Chapter7
(Jacob)
I was sitting on at the bottom of one of the flights of stairs in the Cullen's big, white house, watching everybody hustle around, floor after floor, getting the last of their belongings packed for their big trip to Finland. I sat on these stairs, purely to be an annoyance to Blondie, whose room was right next to the staircase I was obscuring.
In a small, minuet way, I sort of wished I was going with them, like Seth. I couldn't imagine passing up the chance to actually meet purebred werewolves, the opportunity was truly once in a lifetime.
I was absolutely shocked when I found out that they even still existed, what, with the Volturi's impeccable tracking system.
When I told the rest of the pack, they were actually a bit upset, thinking that this was something they should have known about. Sam was considering going to Finland with the Cullen's, to confront the leader of whatever pack they were visiting, but then realized the danger it would put Emily in, and it wasn't bearable to leave her. So, he had to stay, and send Seth on his errand.
Despite his ire, he was humbled. These wolves have fled the Volturi, and sustained their lives in peace. It was even more interesting the fact that they were friendly and living together as a society. This was something you had to see with your own eyes. Unfortunately, I wouldn't have that chance.
But I didn't have a choice, and that was okay with me. Renesmee wasn't able to go, due to her half human status. And, I knew I wouldn't be able to be away from her for that long.
I decided I could use this time alone with her to my advantage. I would use the time to show her why she should be with me, and nobody else. I would show her how happy we could be. But above all, I would have to tell her the absolute truth about everything that has been going on since she was born, and I didn't really know how she was going to take that news. But she deserved to know, if she's mad at me for a few days, or weeks, months, it will be worth it to be able to be with her perpetually. My heart shuttered, putting a smile on my face. The thought of forever with her was invigorating.
Right then, she came stomping down the stairs, her bottom lip swollen with one of the most adorable pouts I have ever seen her make. She sat next to me on the stairs, leaning her head on my shoulder. She let out a sigh, and her cool breath hit my arm, raising the hair on the back of my neck.
I suddenly found myself thanking whatever god made it so that she didn't inherited the superhuman hearing like her parents, making it possible that she could never hear my heart accelerate every time she touched me. This girl changed me, who I was, how I acted, I knew that, I couldn't help that. And honestly, I didn't want to.
"Who died?" I asked her, wrapping her under one of my arms.
"This is so unfair. I am always left out of everything remotely interesting." She replied, leaning back on my arm to look me in the eyes.
"Awe, come on! You get to make fun of me all week! We will have more fun than them, I promise."
"Jake, I want to go to Finland and meet those damned wolves." She groaned, putting her head between her legs.
"You know why you cant go, so stop complaining about it. I wont listen to you grumble for 7 days, ill make you live with Charlie. So you better get over this in the next 30 minutes." I said, with stern, false authority.
"Whatever." She grumbled, getting up.
I heard a door slam upstairs and chuckled to myself.
Bella ran past me on the stairs, the old Bella would have tumbled over top of herself, but this Bella glided effortlessly, leaving behind her intoxicating scent. She was in an absolute frenzy, throwing huge suitcases to Jasper to put into everybody's assigned car.
"Okay, Jake. We will be back in exactly 7 days, no more, no less. You have all of our numbers, I don't care if she gets a hangnail, you call me if anything happens Jacob, anything." She was putting her jacket on as she spoke.
"Considering her nails would withstand the force of a diamond cutter," I lead on, trying to ease Bella's obvious anxiety.
"You know what I mean." She chuckled.
The rest of the Cullen's gathered in the living room from every witch way, calling Renesmee downstairs at the same time. She skipped down the stairs, flicking my ear on her way, and ran into Carlisle's open arms, giving everybody hugs and kisses as she moved down the line, almost choking giggles while Seth pulled her into a death grip. She finally reached Bella, and looked up at her with singing, smiling eyes.
"I understand why I have to stay Mom, and even though I am not happy about it, I appreciate you guys trying to protect me. I hope you have fun, I'll be fine here with Jake."
Bella smiled. "Thank you so much. I don't feel so guilty now." She tucked a loose hair behind her ear. "I love you baby, have fun."
Nessie kissed her on the cheek and gave her one last hug before turning to Edward. He looked at her, obviously proud of her maturity, and hugged her tight. He kept her under his arm as he turned to me. The rest of the line followed, looking strict, as if to remind me to take care of her, like it would make a difference. I wasn't offended; I probably would have done the same thing. Everybody, even Blondie, came over to give me a proper goodbye before walking towards the garage.
Everybody exchanged brief "I love you's" before climbing into their cars, and backing up out of the driveway.
With that, we were alone, maybe for the first time in Carlisle an Esmes house. She twisted to me, smiling, no longer bitter.
"So, what are we doing today boss?"
"Uhmm, whatever you want really, we can go for a ride on the bikes, or to the beach, or run around the woods, maybe Port Angeles? But, Emily and Sam are gonna have a bomb fire later, so if your not too tired, we can go to that."
"Okay, that sounds fun, as long as everybody doesn't try and eat all my hot dogs this time, I got like one last time." She started walking towards the door, picking up her bag.
"I doubt that," I said. I picked up her bag and threw it in the back of my truck while she locked up the house.
***
"Embry, don't even think about it!" I chuckled, as I snatched up one of the hotdogs I saw him eyeing on the paper plate balancing on Claire's knee. She turned and thanked me with a smile, for saving her food.
He glared and directed his attention to the burgers Emily was grilling with Sam. Behind her I saw Billy referee the third round of Paul, Jared, and Jakes wrestling match. Kim and I were too busy trying to French braid Claire's hair to notice Quil's harmonica playing the background.
I loved these bomb fires. I loved being with the pack, having fun, laughing, telling stories, relaxing by the warmth of the fire, watching Jacob unwind. I wouldn't trade them for anything.
"Alright kids, come and get em'," Emily called, and everybody ran to the small little grill, besides me and Claire.
We giggled with each other, watching Embry and Jared fight over the condiments.
I loved the pack, like my own family; I loved the energy I felt when I was around them.
But, I really missed the feeling of being surrounded by my own family unit. They were gone for one day, and I was already desperately homesick, knowing I wouldn't be able to go back home and in the arms of my frozen relatives for another 6 days.
Quil came running towards us to pick up Claire. Spinning her above his shoulders with one arm, ruining the braid I just spent 20 minutes of my life on, while he fixed her a plate with another. Jake took her place by my side in an instant.
"Want a burger kid?"
The question, meant to make me feel comfortable, actually just made me remember that he wouldn't understand the kind of craving I had at the moment, and that the only people that could were thousands of miles away from me.
"Eh, not really. I'm not hungry for that kind of food today." My nose wrinkled at the thought of eating one of those lumps of overcooked cow, saturated with its own fat. Jake chuckled.
"I'll go hunting with you if you want," I felt awful, he knew I was uncomfortable, he knew everything.
"No, I'm good right now, maybe later." I played with my fingers while I spoke.
He looked at me questioningly.
"You okay Ness? You seem upset,"
I hated that he could sense the slightest change in my mood.
"Yeah,"
My voice finally broke, and I didn't know why. His arms wound around me, lifting me to carry me farther away from everybody. I hated that I loved how he knew exactly what was wrong with me all the time.
His eyes searched mine, looking for a breaking point, a hint to how I was feeling, how he could help.
"Tell me what I can do," he pleaded.
I just laughed. "Jake, please. I'm fine, I just miss them, and its kind of pathetic actually, in point of the fact, they have only been gone like, what," I looked at his watch, "9 hours?"
I didn't understand the way he looked at me, his eyes stinging mine with, desperation? Anger? Then he chuckled. Oh Jacob, my bi-polar Jacob.
"Ness, aren't you comfortable with us by now?"
"Don't be stupid. Of course I am. I always am."
"Then why are you moping?"
I crossed my hands over my chest, defensive.
"Do you want to like, apologize or something?"
"No."
He wouldn't look me in the eye. I was so confused.
"Then why are you being a brat?"
"A brat?" He questioned a little chuckle in his tone, still not making eye contact.
"Uhmm, Yeah."
The whole conversation took half a second; Jake lifted his eyes to mine.
"I just wish you would think of us as your family sometimes, I don't know why you would get homesick if we are with you; you should feel at home when you're here."
I was just as shocked as I was disappointed, I never thought me missing something I loved would bother Jake? How could be envious of my family? It wasn't like him. But I couldn't help but need the look in his eyes to go away, for him not to ogle at me with those wounded russet orbs of his. I would have given anything to have inherited mind reading in this moment.
I sighed. "Jacob, I don't know what your talking about, you know that I consider you my family. Why would you be mad at me for missing my family? I would just as much miss you guys if you left for a week. Stop acting like I don't love you as much as I love them; stop acting like it's a competition, your so annoying when you're competitive." I shoved him. "You don't get to be mad at me for loving my family? I can't even fathom why you would be upset at the fact that I miss them? They are my biological family, so get over it." I huffed and turned around to storm away for dramatic effect. He didn't stop me.
***
I grunted while I shoved Paul and my side and attempted to pin him by his stomach, I pushed down on his upper body and he attempted to snap at my neck. We had been going at this for about an hour, it was getting old. But Paul was never one to give up.
"Alright kids, come and get em." I heard Emily shout. The second it took for her and the succulent smell coming from her grill to distract me, Paul had groped my in a head lock, snarling under his breath, before tossing me to the side to get his food. He was still shaking with his adrenaline as he walked.
I gathered myself, ignoring Billy and Jared's chuckles from the sideling and walked toward the grill.
"Your not even fun to fight with anymore dude, you get way to into it." I called to Paul, swatting the back of his head. He whipped around and growled, then walked away with a plate full of food into the house, to calm himself down, classic Paul.
I looked over to Ness. Her hair tied into a loose, low pony tail, flowing over the side of her shoulder, over her t-shirt, which hung loose against her jean shorts. She was giggling with Claire, playing with her hair.
I loved seeing her, relaxed like this, especially on the reservation, it filled me with a sense of false hope that she actually belonged here, with me, with us.
I sat down beside her, the heat from the fire immediately making me uncomfortable.
"Want a burger kid?"
My smile plunged, the second her face did. I could sense it immediately, her discomfort with where she was, who she was with. I didn't know how, but I could almost smell her repugnance. I knew this would happen eventually.
"Eh, not really. I'm not hungry for that kind of food today."
In any other situation, the way her nose wrinkled would have been adorable, but now, subconsciously, I found it kind of offensive. I felt ridiculous automatically, why would I be offended by her responding to her natural instincts? We were not the same; I would need to accept that sooner or later.
"I'll go hunting with you if you want," I offered, trying my hardest to remain flexible.
"No, I'm good right now, maybe later." Her head was directed at her lap, her fingers lacing around each other in different combinations as she attempted to occupy her mind with them. It killed me to see her uneasy like this, I didn't understand why she would be so uncomfortable.
"You okay Ness? You seem upset?"
I didn't even hear her response, just the squeak in her unsteady tone. I instinctively stole her up and away from the crowd. I knew she wouldn't be able to handle the swarm of questions that would undoubtedly follow if she started to cry. I needed to know exactly what was wrong, so I could fix it. I couldn't bear to miss her smile for a second longer.
I set her on the very border of the forest, just below the edge of the shade coming from the canopy above us. She barley responded to the change in location, she just stood there, staring at her hands, not wanting to show any sign of what she was really feeling, out of place.
"Tell me what I can do," I begged.
A giggle broke through her grimace with resistance. It was forced, constructed merely to calm my apprehension.
"Jake, please. I'm fine, I just miss them, and its kind of pathetic actually, in point of the fact, they have only been gone like, what," Her cool fingers searched for my arm, glancing at my watch before continuing, "9 hours?"
I wished I could have seen the way I looked at her, because her returning expression was absolutely dumbfounded. I couldn't handle the fact that she didn't feel at home with me. After all we have been through, after the time we have spent. Why would she be homesick with me right next to her? I thought I could fill her holes, mend her voids.
I finally realized right then and there, that she wasn't her mother. I wasn't capable of making her complete when she wasn't, like I could with Bella.
Renesmee missed her real family. And no matter how much I wished it was true, that was not me. I would never be enough for her, she would always need them.
We were two different people, from two different backgrounds. Hell, we were two different specious, created to hate one another. We were naturally programmed to repel the other, and nothing I could say would ever change that. We were not made for each other the way I thought we were, the way I wished we were. Just because I have imprinted on Ness, doesn't mean she imprinted on me. What would stop her from going out and falling in love with some piece of shit vampire from some random coven in the Alps? The thought was unbearable.
My thought process was broken by a restrained chuckle, realizing the source of all my uncertainty was cause by a fucking cheeseburger.
"Ness, aren't you comfortable with us by now?" I asked, trying to break the soon to be awkward silence, cause by my trance.
"Don't be stupid. Of course I am. I always am." She said through an uncomfortable guffaw, as if to make fun of my question all together. Typical. Of course she wouldn't tell me the truth. That would be absurd! I didn't really have a response, my thoughts were elsewhere. Like how I would forever with the girl I loved, if she didn't want to spend forever with me.
"Then why are you moping?" I spat.
Her hands crossed her chest, like I assumed they would.
"Do you want to like, apologize or something?" She said, sounding like a spoiled little schoolgirl.
"No."
I couldn't even look at her; I didn't feel like getting lost in her perfection, just to know I would loose it all together.
"Then why are you being a brat?"
"A brat?" I chuckled. Did she really just say brat? I loved her immature vocabulary at times like these.
"Uhmm, Yeah." Her tone remained solid.
"I just wish you would think of us as your family sometimes, I don't know why you would get homesick if we are with you; you should feel at home when you're here." My voice was hasty.
And by then, I couldn't even think, I couldn't even listen to the speech she was trying to give me. All I knew right now, was that she didn't belong here. And I didn't belong with her. All I knew was that I was going to have to defy fate to be able to keep her forever. No matter how much I hated it, I was a werewolf, and she was a vampire. No matter how much I tried to deny it, under all of her lotions and shampoos, she still smelt like a bloodsucker to me. No matter what I did, that would never change.
I was distracted when I was pushed, but not enough to break my train of thought. I looked at her face, her hair, the curve of her body, the flush of her cheek, and knew that I couldn't live without them. I watched her turn and storm away from me, with a little skip in her step, knowing that the world would be a cold stranger if that skip didn't remain my constant.
I couldn't lie to her anymore. I couldn't be away from her anymore. I wouldn't. I needed to be able to hold her, to make her blush, to make her happier than she's ever known. She needs to know the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, and I'll have to be the one to tell her.
I didn't know what taking that chance would mean, but I hoped to god she would see that I couldn't, that I wouldn't, live without her, all of her, forever. And that maybe, she would see it the same way.
AuthorsNote: Yeah, sorry. This chapter was kinda fluffy. I'm just trying to establish some things before I really crack into my storyline. I wanna try and be as throe as possible.
Stick with me.
But, next chapter might take awhile. I still haven't put everything together yet.
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Love you guys(:
-STEPH