Chapter8
(Bella)
The drone of the accelerating car was soothing after a 2 whole days of being on and off of planes, in and out of airports, surrounded by temptation.
Edward's warm fingers meshed around mine, his thumb massaging circles up and down my thumb, giving me imaginary goose bumps. I was more than relaxed, a step closer to sleep than I had been in awhile.
I starred out the window, the cool glass on my forehead, trying to make out individual trees out of the blur of speed, concentrating on the feeling of Edward's hand.
I let my eyes close, and opened my mind, stretching my elastic barrier away from me with ease, allowing Edward to remember with me; the first time I had ever felt his ice cold skin. It was a dull, blurred, human memory.
I thought, for the both of us, how I would never get over the warmth of him, warmth I loved more than anything. Even after 7 years, I couldn't get over the fact that we were equals, the way we were intended to be.
He squeezed my hand, and I turned to look at him. My favorite crooked smile stretched his lips to the corner, creating a dimple that made my dormant heart jolt. He lifted our hands, and gently brushed mine with his soft, satin lips.
I smiled, while I pulled my hypothetical elastic back, snapping it securely to protect my thoughts.
"Ugh, do you really have to?" He whimpered. "I love being able to hear you."
I chuckled. "Where's the secrecy in that Edward? We wouldn't be exciting if you could hear what I was thinking."
"There's nothing more exciting to me than your thoughts, love."
He planted kisses on each of my fingers, and around my wrist. He stared at me through enticing, thick lashes, ignoring the fact that he was driving at lethal speeds.
"Please Bella, just for today."
I giggled, and leaned across the middle of the car to kiss him on the cheek, our hands still tangled.
I breached my mental barrier, to give an unyielding no, and then snapped back the elastic in its proper place, where it would stay steadily, for the remainder of the day.
He smiled against my hand before nipping the tip of my forefinger. I was instantly, spontaneously aroused. Abruptly, I noticed that it had been at least 48 hours since my husband and I had some real "alone time".
My thoughts turned to actions as I turned to nibble, gently, on the lobe of his ear, sending a quiver through the depths of his chest. I smiled against him while I let him into my mind once more, simply to show him in detail, exactly what I had in mind.
His ear lobe instantly became his lips, moving with the same rhythm as mine. My thoughts became more graphic, as I climbed under and around his arm to straddle his lap, never breaking contact with his lips.
The rumble from his chest traveled up to his throat and I felt the car crawl slower, but never coming to a complete stop. My body shook with excitement and I realized, I needed him. Now.
He kissed me back vigorously, and we eventually melting into each others lips, unaware of our environs. My arms reached around his neck, grasping at his hair.
I drove myself into him unconsciously, and became instantly aggravated by the flimsy pieces of clothing holding us back from the pleasure we both hunted. With this in mind, I reached down to unfasten the buckle of his belt.
He groaned with satisfaction at every thrust of my hips.
The car creped slower and slower by the second, until he finally let go of the wheel, encircling his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him, if that were feasible.
We bathed in each others aroma as our tongues danced, leisurely rhythmic.
My teeth closed around his bottom lip and we grunted together. I pulled my arms from his neck and began to unbutton his shirt, but stopped, when I heard a vibration coming from his jacket pocket. We both growled at the disruption.
I refused to break our fervent eye contact as I reached into his jacket and flipped open his phone. This wasn't over.
Alice was already talking when I pulled the phone to my ear.
"-I mean honestly! You can't go one car ride alone without jumping on each other!? You're holding us all up. If were not at the shore before the sun goes down we wont be able to find the dock. Now get off of him and hurry up. Carlisle and Esme are already ions ahead of you, if we don't go now we will loose them. Sometime I miss when you were breakable, Bella. This is just-" her frantic shriek was cut off mid-sentence as I snapped the phone shut, and shoved it back in Edward's pocket.
We laughed together while I broke our eye contact to glance back through the rearview window to see a procession of cars waiting behind us.
Emmett's jeep was in front. It had Rose beeping the horn impatiently, while Emmet sat in the passenger seat, comatose with his own laughter, while Seth sat in the back seat, chuckling at Rosalie's impatience I'm sure.
I looked back at Edward, who hadn't taken his smiling eyes off of mine, and kissed him once on the nose before moving myself back into my assigned seat.
"I can't wait for tonight," I giggled.
"Its twenty years till then," he quoted, pushing the speedometer all the way to the right, recuperating from our bypass.
I adored being able to have an unrestrained physical relationship with Edward. I still haven't come remotely close to getting my fill of him after 7 years. I sealed my elastic after that notion.
Our fingers laced yet again and my mind began to race against the chilled glass of the window, safe from Edwards infringe.
The voice that's been in the back of my head since the second I stepped out of the house began to grow louder, more persistent, as I pictured Nessies face in my head. I leaned over, to snuggle under Edwards arm.
"Edward, I hate being away from her." I groused.
"I know love, so do I." he massaged my shoulder, reassuringly. "Don't worry, she's fine. We haven't barley been away from her more than a few days since she was born. A modest amount of severance would do her some good in my opinion."
I heaved a sigh, accepting that fact that he was right, that he was always right. We rode in comfortable silence for a while.
"Love?" Edward whispered, so hushed; my late human ears wouldn't have had a shot at hearing.
"Mmm?"
"I miss her too."
I was instantly content.
I lifted my head, and was greeted with his dubious perfection.
I smiled at the simplicity of his remark that took only 4 syllables to work all of my unnecessary angst.
It was just like Edward, to have that remarkable capability, that only he had, to sooth my every anxiety with one sentence, one look, one kiss.
It was little moments like this that made my lifeless heart rethink its boundaries yet again. Little moments like this made my maximum capacity for the love I was physically able to contain rise, over and above its previous margin. The margin I was always positive was my breaking point.
I looked at my husband, my fate, with infinite adoration. My rationale absolutely melted when he bowed his forehead to mine, to look at me with the same amount of affection.
I nestled against him, pulling my knees around my arms, and opened my mind, to show him my newfound comprehension, my new boundaries.
His lips fell to mine, and they curved as one, they way they were predestined to curve.
He pulled away, and kissed my nose before returning his attention back to the road.
In that moment, I finally understood. I finally realized that I had no genuine scheme of how much Edward truly loved me when I was human.
I finally grasped, that this much, of all these types of love coursing through me right now, would have easily crushed any human heart.
Love for my husband. My daughter. My huge, diverse family. My best friend. My life. My sex life. My opportunities. My immortality. The fact that I was the luckiest, happiest person that would ever live.
It was all starting to settle in, yet again.
This was it; this was the absolute most my heart would be able to swallow. It is now officially impossible for me to experience anymore love than I do in this moment.
"Love?" My destiny purred.
Words failed me as I tried to reply, silence would have to do for now, while I tried to familiarize the new borders I have just discovered.
He saw me struggling for words and chuckled, seeing first hand, what I was going through.
"Its' a beautiful feeling isn't it?"
Silence was my response again.
"Don't try and rationalize it. You'll only drive yourself mad."
I sobbed, wryly, physically overwhelmed now. Every time he would speak, my heart fluttered over again. I needed time for it to compose itself, for fear of it soaring straight out of my chest.
He guided the car to the side of the road, ignoring the thoughts of his livid brothers and sisters, as he took my face in both of his hands, gaping into my eyes with glowing fervor.
I turned more comfortably to him.
This was defiantly not helping me compose myself.
"This." He whispered, confident. "This feeling right now, is nothing even vaguely compared to what you will be capable of feeling in a few decades. This is just a diminutive turning point,"
I gasped, against my own will.
My heart was already radiating up my throat and out of my chest, my soul was already trying to filter this emotion in small fragments. And to imagine this emotion, magnified by decades, was honestly unbearable, almost painful.
He kissed my motionless lips before continuing.
"Even now, now that your heart has expanded ten-fold since being human, your love for me right now, still compares to maybe a dozen trees, to the entire forest."
A dozen trees became 2 dozen by the end of his sentence.
I remembered his words from when I was human, sitting in my dining room, Charlie's baseball in the background, and was hit with another one of these stranger waves.
I threw my arms around myself, as if to hold my body together from the feelings trying to tear me in half.
I remembered, vaguely, when I had to do this while Edward was gone. The thought made the waves crash harder against me. I held myself tighter.
He kissed me again.
"Every morning when you were human, when you would open your eyes from your dreams, and grab my hand with one of yours, while wiping the sleep from your eyes with the other, my forest would double in its complexity; green would begin to bud on barren trees."
I sobbed again. Without taking my arms from my sides, I threw myself into him. His arms wrapped around me, providing needed strength to keep my body intact, our eyes not leaving the others.
"Those buds would bloom to leaves, to flowers, every time that nervous blush would sneak across your face." He released an arm to brush his thumb across my cheek as he spoke, reminiscing. What I wouldn't have given to be able to produce even a single tear.
"Birds inhabited the trees the night you agreed to marry me, and began singing their songs, the moment you said 'I do'."
Edward's words were melodious. He spoke like he was reading from a book of sonnets.
"And Bella, oh my god. The first time we made love," He paused and held me closer, knowing how frail I was feeling. "I wish I could describe to you, how the essence of all the love I had ever felt for you, literally doubled within the course of a few hours." He closed his eyes. "I pray I could express to you what I was experiencing that night while I watched you sleep. But my love, I think we are going to have to live a few more centuries for a word like that to come along."
I couldn't bear to look into his eyes any longer. They were smoldering too much to endure. I buried myself into his chest, heaving unnecessary breaths, tolerant of the fact that my heart was growing with every word out of his mouth. I had never felt this before. I didn't know how to deal with it.
"Just know," He paused. "That my love for you intensifies every day. My own emotional limit expands by the hour. And will everyday, for the rest of our lives. So you better get used to this feeling, it wont be a stranger from here on out."
My new strength was beginning to set in, little by little, becoming familiar with every bone in my body.
Edward had me settled back into my seat, holding just my hand now, and was speeding down the road again before I even become aware of my surroundings.
My whole world was drained in this instant, except for the man sitting next to me.
I gawked at him.
Was it possible that I was able to survive before knowing a love like this? Was it really possible that I made it through 17 years without even knowing Edward, let alone loving him? How did I chug through even an hour of it, with only half of myself?
I took our knotted hands, reluctantly pulled them apart, and kissed his palm, his knuckles, each of his fingers. I led my kisses up his arm, to shoulder, to his temple. I kissed to his forehead, down the bridge of his nose, still sobbing. Before finally, thankfully, planting a kiss on his unturned lips.
I took my rightful seat under his arm, snuggled into his side. My arms encircled his waist like a flotation device.
I turned my brain inside out, hunting for the right words.
My mind wasn't closed to him, but he didn't interrupt my train of thought.
I loved him even more, if that were remotely possible, for letting me have this moment of silence to myself, to try and explain to him in words what I was feeling.
Even though it wouldn't have mattered, no words could have described the feelings sprinting through me.
He saw, he knew how much I adored him, but he still let me attempt to explain it. He knew I would have wanted to be able to say it out loud, on my own.
It was moments like this, that I thanked whatever angel in heaven gave me the power to let him see into my mind.
Because even if I couldn't say it, I knew that he knew.
"Edward…I just…" I cried. "I just…I…I…I love you."
I was embarrassed.
He was able to sit here, and spill every single one of his emotions poetically, and all I was able to offer him, was emphasis on the word love.
"I know, love." he chuckled.
Our lips met for one more innocent kiss, before accelerating the car to make up for our detour.
***
I smiled to myself while I listened to my husband ramble on and on, fueled solely by enthusiasm.
Though I was a little skeptical to his excitement, I still cherished seeing my handsome spouse this energized, it happened so very rarely now.
There wasn't a lot that could surprise him, after about 300 years. The last time I saw him this curious was when our Bella was pregnant with little Nessie, my grandbaby.
The thought of her sent a jolt of apprehension through my entire body.
I missed her more than I cared to say, we all did.
I knew she was more than okay, joyful even, back in Forks with Jacob, who I also missed dearly. Over the years, he had become like a son to me.
He added certain electricity to our family unit that nobody else could even fathom.
When we all took ourselves too seriously, you could count on Jacob to lighten the mood. At his best, he was the only person outside of our family that could make my Edward crack a smile under pressure. I adored him for that.
Jacobs love for our Renesmee was absolutely moving. I only hoped, that by time we returned, they would be even happier together as they were apart.
I decided to return my thoughts to the cherub sitting next to me. I slid my fingers through his hand, resting on my knee.
I let Carlisle continue, watching the different expressions illuminate his face as he came up with new questions he would ask to whomever we were traveling so far to meet.
I was already prepared to woo a leader's mate, while Carlisle hounded him with questions. I loved meeting new people, new potential blue-prints.
Maybe while I was here, I could make some renovations to their island. For all we knew, they were living in caves. That just wouldn't do.
Perhaps I would be able to build some type of urban log cabin? I could wash the logs white, accentuating them with a colored tint, with could coordinate with curtains, curtains that could hang from a large bay window right next to a two paneled door.
I closed my eyes, and began to imagine a neighborhood of my new municipal cabins, each of them a different tint of white, some remaining their original color.
The interior of the cabin would coordinate entirely with its colored tint. The number of rooms would have to depend on the size of the family, if they had families?
I decided on a 3 room maximum, if I wanted to stay loyal to the quaint feeling I wanted to classify these cabins with.
I dreamt up next a layout of a town, along with a neighborhood.
A convenience strip would be set up parallel to the housing district. A church could maybe sit in one corner of the settlement, a city hall in the other, a public library, a school or two. All constructed of wooden logs.
Every establishment would be run by the town, no profits needed. Everybody would work for everybody else, giving the town that homey, conservative feeling surrounding its every crevasse. It would be the smallest of smallest towns in northern Europe.
I snickered to myself, realizing I was dreaming up a state of established communism in my old-world fantasy rural community.
"-it's just so inconceivable, a colony of purebreds, living as a functional community? I won't believe it until I see it. I wonder how the Volturi hasn't found out. I wonder if they have any documented information on their existence. I need to know about their lifestyle. I won't rest until I do."
His words blurred as he murmured, more to himself than to me.
I smiled at my husband, squeezing his hand in pulsation.
"I absolutely love seeing you this eager." I said.
He leered, a little embarrassed. "Do I not always convey my enthusiasm lawfully, dear?"
I ignored his question, detecting its underlying tone of sarcasm. He obviously hadn't a clue how amiable he was when he was being so juvenile.
"It reminds me of when we first feel in love. You were always so," I paused, enchanted by the endearing expression on his face, to search for a word to describe the new excitement we both found in our new relationship, all those years ago.
I racked for a word that could describe the obsessive commitment that overpowered our better judgment, the incessant passion that flamed our every experience. We were like two infatuated teenaged, star crossed lovers.
"Finicky." I decided.
Carlisle's chuckle broke through my train of thought for a split second. He never failed to divert me with his hymn of bells.
After all this time, he could still successfully daze me with no exertion on his part.
"I doubt finicky would be the word to render the way I felt when we first feel in love, angel."
"Intrusive?" I giggled.
His smirk curved to a grin by time he had decided on his answer.
"Euphorically suspicious." He said, hesitantly.
"Care to elaborate?" I asked, weaving our fingers in an out of one another in different combinations as I spoke.
"Well, angel. I wasn't used to being so, whole, before I married you." He eyes stayed on the road, his words flowing out like water under the bridge, careless, natural. "I suppose that I was apprehensive of the immense bliss I felt, all the time, when we decided to spend forever together. I was so finicky because I was petrified of loosing the paramount element of my existence."
I sighed, content. My arm stretched the length of the separator between me and my husband, and massaged the back of his neck. My fingers caressed the hand that still remained in my lap.
"And, now?" I asked, putting more pressure on his neck.
"Now, my jubilance is something I dare not take for granted. I will always cherish the entirety you contribute to me daily."
His words still streamed with nonchalance, but highlighted with adoration I knew was there.
"The feeling is naught but mutual, darling."
The gravel crunched beneath us as he pulled to the side of the road, a joyous smile consuming his expression. Not even a second later, he was standing at my open door, wrought with masculance, offering me an open arm.
I stepped out of the car, surprised by the humidity, and linked my arms with his.
"Are we here already?"
"Yes, finally. We just need to wait for the others, and we will be on our way."
We strode down the desolate, dirt road, arm and arm.
Thick fog hung low to the ground, swirling about our steps as we paced through it.
On both sides of the road was a forest as green as the ones back home. I was disturbed by the eerie silence coming from all directions. I looked to my sides, seeing no motion from either end of the trees.
I gripped closer to Carlisle's arm.
I couldn't understand why the ghostly quiet coming from the green made me so uneasy.
I tried to stay tranquil, focusing on Carlisle's pace, synched with mine.
About 50 feet in front of us the woodland faded to seashore. I could make out a mass body of water through the murk.
Right in the middle of the bay was a diminutive, stilted boating dock, not meant for holding more than maybe 300 pounds. Loose ropes were attached to thick, wooden poles on the both sides of the plank, deteriorated by time.
The mist suspended with the water, moving matched with its waves, crashing onto the ashen sand before pushing the haze around it, making waves of vapor push back along the shoreline, moving in ripples before the force vanished into itself.
It was absolutely beautiful, untouched, a virgin island. Absentmindedly, I pictured a massive, window walled beach house, right on the shore, against the tide.
This place defined Renesmee.
I pictured her and Jacob, well settled into their lives, 80 years from now. Walking, splashing along the coast.
Thinking of Jacob, the beach house spontaneously grew a massive garage attached to the long, marble driveway.
A loud roar came from behind us.
I turned with Carlisle to see Emmett's jeep speeding up the gravel walkway. Alice's porche was shielded behind it, splattered with mud from Emmett's 4 wheel drive. I was instantly anxious, remembering that Edward and Bella followed right behind us in the line up. Where did they go?
Emmet and Rose walked toward us, Emmett's massive arm swung around my beautiful Rose, they looked so perfect together. I smiled at them as they approached, snuggling closer to my husbands glowing perfection. Seth followed, humming to himself, his hands in his pockets.
I didn't have to look over Emmett's towering body to see Alice sitting on top of Jaspers shoulders. The second she was in a 10 foot radius of Emmet, she was already at his throat about the mud spackling her yellow porche.
There was no doubt in my mind that Japer was dousing him in waves of remorse, because Emmet was busy assuring Alice he would clean the car the second he got a chance. Alice giggled with Jasper while Emmet begged for mercy. Rose rolled her eyes.
Carlisle and I chuckled together, giving ourselves a moment to appreciate our children's personalities, until I remembered the absence of two of my beloved personas.
"Hey!" I shouted over the noise, "Where's Edward and Bella?" I searched their faces, concerned.
"Oh, they pulled over for some backseat lovin'. They won't be long," Emmet paused, trying to contain himself. "You know Edward." Emmet said, before roaring with laughter. We all shook our heads at his immaturity. I look to Alice for confirmation.
She nodded, stifling amusement. "They'll be here in 3 minutes."
Surely enough, 3 minutes later, the Volvo came buzzing up the path. Edward opened the door for Bella and they walked toward us smiling, Edwards arm wrapped securely around Bella's tiny waist. It still astounded me sometimes, how happy they were. I never understood how my family ever felt truly, complete, before Bella and Nessie came along, and graced our existence.
"Sorry guys," Bella called through giggles, trying to disregard whatever Edward was purring in her ear.
We all stood now, in a circle, waiting for what was supposed to happen next. We all looked to Rosalie and Emmet hopefully.
"Don't look at us. She said it was about 5 miles north of the dock." Rose snapped, annoyed our stares.
"Rose. Pre-tell, how did you suppose we would travel 5 miles north of the dock?" Jasper asked, killing her with kindness.
"I don't know, when I hear dock, I think boats. I assumed there would be a ferry or something." She searched the coastline while she murmured, obviously looking for some form of transportation.
After a few moments silence, it got a little awkward.
"We could swim!" Emmet exclaimed, throwing his shirt to his feet and taking off toward the ocean. Seth followed splashing as he ran into the crashing tide.
Alice looked like she had been bitch slapped.
"Are you crazy!? We have luggage Emmet. And we don't even know where it is," she fought.
"What else are we supposed to do Alice," Jasper asked.
"Ugh, anything but that," She cried, getting down off of Jaspers shoulders.
"Come on!" Emmet yelled enthusiastically, "it'll take us 5 minutes."
We all looked at each other deciding, and walked toward the water, standing at the coast line before descending slowly into the ice water, making me a few degrees colder than my body temperature. We swam in a straight line, with the grace of a school of dolphins. The water sliced through us with ease, and within minutes, we hit shallow water.
I looked up when I felt Carlisle's arm pull me close to him.
Surrounded by the vast blue waves, the high, island of green was a breath of fresh air, a cool glass of water.
It was beyond beautiful. It described fresh, unsoiled.
The island had no beach; the sharp rocks just grew into rich, thick patches of prominent, deep green grass. All I could see what green, it overtook the whole island.
Birds circled the air over the island, landing on the thick boulders beneath them, and I suddenly wondered how anybody could survive in a place to marvelously desolate.
The island looked fit to hold an ancient, stone castle. It looked like it belonged to an ancient Mian civilization, instead of an urban pack of rabid werewolves.
This island was well out of its time, a needle in a haystack.
Despite the tolerance I had gained from Jacob and his friends, with each stroke closer the island, the wolve smell was almost unbearable; I was a few paddles shy of dry heaving.
How something so beautiful could, smell so rank, defied my logic.
We finally reached one of the sharp, gray stones and climbed on, one by one, trying to hold our breath from the fumes that surrounded us.
"Oh…My…God, this is excruciating." Bella choked between gasps.
"Ugh! I know. What do they bathe in?" Rosalie answered.
"Fossil fuels?" Bella stifled.
We heard a round of giggles, and the smell was suddenly the last thing on our minds.
He hoped up from behind the largest of the boulders, starring at us with welcoming, skeptical eyes. His shaved head reflected the midday sun as he walked towards us.
Behind him, bald men and women rounded the boulder, not taking their eyes away from their new visitors. Their eyes were defiantly crueler.
Our attention was diverted back to the man atop the rock.
"Welcome," he almost whispered, his Irish tone indecipherable. "We have defiantly not been expecting you."
We could do nothing but stare at the hairless creatures in front of us, staring us down with burning atomicity. They looked like they were from a different planet, a different galaxy.
We walked on, totally oblivious to what would happen next.
AuthorsNote: Ahhhh, sorry guys. Still a tad fluffy. I promise that it will get more substantial soon.
Anyways, enjoy.
Please review, there the only things that keep me writing, and I have so little (:
Thanks.
-Steph.