Chapter 5: 'Cause You Always Learn to Hold the Things you Want to Say

"Edmund, what's bothering you?" Peter asked the next morning as he peered at his brother's face. Edmund grunted in reply with a tiny shoulder shrug. He let out a breath and continued to stir his oatmeal around with his spoon. His left palm was resting on his left cheek, holding up his face. Peter feared if Edmund's hand was pushed out of the way then he'd slam his head on the table because he was so tired.

Edmund tossed and turned the entire night, muttering things about ice and it being cold. Peter stayed awake watching him until he was lulled asleep. Now Edmund looked pale and tired, he had dark circles around his eyes and his eyes themselves were puffy and red as if he'd been crying.

"Ed, you have to eat something," Peter tried to coax him.

"You're not my Mother!" Edmund grumbled as he pushed his oatmeal away from himself and rubbed his eyes as he yawned. He used both of his hands to prop up his chin this time, but eventually his elbows slid out from underneath him and he rested his head on the table. Peter leaned over and put his ear down near Edmund's level. He could hear Edmund breathing softly, which signaled to him that Edmund was asleep.

Peter stared at his brother in concern before picking up his spoon and continued to finish eating. He looked up from his food and always rested his eyes on Edmund, as if waiting for him to do something.

Peter turned around his seat and looked out the large window, straight across the street to see St. Finbar. He wondered if Lucy or Susan has noticed that Edmund has been acting different lately, but he hesitated to bring it up them. Susan would become a mother sort of figure that would get on Edmund's nerves and Lucy would pester him about it.

"I'll talk to them about it today," Peter decided before continuing to eat his food. He decided to let Edmund continue sleeping so he would be awake for his class, even though Peter knew it was a useless thought. Even if Edmund was physically in school, he was never mentally in school. The advantages to it is the fact that they all ready learned about a lot of things while they were in Narnia, but Edmund used that excuse one too many times, claiming that he had all ready learned everything, and had to be sent to the principal's office for talking back. His grades were good which proved he knew what he was doing, but he tested authority too many times.

The scraping of chairs startled Edmund and he shot his head up, looking around with wide eyes. He relaxed when he noticed Peter standing and putting his bowl back on his tray to clear their eating area.

"Maybe you should just go to the nurse or something? You don't look well at all," Peter said as he put his hand on Edmund's shoulder.

"I'm fine," he grumbled as he shrugged Peter's hand off of his shoulder and shuffled by Peter's side. "Really, I am."

"Still, I want you to go by her office later today," Peter continued. "And I don't want to hear about you passing out in the middle of class or something."

"Ok ok, get off my back!" Edmund groaned as he rubbed his head and picked up his pace to get away from him. Peter let a breath out through his nose before taking a turn down the hall to get to his class. He stopped by his room to grab his books before going to his first class, which was History.

"Now I can see why Edmund never paid attention," Peter muttered to himself. Ten minutes into the class and all ready he was bored, but that was only because he had all ready learned what he needed to know. He was glad that they discovered Narnia, not because he was the High King there, but because he had the time to learn more there then he could back in England. "Maybe I've been too hard on him."

Peter looked out the window and could practically see Narnia forming in his mind: the tall trees, the cool breeze, the crystal clear lake with its breath-taking waterfall, and the lush emerald green grass that rolled for miles which was the canvas of Cair Paravel. He missed the large castle and its beautiful architecture, he missed the Narnians and the other creatures that inhabited the world, but most importantly he missed the adventures.

Many times he and his family have come close to death but they always found a way through it, together. They never let each other down and Peter knew that he would die if it would keep his family alive. He only wished there was a way to get back but, in the back of his mind, he knew that he had to wait for Narnia to call them back.

If he ever got called back...

"Mr. Pevensie, I'm glad you think my class is interesting, but I would love it if you weren't late to your next one," Professor Knightly said with a chuckle. Peter blinked and looked at him before looking around at the empty classroom. He let out an embarrassed chuckle before gathering his books. "Before you go, I would like to speak to you," he said before Peter could cross the room. "I'll write you a note for your next class."

"What's the problem?" Peter asked as he sat back down in an empty chair. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, this is about your brother," Professor Knightly responded as he leaned against his desk, his arms crossed over his chest. Professor Knightly taught History to every grade level of the boarding school. He was a great teacher and fair when he had to deal with students. A lot of the students like him and a majority of the time he would be see helping students outside of class or teaching them something that he learned from his travels.

"What did he do now?" Peter asked.

"A better question is what he doesn't do," Professor Knightly corrected him. "Edmund hasn't been paying attention in class. I'm surprised his grades are as good as they are." He let out a chuckle before his face returned its serious look. "But I've noticed a slight change in him. He's paler than usual and he doesn't look like he's gotten much sleep."

"I've noticed the same thing," Peter admitted. "I tried to get him to go to the nurse but he says he's fine. I'll keep a better watch over him though."

"Don't get too controlling," Professor Knightly warned him as he got ready to leave.

"What do you mean by that?" Peter asked.

"I've taught you for a couple of years now; I know what you're like. You feel that you can take care of things by yourself until they get way too out of hand. I don't want you to do the same thing this time; you're dealing with your brother's life." He smiled before adding, "No pressure."

Peter smiled a little before thanking him and leaving the room. The smile immediately faded once the door closed behind him. He knew that Professor Knightly was right; he had to keep an eye on Edmund. It couldn't be too hard, they did share a room.

"Ed!" Edmund looked up and blinked to force his eyes open. He was so tired that they always tried to close on their own and he had to force them open. Once his eyes were successfully open he looked around before they rested on Caleb Hale. Caleb was the closest thing Edmund had to a friend. Caleb was quiet and thoughtful and he never judged anyone. "How are you?" He asked in his natural quiet voice as he sat down next to Edmund.

"Tired," Edmund responded as he leaned against the tree that was behind him. The two watched quietly as everyone else in their class played dodge ball. Edmund was excused for his 'condition', which was what the teacher called it. "Why aren't you playing?"

"Hmm? Oh! I have a note from my Mother excusing me for a while, I hurt my arm," he said as he lifted it to show the dark brace that was on his arm.

"What happened?"

"I fell out of a tree," he responded. "I was racing Eli and I slipped and fell on my arm. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital. The good thing is I didn't break it, I thought I did since it hurt so much." Edmund just nodded as he let out a breath and closed his eyes. He drifted into a light sleep but he could still hear the other boys grunting and shouting at each other. "Edmund?"

"Hmmm?" Edmund muttered without opening his eyes.

"What's really wrong?" Caleb asked. Edmund forced his eyes open and looked over at Caleb. Caleb looked back with his intense green eyes that made Edmund feel like a little kid who got in trouble. Edmund bit his lip. He wanted to tell Caleb, but he didn't even know what was wrong himself. Besides, there would be no way Caleb would understand and Edmund would have to reveal one of his close-kept secrets. "And don't say it's nothing," he continued. "I can tell that something is bothering you. I can practically see it in your eyes so don't deny it."

"I have hard time sleeping," Edmund responded after thinking for a couple of minutes. "Ask Peter," he added when he noticed that Caleb wouldn't stop giving him a suspicious look, "He'll tell you if you don't believe me."

"It's not that I don't believe you, I believe you Ed," Caleb didn't hesitate to correct him. "I just think there's something else you're not telling me."

"Everyone's entitled to their own secrets," Edmund said with a shrug.

"But it's not good to hold ones that ruin your sleep," Caleb protested. Edmund opened his eyes and was getting ready to respond when the bell sounded, signaling that it was Free Hour. The other guys went rushing into the school and Caleb stood to do the same. He brushed off his pants and looked down at Edmund who hadn't moved. "Aren't you coming?"

"No," Edmund responded. "I'm going to stay here."

"You know it will only give you a better chance of getting Andrew on your case, right?" Caleb asked. He hadn't moved a muscle which signaled Edmund that Caleb was going to stay if he needed to.

"I know, but he doesn't own this tree," Edmund responded. "You go on ahead, don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"If you say so," Caleb said with a shrug as he brushed his dirty blond hair out of his eyes. He walked away and looked back only once before going into the school. Edmund let out a breath and let sleep overtake him.

"Excuse me, miss? I'm looking for Susan and Lucy Pevensie," Peter said to the lady at the desk in the offices of St. Finbar.

"What business do you have with them?" The receptionist asked as she peered at Peter over the frame of her glasses.

"Family emergency," Peter responded.

"Hold on." The receptionist turned to the telephone that was sitting on the desk, spun the dial a couple of times, and waited for someone on the other end to pick up. Peter waited patiently as she spoke to someone on the other line. "They will be here shortly," she announced after she hung up the phone.

Peter nodded and sat down in a chair as he waited. Almost ten minutes later Susan and Lucy came into the offices, panting. He ushered them into the hallway where the whirled around to face him.

"Well? What's the emergency?" Susan demanded.

"Is Mum ok?" Lucy asked.

"Mum's fine," Peter told her.

"Then what's the emergency?" Susan asked.

"Ed's the emergency," Peter finally told them. "Something's wrong with him but he won't tell me what it is."

"That's not surprising really," Susan said as she let out a sigh and gave Peter a hard look as if blaming him for everything. "Edmund's never revealed much about himself ever since Dad left. Did you really think he'd change now?"

"No, there's something worse," Peter told her. "He isn't sleeping, he isn't eating. His grades are falling, and he keeps telling me that everything with him is ok when I know it's not."

"Maybe we can talk to him," Lucy suggested.

"It'll have to wait until tomorrow," Peter said as he looked at the clock that was on the wall. "Free Hour is almost over."

"What're you going to do, Peter?" Susan asked.

"I tried to get him to go to the nurse, but he wouldn't go," Peter explained. "Professor Knightly even confronted me about Edmund's behavior so someone else noticed it besides me. I guess the only thing I can do now is make sure he eats something and makes sure he goes to sleep tonight. After that we can confront him and find out what's going on in his head."

"What if he runs away?" Lucy asked.

"We'll strap him to a chair," Peter responded. "Whatever it takes to get him to sit down we'll do it. Come over to my dorm tomorrow during Free Hour. It may take longer than one day to get him to crack, so be prepared."

"How long ago did this happen? Did he start to change suddenly or was it after we got back?" Susan asked as she lowered her voice to make sure no one overheard her.

"It was sudden," Peter responded. "This has me even more worried."

"We'll figure this out, Pete," Lucy said as she stepped forwards to give him a hug. "We'll make sure Edmund goes back to normal. You'll see."