Chapter 29: To Live and to Lose

5:00 p.m.

Somewhere outside Carbondale, PA

Lady Jaye had fallen into a deep sleep. She was in a quiet and comfortable place, far away from the tragedy and the pain. No one needed saving. No one expected anything from her. She could just be. It was the peaceful absence of responsibility. From somewhere in the night, she heard her name. She swatted it away like a pesky gnat on a hot summer's day. For too long she had gone without quiet. She'd forgotten what it was like to have your thoughts and your thoughts alone swimming around in your head. The steady buzz generated by the base was gone. The background chatter that she had learned to accept as the baseline norm was absent. She was so tired and she hurt so much. Granted, given her state, she probably could have slept through anything. But this? This was nice. It was quiet, cool, and dark. This was what she needed. She had no desire to be anywhere other than where she was, tucked safely inside her head.

Flint dropped down before her, calling her name. Reflexively, he placed the pads of his fingers against her neck, his breath coming out in a great whoosh of relief. He didn't even realize he had been holding it in. It was there, her pulse, beating just underneath the surface of her soft skin. His fingers lingered, reluctant to part from her. His pulse started to speed up just a tad. Withdrawing his hand, he thought it would be much sweeter to place his lips against her neck. With a quick glance around the room, he followed through, visions of Sleeping Beauty egging him on. No response. That was disappointing. Then again, if he was going to do things, he should probably do them right. Drawing close, he brushed his lips against hers, whispering her name. Still nothing. So much for the fairy tale; here was real life starring—actually not—him straight on. He now had the unenviable task of rousing her from her slumber. He was kind of hoping that the kissing thing would work out. Waking her up on any other day was work, hard, thankless work. He couldn't imagine that this day would present any less of a challenge than usual. With a sigh, he called out her name. "Come on hon, wake up!" He clapped his hands next to her ear. Her eyelids jumped and she let out a soft grunt of displeasure followed by a swipe from her hand. She nestled into the rocks, hiding her face.

Flint sat back on his heels, smiling. He was in familiar territory now. Mastering his best Alabama drawl, he shouted a command, "Sergeant Burnett, get your butt in gear and give me twenty. Now!"

Lady Jaye came to with a start, blinking her eyes furiously as she acclimated back to consciousness. The peace was gone. In its place was her raging heart threatening to burst out of her chest. Beach Head! What on earth was Beach Head doing here? Where was here? Her vision was blurry and it took a moment or two for her sight to clear and her mind to catch up. The explosions and the cave ins. She'd been trapped. Shaking her head, the fuzzy shape of Beach Head morphed into one more welcoming, "Flint!" She fell forward into his awaiting arms, burying her head into his chest. Her excitement at seeing him overtook any desire she had to strangle him for his stunt. "Flint, I thought I'd never see you again."

Flint wrapped her up in his arms, breathing in the sweet fragrance that always permeated her hair. He kissed the top of her head and then leaned down and into her, his mouth taking hungrily from hers. He pulled away, brushing the hair off of her face. He flinched at the marks he saw. He'd kill them all. "Ali, are you ok?"

She reached up with her right hand, griping the hand he held against her cheek, taking strength from his touch. "Yes." For that moment, it wasn't a lie. Here, tucked between his arms, she was ok. What would come, she would deal with it then. For now, she had him back.

"I was so worried about you." His eyes were fierce as he pulled her back into his chest. He wasn't ready to let go. And he wouldn't let her see him cry.

The two remained there for a moment longer. For some, it would feel like an agonizing eternity being that close to another without movement or sound. For them, it wasn't time enough. They had spent their entire relationship thus far trying to not be close enough. Lady Jaye, because she thought it wasn't what he wanted, and Flint, because he thought it wasn't what she wanted. It was a happy coincidence that it was what each wanted. And for now, for this moment, they couldn't be close enough.

Life interceded, as it does, and both heads turned toward the sound of a distant boom. "You certainly know how to make an entrance." Jaye smiled as Flint absently pushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

Flint sighed. "Cobra set off a seam run. It's not good. We have to get out of here." He held her out, examining every inch of her. "But you? Did they hurt you?"

She knew what he meant. It wasn't like that. They had hurt her, but he couldn't know about that yet. She shook her head back and forth.

"Do you think you can follow me? It's going to get tricky. We have to do some crawling so I can't carry you. Will you be ok?"

"Flint, I'm fine." She batted his hands away. "Where are the others?"

"They went back topside. Miller got hurt . . ."

"Oh no! Will he be . . ."

Flint nodded. "He'll be ok. We just needed to get him out. And Mainframe copied Cobra's computers."

"Good." She stood up, swallowing back the nausea. She reached out for the wall, steadying herself.

Flint surveyed her with a critical eye. "Alison . . ."

She mustered a dismissive laugh, "Please, Flint. I'll be ok. I got roughed up a bit . . ." She held up a hand, silencing him before he could start. "But we knew that would happen." She passed Destro's pouch to him. "We have the cure for Ms. Parke and now we need to finish the mission. That's what's important." She tried to ignore the spark of hurt that flashed across his eyes. She wasn't trying to rebuff him; she only wanted to calm him down. It was starting up again; she could feel the heat stirring in her veins. She needed to hand off that pouch fast. If he even suspected for a second, she didn't know what he'd do. If his thoughts were anything like hers, it would be a grueling decision. She wouldn't allow him to come out on the wrong side. Too much was at stake. This wasn't Cobra's only operation. If Flint allowed his personal feelings to get in the way, the repercussions could be devastating. The team got lucky this time. Next time they may not have a Shipwreck or an Agent Miller to break the logjam. And they may not have Tomax. She drew herself up. Too much was riding on the next few hours. She'd do what she could to make it easier for Flint. It killed her, but she knew it was time to start prepping that mental wall. Glancing back at Flint, she bit her lip and cast her eyes down. Just be thankful for what you had. With an internal nod, it was lights, camera, action. "You can fill me in on the way out."

Flint frowned. He didn't like this shift in her personality. If it wasn't Duncan, it was her. Everyone seemed to have something to hide today. Duncan got a pass. Whatever the old miner had going on was between him and god. But Jaye? No how no way was Flint going to take a back seat on this one. She was his concern. She was retreating from him and he didn't like it. As she turned away from Flint, he reached across, taking hold of her wrist. "No, it's not going to be like this."

She tugged at her arm. "Come on Flint, we have to get moving."

"Not before I've said my piece." He waited for Jaye to still. "You and me, we're in this together. I mean it Alison. Don't hold out on me."

She broke free from his grasp. It was easier to conceal without contact. "I'm shaken up. My head feels like it's going to cave in. I suspect I probably have a concussion. But I know you Flint. You can't get hung up on that. We have a job to do. A lot of people are counting on us to save that poor lady. We do that then we worry about me." She held her ground despite the overwhelming urge to collapse into his arms. "Please just get me out of here."

There was nothing more to be said. Flint knew he was at an impasse and had to just accept the situation on her terms. He knelt down, cupping his hands together. "Here, I'll give you a boost."

As they crawled along the tunnel, Flint gave Jaye a quick rundown on the status of the mission and its various players. He made the executive decision to leave out a few parts, like the severity of Miller's injury and the status of Mindbender's test subjects. Looking back as she followed along, Flint could tell she was starting to wear down. It was in her face and the way she clenched her jaw. She was putting up a good fight, but it was draining. Pain did that to you. Even if you thought you were ok, your body wasn't. Your body's resources were diverted in all directions. Eventually something would give, usually you. She had enough on her mind; he'd shoulder the extra burden for now.

They came to the fork in the tunnel and there was Duncan with a scowl front and center. "That was more than being right back."

"I missed you too." Flint pointed behind him. "This is Lady Jaye."

"Aye." Duncan tilted his head in her direction, keeping his eyes low. He knew who she was and prayed that she didn't remember him. From the thankful expression on her face, he was taking that as a sign that she hadn't. "I thought you said her name was Alison."

"It is." Jaye piped up. "Lady Jaye's my code name."

"I think I like Alison better." Duncan cocked his head to the left. "Come on, we go this way.