AUTHOR'S NOTE: This chapter has been a long time coming, but now all my exams are over I have a lot of spare time to write this fiction. Please, I hope you enjoy and if there's anything you would like to see happen, feel free to mention it in the reviews.
Chapter Six – Tobias
Hear Me Cry
I wake up late the following morning and busy myself doing idle chores with Zeke. He's in a better mood than usual and he continues to babble on for the entire day. At dinner I grow tiresome of his presence and decide to eat alone. I am exhausted. I continuously glance around the canteen seeking one person, Tris, but the longer I wait the quicker I realize she isn't coming. I put my tray amongst the others and walk back over to the food stand. I pick up a piece of Dauntless cake, along with a fork and head to her rooms. I take one last glance at the room and notice that Will sits with Uriah and Marlene, but Christina is not present. I begin to worry that something happened to Tris whilst she was being reckless last night.
I travel down the hallway side stepping people as they pass by. All the hallways look the same and it's easy to get lost. At least, I wouldn't blame initiates too harshly if they ever did. I pause outside Tris's rooms and hover my knuckles over the wood of the door. I look down at the plate in my other hand and frown. I must look like an idiot, but I know she wouldn't have eaten. Something rings deep in the back of my mind. It says be fearless. So I knock.
"What?" Christina scolds without looking at me. When I don't reply she looks back and freezes. "Oh… Four… well… erm… hello?" She complicates the situation and I smile. I am evidently her least expected visitor after the night's events.
"I came to see if Tris was okay," I say and she cackles in reply.
"Ha!" She moves out of the way and gestures into the room. "I've been trying to wake her all day."
On the far side of the room I can see a lump under several blankets. It reminds me of myself in the past, except when I had been intoxicated. I try my hardest to hold back a smile as I watch Christina walk over to her. She rubs Tris arm softly and I see her shuffling beneath the sheet. I approach slowly. She turns her head to look at Christina. Her eyes appear to be closed. The sleep deprivation has obviously disorientated her.
"Four's here," Christina says and Tris blinks at me blankly. I smile and walk into their room and pause behind Christina.
"Hey Tris," I say lowly and she turns her back on me. It's shortly followed by soft breathing. It makes me laugh. "How polite…" I chuckle and Christina sighs.
"Four," Tris mumbles and I make a humming sound as if to say yes.
"She's asleep, don't bother," Christina says and pushes her more forcefully. I feel the pressure on my chest, if she was asleep why did I hear my name sound?
"Oi!" She growls a little less kinder than before.
"What?" Tris's muffled voice asks.
"Fours here," she states for her final time.
"Christina if Four was really here I think I'd know," she groans. "Now leave me to sleep." I hold my breath to stop myself from laughing, but then my heart sinks. She looked straight through me as if I didn't exist.
"I'm done… I told you she's impossible to get up," Christina walks past me and closes the door as she exits. The door then opens once more as she collects her jacket and then disappears once more out the door. Both Christina and Tris seem to be disorientated. I turn to look back at Tris and sit at the bottom of her bed. I feel the springs of the mattress sink and in return she jumps. I place the cake on my lap.
"Sorry… sorry," I say and she turns to look at me. Her eyes are wide. I feel like they are swallowing me whole.
"I'm awake aren't I?" She asks pulling the blanket over her head. As she hides herself I begin to laugh again. "What do I owe the pleasure of your company?" She calls from beneath the covers. I can hear a strong sense of sarcasm.
"You said you were coming to this get together," I shrug and she flips the blanket back off her head.
"Wait… what? What time is it?" Before I can reply she looks at the clock. It's almost 7:00pm. She sits up and looks at me.
"I guess you were tired, huh?" I smile.
"I'm sorry…" she almost whispers as she pulls the elastic that had fallen to the tips of her hair and wraps it back around her wrist.
"What for? Sleeping?" I ask astounded, whilst she puts her hair back into a tidy pony tail.
"For not coming," she say frowning and I turn to look at her from the end of the bed.
"It hasn't started yet…" I say confused.
"Wait… then why are you here?"
"To make sure you are coming. I didn't see you in the canteen at lunch or dinner," I smile.
She rises from her bed and throws the covers back as she walks across the room. She's wearing the same skin tight trousers and vest top as yesterday.
"Will you judge if I just change my clothes?" I raise both of my hands into the air as if surrendering.
"No judgement here."
"Where did you go yesterday?" She asks whilst changing behind the dressing screen. I don't reply. I hear the continuation of her rustling. "You disappeared? Peter was under the impression you were annoyed…"
"Peter…" I recite, "I was annoyed." I admit. I look at the cake within my hands and debate eating it myself for an excuse not to talk.
"Why?" Tris comes out from behind the screen and throws a damp cloth behind her. She sits back on the bed, but leaves a big enough gap as she begins to pull her boots on. They slip on easily. I find myself watching her insistently. I ache to touch her.
"I missed out on sleep to watch you gallivant with Uriah," he shrugged. Tris nods, she knew I had a fair point, we weren't doing what we were sent to do. "I went and did my rounds and afterwards went to bed, which I see is not what you did."
"No, I can't say it was," I say coldly.
"I can see it was fun for you though," I stand holding the cake out in my hand. Tris takes it and begins eating.
"What's your idea of fun?" She asks over a mouthful.
"Not plummeting to my death… that's for sure," I smile down at her and she looks at me sceptically. She is analysing me. She passes me the plate back and gestures for me to have some.
"Was you afraid?" She asks after swallowing her fill. I buy myself time by using the same fork to eat some of the cake. I glance at her and see that she is cleaning the crumbs out of her mouth with her tongue. She reaches out and takes the plate off of me. Her fingers graze mine and I have the urge to hold onto her for that moment longer. Why am I so dependent on her now when I have gone two years without her?
"No, I just…"
"You just?" She asks taking the fork from my hand as I offer it back. She finishes the cake and I fail to comprehend that she could possibly care. Her eyes bore into my soul. They're beautiful.
"I don't like heights and neither do I like seeing people risk their lives at such an extreme height," I say and she passes me the plate and gets up off the bed.
"Right I need something to eat," she says exiting out onto the corridor.
"You've missed dinner," I reply as I follow her and close the door.
"Who said anything about dinner? I'm having breakfast," I smile and walk by her side.
"Of all the people to be in the kitchen after hours, I least expected it to be you."
"Full of surprises," she smiles.
"Got that right," I murmur and she looks at me, but I remain cold. I don't approve of being in the kitchen after hours, but she is hungry so I convince myself that it is okay. "What are you going to eat?"
"Usually I make pancakes, but I think I'll just take whatever's easiest." I watch as she opens the cupboard and grabs a chocolate chip muffin and then turns to the table to grab an apple from the basket.
Time passed by far too quickly that evening. I was enjoying my time with Tris before the gathering and once the gathering had commenced she spent most of her time in the pit with Christina and Will. I tried to not let on how much it was affecting me. I started to think that it was a bad idea for me to invite her. I felt strangely competitive with her friends and so I turned to Zeke and alcohol to suffice my burning urge. I watch her closely from across the room. I see moving between groups and right now he stand with his arm around her making snide remarks towards Will and in return Tris and Christina are laughing. Will begins to move his feet quickly and I realize that he is dancing to the drum beat of which Peter is drumming on the table.
I watch further as Marlene passes by and Uriah takes his arm from around Tris and pulls her beside Will. I take a swig from the flask just as Zeke asks for it back and I pass it towards him absent mindedly. I have no idea who takes it, but I feel it leave my grasp. Tris begins to move in time with Will and Uriah joins in. I observe as Tris begins to pick up the pace. I think that she is gaining confidence, but then she stops. I see Peter's hands speed up and along with it two sets of feet. Tris moves over to Christina's side as they all laugh inherently. Christina then moves forward and joins Will in dancing. I turn my attention away just as Zeke calls over his brother.
"What do you want?" Uriah asks reluctantly coming over.
"Bring your friends over here," Zeke smiles and I feel my eyes widen as I turn towards Zeke. He raises his eyebrows at me and smiles and I suddenly feel uneasy. Peter is the first to arrive. He stands beside me with his arms crossed against his bare chest. I glance at Will and Christina and before Tris comes into view I say goodbye to Zeke and disappear towards the kitchens. I am thirsty, but for something that isn't tainted with liquor. I refuse to admit that I am a coward. I make headway for the canteen and leave with a small jug of water. I pause in the hallway and wonder if I should go back or head towards my rooms.
"Oh," a familiar voice sounds as I feel a sharp pain in my side. I look and see Tris has collided right into me. I wonder how she could have missed me, but then I notice she looks upset. It pains me.
"Steady on," I jest and she ignores me and walks away. "Wait… hey… Tris… what's wrong?"
"Why would you think something is wrong?" She says her voice flat.
"Your expression… your tone and oh the fact your storming around," I say. "Tris!"
"What?" She finally pauses and turns to face me. Though she is angry she stares at me with gentle eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask again, daringly reaching out to rest my palm on her arm. I give her a little shake.
"Uriah just tried to make a move on me…"
It takes me a few moments to comprehend what she had just said. Her eyes are locked on mine and I don't even notice until she clears her throat. I had been picking up on the signs, but I thought she had liked him too. I turn my gaze away from her and begin to wonder how she feels. Why is she feeling so distraught? Is she embarrassed? I feel as though someone has switched my life for someone else's. I never had any of this drama before I started talking to Tris again.
"It upset you?"
"Well yeah…" she says as a matter of fact, "he's just destroyed any ounce of a friendship we had left." She sighs and lifts her head so that she looks up at me. "I had fun on city security with him, being… evidently reckless with our competitions and…" she growls in frustration and I smile slightly.
"He made a move or he tried to?"
"He tried… to kiss me. I don't know where he was aiming for, he just kind of came towards me with his lips. At least I think he did. If that didn't prove it enough, when I recoiled he apologised."
"Yep, sounds like a move… was Marlene there?"
"Err, no. Yes? I don't know why?"
"He may be trying to make her jealous," I smile to try and comfort her.
"Where was you?" She asks and my hand drops from her arm as lift my cup with the other. Her question plays on my mind. What would I have done if I would have been there? "It's strange, I feel as though I can talk to you."
"That's strange?"
"Well you're not exactly the most approachable person in the world are you?" She says and I find myself laughing harder than I had when she couldn't wake up.
"Point taken," I say and she smiles. She is a lot calmer now than she was a few moments ago. I feel relieved knowing I have done some good.
"Can I show you something?"
"If you must," I say taking a gulp of water from my cup and following her. She pauses just down the hallway at the rooms where we test initiates with the simulation serum. "Your landscape?"
"Yes." Her tone is flat as she lets us both inside. The room is a lot tighter than what I remember. I feel as though this is personal.
"But I've already seen yours… it was displayed on the screen in-"
"I'll rephrase that… let me share something with you," she smiles handing me the syringe. I look down at it and place the cup of water on the counter by the door. I then close the door and both of us begin the process of going into a sleep like state. The last thing I see is Tris's eyes. I am lost.
Once under I see the familiar fear landscapes. Though they are the same and all blur together, it feels much different now that I am in them too. Tris travels through them quickly and it shocks me to see how fast she does it. As I watch her I notice she double guesses her moves. I worry as a toxic thought crosses my mind. I feel a familiar shortness of breath as we both get locked inside the same water tank. Tris's fears show up in a different order than what I remember, but they are still all the same fears as before, except one has changed. She no longer fears fire. Instead it has been replaced by her mother and father. They sit side by side across the kitchen table. Her mother reaches out to touch her father's hand but he recoils. I turn to look at Tris who is staring at them monotonously. I think she is going to endure it, but instead she turns her back and walks out the door. She has defied her fear and this only adds to my suspicions. The atmosphere crumbles around us and I am left facing Tris in reality.
"You fear affection?" I ask, my voice seems deeper than it usually is.
"Lack of it… not being able to control it," she replies, her eyes are locked on the floor. I feel like making a joke, but the situation feels to serious. I understand her fear of not being able to control her feelings, because right now I have a strong impulse to kiss her. At least once.
"That's why you walked away from it…" I understand now.
"Do you remember what I told you?" She asks and I feel my eyebrows knit together in confusion. She has told me many things recently. "About my parents?"
"Yes," I remember. She had told me about how she had seen them dancing as a child last night. How it had tortured her heart ever since.
"But I saw you dancing earlier…" she looks at me and I see a flicker of confusion cross her face. I had just admitted that I had been watching her, "…with Uriah." I quickly add and realize that's even worse considering he was the reason we were here. "Why do you fear affection? Or the control of it?"
"I had been able to bury it in the back of mind. The thought of them and my fear of… caring." I notice that she chooses her words carefully. She turns them over in her mind before sounding them with precision.
"What changed?"
"This faction changed me," she says getting up and without looking at me, she walks out the door.