to be with him. But there was more than that. I had to tell him everything about my other world and what I expected in this one. I wasn't entirely sure how Edward would react, but I was hopeful he would at least listen to my proposal.

"Bella, we've talked about this."

His voice held a warning, but I ignored it. I wanted to push him; I had to know how serious he was when he said he would give me anything. I needed him to know that I wasn't going to back-down.

"You've talked, now I think it's time you listened."

Despite my determination, my heart hammered in my throat. I hated that Edward could easily see through my false bravado.

Edward raised his eyebrow, but stayed silent.

"One day, I'm going to die."

He blanched at my statement.

"Maybe it won't happen for fifty years, but at some point it will happen. And when it does, we'll be parted."

"I—"

I cut him off. "I don't want to hear about your plan to end your life once I'm dead," I said.

He frowned at me.

"That isn't going to happen. I won't allow it."

A small smile played on his lips as I issued him my directive.

"I'm not asking for you to change me now, just to not take it off the table. If something happens, if I'm in an accident or get sick, I want you to save me, in the way that only you can."

I wasn't sure whether Edward would give me an answer, but I didn't necessarily need one immediately. I wanted him to consider what I'd said; things that I'd told him before when he was too upset to really listen.

"Most of all, I want you to want me to be like you."

He shook his head and chuckled. "Don't you see, Bella? I do want that. I want that more than you could possibly imagine, but you don't appreciate what you'd have to give up. It's too much."

"If I'm going to die anyway, then I'm not giving up anything."

"What about your soul?" he whispered.

"My soul will be wherever yours is, and I'll be with you. That's what I want most of all."

He seemed almost ashamed when he admitted, "I want that too. I just can't help wondering if the price is too high."

I worried we were going to end up where we'd been for so long, him refusing to change me, the argument turning in constant circles.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella, I promise," he murmured against the top of my head. "And I won't rule out changing you."

I could hear the hesitance in his voice, but the fact that he was willing to talk about a compromise gave me renewed hope.

"Actually, I thought you might have wanted something else."

There was a vulnerability to his voice that made me curious.

"Really?" I unwrapped myself from his body to look at him. "What did you think I wanted?"

He looked away and seemed genuinely embarrassed about whatever it was he was thinking.

"You thought I wanted a continuation of this morning?" I guessed.

"Maybe."

"I did. I mean, I do. Of course I want that." I tried to stop myself from babbling. "But I know you don't."

He chuckled. "But I do."

"But you said—"

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella, but I do want you. More than you could imagine. Then again maybe you can..."

He trailed off and fell silent so I gave him a questioning look.

"There's something I need to tell you," he admitted quietly.

I was confused by his sudden reticence. "What is it?"

"I saw you last night."

He looked so vulnerable as he spoke, as if he expected me to suddenly jump up and run.

"Of course you did, I opened the window for you."

"Before you invited me inside, I heard noises from your room. I thought you were hurt."

I cocked my head in confusion.

What noises did he hear?

"I didn't even think. I just ran toward your house."

Slowly, last nights events unfolded in my mind and my cheeks began to burn.

Surely he hadn't seen me…

"I wasn't trying to pry, but I saw you…" his eyes held an almost dream-like quality.

My face flamed hotter as I realized just what he was admitting.

He leaned closer to me, his cool skin somehow igniting the flames and making them burn hotter. The heat was new though, much less to do with embarrassment and more with desire.

"I saw the sexiest sight I could ever imagine," he whispered into my ear. His voice had taken on a new tone, lower and huskier than I'd ever heard before.

"Edward…" I wasn't sure what I wanted to say.

Part of me was angry that he'd intruded on such a private moment. Yet, it wasn't like he'd lied to me about it. He was freely admitting. I hadn't even tried to coax it out of him. I wouldn't have known, if he hadn't told me. It was also very hard to be cross when his voice alone made me ache for his touch.

After witnessing what he had the night before, and then with me practically throwing myself at him this morning, it wasn't surprising he thought that was what I wanted most. I couldn't deny that part of me wanted nothing more—it was almost too easy to cast my mind back to the other life and recall the way that Edward had made me feel. I'd experienced the best aspects of a physical relationship; the way his body had wrapped around mine as his fingers and mouth explored my most sensitive areas. And Edward was right—it was what I wanted, but not more than I wanted Edward by my side.

"I'm sorry. I know I should never have seen it," he said. "But I can't regret that I did."

His eyes held a need that seemed to call to my own.

"It was so beautiful." He pressed his lips against my cheek. "So erotic."

I moaned slightly as he breathed the words against my skin.

"I want to make you feel like that," he whispered. "But I don't want to hurt you."

He moved his lips to touch softly to mine.

"I want to try something," he murmured.

It was so reminiscent of our first kiss that I couldn't do anything but nod. It wasn't something I had expected when I'd agreed to meet Edward; in fact it had been the furthest thing from my mind when I'd said yes. I wasn't going to stop him from trying anything he wanted.

He moved his mouth against mine, softly at first but building in intensity. The kiss was as tender as all of our others, but there was a new hunger humming through it. My body tingled with sensation. I moaned into his mouth and he swallowed the sound eagerly.

"Bella," he breathed against my lips.

With the lightest pressure, he guided me backward until I was lying down on the rug. He hovered over me, resting his weight on his elbows, his body barely grazing mine.

He peppered kisses across my cheek and down the column of my throat. "You have to tell me if I hurt you."

I nodded.

"I couldn't live with myself if I hurt you."

"I trust you," I murmured as he kissed me again.

He seemed hesitant at first, then he raised himself and his hands gently ghosted over my waist. With each pass, he seemed to gain confidence, caressing my body through the material of my shirt.

"Tell me if you want me to stop."

I shook my head. "Don't stop," I whimpered.

His hands cupped my breasts over my shirt, his thumbs glided softly across my nipples. As his fingers embraced me, I needed more. I longed to feel the smooth, coolness of his touch. I unbuttoned the top half of the shirt and pushed it aside, allowing his fingers access to the satiny cups of my bra. He groaned as his finger stroked along the top of my breast.

"Bella," he said reverently, bending to press his lips to my collarbone.

We moaned in unison as he pulled the cup of my bra down and took my sensitive skin between his cool fingers. My nipples puckered instantly, a reaction to both the chill of his skin and the fire he was igniting within me. Almost quicker than I could imagine, he had worked the rest of my buttons and pushed my shirt aside. His long fingers stroked and caressed my chest and I ached; wishing he would move lower.

"Is this OK?" he asked, brushing one finger over the trail of goose bumps. "We can stop if you're too cold."

I shook my head 'no'. The heat building in my body warmed me more than I could have imagined and his touch both cooled and set fires as it trailed across me.

"I want you, Edward," I said. "Anything you can give."

He looked guilty for a moment, and I knew it was because he couldn't promise me more. He couldn't even promise that he could go further than we already had.

I brushed my hand across his cheek. "It's okay, I understand."

He continued his gentle ministrations—soft caresses and feather-light kisses over my exposed skin—until the sky began to darken. Then he rested his cool cheek against my chest and closed his eyes; his expression was one of complete serenity.

"I swear there is no sweeter sound in the world," he whispered against my heart.

I stroked his hair, brushing it away from his face, as we relaxed in each other's embrace.

It was such a contrast from the tumultuous few days we'd had. Being so close to him after having reached a compromise that I'd long given up hoping for, gave me peace that I hadn't expected to find again.

I felt my eyes drifting shut as darkness encroached on our meadow.

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My body ached and my head throbbed slightly.

I tried to stretch to shift the pain from my limbs, but I felt like I was being pinned down by a weight.

I tried to lift my head, but my neck felt stiff and unwilling to move.

Instead of the soft ground of the meadow, it felt like I was lying on a hard mattress.

"Edward?" I panicked when I realized he wasn't holding me anymore. He'd been so close, our bodies entwined as I'd fallen asleep. It didn't seem right that he would have left. He might have been able to carry me back to the car without waking me, but I didn't think he would have made it all the way back to my house.

"Edward?" I called again when I got no response.

"He's not here."

I opened my eyes and saw Kieran standing over me. He offered me his hand to help me sit up.

I looked at his hand with confusion but didn't take it. "Kieran? What are you doing here?"

"I'm here for you. I want to show you something."

I pushed myself into a sitting position and realized that I wasn't in the meadow anymore. I wasn't even in Forks. I was back in the hospital—back where Edward and I were torn apart and my body was broken.

I closed my eyes again, hoping that when I opened them I would be back in the meadow with Edward. Things were finally improving there; I realized Edward loved me. He still wanted me. He wasn't going anywhere. That was where I wanted to be, not in the world of pain and heartbreak.

"Bella, I haven't been completely honest with you," Kieran said quietly. He reached down and took my hand. His skin was cold, the temperature I would have expected in Forks, not in this other world.

A rush of wind roared by my ears as Kieran pulled me to my feet. The world around me seemed to be filled with the richest scents I'd ever experienced and the dim light filtering through my eyelids felt warm against my skin. He let go of my hand, but I didn't want to open my eyes. There were so many unfamiliar noises and smells around me, I wanted to curl up and hide away from them all.

"I told you I couldn't control the people in your world," Kieran continued.

He stood behind me, resting his hands on my shoulders.

"That's wasn't a lie. But I didn't tell you that I can take you anywhere I want."

"What are you talking about?" I grabbed for my throat as soon as the words came out. I had asked the question, but it definitely wasn't my voice. It sounded more like Alice's or Esme's.

"Open your eyes and you will see the world I want for you." His hands left my shoulders. "The world I want to give you."

I was confused and I wanted to know what was going on. I trusted Kieran not to hurt me, but he was worrying me. I knew that by hearing Kieran out, I would be able to find a way to get back to the real world sooner.

I opened my eyes and was instantly assaulted by a new way of seeing…everything. The forest was alight with life; richer than I was used to. New hues, shades I'd never seen before and couldn't even hope to name, mingled with colors which I knew, but even those were brighter and more intense.

I turned slowly on the spot—or as slowly as I was able—and absorbed the new world in front of me.

"Where are we?" I asked, surprising myself again with the strange voice coming from my mouth.

Kieran stepped back behind me.

"We're in Forks," he whispered in my ear. "Or at least, a version of it."

I took a deep breath, relishing in the new scents and sensations that accompanied the simple act.

"Why does everything look so…different?"

"This is the way I see the world every day. It's the world I want to give you. I wanted to give you a taste, to show you what you can have."

He circled around so that he was standing in front of me. His skin shone softly; drawing in the subtle sunlight that filtered through the grey clouds and dispersing the light in a glittering display of color.

He reached his hand toward me.

I held my hand out to meet his, surprised to find my own skin glittering. Startled, I snapped my hand back quickly. "What's happened to me?"

Kieran's grin widened. "I couldn't give up without showing you the world I can give you—the world I want to give you."

He took my hand, caressing the back of it as he lifted it up in the soft light. He entwined his fingers with mine, the skin on both of our hands reflecting the pale sunlight back in a burst of colors. I raised my eyes to his face; his handsome features were even more attractive with my new eyes.

"We're the same here," he said. "This is what I want for you; a world free of pain, a life that will never end. Everything you want."

"Forever," I said.

I wanted forever. I wanted this world, but there was something missing something that would make it perfect. But I couldn't quite put my finger on what was missing.

He met my eyes and smiled widely.

"Forever. All you have to do is ask." He stepped a little closer, so close I could feel his breath on my skin. "If you say 'yes', everything will change. Your human memories will dim and your heartache will fade. It won't matter who you were, only who you will be."

As he spoke it was as if he was delving through my mind, tugging at the remnants of my human memories and pulling them all from me. By the time he finished his sentence, even the vague notion that something was missing was gone.

"I want to show you true freedom."

He pulled my hand lightly, and I realized he wanted me to follow his lead. I took a step after him and then suddenly, I was flying. We raced side by side for miles. I'd never before experienced the pure exhilarating joy or freedom of running uninhibited through the forests around Forks.

Kieran held my hand as we ran; his face split into a manic grin each time I looked over to him.

"I can give you this. I want to give you this."

Remarkably, I could hear him perfectly despite the distance between us and the wind whistling around my ears. I ran faster, surprised at how little effort it took. I was certain I could outrun just about anything that moved. Kieran laughed as I tugged at his arm, making him keep up to my speed.

"You want this too don't you?"

I stopped suddenly, pulling Kieran to a stop.

"Of course I do," I said, reveling in the fluidity of my movements. "Who wouldn't want this?"

"Exactly," he said. "And you can have it now. Just don't leave."

I looked around and took a deep breath. The sights, sounds and smells that had been overwhelming initially, suddenly became new things to discover.

"Why would I want to leave?"

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