AUTHOR'S NOTE: I would like to thank everyone for viewing this fiction. I have had so many and it is really positive and comforting. I am also very thankful for the lovely reviews you leave me. I try to answer them all as thoroughly as I can. I look forward to reading your future reviews, questions and feedback.
Chapter Three – Beatrice
Living a Lie
The following day I train the initiates alone as Christina is bed ridden with an all too comfortable bucket at her bedside. I left it there so that it was ready to capture her vomit upon impact. However, Four is also missing and I assume that he is in a deep slumber. The initiates are easy enough to train. I begin with a small boxing session. I pair them up and watch them all closely. I show the weaker one's how to protect their most vulnerable areas. Every now and then I notice Alex talking to another brute initiate called Chris. He has a lot more muscle than Alex and his facial expression is a lot darker. They glance at me from time to time. Alex snickering and Chris glaring malevolently. Eventually, Chris pushes Alex forward and he strides towards me. I worry at first. I have flashbacks to my initiate training when I was kidnapped and held over the chasm.
"Are we allowed to fight you? You know… to put what we've learned into practice?" He smiles gently and I look over his shoulder at Chris who now has his hands slipped into his front pockets.
"Are you being pressured? Or are you ready?"
"Oh no I am definitely ready," he nods attempting to reassure me. I see in his eyes that he is lying.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask him jadedly and he smirks.
"Oh yes!" He replies proudly and we begin countering each other on the mat.
As we begin to circle each other, I feel the eyes of everyone in the room on us. He begins to approach me and eventually throws his fist towards me with rapid force. I dodge my head to the left and he quickly swings again with his opposing fist. I dodge again but to the conflicting side. I am too quick for him and I can see the frustration on his face. He is brave. I smile meekly and he comes at me with another blow. I dodge and punch back in his jaw. Right, left, left and right. I am so quick that there is a crack that breaks the silence and blood sprays in both directions. I have broken his nose.
He gasps and cups his nose. To my shock I hear another crack, followed by a growl of pain. He has snapped it back in to place, but it still bleeds. A scarlet liquid runs over his lips and onto his chin. I nod acknowledging his bravery and he raises his fists once more. I notice that they are covered in his own blood. I don't want to hit him again. He punches at me with his left fist and I capture it in both hands. I use my right leg to sweep his feet from under him. His back hits the mat hard and I stand over him. I expect to see anger pouring from him, but I don't. He smiles towards me, so I hold out my hand and he takes it.
"A fair fight," he says smiling. I can't stop myself from wondering whether he is a masochist.
"Fair? She owned you?" Chris says from aside that mat and the other initiate's laugh. I think of something to say back, but I realize that this is not my battle to fight. I need to step aside.
"Sorry about your nose," I nod towards Alex and he laughs. The blood sinks between the cracks in his teeth, damaging his flawless smile. If he wasn't so cocky, I could grow to like him.
"I've had more than a broken nose in my day!" He chuckles and I hide a smile. If this wasn't initiate training I would have laughed along with him, but I keep my appearance strict.
"Oh so that's why your nose is so crooked," Grace calls from the edge of the mat and everyone laughs. I notice that they all fall in line behind Chris.
"Okay everyone that's enough. We'll call it a break for lunch, be back in forty-five minutes." They begin clearing the room and I look at Alex. "You better get off to the infirmary. I don't want any more blood in this training room." He sighs and reluctantly stomps away from me. I smile and watch him go and then leave myself for the cafeteria.
When lunch arrives I find myself sitting at the usual table, but it is empty and I realize that Will, like Four, must also be in bed. Whilst I am alone I reflect on the morning's events. Previously, I had thought Alex was the merciless brute, but upon observation I have noticed that it is in fact Chris. I wonder to myself whether Christina has picked up on it, after all she is the designated spectator. I continue to eat alone until I am finally accompanied by Uriah. He sits beside me and I notice what a rare occasion this is.
"Eric didn't last five minutes," he says over a mouthful of burger. I feel his arm brush against mine and I look at him.
"Why?" I ask putting mine down.
"He took a bad fall and broke his leg," he says smiling and I laugh.
"You're kidding right?"
"Nope… take a look," he leans forward and points to my left. I look in anticipation and sure enough I find Eric sitting at his usual table with his leg in a thick cast.
"Now there's something you don't see every day," I jest and Uriah laughs, "How the hell did he fall?"
"That steep incline to the back of the compound. He hadn't spent much time outside of the faction before and no one remembered to warn him."
"Accidentally?" I wonder aloud, but it sounds more like a question.
"Can't say it was," he laughs and I smile.
"I spy Candor in you," I jest and he laughs harder. I can see the chewed up piece of meat in his mouth. I should be grossed out but I'm not. He nudges me with his elbow.
"I spy Dauntless in you. No mercy comes from you Tris. I saw that initiate." Though his comment was meant to humour me, I am offended. My heart sinks thinking of Alex's damaged face. I hadn't meant to break his nose.
"Hey! He walked into that one!" I scowl and Uriah smiles.
"You may have a gentle heart, but your mind isn't," he nods. "We all miss you Tris, when are you coming back?" He asks and I stare at Four's empty seat from across the room. I admit that I have been thinking about returning to the outside world, but now that I am back in the presence of Four I don't think that it is a possibility anymore.
"I'm not," I say turning my attention back to him. "At least I don't think so. I mean I miss it, but unless opportunity arises I don't think I ever will."
The dreary afternoon passes by sluggishly. I put both Chris and Alex into separate groups and perceive how they adapt to new partners. They don't do as well as what they would have done if together. That evening I skip dinner and find myself sitting on the steps in front of the faction building. I watch as the sun sets and the sky turns florescent orange. The cool evening air begins to spread around me and it causes the hairs on my arms to lift. I heighten my feet to the step below and balance my chin on my knee caps. I tuck my arms in between my chest and legs. Since becoming a Dauntless Leader two years ago, I liked spending my free time on the roof, watching as time passed below me. I silently debate whether it's worth going up there now. I am there for no longer than thirty minutes when I hear heavy footsteps approaching from behind. I don't look at him, but I know that it is Four that sits beside me. He sits so close that he momentarily brushes his arm against my shoulder as he seats himself. His muscles are tense.
"Did you sleep well?" His calming voice asks.
"Surprisingly," I admit. I turn my gaze towards him. I almost forgot that I had spent the final hours of the night in his bed. Since my part time job on the City's Security I've noticed how desensitized I've become. Four helps me to regain my human-like qualities. I like it. I can still catch the scent from his sheets on my skin. The scent lingers on me like he lingers on my mind. "I see you slept well," I add acknowledging his fresh expression. He smiles.
"That I did, but I plan on going right back to sleep," he smiles. He looks smug. Stunning, but smug nonetheless. "I was lucky enough to go to bed and sleep through my own duties. Thank you by the way… for covering."
"Thank you for covering for me," I reply and he smiles. "Actually, while you're here… I think we need to separate Alex from Chris."
"Because Chris intimidates him?" His legs are now spread evenly apart, his feet on the step below with mine. He spreads them so wide his knee cap rests against mine. He balances one of his arms on the opposite knee and uses the arm closest to me to prop himself up.
"So you've noticed?" I feel annoyed. He had knew all this time and hadn't done anything to prevent it.
"I have observed from a distance."
"Then why-"
"Do not complicate things Tris. You're only there to train them, not to meddle. You can't care for every initiate that graces our faction. Alex can look after himself." He speaks the truth, but his words strike deep within me. I am reminded of Edward and what befell him the year I joined Dauntless.
"Even so… Chris is preying on the weak."
"He may be preying, but Alex is not what I would define as weak," again, another fair point.
I remember my first day as initiate trainer when Alex had brutally beat up Drew, it was also merciless. I can't think of a reply so I just stare at Four idly. I feel as though I am losing this confrontation every time I open my mouth. My eyes scan his face whilst his stare deep into my soul. We sit silently for what feels like forever. We both look away and watch as the sun disappears. We sit passively, until his eyes fall back to me. They are brooding.
"Hypothetical situation here, but if you were ever trapped in a hypothetical position…" he reinforces his statement twice and my heart skips a beat, "where you desired a certain level of relief… and you knew, that someone who you had a strong distaste for, had a vacancy, would you take them up on it?" I look at him wearily and the longer our eyes linger, the more I notice his smile grows. Considering he had said that it was a hypothetical situation he was pretty accurate in describing my own personal situation. He had also said that I disliked him, which is far from being true. Am I that severe or has he analysed me incorrectly? I stare at him blankly and his eyes begin to grow hard, intense even. "Are you brave enough to go into unknown territory?"
"I'd like to think I'd be brave enough," I say but turn my gaze back to the courtyard. I feel awkward and unsettled. He had flat out asked me why I had used his room and I didn't have an answer. My eyes fall to my lap, he thinks I don't like him. He is wrong. Is the unknown territory him? Had I just implied I wanted him by saying I wanted to be brave enough? I begin to panic. My palms grow sweaty and I wipe them on my trousers.
"I can't be your friend Tris," he says solemnly, but I feel like there should be more.
"I know."
"But I want to be… I just can't afford to." What does that mean? I question his words, they loiter in the evening air even after they've come and gone.
"One day maybe…" I reply and he nods. I see adamant hope within his eyes.
"Yes one day." He finishes and my eyebrows furrow. I had not expected him to agree. His lips open as if he is wanting to say something, but no sound presents itself. Aggravated, I get up and begin throwing my body weight back up the steps. I hear him move behind me, so I glance back. His eyes pulse like electricity.
"Wait… where are you going?" He turns in his seated position, his neck straining to see me.
"If you can't be my friend I'm not hanging around…" I finish and kick the entrance door with my feet, just enough for me to slip through.
The further I travel inside the more I hear the familiar sound of two voices squabbling. It distracts me from overthinking about Four. I turn the bend and enter into the open area by the chasm. To my surprise I find Christina and Will arguing, with Uriah standing unimpressed by their side. Christina is slightly pale and still in her pyjamas. She has a towel in her hands. I assume she was washing for the night when she haphazardly bumped into Will and Uriah, of who were on their way to their night job.
"Tris! Thank god, save me before I go insane," Uriah says and I pause by his side. I cross my arms tightly over my chest and as I do Uriah leans his elbow on my shoulder.
"I am not a leaning post," I point out and he smiles obviously amused.
"The perfect height to be one though," he winks and it forces a laugh from deep within my lungs.
"How's Mack?" I ask over Will's raised voice.
"He's still in pretty bad shape," he shrugs.
"I'll visit him tomorrow," I nod and turn my attention to the others. "What are you arguing about now?" I ask, not entirely sure I care.
"Will thinks he's strong," Christina mentions and I turn my eyes back and forth between the two like I'm watching a table tennis competition.
"I don't think, I know. I carried Tris on my back didn't I?" He asks and Christina laughs malevolently. I'm not sure whether I am meant to occupy myself with this conversation, but I do nonetheless.
"Well I weigh next to nothing," I add smiling and Christina enters into a fit of hysterics. Uriah adds more pressure to his arm on my shoulder. I realize that he has shifted more of his body weight onto me. I glance at him, he looks lethargic but happy.
"Yeah carry a brute like Four and we'll reconsider," I laugh at Christina's comment.
"I don't think he's a brute," I smile and Will rolls his eyes.
"Please!" Uriah adds. My eyes shoot between the three of them relentlessly, as if I am obtaining brand new information. I notice that brute has become common amongst Dauntless vocabulary, including my own. Brave but cruel is certainly accurate.
"He may be muscly, but he is a brute to the core. Everyone knows it. He's as hard as rock, put him in water he'd sink right to the bottom," the smile fades from my face as the words leave Will's lips.
"That's not fair or strictly tr-" I am interjected by Uriah's gasp.
"Oh," he says and his elbow falls from my shoulder. I feel him stiffen beside me and the others straighten.
"What?" I ask turning my gaze from Christina to him. I follow his gaze behind me and glance over Will's shoulder. Four is not too far behind him, he stands deep within the shadows and he is glaring wildly. Had he followed me and then heard our joke? He pushes forward and walks past us. He doesn't look at any of us. I suddenly feel a pang of guilt. I look at the others and their heads sink to the ground. I smile wryly and glance at Christina. She's pouting and nodding at me. I assume she wants me to go after him. So I pat Uriah on the back as I run wildly after Four.
"Wait up, Four!" I call as I jog up to him. My gun bounces on my back, the hard casing hits my shoulder blades repeatedly and I flinch. He ignores me as he begins climbing the steep stairs ahead. "Four!"
"What?" He asks. His voice is as cold as winter. His shirt exposes his arms and I notice that his muscles are tensed. I drag my eyes from his body and to his earnest face.
"I'm sorry," I say.
"What for exactly?"
"That you overheard that," I say.
"Oh so you're not sorry for saying it, just that I happened across it!" He growls at me and I step back slightly scared. My heart beat picks up and my hands tremble. I clench them into tight orbs and Four after noticing, relaxes.
"I didn't say those things!"
"No but you didn't exactly stop them did you," he says through gritted teeth and I tense up. I can't work out what point he's trying to make.
"I said that I don't think you're a brute…" I say correcting him and I anticipate his side glance. He knows I am right, but he is too proud to admit it.
"It's not like I care what other's think about me anyway," he shrugs and walks away from me. I follow slowly. We enter onto a long hallway filled with brown doors.
"Good," I nod and he halts and turns to face me. I stop instantly almost bumping into him. I hold my hands out before myself to protect us from a collision.
"I'm lying Tris," he says sounding aggravated and I drop my hands to my sides.
"Come again?" He has confused me. A moment ago he was hot, then cold, but now he's talking to me with compassion. He'd also told me with honesty that his truth was a lie. I hear Candor echo in his words.
"I do care… I care what you think," he says. His eyes seem as though they might burn me alive. They're intense. They're warm. His bottom lip is plump. I wonder why my mind is thinking about his lips when he is obviously extremely agitated. I can't turn my eyes away.
"Me?" I repeat and his eyes roll backwards. I am finally able to look away.
"As long as you don't think I am a brute," he simplifies.
"You know I don't," I force a small smile, but I don't receive one in return. He turns his back on me and walks away. This time I choose not to follow him.
The previous interaction with Four keeps me wide awake the entire night. I can hear Christina's deep monotonous breathing from across the room and I find myself feeling slightly jealous. I ardently desire to sleep, but my mind is vivid with activity. I desire Four's bed, it's more spacious than mine. I was able to eagle spread myself across his mattress. It felt luxurious and greedy. My room has two single beds, one for me and the other for Christina. I have a feeling that the offer will not be made again. He thinks I dislike him and now Will's comment had only added fuel to the fire. I start to feel sleepy, but it is too late. The following day arrives too soon and I have to force myself out of bed. The blanket feels a lot heavier than usual. I am lethargic and stressed from lack of sleep. I shower in a poor attempt to wake my body up and head into initiate training with both Christina and Four. I try my best not to make direct eye contact with Four. That is until he approaches me and I feel obligated to listen.
"Why is Alex's nose bandaged up?"
"I may have broken it…" I try to force a smile back. I don't want him to think I am pleased with myself or in any way proud of what I did.
"You did what?" He asks pressing his palm to my shoulder.
"I think you comprehended perfectly fine," I nod moving around him and towards the boxing mats.
"No one asks for that Tris," he frowns.
"No I literally mean he asked for it. He challenged me. He even laughed about it afterwards, cracked it back into place himself." I answer and his facial expression loosens. I remember his blood flowing freely from his nose and shiver.
"Oh…" he says, "Well be careful."
"Why's that?"
"Because his friend Chris has been eyeing you up all morning and it doesn't look good," at his words I glance over his shoulder and see Chris watching me closely. "I don't like it," Four adds and I glance between Alex and Chris once more. His expression is blank and I can't read it.
"There's always someone," I say stepping around Four. I head directly towards Chris and in my naivety, confront him. "What?"
"What?" He replies. If he didn't sound so confused I would have thought he was mimicking me.
"Do you have a problem?" I ask depressingly. I am still extremely tired from lack of sleep, so my fuse is somewhat short.
"You… actually," he smirks, "I don't think a girl is equipped to train us." He says and I wait for him to laugh, but his facial expression is serious. Inside I am hurt, but on the outside I am agitated. He reminds me of a miniature Eric.
"And why's that?"
"You are fragile," he jests and Alex laughs beside him. I do not understand Alex and neither do I acknowledge his presence. I see his cruelty when he is beside Chris, but alone I see reflections of kindness.
"Oh really? Well lesson one," I clench my fist into a tight ball and dig my knuckles directly into the side of his head, just above his ear. His head rebounds and moves in motion with my blow, but he's quick enough to recover. "Do. Not. Underestimate. Me." I growl through gritted teeth. Chris looks back at me with an impish expression. My hands begin to shake and I have to tense my jaw to stop my speech from shaking too. The adrenaline inside me boils to the surface. I turn my back on him and walk away. I notice that Four's eyes widen as he steps towards me, his hand outstretched.
"You bitch," Chris's voice growls back at me from behind me and I quickly turn to face him head on. His hands are also outstretched towards me and I spring into the air. I lock my right leg around his neck and bring my left leg around. I lean forward and swing my body weight towards him. As his feet leave the floor and he is mid-air, I tumble forwards. So I press my palms flat onto the mat and push myself off with as much force as I can muster. I let him go just before my feet touch the ground again and I land crouched upon my feet. However, Chris travels further and lands flat on his back.
"Second," I yell at the top of my lungs, beginning to stand, "I am not a dog!" My legs throb and I fear I have done more damage to myself than I did him, but I refuse to show it.
"Could have fooled me," he whispers winded from the floor and I start towards him again, but two firm hands wrap around me. I pause in my step and look up. Four is behind me and Christina runs over. I don't bother trying to resist. Though his eyes are stern, my body relaxes.
"Go, I will finish here," she nods towards Four and I shrug free of his grasp.
"But he's a coward! He sent in Alex for him yesterday! Coward!" Four reaches out for me again.
"If that's the case, I will deal with him," he says and I turn my back on both him and Christina. I find what he had just alleged extremely sexist. Defeated and still trembling I stomp my way out of the room. I lean up against the wall in the hallway and place my hands over my face. I can still feel them trembling upon my face. My legs ache. Chris was heavier than I had expected. I want to sink down the wall and cry, but I feel two hands pull mine away. They're warm and somehow familiar.
"Before I scold you," Four says and I open my eyes, "Where the hell… did you learn that move?" I find myself wondering why he had come after me.
"Uriah…" I shrug and he smiles. I look at my hands in his. I don't pull them away, but he doesn't let go either. I don't want him to. My hands have stopped trembling. He has an incredible calming effect on me.
"You've come a long way, Tris," he starts, "but I am afraid for you. You let your anger get the best of you and it makes you look vulnerable. You need to train yourself in the art of deception." I stare at him stubbornly. He has no idea how many times I have lied to him, but I choose not to reply.
He takes my hand and drags me off. There is nothing I can do but follow voluntarily. As long as his hand doesn't leave mine I firmly believe that I will be okay. We enter into the grounds and his pace slows so that he walks by my side. My hand is still in his and if his stride didn't reflect that he was on a mission, it would look like we were a couple. He drags me towards a couple of small wooden buildings and I grow weary.
"Where are you taking me?" I ask finally and he opens the door and grabs a long steel pole with a club like feature at the end. He hands it to me, lifts a bag to his shoulder and closes the door. I stare at it, but he moves on again without looking at me. The steel is cold in my hand as he pulls me to a grass patch behind the shed. He pauses and I look around. He lets go of my hand to put the bag on the floor. He unzips it and numerous small steel spheres roll out in several directions. He places one in front of me and stands back. I look from him, to the steel rod and finally to the steel ball.
"Are you being serious, because I can't tell?" I ask confused.
"Yes, you need to learn how to control your anger."
"Through steel rods and balls?" I reply incredulously.
"You have to hit the ball with the rod. I want you to hit a specific target."
"Which is?"
"That gutter over there?" He point opposite to where we are currently standing and I squint.
"Where? I just see a field?"
"Exactly, if you look closely there's a gutter between this field and the next," I look at him, my expression unbelieving, but his does not falter. My heart begins to sink. "Think of it as therapy. Hit it too hard and it can go too far… hit it too soft and well… you get the picture," his smirk charms me and I roll my eyes to break free of the enchantment. I swing the steel rod at the metal ball and nearly miss it. The ball rolls a fraction to the left and I shrug.
"And what if I miss?" He folds his hands over his chest at my question. He stares into the distance as if something he longs for is waiting there.
"Then you try again."
"How long for?"
"Until you get it in," he says and my heart sinks further.
"That could take all night," I complain and his face once again becomes stern.
"If that's what it takes…" he adds unfolding his arms from over his chest and walking away.
"Wait… you're not going to watch me?"
"No," he says pausing in his step and looking over his shoulder at me.
"Then what's stopping me from leaving?"
"I guess I'll just have to trust you."